Chapter 40
FORTY
FAITH
It’s Sunday and I’m getting ready for my date with Kai.
I spent yesterday sorting through all my feelings, worries, and doubts about Jude.
Lots of writing in my journal. When I take care of myself, it soothes my soul.
It was what I needed. Although there was no miracle transformation, my mind is in a place that is allowing me to filter the thoughts better than a couple days ago.
I’m making headway on the other side of this, which is better than feeling stuck.
Deciding I need to get back to my life here, I decide going on a date with Kai will be a pleasant distraction. He seems like a great guy, judging by the text messages we’ve exchanged, so if nothing else, it will be a nice date.
The doorbell rings, and I’m still getting ready.
A quick look at my phone shows I have at least twenty minutes to get ready.
Don’t tell me he is early—like really early.
My heart rate is pumping, thinking he is here.
My robe is on the door. I grab it, put it on, and make my way downstairs to answer the door.
I open it and see a man. It must be Kai.
“Hi. Kai?”
He’s dressed in a polo shirt and dark gray pants. His hair is a little too short for my liking, but he seems to be fit.
He sheepishly shakes his head. “Yes, am I too early?”
“Well, I’m not ready, but give me fifteen minutes and I will be. Come in.” I motion to the living room as I open the door wider.
He steps in and strides to the couch. “I can sit right here and wait for you. Sorry I’m so early.” He lowers himself to the couch and pulls out his phone.
“I can grab you something to drink.”
As he looks up from his phone, a sparkling smile lights up his face. “No, I’m good.”
Okay, that’s my cue, I say, “I’ll be right back.”
My slippers scuff along as I head upstairs to finish getting ready.
I picked out clothes, but now seeing him, I’m switching it up.
The closet is full of clothes—so many choices.
A sweater and a pair of black leggings are the outfit I’m putting on for tonight.
I grab my tall boots to finish the look.
The hair needs some help, so I use my curler to do a quick once over.
Then I swipe on my lip gloss that has a coral tint.
There’s just enough to add some color to my tan face.
You got some color while you were away.
I do one last hair fluff as I walk down the stairs and into the living room. “Ready.”
He shuts his phone immediately and says, “Okay, let’s go.”
I detour to the closet and snag my winter coat. He comes over and helps me put it on. We leave the house, and when we get to the car, he opens the door for me. What a gentleman. The gesture makes me feel special and worth the effort. Once we are in the car, he turns on some soft music.
“How are you doing after coming back from Aruba? I enjoyed the text messages you sent. It was like I was there with you.” He glances over at me as he drives.
“Aruba is a place I’d go back to every year.
The weather is perfect. I highly recommend booking an all-inclusive resort, if you can.
The restaurants were top-notch. I could go on and on, but I’ll show you some pictures when we get to the restaurant.
” Talking about the trip instead of how I’m doing feels like the angle I need to take.
As we drive down the road, I gaze out the window, reminiscing about all the fun we had while planning Kendall’s wedding. And once more, Jude fills my thoughts. He invades my thoughts, and a sudden ache strikes my chest. I need to concentrate on the present.
Stay in the moment
“Faith? Faith?”
I notice Kai attempting to attract my attention. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was daydreaming about Aruba.”
It felt like hours in the car, but in reality, it was about thirty-five minutes. We park and get out. As we walk to the front of the restaurant, Kai lightly has his hand resting on my lower back, guiding me through the door. I’m not sure what I think about that. It isn’t revolting, so that’s a win.
Our table is ready, and we take our seats.
Kai pulls out the chair for me to sit, and I thank him.
Once he takes his seat, I look around, observing.
A lively hum of conversation takes over; almost every table is occupied.
Servers weave between tables, balancing trays of dishes, their footsteps quick and purposeful.
It’s surprisingly bustling for a Sunday night.
We browse the menus and choose the calamari appetizer along with some drinks. I opt for root beer since I’ve had my fill of frozen margaritas lately. The server brings us water, bread, and drink coasters before taking our order. The aroma of the bread has my stomach growling.
“What do you do for fun?” I ask and then take a bite of my bread.
“Well, I like to go out to eat and watch movies, but I also enjoy being home. I bought a fixer upper that I’ve been working on for a few months now. I spend most of my spare time renovating it. I’m not a bar person, and I don’t typically go out with the guys. I’m more of a homebody.”
I giggle at the fact he’s a homebody, too. My expression softens and my body relaxes. “I am, too. And you’re renovating a house by yourself.”
“I mean, I have a day job.” He winks at me. “And I hire for plumbing and electrical, but I handle most of the updating on my own. My brother will help if I get stuck, but he’s busy with his contracting business, so I try not to bother him too much.”
“That’s pretty amazing. You can work with your hands. Not everyone has that ability.”
The server sets our drinks and appetizer on the table, and we dish out some calamari onto our small plates.
In between bites, we take turns asking each other questions.
He is engaging and a good listener—exactly the type of guy I thought I wanted.
I’ve always believed that finding someone similar to me is what I wanted in my life.
Just a week ago, that would have been enough for me.
I would have settled for someone like Kai but may not have been truly happy.
It strikes me like a lightning bolt. I’m truly happy with only one person.
The guy who came into my life when I least expected it—on a resort.
It’s Jude. He makes me happy. Even my friends saw it.
The date wraps up, and I can’t get over how much Kai would be right for me. I could date him and see where it goes. That’s the old me, the last week me, the one who wanted to play it safe when it came to falling in love.
Unfortunately for Kai, I’m rethinking all of this.
We talk the entire way back to my house.
It’s easy and I feel comfortable. He asks me questions about my life—about me.
But there’s something missing. Conversations that are meaningful with someone you’re attracted to usually create sparks.
There are no sparks flying over here. He is a nice guy, and he’s definitely attentive.
He has exceptional qualities, but there’s no electricity.
My fingers aren’t prickling—my body isn’t hot.
Nothing. This just isn’t it. I don’t feel the way I do with Jude, especially after the most wonderful days of my life that were full of connection, electricity, and whole-body shivers; the fact that those days were sprinkled with mind blowing orgasms was just a bonus.
He walks me to the door, but the distance is apparent. I’m walking feet away from him, and he makes no move to kiss me. He’s such a great guy; he’s just not for me, and I need to let him know and not drag this out.
“Kai, I had a really nice time…”
“But…” he says, dragging it out. “I noticed there were times you were somewhere else.”
“Yeah, life was not this complicated when we set up this date, and now it seems to be.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me. I enjoyed our time, and I’d like to take you out again, if your life gets uncomplicated.”
What a seriously nice guy. He’s super understanding.
“I’ll definitely let you know.”
We say our goodbyes, and I shuffle up the porch stairs and step into my house. With the door closed, I lean against it and breathe a sigh of relief. Frankly, I haven’t put all the pieces together. But the one thing I know is…Jude fits with me.
Sliding down to the floor, I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs and put my head down.
This need for him in my life is all consuming to the point I get up off the floor and go straight to my bedroom closet.
I know exactly where it is. The box that hides all my mementos from when Jude and I used to date.
Dried flowers, songs he wrote, notes we passed in class; all of it sends warmth through my body.
Holding the one thing that brings it all back is the picture of us in a frame that I made.
We look happy with our arms around each other—like nothing could break us.
With zero hesitation, I pick up my phone and text my friends.
Faith:
Come over…BIG NEWS TO SHARE!