Chapter Twenty-Four
The dreams of Juliana still plagued him.
It was the punishment he deserved for leaving her with the belief that he didn’t love her.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
He might never get a full night of sleep again, and it would serve him right.
Even though he had done the right thing by freeing her from being saddled with him and the inevitable scandal he would face once word got out about Rose.
He knew he could only keep the matter quiet for so long.
It was the kinder course of action. She would find someone else who would be a pillar of society. The thought did nothing to ease his sleep, even if it was, in fact, what was best for her.
He finished his morning ride and peeked in at Rose in the nursery. She was stacking blocks as high as she could, and then giggled when they fell over. Her sweet giggle was almost enough to help him push the pain of missing Juliana out of his heart for a few moments. Almost.
Jude chose not to interrupt and started towards his study. Carter stopped him on the way.
“My lord, would you prefer your bath before or after dinner this evening?” He asked.
“After, please,” Jude replied. “I also need you to procure a few more pairs of riding breeches from the tailor in the village. He should already have my measurements.”
Before Carter could reply, Jude’s country butler, Miller, interrupted. “My lord, you have callers.”
“Who on earth would call on me here?” Jude asked.
Before Miller could answer, Evan walked up behind the man and straight to him. Jude embraced his closest friend. “Evan. What are you doing here? I’m glad to see you.”
They released each other, and Evan patted him on the back. “I hope you still feel that way in a few moments.”
“What? Why?”
“You better hope my husband calms me down before I get my hands on you,” Marina said, barreling up to the both of them. Jude cringed, almost certain what Marina wished to give him a stern set down over. Carter attempted to muffle his laughter behind him.
Jude directed his attention to Miller, choosing to ignore Carter. “We shall be in the drawing room, if you would send tea in for our guests.”
“Of course, my lord.” Miller bowed to the group and set off to do as he was asked.
“Come with me. It seems we have much to discuss,” Jude said, motioning for Evan and Marina to follow him.
“That is an understatement,” Marina said, her tone not boding well for him.
Jude caught Carter’s eye, and the man just smirked at him. He should be irritated at his valet, but he was well aware how much he likely deserved whatever Marina would have to say, assuming it was regarding the treatment of her friend.
Once they were inside the drawing room, Jude closed the door behind them, facing the door to brace himself for whatever his friends had to say, and how much he likely didn’t wish to hear any of it.
Well, he hoped they were still his friends.
Turning back towards them, they had already taken their seats on the settee.
A pang of jealousy hit Jude as if someone had thrown a rock at him, seeing Evan wrapping his arm around his wife as they sat. A gesture so familiar and comfortable between them, it had him longing for the life he had wanted with Juliana.
“What are you two doing here? Should you be traveling with baby Arthur so young?” Jude asked.
“That ought to tell you how angry I am with you that I left my baby at home to ride in a carriage for over an hour to hear what you have to say for yourself,” Marina said through gritted teeth.
Jude glanced at his friend, assessing if he would have any hope of support in this conversation.
Evan offered him a sympathetic smile. “I tried to convince her to stay home and let me come alone. I could have forbidden it, but that would have ensured she departed without me.”
She clucked. “You would have discovered what it would be like to sleep alone.”
There went another pang of jealousy. He had no doubt his best friend had the luxury of holding the woman he loved every single night, something Jude only got a small taste of, but was reminded of Juliana’s absence every evening when he struggled to find sleep.
Jude sank into a chair on the other side of Evan. Better to put even a bit of distance between him and Marina. She had always been spirited, and there was no telling what she might do.
“What is it you wish to know, Marina?” Jude asked. He looked at his hands, afraid to meet her eyes and let her see the shame and pain that lurked there.
“How could you break the heart of one of the kindest, most gentle souls? Juliana is loyal and good. She deserved better.”
He couldn’t disagree with her there. It was precisely the reason he left her the way he did. Well, that and that if he had faced her, he wouldn’t have been strong enough to do so.
“I would never wish for her to suffer a broken heart, Marina,” he said. “I don’t wish for her to experience any pain.”
“So, you just disappear to the country and end things with her?” Marina asked, the hatred in her expression was palpable. She would never forgive him, which didn’t bode well for his friendship with Evan.
“End what things? What are you referring to?” Jude asked. It would be in his best interest to ascertain what she knew, so he didn’t tell on himself if he didn’t have to.
She laughed. “Don’t play coy. I’m well aware of the arrangement you two had.”
“Then you know it was meant to be a temporary arrangement, and one that didn’t involve feelings.” He wasn’t sure he wished to share his feelings with Marina. If she believed he was still in love with Juliana, she would push him to right things with her, and that was something he couldn’t do.
“Why, you… you… If I had known you would treat her so carelessly, I would have never encouraged her to seek you out at all.”
Evan and Jude both gasped and stared at her.
“What?” Evan asked. “You never said anything.”
She patted her husband’s hand. “Juliana asked me not to, my love. She sought my advice, and I gave it.”
“Perhaps you are taking out your guilt on me, Marina,” Jude said. “I assure you that Juliana is better off with minimal association with me.”
She fisted her hands and rose to her feet. “It is you who should ponder your guilt. But I couldn’t agree more that she is better off staying away from you. I can’t even look at you right now. I shall take a stroll in your gardens, so Evan might say whatever he wishes to you before we depart.”
Marina started for the door right as the maid entered with the tea cart.
Marina passed her and continued to depart the room and Jude waved the maid away.
The tea remained untouched, and Jude shifted his gaze to meet his friend’s.
He was relieved not to find anger in Evan’s expression, so perhaps there might be a thread of hope.
“Jude, I don’t know what is going on. Did something untoward occur with Juliana? I knew there had to be a reason my wife insisted on accompanying me, but I certainly never expected this.”
Jude wouldn’t lie to Evan. He valued their close friendship too much for that.
“Juliana approached me and asked to have a physical arrangement between us. Apparently, also supported by your wife.”
“And I assume you took her up on this arrangement?” Evan asked, no hint of judgment in his tone.
“I wasn’t going to, but she was being approached by other gentlemen who might not have shown care for her. At first, I thought I was protecting her, but in truth, I wanted her.” He hung his head.
“Well, you aren’t wrong that as a pretty, young widow, she would have had many offers for arrangements like what you entered with her.” Evan paused, contemplating Jude for a moment. “I take it that, if my wife is upset, things didn’t end well between the two of you.”
Jude wrung his hands in his lap. “I don’t wish to lie to you, but we both had feelings for each other. Strong ones. So, when I ended things and left town, she must have written to Marina, as I assume Juliana is upset over the matter.”
“You didn’t speak with her?” Evan asked.
Jude cringed. “I sent her a note to be delivered after I departed.”
“A note? Jude. You were too big of a coward to face the lady? Why? Do you still have feelings for her?”
He should have been angered by his friend’s accusation, but he couldn’t find it in himself to feel anything other than resignation. He indeed took the coward’s way out.
“My feelings don’t matter. She is better off without me in her life,” Jude said, unwavering.
“Jude, you can let yourself be happy. I know you have your own ideas of what you expect your future to be, but you can succumb to the path that leads to wedded bliss and a family. I assure you, it’s quite delightful,” Evan said, patting him on the shoulder.
Jude shook his head. “It’s not that. I didn’t want to say this to Marina until you and I spoke of it, but…I learnt I have a daughter.”
Evan’s mouth dropped open, and he stared at Jude, blinking rapidly.
“I know. It was a shock to me, too. I intend to be the best of fathers for Rose. I can’t ask Juliana to face such a scandal on my behalf. She deserves to live a life where she isn’t exiled from society, and I can’t promise her that.”
“But you are a marquess. Surely between your title and all our friends, we can help minimize the impact of such gossip and reproach. More importantly, shouldn’t you allow Juliana to make that choice for herself?
If she loves you and is as upset as Marina says, I believe she would choose the life with you,” Evan said, making more sense than Jude wished for him to.
He thought over Evan’s words for a moment but pushed down any hope.
“No. I can’t give her that choice. She is far too kind and would sacrifice herself for me. I can’t let her do that, for reasons that I can’t share with you. Please, I just need you to trust me on this.”
“I shall leave it alone for now, but I can’t guarantee my wife shall do the same. She has a mind of her own, as you well know,” Evan said.
“Indeed.” Jude forced a laugh. He wasn’t in the mood to do so but didn’t wish to take out his foul mood on his friend. “What made you come here today? Your wife’s desire to scold me?”
Evan shook his head. “No. Actually, it was Matt. He wrote to me and indicated that I should see what you were about. He didn’t tell me why. Then Marina insisted on accompanying me.”
He should have known Matt would have something to say about his disappearance.
Marina swept back into the room. “My love, I believe it is time for us to depart.”
The gentlemen rose to their feet.
“Of course, we must return to Arthur,” Evan said. Evan patted Jude on the back. “It was good seeing you. I hope we get to see you again soon.”
Marina stepped closer. “I believe we shall. This matter is far from resolved.” She narrowed her eyes at Jude before casting him a knowing smirk.
Jude was confused, and a bit intimidated by what she could mean, but it wouldn’t change the outcome. As soon as Evan filled her in on his reasoning, she wouldn’t wish for her friend to be anywhere near his scandal.
Marina would judge him even more harshly when she learnt of his shortcomings, not that he could regret that he now had Rose in his life.
He certainly didn’t. He just longed for an understanding society that wouldn’t ruin Juliana’s reputation for associating with him.
The ton’s insatiable curiosity for his life wouldn’t have been sparked if he hadn’t egged them on to publish all those sensational stories in the scandal sheets. He had made it all worse for himself.
“I wish you both a safe return home,” Jude said. “I shall plan a visit to meet Arthur soon.”
“See that you do,” Evan said before embracing him again. The couple saw themselves out to board their carriage.
Jude plopped back into his chair. That didn’t go as well as he hoped, but at least Evan knew.
He could trust his friend not to share such delicate matters.
He ran his fingers through his hair before massaging his temples.
Marina’s reaction towards him didn’t bode well for how he would be received by the others.
“Papa!” a sweet little voice exclaimed, followed by the quick steps of Rose running over to his chair.
“She wished to come and see you, my lord,” Mrs. Jones said.
He scooped her up, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m very glad she did,” Jude said, smiling at his daughter.
Returning her hug, he tried to push everything else from his mind. There was nothing he could do about it now.