Chapter Thirty #2
“Diesel should die for fucking with you and putting you in Rule’s crosshairs.
I love Diesel. Once, I admired his prowess on the football field and his determination to obtain his law degree, but he started to change when he went away to school.
Since his marriage to Tabitha, the motherfucker has gone completely off his goddamn rocker. ”
But watching her sleep afforded him peace. If she could calm him, help him, in any way, she would. And she wouldn’t wait six years and four months. She’d do her best to hold off for three years and four months . No promises, though .
“You can’t sacrifice yourself for that motherfucker,” CJ growled, reading her expression. “Diesel has to want to fucking change. Currently, he doesn’t. You’re staying away from him.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“I can’t but Dad can,” CJ snapped. “Diesel’s our brother. What the fuck is wrong with you? Sweet Home Alabamaing around this motherfucker.”
Rebel broke out into peals of laughter. “That song is not just about kissing cousins, jackass. Among other things, it’s a political commentary about a man who needs the simplicity and refuge of his beautiful state.”
“I’m not interested in debating the interpretation of it. It’s one of Uncle Johnnie’s favorite songs. He loves country music. It was the first one that came to mind to make my point.”
“You’re reaching if you’re using Uncle Johnnie to make a point.”
“You know exactly what I’m saying. You can’t sit there and tell me to get over the Wicked Witch of the Pacific Northwest and she isn’t related to us, when you’re fucking scheming to get with Diesel before he’s Rebel-worthy and before you have a chance to really know if that’s who you want.
You haven’t even kissed a motherfucker.”
“Whose fucking fault is that? You scared all the boys away.” She thought about Kaia. “On second thought, leave Kaia where the fuck he’s at. He won’t kiss me either. Diesel’s willing to.”
“Yeah, because he wants to fucking die,” CJ said viciously.
“He doesn’t want to do it now, dummy!” she yelled. “When I’m sixteen. On my birthday, which is after Prom, when I’ve heard that’s a maidenhead farm.”
“Jesus fucking Christ! Rebel, listen to me. Diesel is a fucking out of control locomotive. You want to crash and burn in that trainwreck where there will be no prisoners and no survivors, you’re doing it on your fucking own.
Otherwise, you’re waiting until you’re twenty-one and have some life experience.
You’re waiting until that motherfucker straightens up.
You’re waiting until your fucking brain’s a little more developed. ”
“That doesn’t truly happen until twenty-five,” she chirped.
CJ glared at her.
“I’m just countering your point,” she said sweetly.
“Rebel, ask yourself if you want to piss your emotions away on a man who fucks everything he sees; on a man who has more than one addiction; on a man who is well-versed in torture; on a man who fucking dislikes women; on an insecure jackass who doesn’t realize how much we love him; on a man who won’t give you love because he can’t fucking accept it because of those two motherfuckers who brought him into the world—”
“He has some good qualities,” she said defensively.
“As my brother. As the brother to our brothers. As a nephew, club member, and cousin. As Dad’s son. But he’s a big fat fucking failure as your brother and as a husband and Mom’s son. See where the fuck this is going?”
“Yes!” she yelled. “He’s a paragon with men but a douchebag with women.”
“You’re finally clued the fuck in. It only took me thirty minutes to get it through your fucking head.”
“Now, you’re exaggerating,” she said crossly. “This is a fucking dog whistle to remove the fact you went to that club to drink with Diesel and ended up OD’ing. How could you? How could you do that to yourself and to us? ”
“I went to the club to talk to Diesel about you . I also went because the night wore me the fuck out. I felt so fucking alone.”
Because of Harley. Rebel hated that heifer.
“I don’t know why I drank the lean.”
The pain and regret in his voice tortured her and stole all her anger. “Were you scared?” she whispered.
“In the few moments of awareness before I collapsed? I was fucking terrified.”
She thought about curling next to CJ as she sometimes did when they were younger.
Once again, it was mainly him and Harley and her and Rule.
Yet, despite how much time CJ spent with Harley, he always had time for Rebel, Mattie, Rory, and their brothers.
He always gave of himself and showed how much he loved his family.
CJ helped teach Rebel to fight. He taught her how to shoot marbles, throw darts, and play pool.
That wasn’t to say Daddy didn’t do those things at times, but her father, in spite of all the boys, was an amazing dad to her.
Maybe, it was time she truly forgave him.
Her parents had been through hell and back.
They didn’t need to add Rebel’s snipes and resentment toward a man who’d cherished his family for her entire life.
“I love you, CJ.”
“I love you, too, Reb,” he said groggily.
Smiling, she curled next to her brother, her back to him and sang the lullabies their parents used to croon them to sleep with.
Finally, she heard a little snore escape CJ. Getting to her feet, she turned and kissed his cheek.
“Sweet dreams, brother,” she said quietly, and left his room, grateful he was alive.
Closing the door behind her, Rebel glanced at the end of the hallway toward her parents’ bedroom. She thought about knocking on their door, then decided against disturbing them. They were doing husband and wife things, and she didn’t want to intrude.
Lonely, she headed to the staircase. As she stepped on the second floor landing and turned toward the hallway, heavy footsteps pounded up.
Since CJ was asleep and Daddy had retired for the night, she knew it was Diesel even before she saw him, resembling something from a horror show and holding the neck of a tequila bottle loosely in his grip.
He halted midway up.
Rebel couldn’t move or speak. Blood drenched his clothes and spattered his hands, neck, chin and jaw, dusted with five o-clock shadow. Pushed up sleeves revealed his scratched arms, mirroring the ones on his cheeks. Red rimmed eyes met hers; he swayed.
He cleared another step. She stumbled back.
Raising his hands, he halted, a pained expression on his face. She froze because he did. He drank deeply from the half-empty fifth, then wiped his mouth and held the bottle out to her.
“A-are you h-hurt?”
He raised up his bandaged right hand. She hadn’t noticed it.
“Other than a small matter of impalement?” he slurred. “I’m fine.” He tipped the bottle back and forth. “Take a drink.”
Wary, she didn’t move. “Why are you all bloody?”
“On average, the human body contains about five liters of blood.”
“Wh-what?” she squeaked.
Using the fifth, he indicated himself. “When you spill as much of it as possible, this is the result.”
“Y-you killed somebody?”
He gave her a half smile. “ Make that two somebodies.”
“Do I know them?”
“Quite well. Joplin and Gail.”
“They’re women.”
“They’re cunts. Dead cunts, but cunts all the same. As to you alluding to the club’s rule, they tried to kill CJ. Rules don’t apply in that case. Besides, Aunt Meggie wanted them dead.”
“Momma wasn’t serious. She’s not hardcore.”
Diesel shrugged. “You don’t hate me anymore?”
“I don’t like you very much.”
“Fair enough,” he mumbled, hanging his head.
“How could you, Diesel?”
“Reb—” He drew in a deep breath, finished the alcohol and swayed again. If he hadn’t grabbed the banister, he would’ve tumbled down. “Can I talk to you in private?”
“You have to shower first. You’re all scratched and bloody. They must’ve fought for their lives quite fiercely.”
Glancing away, he flushed. “Something like that.”
A door opened. She glanced over her shoulder, finding none of her brothers. CJ was asleep, so it was either her father or her mother, neither of whom would appreciate seeing her with Diesel.
Placing a finger over her lips, she waved him forward, cringing at his heavy tread.
But she knew all the hidden tricks of the sneaking trade.
Sometimes when she should’ve been in her room, she was in the garage or the natatorium or any number of places she shouldn’t have been.
Unlike the third floor where one side of the hallway was walls and windows and the other side bedrooms, the second floor had doors on both sides.
The footsteps were drawing closer, so she made a quick decision to drag Diesel to his room. She’d just managed to slip under his bed when her father’s voice reached her.
“Fuck, what the fuck you did to those two cunts?”
“Gail, got off easy.” Diesel sounded like the drunken motherfucker he was. “This is mainly Joplin’s blood.”
“Did you exsanguinate that bitch?”
Exwhatguinate ?
“Little by little,” Diesel said, and began to laugh.
Daddy grunted.
Rebel gritted her teeth. Her father wasn’t leaving.
“You alone in here, boy?”
“As far as I know,” Diesel replied.
“I fuckin’ swear I feel another motherfucker in here with me.”
“Maybe, the ghosts of Joplin and Gail followed me home.”
“Don’t say that shit in front of Megan and Reb,” Daddy snapped.
“According to you, I can’t say nothing to Rebel.”
Excuse me ?
“You can say brotherly things to her. Whatever the fuck else you been fuckin’ sayin’ will get your tongue replaced with your fuckin’ cock. If you wanna fuck around and take that goddamn chance, be my fuckin’ guest, Diesel.”
“Will that hold true when she’s eighteen?”
Daddy walked closer to the bed. Rebel just managed to make out the outline of his toes.
“Ain’t repeatin’ myself. We already had this fuckin’ conversation, but brother part aside, you’re you .”
“Your son and her brother?”