3
The Set-Up
Charlie was fine. He’d managed to hold himself together for the first two days of the cruise. Only five more to go. He was happy. He was having fun. And if he needed to swap out his soggy pillow every morning, that was between him and Jomar.
An extra place setting at their table in the main dining room was no big deal. He just needed to stop staring at it. He clenched his jaw and blinked back the burning in his eyes. Deep breaths, he told himself sternly, sucking in air until his lungs ached, then exhaling slowly. It was a fucking extra chair, not the end of the world.
He didn’t realize he’d frozen in place until Ev walked past him, laughing as he dramatically recounted something from earlier in the day.
“I can’t believe we’re actually going to be in Cabo for two days,“
Ev said as he dropped into his chair. “Bucket list location for sure.” Their poor, beleaguered server moved to deposit a cloth napkin in his lap while Ev expounded on the details of the surfing lesson he and Gabe had planned for day one of their overnight at the tip of the Baja California peninsula.
Charlie murmured a low “thank you“
when the server reached him to do the same, then gave his drink order when prompted. “Sounds fun,” he told Ev, not exactly lying, but also glad it wasn’t him. He didn’t have the energy for anything like that. Tanner would have loved it. He loved surfing, and cruises, and Cabo. If Tanner was with them— No.
Luckily, Charlie had been able to decline the shore excursions Remy originally signed up for. He wasn’t sure if someone was still paying for them, but Xavier had assured him several times not to worry about money.
“Xavi and I are visiting the animal sanctuary in the morning while Ev and Gabe have their surfing lesson,“
Finn was saying. “Then we’re meeting up for a sunset catamaran ride and dinner on this beautiful little island. It’s basically in the middle of the ocean and Xavi reserved the whole thing for us as my birthday present.” He smiled up at his boyfriend, practically glowing with happiness.
“Are you sure you don’t want to join us?“
Xavier asked Charlie, graciously. “We would be happy to have you.”
Charlie waved off the offer. Being the single guy tagging along with two couples who were so clearly in love was awkward enough. Charlie didn’t need to make things worse by doing couply things with them. “I’m good, honestly, as long as Finn doesn’t mind me missing his birthday dinner. I’m actually looking forward to some quiet time on the ship. I hear it’s a whole different experience without the crowds.”
Xavier hummed in agreement. “Absolutely. After two sea days, people will be eager to disembark. If you’d like, I can have the concierge book you a massage or spa treatment.”
He almost took Xavier up on it. It wasn’t every day that someone offered a free massage, but his stomach soured at the thought having hands on him that weren’t the hands he wanted.
“Gabe is getting me pounded on the next sea day,“
Ev offered, derailing Charlie’s spiral.
“What?“
he asked, bewildered.
Gabe shook his head, fighting laughter, and wrapped an arm around Ev to haul him close. “Not exactly, tiger,“
he admonished, then turned to Charlie. “We have a couple’s massage booked. Ev decided I’m having his muscles pounded into submission.”
Ev shimmied his hips, unrepentant. “Your version sounds boring. Besides, I fully expect to get pounded at some point that day. If I have to ask the massage person…”
Gabe dug his fingers into Ev’s ribs, making him squeal with laughter and also cutting off his train of thought.
None of this made Charlie want a massage. In fact, he was tempted to go back to bed and block out the world for the rest of the day.
The others weren’t tossing their relationships in his face by any means. If anything, they were probably holding back, but it was still impossible to ignore. Finn, once so painfully shy, was happier and more confident than Charlie had ever seen him. Charlie didn’t know Xavier well, but a total stranger would clock the absolute adoration on his face when he looked at his boyfriend.
Ev and Gabe were just as bad, or maybe worse, but in a different way. Their connection was obvious from the way they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, but what stabbed Charlie in his tender, bruised core was the banter.
Tanner was like that, too—always ready with a quip or comeback that had Charlie fighting to hide a grin while he gave back as good as he got. Not that he was ever as quick. Tanner was so bold and funny. Good with people in a way Charlie had to work for. He always knew just what to do or say to draw someone out of their shell, or to save Charlie from a negative thought spiral. A skill Charlie could use at the moment—if Tanner hadn’t been the reason for his shitty mood to begin with.
Enough.
He needed to stop this. Yes, he missed Tanner. But Charlie was the one who broke off whatever they had been doing. As much as it hurt, he made the right decision. A relationship needed two people, and Tanner made it clear through his actions that Charlie was on his own.
“Are you sure we can’t change your mind?“
Finn asked.
Charlie shook his head. He was tired of finding polite ways to decline. “I appreciate it, really, but I’m looking forward to hanging out with my book, my headphones, and a pina colada or three. It’s been a stressful few months, what with the new job, moving, and everything. Alone time sounds pretty perfect right now.”
Finn finally seemed to believe him. That, or the gentle squeeze Xavier gave Finn’s shoulder helped the message sink in.
“Try to check out the sunset bar on the top deck tonight,“
Gabe suggested as the group gathered their things to head out. “I hear it’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of view.”
Charlie agreed, mostly to make the others feel better about leaving him behind. He made a note of when sunset would be so that he could take a picture or two. See? I was totally having fun while you were off being disgustingly in love. I swear.
Bitter laughter tried to bubble up but Charlie forced it away. Fuck Tanner York for making him feel this way. For making Charlie fall in love with him and not noticing. Or maybe noticing but not loving him back.
Charlie kept the smile on his face by sheer force of will, helped by the sting of his fingernails digging into his palms as he bid the couples goodbye. He didn’t want them to worry. It wasn’t their fault Charlie was falling apart.
Charlie kept his mental promise and made his way to the bar on the top deck that evening. He found a spot at the railing to sit and watch the sun slip toward the horizon. It really was beautiful, and as the sky faded into oranges and pinks, some of Charlie’s tension went with it.
Tanner would love this.
Charlie sighed. If he was totally honest, this mess wasn’t Tanner’s fault. Not entirely. Charlie had made mistakes too. The biggest was being too scared to ask the one question he knew he needed to ask. Over the last year, they’d hooked up, hung out, and even gone on a few vacations together, but they never actually talked about what that meant. Instead, Charlie had forged ahead, planning a future for them without ever stopping to see whether Tanner wanted it too. He’d practically moved himself into Tanner’s apartment—well, city, same difference—and expected Tanner to go along with it. Surprise! I’m your boyfriend now.
God, he’d fucked everything up, hadn’t he? He’d demanded too much, too soon, and then taken it out on Tanner when he backed off in response. And who could blame him? With anyone else, Charlie would have done the same.
Charlie probably owed Tanner an apology. Not that he could do anything about it now. Sure, Charlie had international calling, but he was in the ocean on a cruise ship. Nowhere near… He looked up, taking in the hills of Cabo San Lucas ringing the cruise port.
Oh. Right.
He opened his phone and tapped off airplane mode. A moment later, texts and missed calls flooded in. He waited, heart pounding, but the notifications stopped without any new messages from the person he wanted to hear from the most. His eyes burned with disappointment.
Then a familiar voice spoke from behind him.
“Are you planning to block me, or can I apologize first?”