14. Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Rhidian
T his wasn’t the Alyssandra I remembered. The one who had fire in her eyes even though she wasn’t supposed to.
When Fizzle had told me the truth about Alyssa, I hadn’t wanted to believe it. It wasn’t meant to end that way for her. She was supposed to live a long life in a court filled with love and laughter, grandchildren running around her feet as she watched on proudly. Sacrificing her to stop Arik shouldn’t be the plan, and yet it was the only plan we had… for now.
I listened at the door as the others told her their truth. There was nothing in this place but death. It had flooded the hallways before we’d arrived and never left. Of course, Nymeria was trying to tear it down. The Spring Palace should fall and finally become the grave to the poor souls who had perished here. Only then could they finally rest.
We’d come here with hope. Actually, no, it had been nothing but naivety. I’d thought I was the smartest fae in all of Nymeria to consider this place to hide the broken and lost. Not my proudest moment. Every life that we’d lost here was on me.
And now I was gearing up to add one of my only friends to that list.
I heard their screams day and night. A constant torture echoing around my mind of those we’d lost, those we’d never even had a chance to save. I’d do nearly anything to make it stop. I just had to hope she could forgive me because the only way to save the rest of them was by working together.
She stopped in the doorway as soon as she saw me. Surprisingly, she didn’t look as pissed as I’d thought she would. There wasn’t an ounce of hatred in her eyes, like I deserved. If anything, Alyssa looked broken, and I realised it was even worse than if she’d despised me. After all, I was the one who had marched her here and made her take the first step on a path that led to her death. And now she knew what I’d done too.
“I thought you’d slink back into the shadows and just keep following me,” she finally said as she stepped past where I was leaning against the wall and headed deeper into the palace.
“It’s time we talked. I owe you an explanation.”
She hummed in agreement, but said nothing else. Alyssa had always been like this. Happy to watch and wait. I’d always thought it was because she was calculating her next move, then I’d realised it was more about self-preservation. She learned the moves of those around her, and only then did she feel like she was safe.
I’d learned a lot from Alyssa when she’d come to the Summer Palace with her parents, and it was those lessons that had kept me alive this long. I’d have been murdered in my bed long before now if it hadn’t been for her.
She turned towards the lower living quarters that had once been used for visiting dignitaries, and I immediately knew what she was looking for.
“They’re not down there,” I told her and she finally stopped in her tracks, turning to glare at me. “They moved into the palace workers’ quarters and the barracks.”
Alyssa’s eyes widened in surprise and then they filled with that fire I remembered from all those years ago. “There is more than enough room…”
“Hey.” I held up my hands in surrender, already seeing where this was going. “I didn’t pick their rooms, they chose for themselves. The people here are from the villages, Alyssa. They’re not used to palaces, and they didn’t feel comfortable coming further inside. Besides, the stories about this place aren’t exactly fun, you know. They use the kitchens to prepare the meals because they’re bigger and that’s about it.”
Alyssa nodded carefully, her face wrinkling in thought before her eyes darted to the doorway next to her. Before I could say anything else, she’d made up her mind and swung open the door, holding it open as she swept an arm out to invite me inside.
Despite what I’d just said to her, I wasn’t ready for this. This conversation would cement her feelings for me, and I didn’t know if I was ready to lose her forever just yet. Because how could I ever give her an acceptable explanation for what I’d done that wouldn’t make her hate me? She never knew it, but Alyssa had saved me all those years ago. She’s shown me I had a choice. That I didn’t have to just accept what I was told had to be. I’d have died in that palace if I’d stayed, but because of her, I had the courage to leave. The courage to stand up and be exiled from everything I’d known because I knew without a doubt that there was something better out there for me. And it had been hard. But I’d found a purpose and along the way I’d saved as many people as I could.
She’d given me a reason to keep living and now I was returning the favour by condemning her to death.
With a sigh of resignation, I walked through the open doorway, heading over to the two armchairs sitting in front of the empty stone fireplace. The dust was thick in here and it billowed out of the fabric as I dropped into the seat.
I winced as Alyssa looked doubtfully at the other seat. Not that I could blame her. I’d brought this on myself.
“We’re just talking,” I said quietly, the hurt radiating in my voice even though I knew I wasn’t entitled to it.
Alyssa finally sat, staring into the empty fireplace, and for a moment, I wondered what she saw there. What memories she had in this room and if they were hurting her.
And I felt like a complete dick. She’d been through so much and I was piling more on top of her. There was only so much a person could take, and I was hoping like hell that she was stronger than the rest of us. Because we couldn’t do this without her. We couldn’t save the innocents of our realm who deserved far more than we’d given them so far.
“ You… I thought I could trust you, Rhidian. That’s the one thing I can’t get out of my head. I never thought you’d be the one…”
“Neither did I,” I cut in. “If there was any other way, I’d have taken it. For a long time, it was all I could think about. And I searched. Fuck, I looked everywhere for even the smallest piece of hope, to save you from…” I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. Couldn’t make myself admit to just how much I’d failed her. “I’ve watched them die for so many years, Alyssa. After a while, it chipped away at the very centre of me and the denial, the hope, it just wasn’t enough anymore.”
When I could bring myself to look at her, to face the hate that I so rightfully deserved, I didn’t find it in her expression.
She looked like she understood.
And I hated that more than I would have thought possible. It was so much worse. Because she accepted that this was the most I was capable of. That I’d searched and failed and it was all she could expect from me when I wanted to be so much more. It wasn’t a look I’d ever wanted to see in her eyes. Not when she was looking at me.
“So… what’s next?” She didn’t even sound sad about it. Alyssa wasn’t resigned to her fate. She saw her path, and she was preparing to take the next step.
This was the woman I’d known all those years ago.
“We have a force here, but it’s small. We need to strike where we can not only be the most effective, but also where we can gather more to our cause… the Autumn Court.”
Alyssa rolled her eyes, and I resisted the urge to laugh. This was usually where the talk turned to how we were going to fight. What we needed to do to take down the one man who plagued the realm. It wasn’t where someone looked at me like I was a na?ve young faeling, even if that was how I felt most of the time.
“You have a group of frightened villagers, Rhidian. We’d need soldiers to do something like that. At best, you have rebels. You can’t think battles, you have to think smaller. For now, at least.”
She… had a point.
“How have you just walked back into this world and cut straight through what we’ve been agonising over for months? Wasn’t the human realm supposed to have made you soft?”
She laughed quietly, turning back to the empty fireplace, which made my fingers itch with the need to build a fire there. To give her this one small thing she needed right now.
“I’ve had decades of solitude to think about all the ways to kill him, Rhidian. After the first few, it started to get real specific.”
We’d all been dreaming about the death of Arik, but she had a point. She wanted it so much more. Alyssa had been close enough to drive a blade through his heart before all of this had even begun. It wouldn’t have even been questioned if it had happened in the Summer Court. That sort of thing happened all the time in the palace forged by flames. And it would have saved the world so much pain. I could see why she’d obsessed over every tiny detail for years. Out of everyone in Nymeria, Alyssa knew Arik up close and personal. She’d spent time with him. Probably spoken with him. And with how she’d been back then, she would have watched his every move and catalogued it away.
Knowing Alyssa like I did, she probably hated herself for that. Because all that watching and learning, he'd still had the opportunity to do what he did to her people before turning his gaze to the rest of Nymeria. She’d no doubt spent all these decades blaming herself and there’d be no convincing her otherwise.
“Small and targeted will take too long,” I pointed out, hating that I was the one showing her the flaw in her plan, especially when it was about this. “We only have so long to fulfil the prophecy, Alyssa. We can’t afford to lose the only chance we have of putting him down for good.”
“Hmmmm, the prophecy.” I could tell she had more to say about it, but I couldn’t bear to hear it.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “If there had been another way. If there had been a chance that I could… They’re all dying, Alyssa. I can’t even figure out what the purpose is. What he stands to gain from all this death. I can’t… I can’t take it anymore. ”
And there it was. The selfish truth behind the whole thing.
At first, I thought she was ignoring me. She barely moved as she stared straight ahead. Then I saw the single tear that slid down her cheek and my hands gripped the arms of the chairs as I stopped myself from reaching out for her.
“All these years, I’ve hated myself for running. Deep down, I knew he wouldn’t stop at just the Spring Court. I convinced myself that it was for the best, when really I left my people to die here in my place. I should have stayed and fought. Come back sooner. Fuck, I should have… done something, anything .”
“It’s not your fault.” I wanted to reason with her, but I knew there would be no getting through to her. Yet, there was one fact she was completely overlooking. “All of your people died in the first attack, Alyssa. Your responsibility stopped there. You had no one left to fight for. If the other courts knew, if they even suspected, it’s on them, not you. If anyone here holds any of the blame, it’s me. I left the Summer Palace looking for my place in the world, but if I’d stayed, I could have stopped it. I could have warned your parents about what was coming.”
Her head snapped in my direction and I realised she hadn’t even considered this. In all those years she’d beaten herself up for her failings, she’d never considered what everyone else should have done. Then she sagged in her seat like the fight finally leached out of her.
“The past doesn’t matter anymore,” she told me softly. “There was so much we all could have done differently, but we have no way of knowing if it would have made any difference. The only thing we can do now is look at what comes next.”
She frowned as she looked at me, her eyes darting back and forth as she stared into my eyes. “I need to ask you for something.” When she paused, I was actually stupid enough to have some hope that she might actually want the same things I did. “If I accept my place in all this. If I go along with whatever plan it is that you and Fizzle are still keeping from me, I want your word that you’ll do whatever you can to save them. The guys came here to save their brother. I couldn’t give that to them, even if I refuse to give up trying. They don’t deserve to die in this world. I’ll do what you want. I’ll fight whatever battle you need me in, but we need to save them, to separate them from whatever is coming for me.”
“Tank is your king, Alyssa.”
“I know that,” she snapped. “But there has to be a way to change that.”
“You’re mates, and the bond must have already started forming. It comes with a cost and you knew that. This is it.”
She turned away from me, not wanting to accept the truth and as much as I didn’t want to be the one to tell her, there was also a part of me that wanted to reach and shake her for what she’d done. There was a reason why fae didn’t share bonds like other species. Trying your soul to another was dangerous, yet she’d done it… for him. Perhaps it was the jealousy that had sparked to life inside of me when I’d first realised the truth that was making me feel this way.
“I can’t condemn another person to suffer whatever it is I have to face. Especially not him.”
The sadness in her voice tore at me, and this time, I did move. Dropping to my knees at her feet, I reached out for her hands, cradling them in my own.
“Nymeria is nothing but a land of death now. It stalks us throughout every second of the day. It won’t end easily and we won’t be able to save everyone, but I swear to you that if I can prevent it, I will do what I can.”
Her fingers traced around my wrists and my heart set off at speed. One simple touch and I was ready to give her everything if she’d just give me any sign that she’d be mine.
But then she pushed up the sleeve of my shirt, and I knew that she’d seen what I’d tried to keep hidden.
“Rhidian,” she gasped.
My gaze dropped, and I took in the looping marking of flame and smoke from the design that traced across my forearm. It nearly reached my elbow, even though it was currently unfinished. The mark wouldn’t be complete until I took the final step.
A wry smile touched my lips as she realised what this meant for me.
“I had my anchor ceremony years before they kicked me out. The mark expanded a few months ago. I knew what it meant, but we received word a few days later that my father and brother had fallen in battle. There’s only my mother left holding the throne now and she isn’t part of the royal line.”
“But if she’s not the queen…”
“It’s not just your prophecy, Alyssa. It’s mine as well, I suppose.”
The sadness in her eyes actually made me happy. How twisted was that? At least it meant she felt something. She’d notice if I wasn’t in this world anymore. Perhaps that would be enough. She’d mourn me even if she could never love me.
“We’ll find a way,” she whispered, but I could already hear the resignation in her voice. She knew these were just the words we wrapped around ourselves, hoping our denial could shield us from accepting the inevitable. “Is it terrible that this makes me feel better?”
I laughed then. I couldn’t help it.
“Yeah, a little.” The grin that touched her lips made it all seem worthwhile.
“And you’re still not going to tell me the whole prophecy?”
It wasn’t what I’d expected her to say and, in my confusion, I moved back to my seat and then hated myself for losing the opportunity to touch her.
“You know as much as I know.”
She didn’t believe me. I knew she didn’t. Unfortunately, it was actually the truth.
“Very well. But I will find out the truth, Rhidian. And when I do, I might just consider saving you as well as everyone else.”
Alyssa smiled as she stood, before she turned and left the room without another word. It hurt that she didn’t even look back. That I wasn’t part of the group that she would always seek out when she needed comfort or understanding. I’d stood on the outside for my entire life and it had never gotten any easier. Yet, now it felt so much worse.
But she wanted to save me.
Maybe that could be enough.