41. Chapter 41
Jake
Waking up in my old bed at my mom’s house is always a surreal experience.
The moment I got my signing bonus, I bought a penthouse apartment like all the other guys on the team.
Truthfully, I’ve avoided this room ever since.
It’s packed with memories I’d rather keep buried, the kind that threaten to pull me under if I let them surface.
I know I’ve told Lottie countless times time is a healer and it gets easier, but today, on the ten-year anniversary of losing Dad, I’m not sure that’s strictly true anymore.
The pain in my chest feels like hundreds of tiny shards of glass are slicing me open, just as sharp and brutal as it was all those years ago.
Last night was one of the worst nights of sleep I’ve had since Lottie came out of hospital. Seems I can’t sleep without her anymore. My body is used to having her next to me, her sweet little body pressed tightly to mine, her scent filling my lungs.
I hear the front door open and close downstairs. We’re not expecting anyone else here. And then, like an angel's call, the next sound I hear is paws bounding up the stairs and Bella nudges at the door. “Hey, sweet girl, what’re you doing here?”
I stroke her ears as Lottie eventually pops her head round the door, worrying her lip, obviously unsure if she’s done the right thing or not.
“I asked Alyssa to come and get us. I know you said you wanted to be alone, but after everything you’ve done for me and what we’ve been through, I can’t let you do that.
Lean on me, Jake, as I’ve leaned on you these last few months. "
This. Girl.
This girl who lost both of her parents not even three months ago is putting aside her own grief to help me with mine.
I help Bella up onto the bed and then I pull Lottie onto my lap.
We sit there together with her stroking through my hair and, as always, it feels so damn good.
It’s like a balm soothing my heavy heart.
I’m pretty sure I purr like a cat at some point.
We stay that way for a while, stealing kisses and touches, no words needing to be spoken.
But then I smell the unmistakable scent of Mom’s cinnamon pancakes.
“Have you eaten?”
She shakes her head, and then I catch the time. It’s 8 a.m. Fuck, what time did Alyssa pick Lottie up? And why was Alyssa even up that early? It’s so unlike her. I glance at Lottie more closely and notice the dark circles forming under her eyes.
“Did you sleep ok?” I already know the answer.
“I couldn’t sleep, I was worried about you, and I’m used to us being together in bed now. So, I read my book and, before I knew it, it was morning already,” she replies around a yawn.
“Do you want to sleep now? I don’t mind if you want to catch a couple of hours?” She’s thinking it over, but then she’s sniffing the air like a bloodhound.
“Are those your mom’s pancakes I smell?” I grin at her and she’s off my lap like a shot.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!” Then she’s heading to the door, Bella hot on her heels as they make their way downstairs to enjoy my mom’s culinary delights.
As we round the kitchen, my mom’s smile brightens as she takes in Lottie and Bella. She draws Lottie into a hug, and they sigh in contentment like they both needed this as much as the other.
She’s then making a fuss of Bella, and placing some water and chicken down for her. Bella laps up the attention—she really does love my mom.
I pull out a chair for my girl and pour a glass of orange juice for her.
Alyssa is also at the table, glued to her phone.
Judging by the smile on her face, I’d say it was a dude.
I wonder who it is. I’ll let her have her secrets for now, but I’ll be doing some digging in the meantime.
I need to make sure if it is a guy, he’s good enough for my little sister.
After breakfast, we go back to my room, Lottie’s eyes are drooping, and I can tell she’s about to crash any minute. “Why don’t you take a nap, sweetheart. I’m going to go and visit my dad anyway, so it’ll be peaceful here?”
Bella doesn't need to be told twice and is already curled up on the pillow.
“Are you sure you don’t mind? I came over to make sure you were ok, not to sleep,” she says around another yawn.
“Honestly, baby, it’s fine. I’ll wake you once I’m back.” She nods and I help her under the covers, and then she’s out like a light. I lightly trace my fingers along the curve of her cheek—God, her skin is so soft. Her eyelids flutter and she lets out a contented sigh.
“I love you, Lottie,” I murmur into her hair before kissing her forehead and leaving the room.
As I make it down the gravel path of the cemetery, I’m flooded with guilt.
I haven’t been down here since before Lottie’s accident.
My time has been filled with taking care of her, but I know he’d understand.
I reach my dad’s headstone, lay some flowers, and take a seat next to him, catching him up on everything he’s missed since I last came here.
“It’s crazy, Dad, I thought me and Lottie would finally get our chance, but I didn’t think for a second it would happen this way.
But maybe this was exactly how it was supposed to be?
You always said things happen the way they’re meant to, and maybe if it wasn’t for the accident, we never would have moved on from being just friends?
” I take a breath, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face.
“I know I say this every time I talk about her, but you would have loved her, Dad. She’s so pure and has so much love to give, and I just know she’s the one, you know? Like how you knew Mom was the one the moment you met her.” I think of Mom and how well she’s doing today, like she’s at peace.
“Speaking of Mom, I know you two were soulmates and the love of each other's lives, but I think she needs to start dating and meet someone new. I obviously don't want her to forget about you, and she wouldn’t, I know she wouldn’t, but I don’t want her to be alone.
She’s so young, you know?” I can feel my eyes misting up.
“Can you give me some sort of sign you would be happy for her to move on, Dad? And maybe a sign when the one she should move on with enters her life?”
At that moment, a white feather lands directly into my lap. I grasp it in my hands. “Thanks, Dad. I love you and I won’t leave it so long next time.” I kiss my fingers, place them on his headstone, and walk away knowing I have his blessing to help my mom find love again.
Arriving back home, I walk into the living room to see Mom and Bella snuggled up on a chair together while she knits what looks like a new doggie sweater.
I look at her—I mean really look at her—and see how time has truly healed her.
She no longer carries the weight of the world on her shoulders like she did for the first few years after Dad passed.
She looks, dare I say, happy, content—a serene smile painted on her face as she knits.
It reminds me today isn’t about being sad, it’s about celebration.
Celebrating the time we had with Dad and remembering the good times we shared, instead of hurting at his loss.
He wouldn’t want us moping around; he would want us out there living our best lives, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.
I look around but can’t see Alyssa. I wonder where she’s gone?
We seem to be like ships passing in the night lately and I miss her.
I make a mental note to have some brother-sister quality time with her—it’s much needed and long overdue.
I know a lot of people don’t want to spend too much time with their siblings, but me and Lyss are different.
We’ve always been super close, but especially so after Dad died; we became each other's rock, joining forces to be a support unit to help mom through the worst of it.
Lottie isn’t anywhere to be found either, so I assume she’s still sleeping. I take this opportunity to sit with Mom and tell her about my chat with Dad.
“Hey, Mom, making Bella a new sweater?” She stops what she’s doing and looks up at me with a genuine beaming smile on her face.
“Hi, sweetheart, how are you doing? Did you talk to your dad?” she asks whilst I make myself comfortable on the couch.
“I’m actually doing better than I thought. If you had asked me yesterday, I would have said I was a mess, but sitting there next to Dad today really made me realize he wouldn’t want us to still be mourning him ten years later. He’d want us to remember the good times, you know?”
She nods understandingly. “I understand, son, and I think sometimes we feel guilty for not mourning them anymore. Does that make sense?”
It really does. “Yeah, I felt so guilty for moving on and having fun, for laughing. But in reality, that’s all he would have ever wanted for us.”
She looks at me like I finally get it. So, it’s time to bite the bullet and tell her what I asked Dad. “So…I asked Dad a question today, and I truly believe he answered me,” I start.
“Oh really? What did you ask him?”
“I asked him if he could send me some sort of sign he would be happy for you to move on and meet someone else.”
“Jake…” she huffs a sigh.
“I know you keep saying you don’t want to meet someone, but I don’t want you to be alone.
You’re still young, you know? You deserve to be happy.
” I take her hand in mine, and I hear her sniffle.
God, the last thing I wanted to do was upset her.
“I asked Dad to send me a sign to tell me you had his approval, and a white feather fell into my lap.”
I pull it out of my pocket and hand it to her. She looks it over and twirls it in her hand, mesmerized by it.
“I also asked him to send me a sign when Mr. Right arrived.” She gives me a watery smile.
“I’m not alone, I’m never alone, and I honestly don’t feel like I need to meet someone right now. I’m happy as I am,” she tells me.
“I’m happy you’re happy, Mom, that’s all I ever want for you. But promise me you will be open to love in the future?”
“I promise you, Jake, I will be open to love if it happens to come my way.” Standing up, I take her in my arms. At 6ft 4”, I tower over her, but at this moment, I feel like I’m her little boy all over again.
I make Mom a cup of tea—she’s really taken a liking to it since Lottie introduced her to it all those years ago—and leave her to her knitting.
I bound up the stairs to find my girl still asleep; she’s bundled up like a burrito, with her arm wrapped around my pillow like it’s a person.
I take a seat on the edge of the bed and gently stroke her hair out of her face, her lips twitch and then a smile breaks out.
She stretches her arms up as she looks at me with those beautiful grey eyes and rasps, “Hey, what time is it?” She still looks so sleepy, it’s fucking adorable. I almost feel guilty for waking her…almost.
“It’s just gone 12,” I say, looking at my watch.
She gasps, “Oh my god, I’ve been asleep for like three hours?”
“You must be tired; do you want me to let you sleep a bit more?” I ask, cupping her cheek.
She rests her face against my palm, nuzzles into me, and turns to kiss my palm. “No, no. I don’t want to waste the day away sleeping, and I came here to be there for you—I can’t do that if I’m asleep.”
“Honestly, Lottie, just your presence is more than I could ever need. Plus, I need to head to the gym with the guys for a bit, will you be ok here whilst I go?”
“Absolutely, I can hang with your mom, make sure she’s ok. Maybe she can teach me how to knit? I’ve always wanted her to teach me, and now seems like as good a time as any. Plus, it’s something to cross off my list.”
I love the bond she’s always had with my mom; they’re kindred spirits.
Both seek out quiet and solitude and, although Lottie may not always think it, they both know how to have fun.
I pull her in for a quick squeeze then help her get down the stairs.
Her leg is doing so much better, but she hasn’t really had to navigate stairs yet.
She manages to get up ok, but downstairs is proving more difficult without assistance.
We reach the living room, where Mom’s still sitting with Bella, knitting away.
“I’m heading to the gym for a quick workout. Do you need anything whilst I’m out?” I ask her.
I can see her doing a mental inventory. “I think we’re all good, but can you just check I have enough milk as Mrs. Teapot is here and we need to keep our girl refreshed?”
I see Lottie smile fondly at my mom. Then I reach over to give Lottie a kiss on the lips.
As I leave, I hear my mom’s gasp before she whispers, “It’s finally happening.”