Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Home.
It’s not a word I associate with Blackwood.
Not anymore. It belongs to Dawnlin, with these people, my new family, but more than that, it belongs to Weston.
Wherever he goes is my home, and when all the rest of them spread out across the kingdoms, I will have places I can go, places I can visit and live and love when I finally get out of the confines of the castle.
I’m not ready to think about that yet. It’s what we’ve all been waiting for, but it means I won’t get to wake up and see all these people I’ve grown so used to seeing every day.
Some I may never see again. I don’t know if Jorn or Sig or even Weston has thought through it yet, and I can’t blame them.
We finally found what they’ve spent years searching for, and they’re reveling in the joy of it finally being over.
The life I have to return to is nothing compared to everything I’ve gained here, and while I am grateful to be given back the chance at a future, at actual experiences, I still feel grief for everyone I am about to lose and for the freedoms that are about to be taken from me, again.
My stomach turns at the thought of how my father will react the moment I step back into those dark, cold halls. How furious will he be about my unexplained and sudden absence, or my relationship with Weston? How will I be able to live with my failure, especially in the moment we let my mother go?
If he hasn’t already done that.
Focus on this moment, right now, Lennox.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and instead revel in the brazen way Weston wraps his arms around me, in the heartwarming sound of Jorn laughing while Sig playfully scolds him and hurries him along.
I soak up the warmth of the humid air on my skin, breathe in the dust’s fragrance, and try to memorize this moment, because it could be one of my last with these people.
The last time we’re all this happy. The last time we’re together.
It takes us longer than expected to clear the trees of dust. Jorn, Sig, and Weston did most of the collecting.
I tried once, but it took about a minute to realize my reach would not get as far as fast as they could, and I got a warning and a stern look from down below when I tried to shimmy across one branch to reach.
Cracking and popping followed by a thud ring through the air the moment Weston’s boot lands back on the ground after harvesting from the final glowing tree.
The stairs are gone, the bark returned, and you would never know that this dark grove held so much magic only moments ago.
The pouch is plump and full in his hands, the golden tie straining to keep the dust contained as he ties it to his belt.
It’s almost impossible to see anything through the darkness of the forest, especially with the way the dense treetops block out any light from the moon.
A torch appears a moment later, extending from the trunk of the tree Weston just stepped off, and giving off enough light that I can at least see the others.
“Back to the ship,” Weston says as he reaches out and plucks the torch from the bark.
“I need to tell the crew.” He takes my hand, walking briskly toward the ship, and the excitement from moments ago disappears as if the reality of what finding the dust means is finally setting in.
This life we’ve grown to love and these people we cherish will be gone in an instant.
Now that we have a choice, it is going to be hard to choose to give it all up.
No one utters a word as Weston leads us past the portal and instead winds along the pathway, across the island. Our pace isn’t slow, but it isn’t fast either, as if he’s giving us the chance to see it all one final time.
The torches on deck are bright against the darkness of the night, and it’s clear that Mara must have followed Weston’s instructions. Energy hums in the air as we traipse over the sand and toward the reef, the same way it always does when something big happens, and I know the island is watching.
Everyone waits on deck — the entire crew, all the Voyagers. My chest aches as we crest the top of the gangway and my eyes graze across them. Happiness, excitement, speculation, and anticipation. It’s written across all their faces as they wait and wonder what their captain has to tell them.
The chatter and laughter quiet the moment they see us step onto the deck, and the silence is deafening. Weston sets the torch in a holder and pulls the pouch from his belt. Sig and Jorn form a line on the other side of him, looking out over the crowd, their expressions a mixture of hope and sorrow.
Weston clears his throat, breaking the silence, and holds the pouch out in front of him.
“We found it.”
An explosion of cheers and cries erupts in the night as every single person reacts to the declaration, knowing that their fate is no longer sealed, and their life is no longer confined to this ship, to this island.
Tears of joy, whoops, and laughter echo all around us, and I can’t stop the tears that prick at my eyes and the giggles that shake my shoulders as I watch them all.
After watching their hopes crushed when Weston told them the dust was almost gone, and knowing he spoke to every one of them, telling them Dane stranded us here, this reaction makes my knees weak.
It all but erases the memory of the heartache and loss, because now, in this moment, we have what each one of them worked hard to find.
Even when hope seemed lost, a kernel of light still lived inside each of us and kept us going.
We had hoped for a happy life here, together, and now our hope of finding our lives at home has been restored.
The roar of excitement calms, and all but diminishes when someone calls out, “What do we do now, Captain?”
His throat bobs and his eyes soften. I know he’s realized it too. We’re leaving. All of us.
And it’s time to say goodbye.
His lips turn up in a soft smile. “We go home.”
Murmurs start up but fall silent again as he raises his hand, quieting everyone quickly.
“But first, I want to tell you all how honored I am to have been your captain for all this time. Even those of you who haven’t been here that long”—his hand squeezes mine as his eyes drift to Taril, then to Fin—“and those of you who didn’t get the chance to be with us.
” He nods toward the Voyagers who all sat in the same general vicinity, except Gauge who threw himself right into the middle of the Castaway mix.
“Everything I did, every decision I made, whether they were easy or extremely difficult, was to get to this moment, so all of us could return where we belong. The island kept us safe, but we were never meant to stay. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that it gave us a sanctuary and made the life we shared here one that will stay with me forever.
I will never forget any of you, and I have hope that you will take everything we learned here, and all our experiences, and live the best life of your choosing back home. ”
My throat tightens, and a tear falls down my cheek. Weston doesn’t show his emotions very often. He stays strong for his crew and the people he cares about, but now in front of his family that he is about to let go, I can hear the thickness in his voice as he bears his heart to them.
He releases my hand and cradles the pouch between his palms, and the gaze of everyone on deck shifts to it.
“I don’t know if it will work, or if the Guardian is the only one who can use it, or if we need to be back at the plateau—”
“We don’t,” I say with a shake of my head. “He left from other places on the island.”
Weston nods, then looks back at the group. “Well then, I’ll be right here for anyone who wants to go tonight. If you need to take some time, that’s fine too. But know I won’t leave until everyone gets back home.”
The air is still as Weston’s words settle. Right now. Everyone could be home in the next few minutes and find out what happened to their loved ones they left behind.
But no one moves.
It’s as if no one knows what to do. How can we leave everyone we care about here, behind?
How can we not? No one was prepared for this to happen, in this moment.
We’d hoped, and with every shift, every search, the anticipation was there.
But it wasn’t tonight, and the stunned looks on everyone’s faces as they stare back at Weston, processing his offer, prove that.
“I’ll go, Captain.”
Something in my chest breaks when I hear her voice, and I look over to see Stassia rising from where she sits with her arm slung around Auralie.
“Are you sure?” he asks as she weaves through the bodies, making her way across the deck toward us.
“I’m sure. Someone has to be the first. I’m not afraid. Gotta make sure it works, right?” Her tone is light, in her usual Stassia way, but I can hear the sadness she’s trying to hide.
Weston nods, then gestures to everyone behind her. “Do you want a minute?”
“Uh, of course. Just because I volunteered, doesn’t mean you can get rid of me that easily.”
Everyone stands as she turns her back on us, and heads into the crowd, walking around, giving hugs, and laughing with each person. Even the Voyagers she didn’t really know, who came after she found the waters, all say their heartfelt goodbyes.
When she gets to Auralie, who has been sobbing the entire time Stassia moved through the group, I no longer can keep it together.
Despite being from the same kingdom, life will never be the same back home as it is here.
I cry silently as I watch the embrace of two women whose friendship held them together when the loneliness of this life and the possibilities that were left behind were too much.
A chasm opens in my chest as I watch the evidence of their friendship, of my friendship, and know that I have nothing like that to return to.
They’re all here. And now they’ll be gone.
Every woman should have a friend like that, who supports her and is there for her, and I am so glad I got to have them, even if it was for so short a time.
Now I’ll never question what friendship feels like, because I discovered it in Dawnlin.
Stassia breaks away, leaving Auralie swiping at her eyes, before walking to Jorn, giving him a shove followed by a warm hug, as smiles and laughter exchange between them.
I can’t watch as she hugs Sig just as fiercely as she hugged Auralie, but when she steps in front of Weston and offers him an exaggerated salute, a watery giggle bubbles through my tears.
“Aye, Captain. Thank you for this crazy ride, and all you did for us. Don’t forget to smile every so often.”
“You’re welcome, Stass,” he says with a smirk, then opens his arms. “I’ll miss you.”
Stepping into his embrace, she wraps her arms around him.
Her head rests on his chest facing me, and her mouth falls open, an exaggeratedly excited look on her face as her eyes playfully roll to the back of her head.
I giggle again, holding my fist over my mouth, knowing she has been coveting that hug for a very long time.
Her head tilts, and a closed-lip warm smile spreads on her face as she steps in front of me.
“Lennox.”
“Stass.”
She throws her arms around me, pulling me tight, and I squeeze her back, my shoulders shaking as we cry into each other.
All the thoughts escape my mind as I say my first goodbye to someone who showed me I belonged here, who wasn’t afraid to tell me what she thought, and urged me to trust all of them.
I’ve told Stass how I’ve felt about her before, and how much I would miss her.
Will miss her. But I almost startle when she mumbles in my ear so that only I can hear.
“Whatever you do, don’t let that go.” I squeeze my eyes shut as another round of tears pours down my cheeks. “Most people only dream about what you have, and they never find it. Trust me. I know. Don’t let fear or duty or anyone else’s opinions take it away from you.”
I nod fiercely into her shoulder and hold her tight until she pulls away, leaving me to swipe at my face.
“I’m going to miss you, Stass.”
“Of course you are.” She winks as she steps back in front of Weston, but before she stops, a startled look passes over her face. “Oh! I almost forgot.”
Her shoulders pull back as she stands a little taller and strides across the deck, right to Taril.
He was quiet the entire time she said goodbye, even when it was his turn, only giving her a shy hug and a wave.
The look on Stass’ face says she’s up to something.
Whistles break out, followed by Jorn’s crow as her hands fist in his shirt and she pulls him down toward her, pressing a firm kiss to his lips.
She breaks away, leaving him looking stunned as he stares down at her, but she only pats his chest gently.
“If you’re ever in Akarion, come find me.” She spins on her heel, her hair whipping over her shoulder and a smile on her face as she crosses the deck again and stands in front of Weston.
“Alright, Captain. I’m ready.” He holds the pouch out toward her, loosening the string enough so she can reach inside. A bright yellow glow seeps through her fingers as her fist clenches around the dust, and a single tear falls down her cheek as her chin trembles slightly.
“I love you all,” she says, lifting her hand just over the crown of her head. Granules drift down over her face, lodging in her eyelashes, and falling onto her shoulders. Then before our eyes, her body starts to shimmer…and fade, and Stassia disappears.