23. ANGUS #2
“You’re going to like it. Keep your hand there and hold it firm.
” My logical brain knew that Eion was in love with me.
He didn’t even like people that much, but here he was talking dirty to someone, and it had to be someone that he was comfortable with—an old boyfriend?
The only man he had told me about was that asshole who left him when he was in the hospital.
It hurt my heart so much that everything started to crash around me.
I was insanely in love with him. Going back to my life before Eion would be impossible.
“That’s it, just like that, take it just like that.”
I couldn’t let him get away with it. Did he think I was so pathetic I wouldn’t catch him right here in the barn? Or did he know he could do it, and I would slink away? I turned to walk away. Fuck he was right. I turned and walked toward the trailer.
“Hey, Angus.” I turned around, and Eion was jogging toward me.
When he caught up, he grabbed me around the waist and spun me half around, giving me a kiss.
“Hi.”I was confused as I kissed him back.
Had I let that teenager, whom nobody wanted, control my thoughts and assume I would be treated poorly?
“Did you get enough sleep? How are you feeling after yesterday?”
“I’m okay. You should have gotten me up to help you feed.”
“You were so adorable. Plus, after that blowjob, you deserved a reward. By the way, I gave a little extra grain to Orlando, hoping he would forget anything he saw.” I laughed.
This was my man, which meant there was an explanation for what I heard.
“Zachary was here on time to help, which meant I wasn’t alone for feeding.
” He said it easily, as if it were a forgone conclusion that someone else would be here.
Zachary. My hungover brain sorted through the name, and I realized he was one of the servers at The Dapper Duck.
He was going to feed the animals the night of the fundraiser and the following day.
“I. Well.” He narrowed his eyes at me. I needed to tell him because I still struggled, and my therapist told me not to keep secrets because it would trigger my disorder.
This was something that already had me thinking about binging, deciding I wasn’t good enough, and assuming he had been dishonest.
“What is it, Angus?”
“I heard you in the barn. I thought. It sounded dirty. Like you were. I figured you were over me, that I wasn’t enough.
I was going to run. I wanted to binge and hide because I was garbage.
You. He. I wasn’t sure what to do. I ran.
It was wrong. I was wrong. You are so good.
You mean so much to me. I can leave because I thought—“
Eion put his fingers over my lips. “Angus, breathe.”
“You heard Zachary and me in the barn. Then ran thinking we were doing something intimate?” I started to tear up. How could I have thought something like that about him? He wiped away my tears. “Okay. Then you ran away because you thought you deserved it?”
My crying turned to sobs. Again, my logical brain knows how it should be handling this situation, but my broken emotional self simply took control of the situation. I nodded at Eion. “Yes.” The word was barely a whisper.
Thankfully, he didn’t walk away, but he stepped back, keeping my hand in his. “I see.”
Those two words crushed my soul. I fucked up, and I knew it.
How could I? I swallowed hard as the tears continued, and I fought the urge to run away from him.
I was a man in his thirties, and I needed to handle this like an adult.
“I’m sorry.” I knew the words weren’t enough, but I hoped he would understand.
I trusted that he knew me and understood my damage.
“That hurts my feelings. You should feel confident in how I feel about you. If you don’t, I have failed you. Because of that, I apologize.”
“No. You don’t need to—“
“I do. Please understand there is nobody else for me, Angus. You are it. I’m in love with you, and I should have told you sooner.”
I started to cry harder, which was ridiculous. Looking at him, I managed to form words. “You love me?”
“Yes, I do very much.” Without permission, I slammed myself bodily against him.
Fortunately, he had his feet planted and caught me.
I hugged him as tightly as I could, wanting to climb onto him and stay wrapped around him forever.
Without letting go, I leaned back, and we looked at each other.
He smiled at me, and there was delight and fire in his eyes.
“I love you too, Eion. So much.” I was rewarded with a smile that split his face and lit up my heart. Shit, this was one of the best days of my life. He grabbed my chin so I couldn’t look away.
“Angus, for me, you are enough. You are everything to me. You are exceptional. Please never doubt that again.” It was ironic that I had said something similar to him not that long ago.
I nodded. His kiss was gentle and sweet, and made his feelings clear without pushing anything further.
This was sealing the words we had said to each other.