7
Xan
“What?“
It’s a single word, but my voice still cracks with emotion. What is even happening? And how many times can I ask that in a two-day period?
Morgan kisses the pulse point on my wrist. “Your heart’s beating so fast. I can feel it.”
Well, yeah. An almost naked Morgan is sitting two feet from me, holding my hand, kissing my palm and my wrist, telling me we’ve been in a perfect relationship. And like hell we have. I would have noticed. “Explain.”
With all the earnestness only Morgan can muster, he points to my wrist. “This is a pulse point on the body and I can feel your pulse beating really quickly.”
I stare at him for a full fifteen seconds before all of the tension breaks and I start to chuckle. “Morgan.“
With fond exasperation, I nod. “Yes. I know. I mean please explain why you think our friendship is why your other ones never worked.”
“Oh. No.“
He frowns. “Wait, not no, I won’t explain. I meant no, not our friendship, though we do have an amazing friendship, and all solid relationships have a good friendship as the foundation. Dad taught us that early on. What I meant was our relationship.”
I swear he’s speaking a different language. One that uses the same words as English, but with different meanings. “We’re not in a relationship.”
Morgan points at me. “See? I’m glad I’m not the only one who missed it.“
His relief is adorable. “So…” He sits up a little taller, like he’s going to explain something difficult to me. Huh. Maybe he is. “I don’t know when it happened, but sometime over the past seventeen years we went from being best friends to being in a relationship.”
“Morgan. A friendship is a relationship.”
He nods. “But what we have is more than that.”
Oh, god, I wish. “No, it’s not. To have the kind of relationship you mean, a lot of things would have to be very different.”
“Like?”
I examine his expression closely. Morgan sometimes misses details of situations, but he can’t have missed the most obvious. “The you’re straight and I’m not a woman bit?”
He nods. “Fair. And to be honest, I think that’s why I missed it for so long.”
Really? He can’t be serious. “That’s a huge deal, Morgan. Like, epic. Unhurdleable. Unless you’re telling me you’ve had some sexual awakening in the past twenty-four hours.”
He shrugs. “Can’t say I have.”
“Ha!“
I point at him for emphasis, because it’s worth emphasising.
“It could have happened so long ago, and so quietly, neither of us noticed.”
What? “What are you saying?”
He squeezes my hand, which I now realize he’s still holding. “I don’t know. You and I clicked from the start. I’ve never been closer to anyone outside of my family, and I’d rather spend time with you than anyone else. Including every one of my ex-girlfriends. And I think they knew that. Maybe that’s why they always got demanding, wanting more of my attention, and not wanting to come over to the apartment or for you to hang out with us.”
This is all news to me. I had no idea the dislike was that intense. I just assumed the current girlfriend wanted to be alone with Morgan, and I completely respected that. “I’m sorry. I never meant to be a problem.”
“That’s just it. You aren’t, and you never were. I was always sad when my relationships ended, but thinking about it, probably not as sad as I should have been. Because I still have you.“
His expression gets all soft. “My ride or die.”
I shake my head. “Have you ever been attracted to anyone but women?”
“Nope.“
Although I expect that answer, it still hurts to actually hear him say it. “Except you.”
My eyes snap up to his. “Excuse me?”
“Danny calls it Xansexual. And I’ve been thinking about it since he said it, and I agree. I’m definitely attracted to women. I mean, c’mon. Boobs. And I’m not attracted to other types of people. Mostly. Danny said something about percentages and the likelihood of finding another person who isn’t a woman who I’d be attracted to, but it was a bit too much information at once. I need to think about that in smaller chunks.”
This is ludicrous. “You aren’t attracted to me. Not romantically, not sexually. You’re not Xansexual.”
“How do you know?”
“What?“
I blink at him. “I know because you’ve never shown any indication before that you were.”
“So you tell me about all your boners?”
I blink at him, and then feel the heat creeping up my cheeks. “No. Of course not.”
“Then how do you know I’ve never had a boner when thinking about you?”
“Name one time.”
He points to the spot in the cabin where he was just standing. “You saw it. I know you did. I was standing right there thinking about touching you, holding you like I held you last night when we were dancing. Imagining how it would feel to touch you in a sexual way.“
He gestures to his towel. “Thinking about it’s making me hard again right now.” I glance at his towel and yup, it’s definitely tented again. “So I think maybe in addition to loving you as my best friend, I’ve been in love with you. I just didn’t know what it looked like, so I didn’t recognize it when it happened. But it seems pretty obvious now.”
No. I can’t give in. I can’t believe him and then have him change his mind. It would break me. I shake my head, but he won’t listen. He tugs on my hand until I give in and move closer. He scoops me up and sets me in his barely covered lap. “Danny says you look at me like you want me too.”
Want him too, like he wants me at all? “Did he?”
“Do you?”
I’m not answering that. “Do I what?”
Smiling, like he knows I’m full of shit, Morgan leans in and brushes the tip of his nose against mine. “Want me.”
“Morgan, you don’t want me.”
“Who says?”
He noses along my jaw, and god damnit, I’m trembling. I’m fucking trembling with want and fear and need and anxiety and…and hope. Fuck. “I do.”
“Want to test that?“
He kisses along my neck, and I close my eyes and let my head fall to the side.
Then Morgan’s lips are gone. “Oh, my god. I’m so sorry.“
He dumps me onto the bed and stands up. The execution is a bit wonky and his towel gets stuck under me.
So now I’m sitting on the bed, utterly confused, staring at Morgan’s massive erection. “I knew you’d realize you weren’t sexually attracted to me.“
Yes, I say that even though I’m staring at the most well endowed and very erect man I’ve ever seen this close up, not on my phone screen. It explains all the shouting from his girlfriends on the few occasions where they’ve had sex in our apartment. I’d be calling on god too. But this is just a bodily reaction to the idea of sex. Not to me.
“What? No! I’m sorry because I should have asked permission before I dragged you onto my lap and started mauling you! I’m not that guy, and you deserve better.”
I blink and force my gaze away from his godcock to look into his eyes. “What?”
“Permission. I didn’t ask you if it was okay to touch you, let alone haul you onto my lap. Or kiss you.”
“Technically, you kissed my neck. Not my lips.“
I’m splitting hairs, and if I deserve better than Morgan not asking permission, he deserves better than me being an ass. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. “You want to do that? With me? Really?”
He nods, and I don’t detect any hesitation or disgust. “Can I touch you?”
Are we doing this? Am I really going to do this? With Morgan? “Fuck yes. You can touch me however, wherever you want.”
“So, you want me too?”
Whining just a little, I manage to respond, though my voice is rough. “I’ve wanted you since the day we met.“
Morgan’s eyes widen and he seems like he’s going to start asking questions. “Later. I promise I’ll answer all your questions. But not right now. Right now, you need to come back over here.”
I whip off my shirt and shove my swim trunks down my legs. My half-hard cock catches on the waistband and snaps back against my stomach. Morgan’s eyes follow the movement and he licks his lips. Does he even realize he’s done that? My cock certainly does.
He slowly approaches the bed. This might be overwhelming for him, and regardless of what he says, he might be second-guessing himself. I reach out and take his hand. “We’ll do only what you want. You’re in control. You want to try something? Fine. You want to stop doing something? Just say so and we’ll stop doing that. Say stop everything and we’ll end the whole experiment.“
Because that’s what this has to be. Right?
“This isn’t an experiment.“
Morgan frowns. “Well, I guess it kind of is, since we’ve never had sex before and it’s always a bit hit or miss with a new partner.” Oh my god, Morgan just said we’re going to have sex. This is not real.
He sits on the bed again and he gives my hand a squeeze. “I get how this might seem sudden. But it’s more like I just needed someone to point it out. You know? Like, the attraction has always been there under the surface waiting for me to figure it out.“
His gaze is so sincere, and he’s not looking around the room, or even embarrassed.
“I’m excited by the idea of touching you.“
He places his hand on my thigh. “Of kissing you.” He slowly slides his hand higher. “And doing so much more with you.” His ridiculously large and absolutely perfect cock glistens as a bit of precum leaks out. “I want you, Xan. If I wasn’t into this, I wouldn’t be so hard. I can’t remember the last time I got this hard this fast.”
Fuck it. If this blows up our friendship, then I’ll have to be okay with that. Because the man of my dreams is naked, with a massive boner, in the same bed, telling me he wants to do dirty things with me. I only have so much restraint. “Come here and let me take care of that.”