40. Chapter 40
Charlotte
Lying in bed after that mind bending orgasm, I turn to look at Jake, who is sporting the biggest grin on his face—I’m sure mine mirrors it right now.
In the back of my mind, I can’t help but think this is all moving rather fast, especially if I still only have a handful of memories. I know Jake loves me, but I feel like such a shitty person for not being able to say it back—this version of me just isn’t there yet.
We’ve been in bed just talking and taking in the moment while I catch my breath, but my thoughts are all over the place right now.
Jake hops out of bed, like he can sense I need a moment to process as he moves toward the bathroom. “I’m just going to take a quick shower.”
And because it seems I’ve lost the use of my mouth due to his lack of clothing, I give him a thumbs up.
What the fuck was that, you idiot? Smirking, like he knows the effect he’s having on me, Jake runs his tongue along his bottom lip and all I can do is follow the path it takes.
Then, just like that, he winks at me and saunters away.
While he’s in the shower, I wrestle a hairbrush through the bird’s nest on top of my head, and shove on some leggings and a sweatshirt then make my way into the kitchen to get a start on breakfast. Bella is sat looking longingly at her food bowl, so I feed my girl too.
Jake comes out of my room in those dreaded grey sweats and a white T-shirt that hugs those biceps. His hair is still wet and his scent permeates the room. I’m just glad the backwards cap hasn’t made an appearance, or we would be heading straight back to bed. What have I turned into?
I place our breakfast and coffee on the table in the living room, where another true crime documentary is lined up to play.
We’re engrossed in a show about a man who murdered his love rival when Jake tugs me closer to him.
I make sure to hug him extra tight while he combs his fingers through my hair, knowing my distraction this morning will only last him a short while.
Breaking our silence, he says “I‘m going to stay at Mom’s tonight. I want to be there for her in the morning.”
I understand even though it saddens me that I won’t be there to comfort him. I don’t want to force my company on him.
“That will be nice for your mom,” I say, trying to muster a smile for him.
I’ve gotten used to him being here—a night away from him feels unfamiliar and I’m worried it’ll bring back my nightmares.
But I know I need to get used to being on my own again.
He’ll be on the road a lot once the season restarts, and I’m not sure he’ll want to stay here as I’m a good hour away from the facilities and arena.
We finish our documentary and watch an episode of Bake Off before Jake goes to grab a small bag of his things for tonight.
As we make it to the door and prepare to say our goodbyes, he crushes me in the largest bear hug I have ever received.
He’s so warm, and I throw my arms around his neck, pressing my face into him.
He does the same to me, and we stand there for what feels like forever, both of us refusing to let go.
He presses the most tender kiss to my lips, and I chase the feel of him as he pulls away.
“I, uhh…” he scratches the back of his neck, and I can see the sorrow and pain in his eyes.
It’s like he doesn’t want to leave, but also wants to be anywhere but here, all in one look. “Jake, I’ll be fine. Go and be with your family. They need you more than I do.” I hope that makes him a little less conflicted.
“Yeah, uh, right. I’ll be back, baby. Tomorrow night, ok?” His voice is shaky and his hands are trembling.
My heart is breaking for him. Nothing I say right now will make things any better, so I give him a small nod and a smile as he walks backward to his car, eyes never leaving mine.
After tackling my huge pile of laundry and some actual work, I decide to get an early night, but all I can think about is Jake.
I can still smell him on my skin, on my bed sheets—he’s everywhere.
I toss and turn, flailing around like a fish.
Even Bella’s pissed with me and goes to lay in her own bed.
In the end, I decide to get up, make myself a chamomile tea, and turn on my Kindle to get ahead on our book club reading.
Before I know it, it’s 7 a.m. Where did the night go?
On the plus side, I am completely caught up on my book.
My house feels empty, and the silence is deafening without Jake here.
I need to be with him today, so I pull out my phone and start typing.
Charlotte - Hey, are you up? I need a favor?
Alyssa - Hey, yeah, I’m up. What do you need?
Charlotte - I don’t want to be away from Jake today, could you pick me and Bella up and bring us to your mom’s
Alyssa - Sure thing, I’m on my way.
Charlotte - Thanks, see you soon
I grab a quick shower, washing my restless night away, and within thirty minutes, Alyssa is here. That’s quick, she lives like an hour away. She knocks at the door and helps me get Bella into the car.
The sooner I can get rid of these damn crutches, the better—they’re just getting in my way now. Then, we’re on the road and on our way to Jake.