Chapter Twenty-Five
The next day
Juliana released a sigh of thanks that the carriage ride to Marina’s passed without incident.
She traveled with outriders since she completed the journey with only Bonnie for company.
One can never be sure when they might meet a highwayman on the road.
When her carriage pulled up in front of the grand country home, Marina and Evan appeared on the steps in a matter of moments.
“Juliana! I am so glad you made it,” Marina called to her, hurrying down the steps.
A footman handed her down from the carriage and she hurried towards Marina, wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace.
“It’s so good to see you,” Juliana said. “Where is little Arthur? I can’t wait to meet him.”
“He’s taking a nap,” Mariana said, taking Juliana’s hand in hers and leading her up the stairs towards Evan. “We shall catch up for a while, and I asked Nanny to bring him down once he’s awake.”
“Glad you had a safe journey, Juliana,” Evan said. Juliana thought she noticed a glint of remorse or sympathy in his expression, but if so, it was gone as quickly as she saw it.
“Thank you, Evan. I hope I am not an inconvenience. Your wife was quite insistent that I visit,” she said, nudging Marina with her shoulder.
Evan released a hearty laugh, and they all continued inside the house. “Well, I am quite aware of how persuasive my wife is. I find it’s easier to give her what she wants,” he said, winking at Marina, “Most of the time, anyway.”
Marina waved him off. “Surely you have some business to tend to. I should like to catch up with Juliana without you lurking around.”
“That’s my cue,” he returned. “I shall be in my study, should you decide you require my presence again.”
Evan kissed Marina’s temple, and the pang of jealousy hit Juliana harder than she cared to admit to herself. From the expression Marina wore, it was evident to anyone she was smitten with her husband, no matter how feisty she may be towards him.
Like a feather-brain, Juliana allowed herself to imagine such a life with Jude and what it might be like to experience simple daily interactions in a marriage to a man she loved as more than a friend. Folly that would never come to pass, but her heart grieved something that she never even had.
“Come, Juliana. I’ll ring for tea, and we can catch up,” Marina said, casting a knowing glance at her before reaching for the bell pull. “I expect details.”
After the butler appeared and Marina requested that tea be prepared for them, the pair settled in beside each other on a settee. Juliana glanced out the nearby window, steadying herself to determine how much she would share with her friend.
“Out with it. What on earth happened?” Marina asked, pulling at Juliana’s attention.
“I already told you in my letter. I was a fool and fell in love with Jude. Then he ended things,” she responded, fighting to keep her tone even.
“And he said nothing to you? Only a note?” Marina asked, her questioning calmer than Juliana might have expected.
Juliana nodded. “And when I went to call on him to determine why, he had already departed.”
Marina grabbed Juliana’s hand and held it between them. “Do you still love him?”
“Fool that I am, I do. I’m not sure I will ever love another how I love him.
And I might have been able to live with that if I also didn’t long to have children.
” Tears filled her eyes and threatened to fall.
She turned her head to assess Marina’s response, which was one of contemplation, and never boded well when it came to Marina.
“I think you must go see him,” Marina said.
Juliana couldn’t believe her friend’s reaction or that she would suggest an action that would only add to the hurt and embarrassment Juliana was already forced to live with. She expected Marina to offer to do something drastic, like burning his house down, perhaps.
“What? I cannot. I will not.”
Marina squeezed her hand harder. “You must, dearest.”
What was going on with her friend? “Absolutely not,” Juliana started.
“I have thought about it over the last few days, and I have another option. I have received an offer of marriage and a chance for children. I may never love him, but I will be content with my children and will avoid further heartbreak. Many marriages of the ton are built on far less.” Her first marriage had been comfortable, and Edward had been her dearest friend.
Nate was proving to be the same. She would be perfectly content with such a marriage, especially if she had children to focus her attention on.
“Who offered marriage to you?” Marina asked, the shock clear in her tone.
“Lord Demming.” Juliana felt a sense of ease and contentment with what Nate had offered her, even if there would never be love or passion.
He would allow her to retain control of her funds and properties, and he would attempt to give her children.
At least she knew he wouldn’t treat her poorly or leave her stranded in the country with no say in her life.
Marina huffed. “You are not marrying Lord Demming.”
A maid entered the room, interrupting the conversation. Juliana breathed a sigh of relief, appreciating the few extra moments to prepare for what Marina might say next. She must make her friend understand. It would all work out for the best. Marina would have to accept things as they were.
Once the maid left the room, Marina reached for the teapot and prepared them each a cup. Juliana sipped her tea and waited for Marina to return to their conversation. Knowing her friend, it wouldn’t take long.
“Lord Demming is not for you, Juliana,” Marina said, wasting no time. “You don’t love the man, and you deserve someone who loves you.”
“Precisely, so stop asking me to chase after a man who does not. Lord Demming, Nate, cares for me as a friend, and I shall be quite content.”
Marina shifted in her seat, as if she were uncomfortable. Juliana glanced at her, and she opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. It was unlike Marina to have trouble finding her words, so Juliana continued watching her, growing more concerned by the second.
“What if Jude loves you?” Marina asks, blurting the words out quickly.
Why was her friend putting her through the heartache all over again? Why couldn’t she see that Juliana had already agonized over accepting the situation with Jude? They would never be.
“I’m already broken-hearted enough, Marina.
Don’t ask me to get my hopes up dreaming of something that shall never come to pass.
I’ve had enough pain and heartache for a lifetime.
” She was already a widow at one-and-twenty and lost her heart to the ton’s favorite rake.
Didn’t she deserve a comfortable life after what she had endured?
Marina set her saucer on the table and faced her. “Dearest,” she started, “surely you know I would never intentionally bring you harm. I implore you to go to him tomorrow and at least speak with him in person. Then you can decide for yourself if you should let him go.”
“Marina, I can’t believe this is coming from you. Why are you pushing for this?” Juliana asked.
Marina blinked her eyes closed and then settled her gaze on Juliana’s. “Evan and I went to see him. After I received your missive, I was furious. Evan intended to visit him, and I insisted on going along.”
“And he told you he loved me?” Juliana asked, more hopeful than she should have allowed herself to be.
“No,” she said. “He didn’t.”
“Then why on earth would I go to him?” Their conversation was beyond frustrating. Why would her friend play with her emotions in such a way? She was resolved to marry Nate and put Jude in the past.
“I was too angry to remain in his presence, and I took a stroll in his gardens,” she paused, and took a deep inhale. “Jude’s valet, Carter, approached me. He had some interesting things to say.”
Juliana gasped. The hope trickled into her heart, as much as she tried to push it away. “What did he share?”
“Jude is miserable, dearest,” Marina said, assessing her reaction before continuing. “He is hardly sleeping or eating. He spends his days working with his tenants and his nights staring at a ring. One he had selected for you.”
She placed her hand to her heart, attempting to steady her breathing.
“Why would Carter share this with you? What if he is incorrect about what he says? If Jude wanted to marry me, why didn’t he just ask?
He knows I would have accepted. None of this makes any sense.
” The questions and thoughts raced from Juliana.
It couldn’t be true. If he loved her and wished to marry her, why had he run away? Carter and Marina were mistaken.
“It is obvious he cares deeply for Jude’s well-being and he hoped I might get word to you,” Marina replied. “Carter is worried about him.”
“Why would he end things if he’s so in love with me?” Juliana asked. “We have no barriers in our way to be together. I don’t require anyone’s permission, nor does he. You are all wrong. He doesn’t love me.”
Marina looked down at her feet and avoided making eye contact. When she didn’t speak for several moments, Juliana spoke again. “You know something else.”
“I have already said more than I ought,” Marina said. “You must go see him and ask him these questions yourself.”
“But, Marina…”
Before she could push further, a woman entered holding a babe. Marina rose to her feet and met them, taking the babe in her arms. “Thank you, Nanny,” she said.
Turning back towards Juliana, she tenderly showed her the sweet cherub-cheeked boy. “Juliana, this is Arthur. Isn’t he the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen?”
Juliana rose and leaned over the cooing babe, running her fingers along his cheeks. “Indeed. I am so happy for you.” Tears welled in her eyes, and the longing tugged at her heart.
“Of course,” Marina said, “I am sure Diana would say the same thing about Oliver. She will visit in another week. Perhaps you will still be here and meet him as well.”
“I believe I shall. I’d love to meet him, too,” Juliana said.
“Would you like to hold him?” Marina asked.
Juliana nodded. “Very much so.”
Marina shifted the babe into Juliana’s arms. Juliana began lightly bouncing as she held him, and he drifted off to sleep. As much as she fought it, she imagined what it might be like to hold Jude’s babe, hoping they would have his eyes and dimples.
What if what Marina shared was correct? What if they could be together and she could be with the man she loved? Or what if she was an even bigger fool for even considering such things and she’d leave with her heart shattered into tiny, irreparable pieces all over again?
She again stared at the sweet face of little Arthur in her arms. Her mind warred with itself over what to do. A life with the man she loved, and their children, is all that she longed for. But could she risk her heart to see if it was a possibility?
She fought the tears and caught Marina’s gaze. “You truly believe I should go see him?” Juliana asked, her voice cracking harder with each word.
Marina placed her hand on Juliana’s shoulder. “I do,” she replied, no hint of wavering in her response. “And you know how I feel about men who harm my friends.”
Juliana cuddled the sleeping babe in her arms and swallowed hard. She feared making the wrong choice and leaving her heart so broken, she might never recover. But if there was any chance that Jude loved her, she had to know.
“Very well. I will go see him tomorrow.”