Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“I’m ready too, Captain,” Auralie calls out as she stands and swipes at her tears.
“Me too,” Eirlik grunts from the other side of the deck.
Noise erupts from the crowd as more of us agree they are ready to leave.
Goodbyes start as crew and Voyagers turn to those beside them, wrapping their arms around each other, gripping shoulders and patting backs.
It’s as if time slows as I watch tears get wiped away, and others unable to suppress giant smiles.
Ryum claps Veck on the back in a firm hug, then turns to do the same with Eirlik.
Auralie flits around saying her sweet goodbyes, and all at once, the moment I wasn’t ready for has arrived.
This is it.
This is the end of Dawnlin.
The Castaways, who I once feared and hated, have become my home; the Voyagers my friends. And now I have to tell each of them goodbye.
Laughter rumbles through the air as a group of the boys approach Jorn and proceed to fight and wrestle each other to the ground one last time, shoving each other away with playful grins.
Once they’ve had their fun, they form a line and walk right to Weston, each of them taking their turn to shake his hand and pull him into a hug.
He was the captain, for so many years. They respected him, trusted him, but they also loved him just as much as he loved them. They are letting him go the same as he is to them.
My body feels numb as it tries to protect itself from the pain of every goodbye.
The moment the next person steps in front of me, a new wave of grief consumes my thoughts.
Every hug and tear shed is a hope that they know how much I will miss them, and how much they have impacted my life, for the better.
The line wraps around the deck, slowly moving as each person grabs their share of dust and drops it over themselves, disappearing just before the next takes their place to do the same.
When Gauge makes his way in front of Weston, his smile contagious, even with the blanket of sadness surrounding us.
“Just when I find out I actually like you all,” he says, beaming as his head swivels between the four of us, before focusing back on Weston. “I wish I had longer with you.”
Weston raises an eyebrow. “No, you don’t.”
“You’re right,” Gauge says with a laugh. “No, I don’t. But you’re pretty bad ass, Captain. I wish I could have learned a thing or two from you.”
The corner of Weston’s mouth turns up as he claps Gauge on the shoulder. “If you’re ever in Blackwood and want to train with the guards, just come to the castle and ask for me. I’ll take care of the rest.”
“I won’t forget it, Captain.” His smile brightens further before he reaches into the pouch and grabs a handful of dust. He waves one final goodbye before he drops it into his hair and disappears.
Sawyer takes his place, but when something squeezes my leg, my breath falters as I pull my attention away.
Oh no.
The inevitability of the goodbye I’ve been avoiding hits me like a firm blow to the gut. I squeeze my eyes shut, the tears falling steadily now as I tilt my chin and open them slowly, only to look down into Fin’s smiling face.
“Lennox! You found it! You found what mister Weston was looking for!”
“We did.” My voice quivers, and his face blurs even more as a fresh wave of tears pools.
“And now we all can go home!” He squeezes my leg tighter as his feet patter happily on the floor.
A sob escapes my chest as I fight to keep smiling. “Yes, we can.”
He halts, and his face falls slightly. “Then why are you so sad?” His eyes drag over mine, tracking my tears as they trail down my cheeks, leaving dark blots on the fabric of my shirt.
I swipe at them and sniff before crouching down onto his level. “Because I’m going to miss everyone.
“Oh.” His mouth forms the shape of the sound, and his eyebrows raise as he begins to understand what this means. “So I won’t see you anymore?”
I shake my head. “No, Fin. Not anymore.”
His eyes turn glassy, and his lower lip quivers. “But I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to never see you again.”
“I don’t either, Fin,” I say, reaching out to stroke his hair softly. “But you’ll be home with your family, and hopefully with your sister.”
“Who will tell me if I’m using the bow right?” he asks, ignoring what I said about his family. “And…and…who will play hide and seek with me? Will I get to see mister Weston?”
I bite my lip and shake my head, sniffing hard to hold everything back so he doesn’t see my heart breaking as I wrap him up in my arms.
“No, Fin. Mister Weston won’t be there either.”
He pulls just out of my embrace so he can look me in the eye, the tears gathering in his finally threatening to spill over.
“I don’t want to go if I can never see you again.”
My lips pull into a gentle smile. “Just a day ago you were sad about having to stay and never seeing your family again. I’m sorry, Fin.
I’m so sorry. I know it hurts, but we weren’t meant to stay here forever.
You were meant to grow up, and learn how to do fun things.
You were meant to get big and strong. You aren’t supposed to stay little forever. ”
His eyes widen as a flash of excitement crosses his face. “And tall like mister Weston?”
I let out a watery laugh. “Maybe. You’ll probably be taller than me.”
Shoulders rising to his ears, he kicks his toe at the wood of the deck shyly. “Will you come visit?”
I nod fiercely and hold back a sob. “I’ll try. Maybe you can come visit me too. Because guess what?”
“What?” A new brightness shines in his eyes, and he’s all but forgotten about his sadness from a moment ago.
I lean in and lower my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “I live in a castle.”
Fin gasps. “You do?”
I nod. “I do. Just like the one we built. And maybe one day, you can come see me.”
“And meet the king and queen?”
My smile falters, but I don’t think he notices. “We only have a king, but yes, you can meet him.”
“Do you have a princess too? Just like your story?”
“We do.” I gulp. “You can meet her too.”
He jumps at me, throwing his arms around my neck, and squeezes me in a hug. “Maybe it’s okay to go home then. As long as I can still see you.”
“One day, Fin.” I swipe the tears off my cheeks and pull back from him again. “We don’t have to go just yet. There’s still a little time.”
I stand, my hand brushing the back of Fin’s shoulders as he continues to hug my leg tightly, and realize the group has dwindled. There are only a few of us left, and my eyes travel down the line, falling on Mara with Roley at her side.
His brows furrow, and his lips turn into a frown, as if he’s already realized what all of this means.
I give the last few final goodbyes to everyone as they step in front of us, leaving Roley and Mara to be the last. My head throbs, and my face feels swollen.
I don’t know if I have it left in me to let go of everyone left standing on this ship.
“When I woke up this morning, I didn’t expect it to be my last day here.
I don’t think any of us did,” Mara says quietly as her gaze trails over the four of us.
“I just wanted to say thank you for never giving up, and for forgiving me. The last days here were hard, and I can’t imagine how much worse they would be if I were alone. ”
“You’re welcome, Mara,” Weston says, and she gives him a shy smile before gesturing to Roley standing beside her.
“I’m going to take him home. We live near each other, and I don’t want to send him back by himself.”
“I appreciate it,” Weston says with a nod, just as Roley steps in front of me.
“Goodbye, Lennox. I’m going to miss you.” His gaze falls to the deck at his feet, and his hands stay clasped behind his back.
“I’m going to miss you too, Roley. Keep working with that bow, alright?”
Head snapping up, and eyes brightening, the words rush out of his mouth. “Can I bring it with me?” He looks to Weston expectantly.
“As long as you make good choices when you use it. Target practice only,” he grumbles, and is met with excited nods from both Fin and Roley. He juts his chin toward the entrance to below. “Go get it.”
Fin releases my leg, and the boys race across the deck, and disappear down the steps. The quiet is thick around us; even the crash of the waves sound more faint than normal. I turn to Mara, and my chest tightens.
She was my first real friend here on the island, even though we had a rough start.
Bonded over the hope to save our mothers, further solidified when she helped me instead of letting jealousy overcome her.
After years of searching and leaving empty-handed, she could be returning to nothing, her mother long gone and no one else waiting for her. Nowhere to call home.
I smile weakly. “Thanks for saving my life, but then trying to kill me again.”
She laughs, the sound brittle and sad. “Any time. Thanks for being a traitor. If you hadn’t been, we never would have gotten home.”
“Anytime,” I say through even more tears.
I step forward and wrap my arms around her shoulders, squeezing her in a tight hug, before stepping back again. “If you’re alone, come to the castle in Blackwood. Ask for me. You won’t be alone anymore.”
She quirks her head. “What, do you work there or something and can get me a job?”
After our conversation in front of the mountain, we were too distracted by the unworthy decision that we never talked about who I was again. There’s nothing to hide anymore, and I don’t want her to leave without knowing.
“I’m the princess, Mara. It’s my kingdom.”
She narrows her eyes playfully, with no trace of the same shock that Stassia and Auralie had on learning the same news. “So you can get me a job.”
I let out a feeble laugh. “Sure, if you want one.”
The boys bound up the stairs, their tiny feet pounding across the empty and quiet deck, holding their bows and full quivers above their heads.