Chapter 10 #4
He always agreed, always held his tongue, always proceeded with caution.
She was grateful to him for letting her take things at her own pace. But she was also kind of fucking done with that.
She just wanted a dad. Wanted her dad.
“Come inside,” he said, when she realized they were still standing in the open doorway.
He led her into the kitchen, putting a kettle on to make hot tea as she sat at the dining room table.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked, joining her at the table while they waited for the water to heat.
She nodded. “Yes, but before I start, I want you to know none of this is Tank’s fault.”
Dad’s expression said he was withholding judgment on that.
“I know you have some reservations about me and him.”
Dad had cornered her at the charity gala, concerned about the fact that McKenna had shown up on Tank’s arm.
His reputation had been a big sticking point for Dad, who’d gently tried to insist Tank wasn’t right for her, and that she shouldn’t get involved with him.
It was the first crack in their eggshells, the first time Dad had asserted that someone wasn’t good enough for his daughter.
McKenna had been touched, and she’d quickly reassured him there wasn’t anything going on between her and Tank. Because at the time, there wasn’t. She’d been directed to attend that gala with him as his keeper, and when she told Dad that, he was visibly relieved.
Or at least he had been…until she’d nearly fucked up and let Tank kiss her on the dance floor.
Then a week later, they launched the fake dating scheme. Dad hadn’t approached her again about Tank, something that actually stressed her out, because she was afraid he thought she’d lied to him at the gala.
And his silence on the subject definitely couldn’t be construed as acceptance. Because shortly after the gala, Dad started riding Tank’s ass—who didn’t have a clue that the only thing he’d done wrong was date her.
“Kenny,” Dad said, using the nickname that had just sort of appeared during one of his college visits.
It slipped out by accident one day during lunch, and that was when Dad admitted he’d always thought of her as his little Kenny, ever since she was a baby.
She told him she liked the nickname, and from that point on, he continued using it.
Now that she thought about it, perhaps that was the first eggshell cracking.
“I know guys like Tank. Hell, I was a guy like Tank. He’s only looking for a good time, not forever. I don’t want to see you get hur—”
He stopped mid-word, taking in her puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. Obviously, she’d already been hurt.
“Tank didn’t hurt me.”
Dad crossed his arms, tilting his head in obvious disbelief.
“I mean, I am hurting, but that’s on me. I know it looks like Tank and I are in a relationship, but the truth is, that was Benny’s doing. He thought it might help repair Tank’s reputation if he appeared to be in a committed relationship with…” She sighed. “A nice woman. So we’ve been fake dating.”
Dad scowled. “I’m going to have a word with Benny. I don’t think forcing you to date a hockey player is part of your damn job description—”
McKenna held up her hand to cut him off. “I agreed to do it. He didn’t force me. He asked and I said yes.”
“Kenny,” Dad said, shaking his head. He’d made a couple of comments, just in passing, over this season about her working too hard.
He knew why she did it, so he didn’t usually push the envelope.
“I think we both know you have a hard time saying no to Benny because you’re determined to prove you deserve the job.
You’ve proven that, kiddo. A million times over. ”
She appreciated him saying that. Not that it would stop her from feeling otherwise, but that was simply because it was in her nature to worry.
“Maybe so, but I still agreed.”
“So what happened? Why are you here tonight?”
“A bunch of the guys went to the pub to celebrate tonight’s win.”
Dad’s nod told her that he knew that.
“I was there too. Tank was late.”
Dad grimaced. “I held him back after the other guys left.”
“I know,” she said. “You’re giving him a hard time because of me.”
He shrugged, not bothering to deny it.
“Anyway, Tank showed up later…with Lara. She’s one of the women from that video.”
“I know who she is,” Dad said.
“He said he was just giving her a ride because someone had vandalized her car, but seeing them together…” Her throat started to close again.
“You realized you have feelings for him.”
“It’s not fake to me anymore. Actually, I’m not sure it ever was,” she confessed.
“But it is for Tank.” Dad’s words weren’t a question, but McKenna felt like maybe they should be. Mom seemed to believe—though it was probably wishful thinking—that Tank’s feelings might be genuine, too.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Neither of us has admitted it’s not fake, but when we’re together…” She felt her cheeks heating, knew without a mirror she was blushing.
Dad blew out a hard breath. Mercifully—for both of them—the kettle began whistling. He got up and made them both a cup of tea, delivering them to the table and resuming his seat.
“The two of you are sleeping together,” he said, as McKenna bit her lower lip, flames erupting on her face.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I know it was stupid, but…” There wasn’t anything to say after “but.” It was just plain stupid. She wasn’t a casual-sex girl, and she knew that going in. The problem was, nothing with Tank felt casual. It just felt…wonderful and right.
“When he walked into the pub with Lara, I realized I’d let it all go too far. And while Tank assured me it was perfectly innocent, that he’d only given her a lift, I couldn’t help but remember all of Eddie’s lies when I confronted him about Lisa.”
Dad knew about Eddie, the two of them discussing her ex when she called to tell him she was considering a move to Baltimore, and he’d asked why. She hadn’t gone into a lot of the emotional details, merely stating that it was hard working with her ex-boyfriend and the woman he cheated on her with.
“I’m sorry, Kenny,” Dad said, reaching over and patting her hand consolingly. “Have you talked to your mom? What does she say?”
“She thinks I should talk to Tank about my feelings.”
Dad grinned crookedly. “Of course, she does. Your mother is the queen of talking out feelings.”
McKenna was slightly confused by that response, mainly because while she knew that, she didn’t know how her father did.
Dad answered her unspoken question. “I’ve called Ellie quite a lot over the years,” he confessed. “Your mom’s been helping me deal with…”
“Me?”
“No. Not you. Me,” he replied. “And my feelings.”
“About me,” McKenna added, surprised to know Dad had been talking to Mom about her. Although, she wasn’t sure why. The conversations Dad just mentioned were right up Mom’s alley.
“Our communication when you were younger was mainly just through email, though we did chat on the phone a few times a year. I called her after I got the invitation to come to your high school graduation. If it had just been a generic announcement thing, I probably wouldn’t have come.
Simply because I didn’t want to take any of the attention away from you and your accomplishments.
But you’d added a handwritten note that said you really hoped I could attend. ”
McKenna recalled doing that. She’d addressed the envelope, and she had truly planned to just shove in the standard announcement. But at the last minute, she’d included the note, uncertain what was driving the request. “Mom convinced you to come?”
“She said she thought it was time. Past time, is what she actually said. I hope that was the right thing to do. Showing up, I mean.”
“It was,” McKenna said, flipping her hand over to grasp Dad’s.
“I was glad you came. And happy when you showed up that fall during my freshman year at college to take me out for that big steak dinner. I was so over cafeteria food at that point. I guess I’m just glad that you kept calling and visiting. ”
“Kenny, I’m not proud of the decision I made when I was twenty-one.
I was a young, stupid, arrogant, selfish idiot.
I thought hockey was the most important thing in the world.
I was wrong. And your mother was too good to me, letting me walk away without cutting me out.
I can’t tell you how much I loved getting those letters and photos. ”
“The money you sent every month meant she could work less and spend more time raising me. We lived in a much nicer house in a safer neighborhood than we ever could have, if it had just been us on our own. And I mean, come on, some of those birthday and Christmas gifts you sent… I was the first kid in my class to get an iPad and a phone.”
“Your mom was less good to me after those gifts,” Dad joked. They shared a short laugh before he sobered up again. “Money was the least I could do. And I do mean the very least.”
“No, it’s not. You could have walked away completely and never looked back.”
“I have so many regrets about the way I handled things all these years.”
McKenna pushed her chair closer. “I don’t want you to see me and feel regret. That would just be,” she shrugged, “totally shitty.”
“You’re right,” Dad agreed. “It would be.”
“You told Mom you felt like this?”
He nodded.
“What did she tell you to do?” she asked.
Dad chuckled. “Talk to you.”
McKenna laughed as well, because Mom had hit them both with the same advice.
“Don’t screw things up with Tank because of what I did,” Dad said after several moments. “I fucked it all up. I’m not sure…” He rubbed his beard, leaning back. “I’m not sure Tank will.”
“What makes you say that?”
He toyed with the handle on his mug. “He’s different lately. Not quite the same swaggering idiot he was before that video.”
“I think he was scared straight by the possibility of losing his contract,” she muttered.
Dad shook his head. “No, it feels like more than that. Listen, I don’t have a lot of experience giving parental advice, but I’m going to give it a try.
Don’t assume Tank will let you down just because I did, and because that asshole Eddie did.
Maybe he’ll surprise you…in the best possible way.
Wouldn’t you rather take a chance on finding love instead of hiding behind a lie because it’s safer? ”
McKenna blew out a long breath, leaning back in her chair. “Damn, for someone with little experience, you just nailed that one.”
Dad grinned, then rose slightly so he could bend forward to give her a kiss on top of her head. It was the most affectionate Dad thing she’d ever experienced, and tears filled her eyes again. This time, though, they were happy ones.
“Thanks, Dad,” she said, her voice wobbly as she used that word for the second time. With each repetition, it felt better, more natural, right.
“And if the guy fucks up and lets the most gorgeous girl in the world slip through his fingers, just know that I will make his life a living hell on that ice.”
McKenna laughed, even though she was pretty sure from his tone and expression, he wasn’t joking around. “If he picks Lara over me, I’m going to let you do that.”
“You got my bloodthirsty nature,” Dad said, looking very pleased. “That’s good. It’ll serve you well. Do you think…” He paused, visibly uncertain. “Do you think we could start to let people know you’re my daughter? I understand if you still want to keep it on the down—”
“I’d like to start telling people.” She hadn’t lied about wanting the chance to prove herself, and she felt like she had, so it might be nice to be able to talk about her dad without having to measure every word in case she slipped up.
Dad’s smile was brighter than the sun. “Good. Because I’ve been wanting to brag about you.”
She laughed again, and then the two of them continued to talk, consuming four more cups of hot tea as they covered every topic under the sun until nearly three in the morning. She emailed Benny somewhere around one a.m., to let him know she’d be taking her first ever “sick” day.
In the end, she spent the night in Dad’s guest room, because he didn’t want her driving home alone so late. And in the morning, she came downstairs to discover her dad making her pancakes and sausage links—her favorite breakfast. She was thrilled to learn it was his favorite, too.
By the time she got home, it was just after noon, and when she turned her phone back on—she’d turned it off as soon as she parked outside Dad’s house—she discovered several missed calls and half a dozen texts from Tank. All of them expressing concern for her headache.
Which was fitting.
Because damn, did she have one now.
An hour after returning from Dad’s, McKenna went to straight to her bed…and she didn’t leave it again for two days. Struck down by a killer flu—high temperature, headache, chills, fatigue, the works.
So, instead of figuring out what to do in regard to Tank, she simply slept. And when the headache and nausea got to be too much, she occasionally prayed for death.