32. Chapter 32
Charlotte
My head feels like there’s a herd of elephants trampling all over it, and why is the room spinning?
I don’t remember drinking that much, but it was obviously more than normal.
What happened last night? I turn over slowly and notice a bottle of water and some Tylenol waiting for me. I hope I didn’t embarrass myself.
I carefully sit up and take the tablets, trying to rack my brain for clues as to what happened.
After book club, Jake and I sat and had dinner on the terrace with a bottle of wine, we cuddled under the blanket…
that’s when it hits me—I kissed him! Well, he kissed me, but only because I was behaving like a toddler having a hissy fit.
He pity kissed me! My first kiss ever was because Jake felt sorry for me.
But it didn’t feel like that. He must be a great actor or was desperate for some action.
That’s not even the worst part, though. I remember what happened at the end of the kiss when I projectile vomited like The Exorcist all over my plant beds.
How am I going to show my face again? I am mortified beyond belief, I know I need to talk with him, but I don’t even know where I’d start.
What a kiss though, and I know nothing else will ever compare to it.
I felt everything: all my nerve endings sparking, butterflies in my stomach—a kiss I felt all the way down to my toes.
If I had been standing, my foot for sure would have popped.
But I know it’ll never happen again. It was a mistake, I’m not what Jake wants.
Gingerly, I head to the kitchen with my crutches; I’m too unsteady on my feet this morning to not use them. Jake’s already there making coffee, and he can’t seem to make eye contact with me. I need to say something—anything—to relieve this tension.
“Rough night?” I say whilst grabbing the ice from the freezer. He looks at me, one eyebrow raised. “Of course it was. You had to deal with my drunk ass.”
“Hold on…”
“No, no. Please, Jake. Let me get this out, ok?” He nods and lets me continue.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “What happened last night shouldn’t have happened.
I was drunk and pushed you too far until you felt you had no choice in kissing me, and for that I’m so sorry,” I rush out, desperate to get the words that feel like ash out of my mouth.
“If we could just forget last night ever happened, including what happened after, I'd be most grateful.”
I can feel the sweat running down the back of my neck and my hands are clammy.
“I know I’m not your type; I’ve seen your type.
Plus, I have scars, big scars, who would find that attractive?
I’m actually shocked you’re still here and haven’t run for the hills after my incident last night.
To be honest, I’m surprised you stayed at all because, look at me right now: what do I even bring to the table? ”
He just stares at me, dumbfounded, while I ramble on. “Ok? Good, great chat,” I take my iced coffee and make to walk away back to the solitude of my bedroom. But Jake’s hand wraps around my free one.
“Oh no you don’t." He pinches the bridge of his nose, thoroughly exasperated with my rambling. “I am only going to say this once, and once only, so listen and listen good, ok?”
I nod, staring at the floor, I can’t bear to even look at him right now.
“That kiss was not a mistake or an in-the-moment thing for me, Lottie. I have wanted to do that for a long time, far longer than I care to admit. I’m sorry it happened when you were drunk, and I felt like I took advantage, but am I sorry it happened? Fuck no.”
He wanted to kiss me? I don’t understand. “I’ve seen the girls you’ve been with, Jake. They look nothing like me!” I shout at him, unsure why I’m yelling as it really hurts my head.
He grips his hair, pulling on it so hard I fear it might snap off.
He rolls his shirt sleeve further up his arm and points to part of his tattoo.
“You are literally etched onto my skin, Lottie. You’re in my head and in my heart, where you have burrowed your way so deep within my soul that there’s no getting you out.
So deep that I have been content for the last sixteen years to take whatever scraps of yourself you were able to give to me if it meant I get to be in your life in some capacity because I’ll be damned if I’m ever letting you go. ”
Wait, what? That tattoo is me? Holy shit. He’s breathing heavily, like he’s just run a ten-mile race. He grips my shoulders as I lift my chin to look directly into his chocolate eyes.
“You may not remember me fully, but every detail I have of you is ingrained in my brain so thoroughly I could never ever forget you. Those scars you wear? Wear them with pride, baby, they are signs you’re alive. Signs you’re a survivor, a warrior, and most of all?”
He brings his forehead to mine and I can feel the tears coating my lashes as he delivers his final words. “They’re signs I haven’t lost you.”
A lone tear falls down his cheek. I reach up with my thumb to brush it away as I sniffle through my own tears, letting them flow.
Our breathing becomes ragged as I reach up and tentatively touch my lips to his.
Unlike last night, we take it slow, but I’m sure of what I want as my tongue glides against his.
When I pull back, I look at him bashfully, cheeks flushed and eyes glassy. “I, uhm, don’t have any, err, experience with this sort of thing,” I explain to him.
“I know. We go at your pace, Lottie, there’s no rush. I’ve waited this long, I can wait longer. I’d wait forever for you if you wanted me to,” he says as we kiss again.
My stomach starts to bubble and a wave of nausea comes over me. “Can we go back to bed now? I don’t feel so great.”
Hand in hand, we walk back to my room slowly—me with a slight limp as my crutches lay forgotten—and snuggle up close in the darkness.
I rest my head on his chest and can feel the steady rhythm of his heart as his hand runs up and down my back—instantly, I feel better.
I can’t get the thought out of my head that he has a tattoo of me.
I need to know more. Looking up at him, I stroke my hand up and down his arm as I say, “So the girl in this tattoo is me? When did you get it?” I swirl my fingers over my face on the tattoo.
“I got it after we graduated when I was twenty-two, it’s from a photo.” He grabs his phone and finds the photo.
I gasp when I see the image. “How did you get this?”
Jake - Age 22
It’s the first game of my rookie season as a Seal and I am pumped.
I may be warming the bench, but hey, a guy can still be excited, right?
It’s a tough first game at home and late into the third period.
We’re level 2–2 when, all of a sudden, I’m told to get out on the ice.
Hoping to make an impact, I speed out, grabbing the puck from Codey and making my way down to the other end of the rink, avoiding getting checked into the boards as I go.
The away team are all over me, but they’re just not as fast as these fresh legs.
I take my shot and watch it sail straight past the goalie.
It’s in. I scored in the final minutes of the game and got us the win.
This is a high like I have never felt before and, if this is my life, I don’t ever want it to end.
My celebration song comes on—“Heads Will Roll” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs—and I do the worm, just as I promised my dad I would.
Lottie’s been texting me updates of the move to her beach house, sending me snaps of the beach, the house, Bella, and everything in between.
When I got home from the game, I was full of restless energy and had this urge to make sure she was ok—the protector in me just needed to check the area was secure.
I’d visited it plenty with her, but this was her first night alone in her new home.
It’s about an hour's drive from my place, and it’s nearly 3 a.m. before I make it to the stretch of beach where her house is.
Sitting on the sand, I watch the house bathed in darkness just as a light comes on.
What’s she doing up at this hour? I continue to watch, waiting for any more signs of movement—I swear, I’m not intentionally being a creeper or a stalker.
That’s when I see her come out onto the terrace and look directly at me.
She can’t see me in the darkness, but I can see her, and the sight takes my breath away.
I pull out my phone, take a quick photo, and set it as my wallpaper straight away.
It’s in that moment I realize I’m in love with my best friend, and probably have been all this time.