Chapter Thirty
Sitting on the edge of CJ’s bed, Rebel snapped the book closed.
Sometimes to amuse themselves during playtime when they were younger, they read to each other.
Especially when they were with Aunt Kendall.
She’d sit them in a circle, play different games, act out Shakespeare, draw, and read.
When she grouped them off, Harley and CJ had always ended up together, just as Rebel and Rule had.
Those times were long past, but not the comfort of reading. Not the good memories that outweighed the bad, no matter the fuckery that cropped up lately.
“That’s it?” CJ asked.
It was late, near midnight, almost the exact time she’d heard her mother’s scream because of a perfect storm.
Her parents’ bedroom door was opened because of Uncle Digger and Rebel was in the hallway having just come upstairs from the kitchen with a warm cup of milk.
She hadn’t been able to sleep. A feeling she couldn’t describe had left her unsettled and awake.
“Reb?”
“I-I can read more.” Balancing the book on her knees, she opened it again and fumbled through the pages. She’d forgotten a bookmark and hated to ruin a book with dogears.
Ignoring CJ’s movements, Rebel found the next chapter to be read and cleared her throat. Before she could start, her brother loomed next to her and wrapped his arms around her.
Bursting into tears, she laid her head on his shoulder and hugged him back. “I was so scared I would lose you.”
“Shhh. It’s okay, Reb.”
It wasn’t. He’d survived, just like Momma and Jo had, but Rebel realized death was stalking them, determined to take someone from her.
“How could you listen to that fucking idiot?”
She was still so livid with Diesel, though she’d asked Momma his whereabouts. She had wanted to talk to him. But fuck him. He didn’t even have the decency to show his fucking face now that CJ was home.
Ignoring the book sliding off her knees and thumping to the floor, she cried harder, her emotions so jumbled she could barely make sense of them. All the relief and safety she’d felt as her mother healed was gone.
“Diesel is the last person to take advice from, CJ.”
“He didn’t force me to drink.”
Rebel swiped at her cheeks. She fucking hated to cry. Her heart still felt so broken, though. “I know I’m mean and hateful, but I love you. You’re the best big brother, the best friend, the best everything, and I would never have been the same if I lost you. ”
CJ kissed her cheek, laid his hand against her head and turned her face to him. “You’re perfect just as you are, sweetheart,” he said gruffly. “I’m lucky to have you as my little sister. Don’t let adult shit fuck with your head.”
She scowled. “You aren’t an adult.”
“I’ll be seventeen this year.” He settled his arm around her shoulder again. “Thankfully,” he added on a mumble.
“You said I should think about a civilian job,” she said frantically. “Maybe, you should, too. Before something really bad happens to you.”
“I’ve always dreamed of following Dad’s footsteps—”
“Listen to me,” she interrupted, desperate to get through to her brother. “This wasn’t ordinary club stuff. This was something darker. I swear! What Dweller girl would hurt Outlaw’s son, no matter how they felt about Momma?”
CJ cocked his head to the side and studied her face. His eyes flared in surprise as the truth dawned on him. “Bash?”
“Who else?” Rebel didn’t know how she knew, but nothing else made sense. “Yeah, Nyx and her coven of bitches don’t like Momma and me, but this was a step too far.”
CJ scrubbed a hand over his face. “Have you told Dad what you think?”
“I told Diesel.” In front of Uncle Mort, Uncle Digger, and a lot of club members.
She hadn’t seen much of her father in the past hours. Earlier tonight, escorted by a line of bikes, including Daddy’s, Momma drove CJ home in her Lexus with Rebel and Mattie in the second row. The boys rode bitch on various bikes.
“Now who’s trusting Diesel?” CJ said with irritation.
Rebel’s shoulders sagged .
“Stay away from him.”
“But—”
“You love him,” CJ finished for her without censure.
“I still dream of marrying him.”
“What about Kaia?”
“What about him? I haven’t heard much from him recently.” In days actually.
Another scowl marred her brother’s face. “Fucking asshole,” he said under his breath.
“I guess I wasn’t interesting enough for him,” she said with a shrug. The first day or two after he ghosted her hurt her feelings, but then she moved past thoughts of him.
CJ slid back and stretched out on his bed. “I’ll talk to him.”
“Don’t!” The idea that he’d force a guy to call her humiliated her as much as the thought that he’d arranged their meeting. “You can’t make a guy like me.”
“If he doesn’t like you, I won’t force the issue,” CJ promised. “But, maybe, he’s working or busy with something else. If that’s the case, I’ll let you know so you can stop stressing.”
Suspicion rose in her. “This is all so fucking convenient. Are you sure you didn’t set me up?”
CJ smiled. “Wouldn’t it have been easier just to introduce you to him instead of going through some elaborate scheme? He met you at Turn Creek when you were cutting. I’m not a mind reader, Reb.”
“True.”
“Back to Diesel.”
“I’m never talking to that motherfucker again, so save your breath. He almost got you killed.”
“Real love dies hard,” he said quietly.
An image of Harley rose in Rebel’s head, and she stiffened.
Bishop had a younger sister who’d just had a baby at fifteen , a seventeen- year-old sister, who’d graduate in May as her high school Valedictorian, and a twenty-year-old sister in the top ten percent of her class at university.
She was studying to be a veterinarian. She didn’t know their names.
Nor did she know Bishop’s real name. Not that it mattered.
CJ needed to meet one of those girls stat .
“What are you thinking about, Rebel?” CJ asked, knowing her so well.
Giggling at his resigned tone, she relaxed and shrugged. “Harley isn’t worth your misery, allegiance, or friendship. She’s fucking miserable and she wants to drag everyone down to hell with her.”
Folding his arm behind his head, CJ stared at the ceiling. “I know. In times like this, I miss her.”
Rebel glowered at the wall. Harley needed another punch for hurting CJ so deeply. “She slept with Ryan .”
“I know,” CJ said again. This time, a sigh accompanied the words. “It doesn’t matter. I’m done with her. Done. D-o-n-e.”
“At least we know you paid attention to spelling and Momma and Daddy aren’t wasting their money.”
Snickering and shooting to a sitting position, CJ nudged her shoulder. She laughed. He winked at her and laid down again.
“I know you think what I feel for Diesel is puppy love,” she said, switching tactics to make a point.
Amusement lit CJ’s eyes. “Touché,” he conceded, using a favorite expression of Uncle Mort’s. “But I didn’t say that. If you and Diesel are meant to be for a year, ten, or a lifetime, no one knows. What I do know is you’re underage and he’s a motherfucker—”
“He is. He’s responsible—”
“Not because of me, Rebel. He’s a sex-addicted lunatic and if you want him, he needs to straighten up his fucking act.”
“And divorce. ”
“Fuck Tabitha. I don’t like her. I’ve never liked her. We’ll deal with her when the time comes. But I’m not riding for you and Diesel to be together once you’re legal if that motherfucker don’t straighten his shit up.”
Cocking her head, she narrowed her eyes and looked at her brother. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“A lot,” he said flatly. “Nothing that you need to know.”
“Because I’m a girl, right?”
“Nope, because I don’t want to ruin your perception of him.”
“It’s already ruined. Besides you said he’s a sex addict and a lunatic. Instead of explaining, you leave me hanging.”
“He’s a cokehead and he sleeps with the fucking enemy.”
Tears rushed to her eyes again. “Torie?”
“Does it matter? Any girl who doesn’t like you or Mom should be off limits to him. Fuck, any girl except the one he married.”
“He said he didn’t sleep with Torie. The bitch I hate more than anyone else.
More than Diana, Nyx, or Gail combined. She humiliated me, got Daddy’s attention, and almost broke Momma when she was at her most vulnerable.
I want to spit on her fucking body pieces.
If I ever find out Diesel slept with her, I will never fucking forgive him.
I’d prefer to watch him fuck every woman he meets than to imagine him with Torie. ”
CJ sighed. “Rebel, fuck, if you want that motherfucker when you’re twenty-one, you’re going to have to take him warts and all.”
“Twenty-one? I’m legal at eighteen.”
“That’s forty months away. Not enough time to unfuck him. Besides, you need to experience life. You’re so fucking sheltered. ”
“You said you would ride with us and convince Momma and Daddy that any relationship I had with Diesel was good.” At least that’s what she thought CJ meant. “Do you like the idea of us together or not?”
“I hate the fucking idea, sweetheart. He’s almost fifteen years older than you—”
“Daddy—”
CJ raised his hand to silence her. “Dad wasn’t a drug addict and he wanted to change.
Whatever else our grandfather was, he made Dad the man he is.
Diesel is the star attraction at the biggest goddamn pity party ever .
He’s ruining himself because of what his parents did.
I can’t relate. I know that, so I don’t understand why he can’t overcome their betrayal, especially his mother’s.
Maybe, it’s callous to expect him to brush that pain aside and look at his life differently. What is instead of what could’ve been.”
“What are you saying?” she whispered, though she knew.
Diesel might have been scarred, but he made no effort to be a better person.
“You know.” Accusation tinged CJ’s words. “You aren’t stupid.”
Her shoulders slumped. “If I don’t have your support, all hope is lost. Diesel would die.”