Chapter 7
Lily
If I were working hard to hide from Kyle, he was working even harder to be unavoidable. It was already extremely obvious that he was looking for ways to stand out in the office because every day this week, he did something different to make everyone talk about him nonstop.
One day, he brought donuts for the entire accounting department; another day, he gave a flower to every girl who arrived early "to reward punctuality.
" He even solved every computer problem for every employee who had been having issues for months.
It was as if he were trying to force everyone to love him.
The girls called him "Prince Charming." Charming my ass.
By Friday, I was so irritated that I forgot I had a biweekly meeting with the administration department's CEO to discuss budget approvals for the following month. I had to excuse myself by telling him I had trouble with my digital calendar, which showed "3:00 PM" instead of "2:00 PM".
"You should call the new guy to check out your computer. I've heard he is doing wonders for every department," Ronald said as I sat in his office.
I forced a smile but didn't say anything.
The last thing I needed was to disrespect my boss because of my bad mood.
But if even Ronald was already talking wonders about Kyle, I knew it was only a matter of time before I was screwed.
"Okay, let's get to the important stuff.
What did you think of the document I emailed you this morning? "
"Fine as always," my boss responded, “but I don't have good news for you.
The camera supplier will need the money before the 25th because their employees will be taking a collective vacation on the 30th, so I'll need you to make that change today and also change sections 3 and 4 so everything matches. "
I looked at my watch nervously. "That will take at least 3 hours of work."
This affects my daily plan to leave the office as quickly as possible, I thought, but I didn't say anything.
He looked at me, confused by my sudden change in behavior. "You've never complained about working late some days."
"Yeah, of course, I don’t have any issues. I was worried about you. Will you stay until it's ready?" I rapidly lied.
"Oh no, no, don't worry about me. I will go to the gym, have dinner, and then return to the office around eight. That will give you plenty of time to finish without feeling you are wasting my time."
"Well, that makes me feel better then," I said another lie, standing up before my nervous words could ruin my relationship with my boss any further.
I returned to my desk and took a deep breath.
I counted to ten like Dr. Johnson, my psychologist, always told me to do, grabbed a couple of gummy bears from the bag I kept hidden in my drawer, and let the sugar calm me down before opening my notebook to write the list of things I needed to finish today.
"I can do this," I told myself. "If I focus hard enough, I can finish as quickly as possible. No one has to notice I'm staying late today."
From that moment, I focused like never before, trying to ignore everything that existed around me. I knew my anxiety could get the better of me, so I tried to focus my mind only on the report I needed to write.
By the time I raised my gaze again, there was absolutely no one left in the office, so I took a deep breath and leaned back in my chair, savoring the silence that surrounded me.
Everything was dark except for the light from my computer.
I'd been so focused, I hadn't noticed when someone turned the lights off.
I looked at my watch: 7:36 PM.
I missed this silence, the ability to work uninterrupted, and the view through the glass toward the city at this hour. I hadn't been satisfied with the results of my work for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to be part of this project.
I looked at the Excel spreadsheet that was open on my computer. It was ready. All I had to do was review it and email it to my boss, so I decided to take a break.
I walked to the kitchen to get some coffee, but just when I opened the door, I realized I had made a big error.
And I was not ready to face the consequences.
No part of me was prepared. I had a plan I followed to the letter, and I didn't consider this—a rookie mistake, given that we always stayed late when we volunteered together at the hospital.
Brown hair, blue eyes. The first boy I loved was standing in front of me, on the other side of the kitchen.
Only the island table separated us. I hadn't seen him for ten years, yet my body reacted like I hadn't stopped seeing him for a single day.
Somehow, he had found a way to look a thousand times better than when I fell in love with him, and that frustrated me.
We stayed in silence for a while, just looking at each other. He looked as shocked as I was, as if he didn't expect to see me here either.
I took advantage of the situation to appreciate all the details I hadn't been able to see in photos. The little scar under his eyebrow, how defined his forearm looked when he flexed it to hold the cup. How deep his gaze was as he looked me up and down as if I were the only woman in the world.
I have always loved that about him, how his expressions made me feel seen, beautiful, and special. A single glance from him was more impactful than a hundred words from anyone else. And as he held my gaze now, I realized that this part of him hadn't changed at all.
Time changes people, but it doesn't always change the power they have over you. Standing there, I started to feel small, like all the walls I had built were made of sand, and at any moment they would break.
What should I do? Run? Pretend he's not there?
Part of me wanted to run to him, slap him, and replay everything that happened over and over again as if no time had passed. But I knew that wasn't the right way to bring everything back to the present.
"Hello, stranger," Kyle broke the silence. "How odd to see you here at this hour," he said, looking at his watch. "Or at any hour, rather."
"Ha, ha," I replied, walking calmly towards the cabinets to pick up my cup. My hands wanted to shake, but I didn't let them.
Come on, Lily. You can have a decent conversation and then walk away like this never happened.
"My boss needed me to fix a report. I'm almost done, so don't feel intimidated by my presence."
"It's funny that you mentioned me being intimidated by your presence," he stepped closer to take my cup, invading my space in that subtle way he always had, "while you have been hiding from my presence for days."
I stepped back, creating distance between us. "I haven't been hiding. I've been choosing where to spend my time and energy."
Kyle remained silent as he walked to fill my mug with coffee.
Then, without telling him anything, he went to the fridge, poured cold milk, and added two tablespoons of sugar.
He turned to me and handed me the mug. "I like knowing that old habits don't stop, like trying to distract your hands and eyes while lying. "
I hadn't realized I was curling my hair with my fingers until he mentioned it, so I forced myself to stop.
I took the cup while keeping my gaze on him this time. "Oh, so now you think you know me? Let me tell you that I am completely different from the girl you used to know." I looked at the cup's contents for a few seconds and handed it back. "I drink my coffee black now."
Of course, it was a lie. I drank my coffee exactly how he prepared it, but I wasn't going to let him think he still knew me.
He took the mug and left it on the table, then returned to my gaze, "And I would know that if you hadn't blocked me everywhere."
"We won't do this here," I said firmly, turning and heading for the door to leave this kitchen, which was feeling smaller and hotter every minute.
But before I could leave, he asked, "How's your brother?"
The question made me pause immediately. The audacity. The absolute nerve. How could he think he had the right to ask about my brother? After all this time? After everything that's happened?
Instead of crumbling, I felt a surge of something powerful rise within me, a protective fury that had been simmering for a decade. I turned back and looked him in the eyes, with my hand still on the door handle as a protection that I could leave this place at any moment.
"As well as can be expected for someone who's been in prison for ten years, Kyle," I said, my voice steady and cold. "What else did you expect me to say?"
His eyes widened, clearly shocked that I'd spoken so bluntly. To be honest, I was a little surprised myself. But it felt good, like finally exhaling after holding my breath for a while.
"Lily, I—"
"No," I cut him off, raising my hand. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to walk back into my life after ten years and act like we're having a casual conversation. You don't get to ask about my brother when you're one of the reasons he's where he is."
He took a step back, as if my words had physically pushed him, and I was glad he felt intimidated by me. "I didn't come here to hurt you."
"Then why did you come here?" I asked, crossing my arms and leaning against the door, ready to hear his lies. My mind was trying to tell me this conversation was pointless, that I shouldn't be here responding to him. However, my body wasn't cooperating. I wanted to know what he had to say.
"I missed home, Lily. You can't blame me for wanting to go back to the place I loved."
"You could come back without disturbing my peace. There are a hundred other tech companies in this city."
"Running away from problems isn't seeking peace; it's simply delaying the inevitable," he said, his voice a little soft. "Did you really think you would get rid of me forever?"
He didn't even try to hide that he came to this company to convince me to talk.
Their level of audacity was incredible. So I laughed sarcastically.
"That's where you're wrong. Setting boundaries isn't running away. Deciding who gets to be in your life isn't running away, it’s knowing who it’s worth it. "
"I never meant to—"
"It doesn't matter what you meant," I said, my voice steady. "What matters is that when I needed you most, when my brother needed you most, you chose to believe everyone else. You chose the easy path instead of standing with us."
He remained silent, like he didn’t know what to respond, so I took advantage and continued my discourse.
"I don't need closure from you, Kyle. I don't need explanations or apologies. I've made my peace with what happened, and I've moved forward. That doesn't mean I want you in my life."
He got closer slowly until he was in front of me, like he knew I could run at any moment and needed to stop me. But I stayed where I was, firm and decisive in putting a stop to whatever he was trying to do here.
Yet, I felt an almost magical sensation having him so close again. My mind had tried to pretend he didn't exist for so long that having him in front of me felt like a dream.
But I didn't want him to keep disturbing my peace in this place, or anyone in my circle, and I didn't want him to think he still had any power over my life and my decisions.
Of course, a part of me still felt I should run and keep hiding, that I had no business being in the kitchen, but my desire to keep watching him crumble under his own words was stronger.
"You can't just pretend nothing happened," he said quietly. "You can't pretend we didn't matter."
"I'm not pretending anything," I replied. "I'm acknowledging exactly what happened. And I'm deciding I don't want to relive the most traumatic moment of my life over and over again."
I could see him struggling to reconcile the words that just came from my mouth. Good. Let him struggle. Let him see that I wasn't broken by what happened.
"All I'm asking for is a chance to explain," he said finally.
I knew I should feel uncomfortable or nervous about him being so close; he was a complete stranger in my life at this point, but it just didn't feel that way.
It felt normal, like no time had passed.
Like, despite having someone completely different in front of me, he was still somehow the same, and that worried me.
"And I'm telling you that I don't need your explanations to be at peace. I don't need to revisit the past to move forward. That happened centuries ago, and I've learned to live with it."
My words no longer had the same force as before, and this last sentence was almost a whisper.
I lowered my head and focused on the floor so as not to lose my composure, but he took my chin so I would look into his eyes again. His touch was subtle, yet it stirred a thousand things inside me.
He was quiet for a long time, his eyes never leaving mine. I know I should have left right then, but my body still didn't seem to respond. All I wanted was for us to stay there, staring at each other forever.
"You're right," he said, surprising me. "You don't owe me anything. Not your time, not your forgiveness, not even this conversation."
I hadn't expected that. I'd prepared for defensiveness, for the same old arguments, but not for... this.
"But," he continued, "I want you to know that I'm not the same person I was either. Ten years change a lot. It changed how I see what happened. It changed what I believe. Now I know I made a mistake."
It changed what I believe.
These last words echoed over and over in my head, trying to process them. How many years did I wait for him to realize his mistake? For him to finally stop believing he did the right thing?
Suddenly, I felt like all the walls I had built and the fortress that had invaded me began to fade away.
Here's the thing about breaking up with someone by blocking them everywhere and refusing to talk to them ever again.
A part of you never completely lets that person go.
A part of you feels like something's still missing, even if it's just that final conversation that makes you think things are over.
Especially if the reason you broke up wasn't a lack of love but a lack of trust.
And a small part of me knew I would always be his. That's why I always tried to avoid him. I knew that if I gave him a chance to explain himself, I'd end up believing his words. And I couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to all those we harmed in the process. I needed to keep my word and be strong.
But then, without warning, and before I could fully process what to do next, Kyle kissed me.