35. Chapter 35
Chapter 35
Alyssa
A part of me wanted to pull off my shoes and dig my toes into the soft white sand of the shore as I stared out at the rising sun just peeking above the horizon. Five ships were anchored out in the cove, their sails rolled tight as they waited for our forces to start the tedious process of rowing out to board them.
It had taken nearly a full twenty-four hours for us to pack up the supplies we needed and then walk in convoy through the trees. We walked through the day and straight through the night, hardly taking any time to rest throughout. The people who had been sheltering at the Spring Court were too terrified of lingering amongst the trees, despite my reassurances that they wouldn’t be harmed.
It was understandable. They’d experienced the danger first hand when the forest had turned against them, and the whispers were already spreading about how the trees had taken down an army of Endless, the most feared monsters in all of Nymeria right now.
It didn’t matter that they hadn’t been killed. It didn’t even seem to matter that I’d been the one in control or that those Endless were now free and walking amongst us. No, they stared out at the unmoving sentinels of the forest in fear, and I couldn’t exactly blame them for it.
Our forces had more than doubled overnight. None of the Endless had stayed behind. They didn’t even hesitate to join our ranks. Most of them had some kind of awareness of what had happened when they’d been taken over by whatever magic Arik had wielded against them. They remembered nothing of the process, but nearly everything of what they’d been made to do. It was the cold dead look in their eyes that was worrying me, though. Alard barely seemed like he was functioning. The only thing that got any kind of reaction out of him was when the fight was mentioned, and then his thirst for revenge kicked in.
I’d spent enough time in the human realm to worry about the trauma they’d been through. These people didn’t need to be walking into another fight, they needed time to deal with what they’d been through. Unfortunately, time was one thing we didn’t have. We weren’t in control of the schedule here. We were dancing to the tune of a madman and it was going to take everything we had to try to stay one step ahead of him.
All I could hope for was that taking matters into their own hands would be enough to sustain them for now. That this opportunity to fight back against the man who had taken everything from them would give them some kind of peace. At least until we reached the other side. Rebuilding would be just as hard as the battle, and I didn’t have the energy to worry about it right now. Not when all our attention needed to be on surviving.
“We have Damon secured in the hold of our flagship. He went fairly easily,” Rhidian told me. “He seems to be regaining some of his control. Fizzle is going to help him work with it while we sail.”
I took a deep breath of the salty air and nodded. A wave of melancholy swept over me as I realised this was probably the last moments like this that I’d have for a while.
“How much longer do you think it will take to load the boats?” I asked, turning back to my childhood friend.
Tank’s questions from last night lingered in my mind. Rhidian had fought the fight I hadn’t been ready for. He’d stepped into what should have been my role without question and he deserved far more than the hand life had dealt him.
“Not long. The supplies are aboard and being stowed away while the rest of the people are rowed across. It helps that we barely have enough supplies to get us through the journey,” Rhidian added wryly.
“We can restock after the attack from Arik’s supplies,” I told him confidently.
Rhidian shrugged and then trekked back across the sand to where our people were climbing into the next wave of rowing boats. “We won’t have to worry about it if we don’t survive,” he called out over his shoulder.
I should have chastised him for saying something like that in front of the people who were looking to us for leadership, but they were just as aware of the situation as we were. If we didn’t win this fight, none of us were walking away from it. Rations wouldn’t matter if we were dead or enslaved.
I watched Rhidian as he organised our people. They looked up to him. Not that they didn’t look up to me. I’d already noticed the looks I got from the people, and as uncomfortable as it made me feel, they looked at me as a queen. It was something I’d not had to deal with over in the human realm, and it would take some time to get used to it again. But Rhidian? They looked at him like he was one of them. He didn’t stand over them; he stood beside them and they accepted him for that. It was something I needed to learn from him because it was the type of leader I wanted to be as well.
“Nearly ready?” Dean asked from behind me.
He’d refused to leave the beach until I did, even if it meant Damon boarded the ship without him. Of course, he did. Dean was never far from my side, even when at first he appeared to be.
“We take the last boat,” I told him. “I want to make sure no one gets left behind.”
Most people would have felt the need to placate me by saying it would never happen. But not Dean. This was what I needed, so he’d do what he could to give it to me. It was as simple as that. It was how he supported everyone he cared about.
My magic almost purred in happiness at the thought of him. I felt it quiver along the bond towards him, and the soft growl he gave in response made me smile.
It had been strange to feel so weak after yesterday. I’d burned through magic before, but not to where I felt like I’d lost my connection. The power I’d touched yesterday had been different. It was so linked to the court itself, to Nymeria, that it had lit my pathways on fire. It had felt so familiar, and yet not quite right. Almost like it was a promise of something in the future I wasn’t quite ready for yet.
Was this how every fae felt when they ascended to the throne of one of the courts? I tried to cast my mind back and remember what my parents had been like, what the magic they’d wielded had felt like. But there was nothing there but confusion. Every time I tried to remember the feeling, it morphed into something else, and I was left with nothing but questions. The more I thought about it, the more I narrowed down the differences in how their magic had felt, and the more I realised it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t even a fraction of what I’d touched. If this power had been laying out amongst the trees all this time, did that mean I could have saved our people back then? Did it mean that my parents had never used the full extent of their power when the fight was at our door? Or did they not even have access to it in the first place?
“Hey.” Dean’s fingers pinched my chin as he tilted my head until our gazes met. “Where did your mind just go?”
“Back to the fight yesterday,” I answered honestly. “And back to my parents and the last time there was a fight for this court.”
Dean said nothing. His fingers gently brushed across my jaw line as he waited.
“Why didn’t they use it to protect our people last time?” I asked him, even though I knew he couldn’t possibly ever have the answer.
“I thought the magic you used yesterday was something new.”
“Yes, it’s growing into something new. But when I bonded to the court and my magic swept out into the land, it met with something that was already out there. Why didn’t they use it to save themselves?”
“You bonded with the Court?” Dean asked in confusion, not even attempting to answer the impossible question I’d actually asked.
“Yes.” I frowned in confusion. “You were there. You saw me receive the mark as I claimed the court.”
Dean nodded, and his fingers traced along the edge of the mark on my neck. I could see the concern on his face. “I just didn’t think of it in terms of bonding, I guess,” he added.
“It doesn’t make our bond any less important than it is…”
“I would never think that,” Dean cut in. “I know who you are to me, and I don’t need a bond to remind me how important that is. It’s just… if you have a link to this court and Arik’s army moves in and claims it, what’s that going to do to you?”
“It may lessen my connection with the land, but honestly, travelling away from the court should do that, anyway. I won’t be able to tap into the court magic when I’m not here. But he can’t do anything that will hurt me. The only way to use it for himself would be to take the throne, and he’d have to kill me first to do that.”
Dean didn’t look convinced and as soon as he voiced his concerns, I regretted the way our conversation was heading. “And you never thought that he’d be able to control the creatures of Nymeria, or that he had a magic that could enslave and control the people, taking away their free-will. You thought it was impossible for a human to become fae, and yet we can all feel that there’s a power inside Damon now that shouldn’t be there.”
I hadn’t realised the guys had felt it too, but that was beside the point right now. Dean was right. Arik had shown us time and time again that he was capable of far more than we knew to be possible. Was leaving the Court vulnerable a mistake? I could stay behind and protect the throne alone, but our forces stood no chance with the plan we’d formed if I wasn’t there to do my part.
My gaze moved in the direction we’d travelled from. To where the palace sat hidden between the towering trees. And when it did, I came face-to-face with the dryad standing at the treeline, everyone around me oblivious to their presence. Even more surprising was Fizzle’s presence at their side. Or maybe it shouldn’t have been. He was working so hard to make sure we stayed on the right path, even if it meant he lost us all in the process. Of course, that would have included contacting the creature in the forest he’d apparently been expecting.
The dryad nodded at me, and I bowed my head in deference. I’d had time to think since our last meeting and I’d realised they deserved far more of my respect than I’d given them. This was a creature of Nymeria that had been here since the creation. The fae had once believed them to be gods. They deserved more than just our fear.
I didn’t know what I’d expected, but it wasn’t for the dryad to turn around and walk away. Fizzle opened his wings and flew to where the last of our people were loading into the boats.
“What was that?” Dean asked quietly.
“The dryad.”
My eyes stayed fixed on the treeline in confusion and then I glimpsed movement. Something moving in the shadows, more than one something. But as quickly as it was there, it was gone.
Something else was watching from the forest. Something that had been with Fizzle and the dryad, but stayed out of sight.
They’ll start gathering.
That was what Fizzle had said that night.
But what would this mean for us?
A wave of power swept across the land, and I felt it like a sudden tug at my chest that had me staggering forward. Dean’s hand quickly gripped my shoulders as he tugged me behind him, tensing, ready for a fight.
“What the fuck was that?” he growled between his teeth.
“The court,” I whispered, stroking one hand down his arm in what I hoped was reassurance as I stepped around him and walked up the beach.
It was only Fizzle suddenly landing in front of me that had me stopping in my tracks and not forging straight ahead into the trees like I’d intended.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“I know you felt that too, Fizzle.” I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the forest and the direction of the palace where I’d felt that power collecting.
Something was happening out there, and somehow I knew what it was.
“There’s nothing for you back there right now,” Fizzle said as Dean reached for my hand as if he was intending to be the anchor that kept me on the beach.
I glanced at him in question, and he gave me a wry smile in response. Damn protective alpha.
“What did the dryad have to say to you?” I asked, instead turning back to Fizzle.
He had the audacity to roll his eyes at me, and I knew I wouldn’t get the response I wanted. “The Court will be protected until you can return. Nymeria has reclaimed the land.”
I nodded, not needing anything else. If we started talking about this too loudly, it would freak out the few people who were still on the beach, and it wouldn’t take long for the rumours to spread. They’d only just realised that Nymeria wasn’t the enemy here and we needed it to stay that way. If Fizzle was right, and I was a child of Nymeria, whatever that meant, it would only mean they’d turn against me, too. And while I’d let them make that choice for themselves once the dust had settled, I needed to put Arik in the ground before they did.
Call me selfish, but I wanted that bastard dead, and I couldn’t fight a war on every front. I needed the cooperation of the people to achieve our mutually beneficial goal. If they didn’t want me sitting on a throne at the end of it all, I didn’t really care. I’d never strived to be a ruler in this place. A leader? That I could deal with. I’d stand at the head of an army and fight for them. But sitting on a throne and holding power over these people? Something about that had never really sat right with me.
“We should get ready to take the last boat,” I said instead, turning back down the beach.
“That’s it?” Dean asked incredulously. “You don’t want to know what he means?”
I gripped his hand harder and tugged on it so Dean stumbled into step beside me as I walked across the sand.
“I don’t need to know anything else. You were worried about Arik having an advantage by taking the court, and now he can’t. Nymeria will protect the court. The dryad will protect our land. We can’t fight them all, Dean. We have to trust they’re on our side.”
“And if they’re not?” he asked.
I thought about it for a second and we came to a stop just out of hearing distance of the last of the fighters. “Ending Arik is all that matters right now, and we need to take every advantage we can if we’re going to survive. But this land has always belonged to Nymeria, Dean. If she wants it back, then we give it back. It was never really ours to begin with.”
“And what about the people who live here?” He seemed surprised that I was willing to let it all go, but then I doubted any of us had really taken much time to think of what the future would look like.
“What people? The Spring Court was slaughtered, and I doubt the refugees that were sheltering here want it to become their permanent home. They had homes and communities before. That’s what they’re fighting for. That’s what they want to rebuild. There’s no one left to rebuild the Spring Court, but we can help them rebuild the others.”
Dean asked nothing else. He didn’t point out that I was left, that it was the home I should have wanted to rebuild. It wasn’t that I didn’t see a future for myself. I wasn’t about to throw myself into this fight and willingly meet my end just because someone made up some prophecy on the day I was born. But what was the point of a court without people to fill it with? Home didn’t have to be the place I was born. I wanted it to be where the people I loved the most were. Right now, I didn’t really care where that was.
He wrapped his arms around me as we watched the last of our people climb into the boats. We probably could have squeezed in, saved them one last trip, but it was important to me that I was here to protect them from the shore.
“Go ahead without us. We’ll cover you from the shore while you board. I’ll guide a boat back for us when you’re all safe,” I told the crewmen.
They were exhausted. They’d made numerous journeys back and forth to the shore without complaint and once more would have been asking too much. Thankfully, I didn’t need to row.
I saw their grateful faces as they took their worried gazes away from the forest, looking for any attack that could be sprung from that direction while their backs were turned. I wanted to tell them they had nothing to worry about. That Arik’s forces had yet to step foot onto Spring land. I was almost certain that I’d have known it if they had, but Dean’s question was chipping away at my mind. Arik had surprised us so many times that we needed to act as if anything was possible.
“Do you think Damon will give us some intel on what Arik is doing at the Winter Palace? Anything about his plans?” I asked Dean as we both watched the last of the boats push off from the shore.
“Damon? Yes. Whatever else is in there with him? I doubt it. At this point, we don’t even know if we can trust which one we’re talking to. We don’t know how much control this other thing has. If there’s a way, Damon will find it. I want to believe that he’s fighting to get back to us, but for now, we might need to assume that he can’t.”
I couldn’t imagine how much that must hurt him to admit. Damon had been the riding force for most of their lives, and after everything they’d been through, they were so close to getting him back, and yet so impossibly far all at the same time.
“Do you trust The Endless to fight by our side?” Dean asked as we watched them climbing the ladders onto the ships.
“They’re not The Endless anymore. They’re people, and they’re angry. I understand why they want to fight and honestly, we need them. Whether we should let them is what concerns me? I’ve seen the look in some of their eyes. I don’t think a lot of them are intending on coming back from this. It’s like they see it as their penance, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I wish we could save them from it all. They deserve the time they need to heal. Pushing them into this fight just feels wrong. It feels like something he’d do.”
I didn’t need to specify who the ‘he’ was. We both already knew.
Dean grunted in what sounded like not quite agreement, but I had a feeling he would always be too concerned with the potential threats to ever truly be able to trust someone outside of our group.
“Do you remember Ezra?” I asked instead.
The row boats were finally empty and someone from the flagship signalled to us that we were clear to take the boat. It didn’t take hardly any effort for me to guide my magic through the water and turn the boat, pulling it back towards the shore.
Dean watched in interest for a moment before he answered.
“He’s hard to forget. One of the many times you ran off to kill yourself and the first time you freed one of The Endless,” he answered wryly.
“I was hardly trying to kill myself!” I objected, not exactly thrilled with the look he gave me in return. “And yes, that’s who I’m talking about. Do you think we did the right thing by letting him go off on his own?”
“He had things he wanted to do, people he wanted to check on. It would have been wrong to keep him from that,” Dean pointed out.
I nodded, even though I wasn’t completely convinced. It seemed so strange to worry about one person when we had so many relying on us right now. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like we should have done more for Ezra, that we should have helped him. He was alone out there now, and I didn’t even dare to think of what Arik would do to Ezra if he got his hands on him once more.
The sound of the boat grounding along the sand had me shaking my head as if to free the dark thoughts, and Dean and I strode forward to climb aboard.
“You don’t have to feel guilty, you know,” Dean finally said as I used my magic to create a swell in the water and push the boat back out into the water.
I looked at him in question, not quite understanding what he was talking about. There was so much nowadays that was on my mind it could have been any number of things.
“Ezra,” Dean reminded me. “It was his choice to leave, and he deserved to have the chance to make it. The consequences are his alone.”
I tried to settle my mind into the ebb and flow of the water as my magic guided us towards Rhidian’s flagship, but it was stuck back on all the people we’d somehow become responsible for. The pressure of making the best decision to keep them safe was enough to break a person and a responsibility many wouldn’t have wanted. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted it.
It took no time at all for our boat to bump up against the hull of the ship. Dean grabbed hold of the rope ladder, holding us steady as he reached out for my hand.
“Alyssa?” When I looked up, I realised he looked worried.
“Sorry, I just got stuck in my head for a moment. I’m okay. You’re right, I know you are. I just worry about… all of them ,” I admitted.
“Because you’re a good person,” Dean told me as he smiled and quickly kissed my forehead. “And you’re a good leader, too. They know it as much as I do. The fact that you care seems to be more than these people have had in a long time. I don’t think you realise how much that means to someone.”
I did realise. I’d been without it for so long that it had felt strange at first. But now that I had these men, my mates, I didn’t think I’d survive without them. Support meant so much more than I’d realised. That feeling of not being alone was priceless. And once I realised that, I saw just how right Dean was.
I hugged him quickly. “Thank you.”
“Get your butt up there,” he said in response, nodding towards the ladder he was still holding with one hand.
I quickly scaled the rope ladder and climbed over the ship’s railing as Ryder held out his hand to help me. I should have known from the grin on his face that something else was going on and it was only when I caught sight of Maddox slumped against the ship’s mast that I realised what it was.
Moving to his side, I squatted down and tried to suppress the smile from my face. “You doing okay?”
He looked at me like he couldn’t decide if he was going to throw up or if death would just be easier. “My lion… does not like this.”
Ryder snorted in amusement behind me, and I gave up trying not to grin. “I’m sure he’ll get used to it. You should head down into the hold and find a spot in the middle. You won’t feel the sway as much down there and it should help settle your stomach.”
He nodded in misery as he let me help him to his feet.
“Where’s Tank?” I asked, looking around and not seeing the massive bear shifter anywhere.
There was no way I’d risk any of us getting split up for the duration of this journey, not that it was going to take long. A few days at most.
“He’s down with Damon. It wasn’t easy to get him to settle and some of the others were nervous about him getting loose. The big guy watching over him seems to have helped,” Ryder told me.
Honestly, I was surprised that Rhidian didn’t have an entire regiment of guards around Damon. Or that Fizzle wasn’t advocating for it. Now that I was thinking about it, I was actually suspicious about what that could mean.
“Fucking prophecies,” I grumbled as I followed the guys towards the access to the ship’s hold where Damon was being held. “How does he seem?” I followed up with.
I’d never known Damon before whatever it was he’d been through here in Nymeria. I’d never have the picture of the man he used to be in my mind. Maybe that put me at an advantage, but I still wanted to get him back. I wanted my mates to have the brother they loved and respected back.
“He seems to be fighting it. There are times when he’s himself and others when he’s… I don’t even fucking know,” Maddox admitted as he paused at the top of the steps.
I could hear the frustration in his voice and I couldn’t imagine what they were all going through right now. This was supposed to be the end. This was what we’d come here for and now that we had Damon back with us, he might as well have still been in Arik’s grasp. Because the man locked in the cell below decks wasn’t the man they knew. He wasn’t the brother they needed back. And I had no idea if we’d ever be able to get him back.
“Do you think you can break the link with Arik?” Ryder asked quietly.
There was a hint of hope in his question. If anything, it seemed like he’d already resigned himself to the fact that Damon was lost.
It killed me to shake my head in response. “I don’t know. Whatever is going on with Damon doesn’t feel the same as it did with The Endless. I don’t understand the magic I can feel inside him. But I promise you I’ll do absolutely everything I can think of.”
I could tell by their faces that it didn’t make them feel better, and it killed me that I couldn’t promise them what they wanted.
Dean’s hand clasped my shoulder, and I felt his reassuring presence at my back. As Maddox and Ryder reached out for me too, I sighed. I didn’t realise how worried I’d been about not being able to fix this problem for them. How much the pressure had been weighing on me. And it had. How could it not?
I hadn’t done this to Damon, but I felt so responsible to fix it. It was my world that had tried to break him, to warp him into something he didn’t want or agree to. So it should be our responsibility to fix it. He’d been dragged into a fight he had no choice in, and I was so fucking tired of Arik’s need for power hurting every single person he came into contact with.
There had to be an end to it all, and I wanted it to start right here.