Chapter Twenty-One #2
She thought about turning around and asking CJ not to go out in the inclement weather, but the night had exhausted her, so she continued to her bedroom, appreciating the silence and the dim light from a lamp.
After turning on her bedside lamp, she sat on the edge of the bed and removed her Uggs, though she kept her clothes on.
She scooted to her pillow and laid her head down, drawing her knees to her chest. Waiting for Christopher. She knew he’d come. His stricken look at her instructions to Diesel hadn’t escaped her.
She wasn’t sure what he expected her to do.
If she didn’t catch up to where their children were in their lives and respond accordingly, she wouldn’t be the wife Christopher needed or the mother her kids required.
That probably hadn’t dawned on her husband yet.
He was still a little lost. Still Christopher , when Outlaw was so badly needed.
The door opened and closed quietly.
She didn’t lift her head and he didn’t move further into the room. Her skin prickled with awareness and need. Each breath he took sent anticipation through her. Though she couldn’t hear his heartbeat or his pulse, hers adjusted to his. She didn’t have to hear to know they were synchronized.
She licked her lips. “You need me to be your wife or your old lady or a combination. That means doing whatever must be done to protect our kids and our lives.”
“You don’t fuckin’ trust me to protect you and them anymore?”
“Of course I do, Christopher.”
“You bein’ a fuckin’ hell goddess got me fucked in the head, baby. My sweet angel make me believe I ain’t evil through and through.” He sighed. “I guess that was always a fuckin’ illusion. If I wasn’t fuckin’ evil, you wouldn’t be no Snake Lite.”
“I’d prefer Big Joe Lite.”
“Either. Both.”
“Snake tried to kill you. I refuse to claim any similarities with that moron.”
“Megan?”
“Christopher?”
“Snake my fuckin’ cousin.”
Meggie turned the words over in her head, spit them out, and revisited them. She couldn’t make sense of the statement. “I beg your pardon?”
“Cee Cee had a sister. Kimber. She was Snake’s ma, not some unknown club girl like Big Joe always claimed.”
Meggie shot into a sitting position and gaped at Christopher. He was leaning against the door, arms folded.
“Omigod! Are we related?”
He shook his head. “No.”
Meggie thought for a moment. “Daddy was your uncle.”
Christopher’s eyes widened, then he shook his head again. “They never married. ”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said softly, searching his face. “Daddy loved you and took care of you as a member of his family.”
“Sometimes, I think Big Joe loved me more than he loved Snake.” He glanced away.
“I hated Joey, and didn’t give a fuck at the time.
Now that I’m older, I understand why he disliked me so much.
I ain’t too sure how Kimber Caldwell looked, but I suspect she had black hair and green eyes like we all do. Joey was blond and blue eyed.”
“Maybe we can ask her? Where does she live?”
“Up or down. Ain’t too sure.”
“She’s dead?” Megan understood Christopher’s meaning. He referred to heaven and hell either as up and down or north and south. “How long?”
“Her death certificate lists her date of death as Joey’s birthdate. Cause is pregnancy complications. I think she died givin’ birth to your brother.”
There had been a pervasive sadness about Big Joe. Meggie always chalked it up to her mother’s treatment of him. Perhaps, he lived with regret and grief for a bunch of reasons.
The anger she felt toward her father for turning into such a monster at the end of his life and for what he’d forced Christopher to do had long ago faded into sorrow for so many lives ruined. Hearing about Joey’s mother added another layer of despair to the tragedy of her father.
It added another depth to her anguish at her sons’ entering club life now when she thought she had more time.
Club life had led to her father’s demise.
Her mother’s. Patricia’s. Snake’s— Joey .
Cee Cee’s. Her second son, Patrick. Kendall’s and Johnnie’s Baby Biker. K-P’s. It had almost ruined Zoann.
What would become of her boys?
What would become of Christopher ?
Her life revolved around him. He was her life. She didn’t care what anyone thought about that sentiment because she hadn’t been put on this earth to please others. He was her everything. Her all. The sun rose and set in her husband.
“Do you still love me, Christopher?” she asked quietly.
He finally moved away from the door and rushed to the bed. He climbed in and pulled her into his arms. “What the fuck kind of question is that, Megan?”
“I’m not your sweet angel anymore.”
“I ain’t gonna lie and say I ain’t hopin’ that side of you come back.”
“We adapt and adjust or we die.”
He tipped her chin up and rested his forehead against hers. “I guess we both insecure assfucks cuz I wonder the same fuckin’ thing. Do you still love me?”
She giggled. “I guess we are insecure. And, yes, I adore you.”
“I love you more than I love my life, baby. But you already know that. Just like you know deep down, I ain’t ever fuckin’ no other bitch.”
She nodded, and yawned. “Let’s take a quick shower together.”
He nuzzled her neck and she shivered in pleasure. “Okay, baby.”
Hopefully, by then, CJ would’ve returned home.