Chapter 10b CJ #2
“You can beg and differ all you want, Diesel,” Axel said impatiently.
“It’s the truth. We was all mean to her, but especially Dad.
Do you really think a woman willing to fuck up her own son to save her daughter is gonna take that?
Fools, I say! Fools! And what about CJ? Mom let Dad take us a lot even when she wanted us.
Now, she only wants us in school. We don’t even got to make a ‘C’.
A ‘D’ will do, although CJ can’t make that to stay on the team.
He has to do better. And Mom loves that school shit.
Volunteering. Fundraising. Watching C.’s games.
Reb, Mattie, and Harley joined the cheer squad for that motherfucker and he betrayed them all. ”
Shame and anger darkened CJ’s face.
“That’s not fair, Ax,” Diesel said, compelled to defend his little brother, who was suffering more than anyone imagined.
“It’s exactly fair. You’re the hardheadedest motherfucker alive and even you knew to graduate ‘cause you can’t join the fucking club if you’re not eighteen. CJ is fucking everything up for him and Mom and Dad.
Diesel scrubbed a hand over his jaw, while Uncle Christopher walked to CJ and clasped his shoulder. “You’re being so fucking harsh on our brother.”
“I’m not being harsh enough on you, Dad, or CJ.
Where are we and where are you? Mom’s trying to be happy, but I hear her crying when she don’t think nobody’s listening.
Mom gave us to Dad because she knows we want to be like him.
She didn’t give us to him so we could forget about her.
And she definitely didn’t do it so CJ could drop out of school and say a fucking Donovan could lead the club. ”
“Aunt Meggie told you that?”
“Fuck no! I spied on Rebel and Mattie talking. They are both really upset. Rory’s Mattie’s brother and she don’t want him leading the club. Imagine how Mom feels.”
“You don’t understand, Ax–”
“No, motherfucker, you don’t understand. Let me try to explain it this way. If Dad keeps saying he needs Mom to help him be the right president, why does CJ think he doesn’t need her to be the right prospect, dickface?”
They all snapped their brows together, and both Uncle Christopher and CJ straightened, some of his anger drifting away.
“Dad always says without Mom he’s nothing. Context clues tells me that means he wouldn’t be a good man, a good dad, a good husband, or a good biker. So, motherfucker, you tell me why CJ and Dad treated Mom the way they did and didn’t expect her to get fucking mad?”
“Valid argument,” Diesel said quietly, his misery returning as Axel’s words finally sank in.
“And Mom’s stopping her babies when I heard her tell Lolly that she wanted one more but since Dad–” An insane amount of derision laced that word– “said she isn’t a good Mom, she’s doing a surgery.
Those are operations and they are dangerous.
Mom’s a girl and girls cry a lot and she’s been crying a lot ‘cause she got Jo out of her in a bad way and that’s the memory she will live with ‘cause Dad screamed at her and CJ called her selfish when those two motherfuckers are selfisher than she could ever be. Always wanting stuff from Mom and never giving her anything back.”
Diesel couldn’t take much more of Axel’s riot act. He looked at Ryan, hoping he’d gotten whatever he needed to pinpoint a location.
Ryan held up three fingers that Diesel counted as minutes.
He sighed. “Axel, why the fuck are you so mad when you’re there with her and we’re here in no-man’s land?”
“You should be lost in the fucking desert,” he grouched.
“I miss my men. I want my special blanket and pillow. My slingshot. Instead, Winnie’s clinging to me and those bitch ass babies tipped that fucking bowl of flour over.
Maybe if I could lock them in the bunk room and lose the fucking key, my job would be easier.
But a man don’t have music or porn or his men.
He got to watch his mama cry and his sister mope and his cousin’s woman walk around a fucking pool like she’s a nun, covered from head to fucking toe. It wears on a motherfucker.”
Diesel pursed his lips, unpacking each of Axel’s statements. “Is Harley with you?”
“If Aunt Zoann and Lolly are here, what do you think?”
Interesting. “Where’s Bailey?”
“I don’t know, Diesel. And even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”
He glanced at Uncle Christopher, whose eyes were narrowed.
Diesel shifted. He glanced at the slips of paper but couldn’t bring himself to read another heartbroken question. He thought of one of his own. “So, uh, are you having fun with Mark JB, Lou, Kaleb, and the other boys?”
“What did I tell you? I’m the only man here. Haven’t you been listening?”
“Avidly.” He was trying to piece it all together. “And Harley is covered up around the pool?”
“I think it’s ‘cause of Nardo, but I didn’t say anything. Nardo’s a motherfucker. He’s probably beating her up. I can’t prove it, so my first bomb is still for Uncle Cash.”
Fuck, he’d worry about stopping Axel from blowing up Cash at another time. “Why do you think Nardo’s hitting Harley, Ax?”
“She’s acting strange. Just sad and ejected. Like Mattie was around Wally.”
“Dejected,” Diesel corrected.
“Whatever,” Axel huffed and continued where he left off. “Mattie didn’t want to say nothing ‘cause of Uncle Johnnie. Harley don’t think we care, but we take care of our women. I thought about calling him instead of you, but he would’ve ratted me out to Dad, when I know you won’t.”
Guilt hit Diesel and he cleared his throat, unable to meet anyone’s eyes, even if he was betraying Axel’s confidence to ease their worry.
“I also thought about calling Ryan but my men and I haven’t dispected his true motives yet to see if he’s truly trustworthy.
We’re leaning to yes. He seems so cool. We just don’t know, though.
And Harley’s a girl, so this is really delicate.
I told her when Ryan breaks her heart, she can be my woman. ”
Diesel burst out laughing. “Goddamn, Ax. And it’s dissected.”
“And I haven’t even gotten into Reb. By the way, I found a new song for her and Dad. He didn’t even think enough of Mom so she could keep her and Big Joe’s song for herself.”
“Aunt Meggie said that?”
“I’m saying that. Listen to Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross. When I get home, that will be Dad and Reb’s song. Case fucking closed.”
Uncle Christopher looked pointedly at Diesel.
“Uh, when are you coming home, Ax?” he asked on behalf of Uncle Christopher since he’d already–
“Didn’t I fucking tell you I didn’t know? That’s up to Mom. Are you going to be there when we get back or are you going back to your condom?”
Ryan snapped his attention to the phone and if CJ and Uncle Christopher hadn’t clapped their hands over Ransom and Ryder’s mouths to quiet their laughter, Diesel’s cover would’ve been blown.
“Since I don’t know when you’re returning I don’t know if I’ll be here,” he said crossly. “And what the fuck do you mean condom? You know I live in a condo. I think you mispronounce words on purpose.”
“Take that back!” Axel yelled, seemingly unconcerned about subterfuge. “I get my point across, so shut up. And I know what a condo is, but I was using the other word for it. Being a grouchy motherfucker won’t get you Mom back or me calling you anymore.”
“I’m sorry,” Diesel responded, stressed almost to the point of collapse and regretful that he’d lost his patience with Axel. “Call me anytime, Ax. And you mean condominium.”
“Condom’s in the word.”
“One refers to a place to live,” Diesel said.
“Yeah, and the other condom means a place to put your cock. They are both places to live. At least for a little while.”
Diesel smiled. “How about we find out if the two words are related when you return?”
“Okay, but I won’t have a lot of time to goof-off. As soon as I get back, I have to start on my bomb again.”
“You don’t want to fucking blow up anyone,” Diesel gritted.
“Speak for your fucking self, Diesel. I want to blow up several motherfuckers,” Axel retorted.
“We’ll talk about it when you return.”
“Unlike CJ, I don’t want or need your fucking approval.”
All at once, CJ’s anger returned.
“You sure are being hard on our brother, Axel,” Diesel said, annoyed in spite of himself. CJ didn’t deserve Axel’s derision. “That needs to fucking stop.”
“You can’t tell me how to fucking feel,” Axel huffed. “Just ‘cause I don’t fucking agree with you don’t mean I’m wrong.”
“Well, you are,” Diesel said flatly. “Get off CJ’s ass.”
“You, CJ, and Dad stick together, but none of you tell CJ that he don’t got to please nobody but himself, especially if he wants to be the president.
Dad is Outlaw ‘cause that motherfucker stands on business for his club and the members. They know not to fuck with him. He don’t even try to please everybody ‘cause that’s impossible.
CJ don’t got to explain himself. He don’t got to apologize and he especially don’t got to respect motherfuckers who don’t respect him.
You taught that to me. Teach it to him. Does he even really want to lead the fucking club or is it ‘cause everybody said he was going to be in charge? He won’t listen to me ‘cause all he ever does is correct me and tell me not to do this or that or anything. But he might listen to you.”
“I’m not telling CJ a fucking thing. I think he’ll make an excellent leader.”
“As I said you stick with them,” Axel said.
“I love CJ a lot and if you can’t tell him, then I will.
Dad always says you have to make quick decidings and stuff that sometimes won’t be liked by a lot of people.
CJ is so cool and he takes care of everybody.
A motherfucker that likes to help people won’t hurt them if they need it.
And I can count on twenty fingers the fifty motherfuckers that need blowing up, gutting, strangling, or shot. ”
“Goddamn, Ax,” Diesel said, laughing. “The number of fingers don’t match the number of dead men walking.”
“I included my toes.”