Chapter 5
I opened my eyes to a throbbing pain in my head. Confusion washed over me instantly, and I jolted when I realized I wasn’t in my own bed.
Where am I? How did I end up here?
I drank way too much last night, and now I can’t remember a thing. What happened to me?
I looked around. I was in an unfamiliar hotel room with neutral-colored walls and heavy curtains blocking the sunlight, which only added to my confusion. I tried to remember how I’d gotten there, but my mind was a blur of hazy memories.
Then I jumped at the sound of the shower turning on, and a wave of panic shot through me when I realized I wasn’t alone in the room.
What the—?
Could it be… was someone else here?
Silently, I got up from the bed and staggered toward the bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest. Carefully, I pushed the half-open door, and through the steam billowing from the shower, I saw a man I recognized as the bartender from the bar I’d been at the night before.
He was showering with his back to me, water running down his dark brown hair and muscular shoulders, his body perfectly sculpted by the water droplets. He didn’t seem to have noticed me.
I couldn’t remember what had happened, but images began forming in my mind. My cheeks flushed instantly, and shame washed over me.
My God, what happened here?
Did we do something? I can’t remember anything!
Could something have happened between me and the bartender? Could I have… lost my virginity to him?
My baba is going to kill me!
I was in shock, wondering what had happened between us. I wanted to run, to escape this confusing situation, but my things were scattered around the room, and I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there.
What had I done the night before? What would he think of me?
No, I couldn’t have done that… could I?
The memories were hazy—flashes of tears and conversations—but I wasn’t sure if it had been a casual encounter or something more.
I drank too much, that’s for sure. But what if… what if that means something really happened between us?
Part of me wanted to stay and face the situation, to find out what had happened. The other part was filled with fear and shame, wanting only to flee that unfamiliar room.
I can’t deal with this now. I need to get out of here before things get worse.
Desperate, I decided to grab my things and leave without him seeing me, without even saying goodbye.
My head throbbed with each step, and my hands trembled as I hastily gathered my belongings.
Fear and shame swirled in my mind as I escaped from that room and that man before he realized I was there—before he knew I’d woken up.
I need to get out of here. I can’t stay and face this man I barely know. What must he be thinking of me? Does he think I’m easy? I’m not like that. I wouldn’t do this to myself.
With trembling hands, I opened the door and slipped silently into the hotel corridor, carrying the blurred memories of the night before and the feeling that something important had been lost. I didn’t dare look back—I didn’t want to face the consequences of whatever had happened that night.
Guilt and uncertainty weighed on my chest as I hurried down the stairs and out of there.
I didn’t know where I was going, only that I needed to escape that embarrassing moment. My memories were confused fragments, and the only thing I knew for certain was that something had happened—and I couldn’t remember what.
As I walked through the city streets, I tried to remember the events of the night before, but everything was a jumbled mess in my mind. I felt ashamed and regretful for drinking so much and going to bed with a stranger.
When I got home, I locked myself in my room and spent the entire day trying to process what had happened. I kept wondering if I’d been a victim of some kind of abuse, but I couldn’t be sure.
The experience left me shaken and afraid to leave the house again.
The night before remained a mystery in my mind, and I didn’t have the courage to face whatever had happened.
Instead, I chose to run away, leaving behind the hotel, the man I thought was the bartender, and the unanswered questions that tormented me.
After racking my brain for so long, I decided I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
I needed to forget that night and move on.
But how was I going to do that? How would I ever trust myself again after what happened?
Would I even be able to? What if I was no longer a virgin?
How would I find out and tell my baba? How would he react to something like that? I was truly lost!