26. Chapter 26 #2
Emma’s body hits the counter hard, the sound cracking through the room as something crashes to the floor beside her. My other hand curls into a fist, my chest heaving as my vision tunnels, narrowing into fragments.
Kill.
The command echoes through my skull like it’s being carved into bone.
“Jude!” Micah’s voice cuts through, distant at first. Then, closer, because hands are on me, yanking me back. “Jude, it’s me. Hey, look at me.”
I fight it. Instinctively. My body jerks, trying to break free, trying to follow through on something I don’t even fully see. Kill. Kill. Kill—
Air.
My lungs burn as I suck in a breath that doesn’t feel like enough, and the room slams back into place. My gaze snaps to Emma, my heart clenching violently at the sight of her frozen against the counter, eyes wide.
Fuck. No.
My stomach drops out from under me, and the phone is suddenly gone from my hand. Rafe’s voice cuts through now, calm and cold as he takes over the call like nothing just happened.
“That will be enough,” he says into the speaker, his tone reprimanding. “You’ve made your point.”
Alexei laughs. “Have I? It seems he still responds quite well.”
Rafe doesn’t rise to it. “Enjoy your evening.”
The line goes dead, and silence crashes down over the room.
Micah’s grip is still on me, his voice lower now. “Breathe. Come on. You’re back. You’re good.”
Adriana stares at me, and when I lock with her gaze, I almost fucking cry. Because she knows. She knows what that word has forced me to do.
My chest rises and falls, my hands trembling as the last of it drains out of me. “I—” My voice breaks. I look at Emma again, taking in the space I forced between us, the way she’s steadying herself against the counter. “I didn’t—” I swallow hard. “I didn’t mean—”
Rafe steps forward, interrupting my attempts at an apology. “What word?”
I blink, still catching up, my head foggy but clearing. “What?”
“What word did he use?” Rafe repeats, sharper now. “The one that triggered you.”
My jaw tightens. “Убийство,” I say, the syllables bitter on my tongue.
Rafe nods once, already filing it away. “What else?”
I hesitate. Fragments flicker through my mind—commands, tones, phrases burned into me so deep they feel like instinct now. My hands curl slowly at my sides. “подчиняться,” I admit quietly.
“Kill. Obey,” he replies swiftly. “Any others?”
My mind is reeling. “I…I don’t know.”
Rafe studies me for a long moment, his gaze unreadable. “That,” he says evenly, “is a problem.”
My eyes burn, my jaw locking as my gaze drifts back to Emma. Guilt is tearing through my chest.
I almost hurt her.
Well, not almost. I fucking did.
And the worst part is that I didn’t even see it coming. This shit is deeper than I thought it was. A goddamn knee-jerk reaction that, thankfully, I was able to curb in the slightest. I shoved her instead of snapping her fucking neck. The silence that follows makes me want to scream.
“I’ve got you,” Micah murmurs, his grip slowly retreating.
I nod once, even though the motion feels delayed. Across the room, Emma hasn’t moved far from where I shoved her. I take a step toward her before I can think better of it. “Emma—”
She straightens before I can get closer, one hand still braced against the counter, but her voice is calm when she speaks. “I’m okay.”
She’s choosing not to react the way she probably should.
I clench my teeth. “I didn’t—”
“I know,” she says quietly, cutting me off before I can finish the sentence I don’t even know how to say. But her eyes search mine anyway. Not for blame, but for awareness.
Did you feel it?
Did you see it coming?
I shake my head once.
No.
That answer passes between us without words, and her expression softens.
Rafe steps forward then, his gaze moving from Emma to me, not missing a single detail. “If he can trigger you over the phone,” he says evenly, “he can trigger you in a room full of people.”
No one argues with him because we all just watched it fucking happen.
“That was a direct command,” Rafe continues. “Immediate compliance response.”
The words land like a diagnosis. Like I’m fucking sick.
I guess I am.
Emma finally shifts beside the counter, her arms folding loosely across her chest. “He came back pretty fast,” she says, her voice steady but thoughtful. “That’s good.”
Rafe glances at her. “It is,” he agrees. “But it’s not enough.”
That stings, because he definitely isn’t wrong. My fingers flex at my sides. “I didn’t even see it coming,” I admit, my voice quiet.
Micah exhales slowly beside me. “We can work on it,” he says.
Rafe’s gaze sharpens. “If it can happen without warning, then we don’t have control. And if we don’t have control…” He lets the rest hang for a second before finishing, “Then you are a liability.”
The word makes me wince.
That motherfucker destroyed me in more ways than someone should be destroyed.
Emma’s head turns toward him. “He’s not—”
“He can be,” Rafe cuts in, not raising his voice, but not softening either.
“And that distinction is the only one that matters right now. Counter-conditioning doesn’t just happen over night.
He fucked with Jude. Bad. And it’s going to be a while before he’s whole again.
” His gaze sweeps over me. “If he ever is.”
Silence stretches again.
Even though it hurts, I incline my chin. “I’m still going,” I say.
Rafe watches me for a long moment. “You think that’s the right call?” he asks.
I nod once. “Yeah.”
A beat passes. Then another.
“You saw what just happened.”
“I did.”
“And you still think you can walk into a room with him?”
I hold his gaze, not flinching this time. “Yes.”
Rafe’s expression doesn’t change much. “I don’t know if you can,” he says.
“I don’t give a single fuck.”
He sighs, almost thoughtful now.
“I've been doing okay,” I say quietly. “I haven’t had a lot of time to undo what he fucking did to me. But I’m trying.”
He considers me, then his cold gaze darts to Emma. “Does her face still trigger you?”
I glance at her, and my body doesn’t react, thank fuck. I shake my head.
“It doesn’t trigger you in this moment, but it will. She knows that,” he continues.
She nods once.
“If you can truly get to the point where you see her as a safe place again,” he continues. “Then we might have a chance. But you’ll have to listen to me.”