16. Chapter 16
Charlotte
To say I have not been looking forward to coming to my childhood home is an understatement.
I think I’ve actually been dreading this more than the funeral itself.
Wren’s parents have assured me I don’t have to stay long if I don’t want to and everyone will understand, but I can’t leave these people wandering around in my parents’ house.
That’s not right and it makes my eyes twitch just thinking about it.
Shockingly, I last two hours before my social battery gets to an all-time low—I cannot speak and make fake pleasantries any longer. Jake has been wheeling me around like a show pony to thank everyone for coming, but he can tell I’m at the end of my rope and need an out.
I just need a moment alone, this day has been heavy and emotionally charged, and I just want a second to sit with my feelings.
I’m jostled from my thoughts by Jake, “What do you need right now?”
“I just want to be alone for a bit, you know? Take in everything that’s happened today,” I tell him.
He gives me a nod and walks off to find Wren before striding back to me. The next thing I know, I’m in his arms and being carried up the stairs.
“I’ve told Wren I’m taking you upstairs for some quiet time. She’s holding the fort, ok? Which room is yours?” he asks.
I actually want to go to my mom and dad’s room, so that’s where I direct Jake to take me. Once he manages to get the door open one-handed, he carries me into the room, lays me on the bed, and drapes a blanket over me.
“I’ll come back for you when everyone has left, ok?
Get some rest. Do you need anything else?
” I shake my head and burrow down into the pillows.
I feel terrible about leaving, but if I had stayed any longer, I fear I would have had a full-on breakdown and screamed for everyone to leave. It’s better this way.
Gathering the blanket in my arms, I take in the smell. If I concentrate hard enough, I can faintly smell their scent, and it brings me so much comfort but also so much longing. My eyes are red-raw and so sore from crying, but more tears find me, and I cry myself to sleep.
“Lottie, Lottie, wake up.” Jake.
“Babe, wake up. Nap time is over.” Wren.
Opening my eyes, I see the room is now bathed in darkness.
“What time is it?” I rub the sleep from my eyes and look at both Wren and Jake, who are staring back at me.
“It’s 6 p.m., sleeping beauty. Everyone’s gone now. The cleaners are here clearing up,” Wren explains as she takes a seat next to me.
The sigh of relief that leaves me is so audible that Jake chuckles.
I have never been so grateful for these two people as I am right now.
I am so drained, emotionally and physically.
Even though I’ve just had a long ass nap, all I want to do is curl up in my pjs and go to bed cuddling Bella.
I honestly feel like I could sleep for a week.
“Come on, sleepy, let's get you back to the hotel. We’ll come back here tomorrow so you can sort out some items to take home with you, ok?” Jake says to me as he scoops me up to carry me back downstairs.
I close my eyes, inhaling that familiar scent again, and I don’t wake up until Jake is getting me out of the car at the hotel.
Once we’re in the comfort of our suite, Jake insists I eat something as I’ve hardly eaten all day. To be honest, I can’t stomach anything right now, so he just orders me some toast and fruit from room service, which will keep me going until the morning.
A short while later, there’s a knock on the door and Jake grabs the food, which I readily wolf down. Maybe I was hungrier than I thought. I can feel him staring intently at me, like his eyes are trying to penetrate my soul. “What? Do I have something on my face?” I ask as I wipe around my mouth.
“No, no,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m just thinking how proud I am of you today.
I know it hasn’t been easy for you and was more than likely enough social interaction to last you a lifetime.
” He grabs my hand. “You made your parents proud, Lottie, and I know they’re with you right now, even if you can’t feel them. ”
Jesus Christ, I’m one more compliment away from a mental breakdown.
I seriously don’t know how to handle all of this, especially when I don’t feel worthy of even being in this amazing man's orbit. I’m burdening him with this when I can’t even remember him.
How is that fair? So, I do the only thing I can do and that's clam up again.
“I think I’m going to head to bed, this day has tired me out,” I say as I start to yawn.
It really has been a long and emotional day.
Jake nods and wheels me into the bedroom, Wren helped me change before she left, which is a small mercy.
He lifts me into bed and tucks me in with a quick kiss to my temple, it’s so loving and affectionate, and it makes me want to cry all over again.
“Goodnight, Lottie, I’ll see you in the morning,” he shoots me a small smile and makes his way to his room.
Closing my eyes, I fall straight to sleep.
I’m in the car heading back to my place with my mom and dad after celebrating their wedding anniversary.
We had such a great time, lots of laughter, and the best dessert I have ever had.
My phone beeps with a voicemail and I start to listen when I see a car coming toward us at high speed.
“Oh my god, Dad, look out!” Then everything goes black.
The next thing I know, I’m outside of the car looking in, and the sight that greets me is horrific.
My parents are covered in blood, their eyes open and unblinking, their bodies crushed against the seats.
They’re not moving, nor are they breathing. “Mom? Dad? P-please wake up. Please…