Chapter 31
I couldn't stop thinking about Eda's words. She'd said she stayed in my house not only because of our son, but also because of me. I was stunned and had no idea what to do with the feelings churning inside my chest.
After our frank conversation, her words kept echoing in my mind, leaving me unsettled. I never imagined she still felt something for me—enough to want to stay in my house, not just for Can, but because of me. This revelation threw my emotions into chaos in a way I couldn't ignore.
That night, without thinking twice, I went to Eda and our son's room, my heart pounding with a mixture of uncertainty and desire.
I opened the door gently, and the room was lit only by the faint moonlight.
The sight of the two of them sleeping peacefully filled me with overwhelming love.
Can was lying in his crib, and Eda was asleep in my bed.
I couldn't resist—I lay down beside her, careful not to wake her.
I held her tight and breathed in her scent.
My heart was beating so erratically as I watched her that I thought if she woke up suddenly, she might hear it.
Eda's closeness filled me with a sense of peace and contentment I hadn't felt in a long time.
My mind was in conflict, but my heart told me this was where I wanted to be.
I wrapped my arms around her carefully, not wanting to wake her, and without realizing it, I fell asleep with a mixture of hope and fear of letting myself fall for her again.
The next morning, when I woke up, Can was already awake in his crib, making funny little noises with his mouth.
Eda was sleeping beside me, facing me, with one leg between mine and one arm around my neck, her face serene and angelic.
Part of me didn't want to leave, but I knew this couldn't become a habit—I needed to be careful.
Carefully, I got up, and just as I was about to leave the room, I heard her melodious voice call my name.
“Ayaz?”
“Good morning, Eda. It's not what you're thinking,” I said, my expression tense. “We need to talk about what happened last night.”
“What are you talking about?” She seemed confused, still groggy from sleep, but maintained a calm expression. “What happened?”
“I slept here with you last night, but it wasn't by choice,” I said, the words tumbling out all at once, a hint of nervousness in my voice. “I shouldn't have done it, and I want you to understand why.”
“What do you mean?” She stared at me, her gaze inquisitive. “And what was the reason?”
“Sometimes I have insomnia and take medication for it.” I sighed.
“And since yesterday was so intense, I needed to use it.” I gave the lamest excuse in the world.
“The pill kicked in when I came to check on Can…
I felt dizzy and lay down on the bed to wait for it to pass, but I ended up falling asleep beside you because it hit me faster than I expected.
It wasn't intentional. But this won't happen again, I swear.”
“Ayaz, I don't understand. Why are you telling me these things and acting so strangely?” she asked, watching me closely. “Since when do you take medication to sleep?”
“I take it from time to time. I was worried about some things—the rescue operation for my uncle was incredibly tense, and I took the medication to help me relax.
I didn't plan to sleep beside you,” I said, my expression hesitant.
“I just don't want you to get the wrong idea.
We have a son, and he's our only bond. Nothing more is going to happen between us.”
She held my gaze, her expression a mix of understanding and disgust.
“All right, Ayaz.” She sighed deeply. “I get it. What happened last night won't happen again.” She met my eyes with a defiant look.
“That's right, Eda, it won't,” I said, my voice betraying me with a hint of sadness. “We need to be sensible. What we had is in the past and should stay there.”
The tension between us was palpable, and so much remained unsaid. We both knew that, regardless of the words spoken, our feelings were a force we couldn't easily control. What the future held for us was uncertain, but one thing was clear: this battle between desire and reason was far from over.
Deep down, I didn't want that to be just one night.
I wanted to be beside Eda every day. To wake up next to her every morning and breathe in her scent every night.
But I knew that could never happen—I couldn't surrender to the daughter of my enemy, my baba's murderer.
Yet I couldn't stop thinking about it. Still, I had to honor my name and my reputation as cruel and merciless.
I knew I had conflicting feelings, but I couldn't help it. I'd always been in love with Eda, and I knew this could end badly. But I couldn't stop thinking about her, especially after she'd confessed her feelings.
I left the room with a heavy heart. The battle between reason and passion continued, and I didn't know which would win in the end. But at that moment, the best thing to do was run from my own feelings.
What do I do now?
Last night, when I saw her sleeping, the feeling that washed over my heart was indescribable.
The way she'd said she wanted to be here, not just for our son, but for me—it affected me in a way I couldn't ignore.
Now I was wrestling with an internal dilemma.
My sense of responsibility and protection was at war with the desire burning inside me.
I loved her—I was certain of that now—but our involvement was complex and dangerous.
So I asked myself: how far could I allow this love to flourish again?
The battle between reason and passion was consuming me. On one hand, I knew I needed to be sensible—she was the daughter of my enemy, my father’s murderer. On the other, my heart cried out for her, for the woman who left me reeling.
Eda’s words, her sincerity and penetrating gaze, echoed in my mind. And now I found myself in a dilemma I wasn’t sure I could resolve.