7. Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
MADDOX
“Jeremy Blakeny seems to be in Hong Kong.” Eric, our computer expert, said over the speaker, and I rolled my eyes. We weren’t getting anywhere. The stalemate with the video of my face when we’d rescued Clare was stopping us from getting to him and finally taking him out. He’d said the copy was with his lawyer and would be released if anything happened to him.
I glanced over at everyone and saw my frustration mirrored on their faces. Gideon’s especially as he’d been with me, and as our team leader he usually took on the responsibility for the whole mission.
“But, interestingly enough, his place is sold. The whole estate, and a development company. No prizes for guessing the company is Oak Developments.”
“You think he’s likely to stay in Hong Kong?” Dion asked us.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Do we know why he’s there?”
“Nothing yet,” Eric said, “but I’ll let you know.”
“If he’s intending on setting up elsewhere, we need to warn someone.”
Gideon nodded. “Do you remember Gerard Auclaire? We met him on that joint training gig in Belgium when we were on rotation.” We all nodded. Good guy. “He left and moved to Hong Kong to be with his wife and her family. Pretty sure he works for the cops now, some sort of weapons trainer. I have his email, and I can give him a heads up that he can forward to the right people.” I heaved a sigh of relief.
“Anything on Jonathan Rice?” I asked.
A grunt left Gideon’s throat at his name. Rice was a piece of shit that we were sure was involved in human trafficking. The owner of Oak Developments, he was in bed with Blakeny and had kidnapped Abby three months ago. But again, this stupid fucking video of my face was tying our hands. “If it wasn’t for Clare, I’d just say to hell with it and let them publish it. We could swing it as photoshopped easily enough.” But I couldn’t do that to her. Her brother was a media mogul and the press attention on Clare and her lifestyle would be brutal. So brutal, I was scared she wouldn’t survive it.
Dion sent me a sympathetic look. They all felt the same.
“He’s back on the west coast,” Eric reported. “I’m keeping tabs on him as well.”
"We need to find a way to neutralize that video," Gideon said, frustration clear in his voice. "It's tying our hands."
I nodded in agreement. "I know. But we can't risk it getting out and hurting Clare. She's been through enough already."
"Maybe we could find a way to discredit it?" Walker suggested. "Make it look like it was doctored or something? AI is a thing now."
"It would still involve her," I said, "and I can’t risk that."
"Let me investigate," Eric replied.
As the meeting wrapped up, my mind drifted to Clare and our upcoming session on Saturday. Part of me was thrilled at the prospect of helping her explore her Little side again, of providing the care and protection she deserved. But another part of me was anxious. What if I pushed too far? What if she panicked?
"You okay?" Dion asked quietly as the others filed out.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Just thinking about Clare. We're going to try a short session this weekend."
Dion's eyebrows rose. "Really? That's a big step."
"I know," I said. "I'm excited but nervous. I don't want to mess this up."
"You won't," Dion said confidently. "Just take it slow, follow her lead. You've got good instincts, Max."
I headed home and thought some more about tomorrow. I’d been serious about not wanting to scare Clare and come on too strong, but I was a Daddy, and Dion was right when he said if I didn’t let Clare see the real me, our relationship would be over before it started.
I walked into my house and disarmed the security, then really looked at everything. My house was large, expensive, but it was plain and not because I especially liked plain, but because I hadn’t had any interest in making it a home. I didn’t want Clare to come tomorrow and feel like she was coming to a hotel. I needed a house worthy of her, and something her Little would approve of, and I had less than twenty-four hours to make it happen.
I needed to start with the empty room I’d always imagined would be a playroom for my Little girl.
CLARE
Saturday morning arrived, and I woke with a mix of excitement and anxiety churning in my stomach. Today was the day of my first "Little" session with Maddox. Part of me still couldn't believe I'd agreed to this, but a larger part was desperate to reclaim that side of myself.
I showered and dressed carefully, choosing comfortable clothes that weren't too childish, because one of the first things I’d done when I came back to my apartment was throw all my Little clothes away. As I was about to leave, my eyes fell on Mr. Snuggles, my old teddy bear, sitting on a shelf. Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed him and tucked him into my bag.
Then I remembered something else, and my legs seemed to work of their own accord to carry me to the pantry and the far corner where an old tin sat.
Did I dare?
There was only one thing in it. Something I hadn’t been able to throw away, and I lifted the lid and stared at my popsie. In my head I’d thrown everything away. But this I hadn’t been able to part with even though it had sat here abandoned for months. I fingered the plastic half. It would need a lot of washing before I put the teat in my mouth, but somehow without meaning to I slipped it in my pocket.
The drive to Maddox's house felt both too long and too short. If I was honest, I hated driving myself because I panicked a little when large semis loomed alongside me. Maddox had offered to come get me, and I could tell he wasn’t happy when I said I was driving, but I needed to know I could leave when I wanted. When I pulled up outside, I sat in my car for several minutes, trying to calm my racing heart. "You can do this," I whispered to myself. "You're safe. Maddox isn't Jeremy."
The house was gorgeous. There were four surrounding a lake I’d had a security guard allow me entrance to, but there was a lot of space for extra homes, paved walkways weaving in and out of the trees, and a barbecue area next to the lake with fire pits.
Each home seemed huge, and I was used to that, just not the proximity of the homes to each other. It was almost deliberate. Not that each house could be accessed by car from the lake. If you were in a hurry you needed to go back to the road, but I loved that. It was an oasis without engine noise.
Finally, I gathered my courage and walked to the front door. My hand shook slightly as I rang the doorbell.
Maddox opened the door with a warm smile. "Clare, hi. Come on in."
I stepped inside, immediately struck by how different the house looked from my last visit. There were colorful throw pillows on the couch, cheerful artwork on the walls, and even a soft-looking blanket draped over an armchair. It looked...cozy.
"I made some changes," Maddox said, noticing my surprise.
I nodded, taking in the warm, inviting atmosphere. "It looks nice," I said softly.
Maddox smiled. "I'm glad you like it. I wanted to make sure it felt comfortable for you." He gestured toward the living room. "Would you like to sit down? I've got some snacks and drinks prepared if you're peckish."
I glanced down at my shoes, but before I even got a chance to toe them off, Maddox bent and gently removed them, making sure my socks were still pulled up. I wanted to say something but his fingers brushing my ankle seemed to have robbed me of words.
I followed him into the living room, my eyes widening as I took in the array of coloring books, crayons, and puzzles arranged neatly on the coffee table. A large TV was mounted on the wall, with what looked like children's movies queued up on the screen.
"You really thought of everything," I murmured, a mix of emotions swirling inside me.
Maddox nodded. "I wanted to make sure we had plenty of options. But remember, we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. This is all about what feels right for you."
I sat down on the edge of the couch, my hands clasped tightly in my lap. Now that I was here, I felt frozen, unsure how to proceed.
Maddox seemed to sense my uncertainty. He sat down in the armchair across from me, giving me space. "Why don't we start by just talking?" he suggested gently. "How are you feeling right now?"
I took a deep breath. "Nervous," I admitted. "But also...excited? I think? It's all a bit overwhelming.”
Maddox nodded understandingly. "That's completely normal. We can take this as slow as you need. There's no pressure to do anything you're not ready for."
I nodded gratefully, some of the tension easing from my shoulders. "Thank you," I said softly.
"Would you like something to drink?" Maddox asked. "I have water, juice, or I could make some hot chocolate if you'd prefer."
The mention of hot chocolate sent a wave of nostalgia through me. It had been one of my favorite treats as a child. "Hot chocolate sounds nice," I admitted shyly.
Maddox smiled warmly. "Coming right up. Would you like to pick out something to do while I make it? We could color, or start a puzzle, or just watch a movie if you'd rather."
I glanced at the coffee table, my eyes drawn to a familiar coloring book. It was filled with intricate mandalas—something that had always helped calm my anxiety. "Maybe...maybe we could color?" I suggested hesitantly. I hadn’t been able to look at my paints once since I got back. Another thing Jeremy Blakeny had stolen from me.
"That's a great idea," Maddox said encouragingly. "Why don't you pick out a page you like, and I'll be right back with our drinks."
As Maddox headed to the kitchen, I carefully opened the coloring book, flipping through the pages until I found a design that appealed to me. I selected a few colored pencils, then paused, suddenly feeling self-conscious. I could feel my lip wobble a little. I absolutely knew if I picked up the pencil I would be letting my Little come out. Was I ready for that?
I sat there frozen, staring at the coloring book and pencils. Part of me longed to just dive in, to lose myself in the soothing act of coloring like I used to. But another part was terrified of letting my guard down, of being vulnerable.
Maddox returned with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate, setting them carefully on the coffee table. He must have noticed my hesitation because he sat down next to me, not too close, and spoke gently.
"Clare, remember what I said—there's no pressure here. If coloring doesn't feel right, we can do something else. Or we can just talk. Whatever you're comfortable with."
I took a shaky breath, fighting back tears. "I want to," I whispered. "I just... I'm scared."
Maddox nodded understandingly. "That's okay. Being scared doesn't mean you're not brave. In fact, facing your fears is one of the bravest things you can do."
His words hit me hard, and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Without thinking, I reached into my bag and pulled out Mr. Snuggles, clutching him to my chest.
Maddox smiled softly at the sight of the teddy bear. "And who's this?" he asked, his voice warm and free of judgment.
I clutched Mr. Snuggles tighter, feeling both comforted and embarrassed. "This is...Mr. Snuggles," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "I've had him since I was little."
Maddox's smile widened. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Snuggles," he said warmly. "I'm glad Clare brought you along today."
His gentle acceptance made something inside me soften. I felt my shoulders relax slightly as I hugged Mr. Snuggles close.
"Would Mr. Snuggles like to help you color?" Maddox asked, his tone light and playful. "We could prop him up so he can watch."
A small giggle escaped me before I could stop it. "Maybe," I said shyly. "He always liked bright colors."
Maddox grinned. "Well then, we'd better make sure to use lots of bright colors in our picture. What do you think, Clare? Should we start with some reds and yellows?"
I nodded, feeling a spark of excitement. Carefully, I selected a bright red pencil and began to color, Mr. Snuggles propped up against my leg. As I focused on staying within the lines, I felt some of my anxiety start to melt away.
I finished the picture and at Maddox’s gentle encouragement, my hot chocolate. I realized in my bubble of coloring he’d been silent a while, and I looked up to find him watching me.
“I wondered if you’d like to see the rest of the house?”
I hesitated for a moment, but curiosity won out. "Okay," I said softly, still clutching Mr. Snuggles.
Maddox smiled warmly and held out his hand. I stared at it, and just as he began to drop it, I lunged forward and clasped it. He closed his large fingers around mine and just carried on as if nothing had happened, as if my heart wasn’t pounding so frantically, I could barely hear what he said. As if this wasn’t the first time I’d voluntarily touched a man in months. Even my brother seemed to know to keep his distance.
And after a few moments I decided I liked the feel of his strong fingers, and for a dizzying second, I wondered what they’d feel like somewhere else. That thought startled me so much I nearly tripped, would have if Maddox hadn’t been holding my hand. “Are you okay, princess?”
Princess?
I nodded because I couldn’t have found words if my life depended on it. Princess was a special word. I’d never been a princess, and it made my belly warm, and now that I’d thought about it, other parts of my body as well.
Little girl. That had been Blakeny’s name for me. Said with a sneer, or accompanying an order to do something impossible so he could punish me, but somehow princess felt special.
He led me through the house, pointing out different rooms—the kitchen, his office, a guest bedroom. Everything was tastefully decorated, warm and inviting without being overwhelming.
Then we reached a closed door. Maddox paused, his hand on the doorknob. "This is the playroom," he said gently. "It's okay if you're not ready to see it yet."
My heart raced. Part of me was terrified of what might be behind that door. But another part, the part that was starting to feel safe with Maddox, was intensely curious.
"I...I think I'd like to see it," I whispered.
As the room was revealed, I gasped softly. It was a playroom, but not like any I'd ever seen before. One wall was lined with bookshelves filled with children's books and stuffed animals. Another had a crafting area with paints, clay, and other art supplies. There was a cozy reading nook with bean bags and soft blankets, and even a small indoor slide. My eyes widened as I took in the princess daybed with the gauzy pink canopy, and what looked like…a changing table. I was glad my nervous squeak was silent.
My heart raced as I took everything in. It was beautiful, magical even—everything a Little girl could dream of. But it also terrified me. This room represented everything I'd been trying to suppress, everything I'd been afraid to want again.
"We don't have to go in," Maddox said gently, noticing my hesitation. "I’ve only just finished unpacking everything. I just wanted you to know it was here, if you ever felt ready."
I swallowed hard, torn between the urge to run and the desire to explore. "Did you...did you do all this for me?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
Maddox nodded. "I wanted you to have a safe space, if you chose to explore your Little side. But Clare, there's no pressure. We only do what you're comfortable with."
Tears pricked at my eyes. The care and thought he'd put into this room overwhelmed me. It was so different from Jeremy's cold, clinical "playroom" that had been more like a prison.
"Can we...can we just look?" I asked hesitantly.
"Of course," Maddox said warmly. "We can look at anything you'd like."
Clutching Mr. Snuggles tightly, I took a tentative step into the room. The carpet was soft under my feet, and the air smelled faintly of crayons and Play-Doh. I wandered over to the bookshelves, running my fingers along the spines, smiling at the copy of The Little Prince .
Without thinking I picked it up, and two of the larger books toppled and hit my hand as I didn’t pull it away fast enough. Maddox frowned, and gathered my hand in both of his, examining it carefully to check that I still had all my fingers attached. It hadn’t even hurt but I was speechless at the genuine concern on his face. He really cared.
“Poor baby. I don’t think you’ve got a boo-boo. Does it hurt very much?” I stared into his brown eyes. It didn’t hurt at all, but I didn’t want him to let go.
“Maybe a teeny-tiny bit,” I whispered, my voice higher than I was expecting.
“Well, we can’t have that,” Maddox said gravely, and lifted my hand to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss on the tip of each finger. “There, is that better?”
“Yes…” the word Daddy was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it so badly it nearly hurt. He smiled and set the books up straight, took my hand back, and turned me to the craft corner.
Then I saw the chalkboard and froze. It was empty but every bad memory of Jeremy came rushing back so suddenly I felt sick. In my head I remembered him writing Clare’s Naughty List on top, then during the day he’d add a list of ridiculous transgressions, all invented just so he had what he imagined was a valid excuse for punishment. I hated the sound of chalk on a board. I knew I always would.
“I have to go,” I managed to squeak out before my throat closed completely as panic set in.
I rushed out of the playroom, my heart pounding and my breath coming in short gasps. I barely registered Maddox calling my name as I fled down the hallway, desperate to get out.
Somehow, I made it to the front door, fumbling with the lock as tears blurred my vision. I stumbled out onto the porch, gulping in the fresh air.
"Clare!" Maddox's voice came from behind me, full of concern. "Clare, I'm so sorry. What happened? Are you okay?"
I shook my head, unable to form words through my panic. My legs felt weak, and I sank down onto the porch steps, burying my face in my hands.
I felt Maddox sit down next to me, close but not touching. "Just breathe, Clare," he said softly. "You're safe. No one's going to hurt you."
We stayed like that for a few moments, but I knew I was just delaying the inevitable. This was never going to work.
I took a shaky breath, trying to calm myself. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just...the chalkboard. It reminded me of..."
"Oh, Clare," Maddox said softly, realization dawning in his voice. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think... I'll get rid of it right away."
I shook my head. "No, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known." I wiped at my eyes, feeling embarrassed and frustrated with myself. "I thought I was ready for this, but maybe I'm not."
Maddox was quiet for a moment. "Clare, look at me," he said gently. When I finally met his eyes, they were filled with warmth and understanding. "What happened in there doesn't mean you're not ready. It means you're healing. You recognized something that triggered bad memories, and you removed yourself from the situation. That's progress."
His words made me pause. I hadn't thought of it that way. It was just the sort of thing Anna would say.
"But I ran away," I said softly. "I panicked."
"And that's okay," Maddox assured me. "Healing isn't linear. There will be setbacks and difficult moments. What matters is that you're trying, and that you're learning to recognize what you need to feel safe."
I nodded slowly, his words sinking in. "I guess...I guess that makes sense."
Maddox smiled gently. "How about we go back inside?”
I was tempted, so tempted, but what happened the next time something reminded me of Jeremy? How was it fair to keep putting Maddox through it. He was wonderful and he deserved a Little that was whole, that would play all day in that gorgeous space, then maybe let her Daddy bathe her and even enjoy special touches.
I shook my head because I knew in my mind I was even beginning to speak like my Little. Special touches?
No, no I couldn’t do this. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “But this isn’t going to work. I’m going home now.”
Maddox didn’t stop me. Simply got up and grabbed my shoes, not letting me put them on. He even tied the laces. I whispered a thanks and hurried to my car. But I knew the hurt in his eyes wouldn’t leave me for a long time.
I saw his car behind me as I drove home, making sure I arrived safely. It just proved he needed a Little girl that would appreciate all of him.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t me.