10. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
CLARE
I watched Maddox walk away and felt the sudden chill. Why had I agreed to come? Was I out to prove to myself that I was cured? As if being Little was some sort of disease? I’d chased him away from Salvation when he was being kind, and I’d just done the same here.
And he had more right to be in both places than I did.
“Well, damn.” I blinked the girls back into focus and bristled a little at Nicola’s admiring tone as she looked in the direction Maddox was heading. There were four of us. Tammy I’d known since school. She knew most of what had happened to me because she’d been one of the friends I’d ghosted when Jeremy got his hooks into me at first. She knew I’d been kidnapped and held as some sick sex slave, but what she didn’t know about was the Little side of my personality.
She’d come to see me while I was recovering, and I saw how shocked she was in the changes in me. She’d tried to visit again but I’d refused and had only gotten back in touch with her the week before her birthday.
I didn’t know Tammy’s other two friends, though, and I wasn’t impressed with Nicola. She had opinions on everything. Usually bitchy ones. This time I had no intention of paying the tab. “I thought,” Nicola continued turning back to look at me, “when he spoke that you and he had something going on, but you made it clear that’s not the case.” She clinked glasses with her friend. “I’m so going to tap that fine ass.”
Irritation buzzed under my skin.
The idea of this woman pursuing Maddox made my stomach churn. But what right did I have to feel that way?
I'd pushed Maddox away repeatedly, made it clear I couldn't handle a relationship with him.
And yet...
"I wouldn't if I were you," I heard myself say, my voice tight.
Nicola raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why's that? You just made it pretty clear you're not interested."
I swallowed hard, conflicting emotions warring inside me. "It's...complicated," I managed.
"Doesn't look complicated to me," Nicola shrugged. "Hot guy, single, owns this amazing club. Seems pretty straightforward."
"You don't know anything about him," I snapped, surprising myself with the vehemence in my voice.
“He’s into BDSM,” Tammy shared in a whisper, much to my annoyance. How did she know?
“Ooh,” Nicola drawled. “Whip me, beat me, Daddy!” she cried in a high-pitched voice, loud enough the people closest heard even above the music. She leaned forward. “I totally understand though, you poor thing. I’m not surprised you can’t stand to be around men anymore, especially a man like that .”
Tammy flushed as I turned to her in horror. She’d told people? No one knew. No one.
I took a shaky breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. The noise of the club, the press of bodies, Nicola's interest in Maddox—it was all too much.
"I need some air," I mumbled, standing abruptly.
“Clare,” Tammy whispered. “I’m—” But I wasn’t interested and pushed my way through the crowd, heading for the exit. As I burst out onto the street, I gulped in the cool night air, trying to calm my racing heart. I whirled as I heard the door behind me open.
“Clare? What’s wrong?”
I recognized Maddox’s voice in time to stop the startled cry leaving my lips and I whirled around to see him standing there, concern etched on his face. For a moment, I was tempted to throw myself into his arms, to let him comfort me. But I held myself back.
"Nothing," I said quickly. "I just needed some air."
Maddox took a step closer, his eyes searching my face. "It’s not really safe out here on your own.”
I heard the disapproval in his voice. “Did you follow me?”
“Absolutely,” he agreed instantly, and I got my first glimpse of the bossy yet protective side of his Daddy coming out. “I can tell something's upset you. Was it something I did? If so, I'm sorry—"
"No," I cut him off. "It wasn't you. It's just..." I trailed off, unsure how to explain.
Maddox waited patiently, giving me time to gather my thoughts.
"My friend, Tammy. It was her birthday the last time I was here.” I paused, because the betrayal still stung. "She told the others about...what happened to me. And her friend, Nicola, was full of fake sympathy. Understood how I would never be ready for a man like you, and pleased she could go hit on you, because I clearly wasn’t interested, and—" I broke off, embarrassed by the surge of jealousy I'd felt.
Maddox’s eyes narrowed. “And?” he prompted. “Is there a doubt in there, princess? I thought, despite how much I desperately want to spend time with you, you weren’t interested.”
His words sent a confusing mix of relief and panic through me. "But I pushed you away," I whispered. "I keep pushing you away."
Maddox stepped closer, close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating from his body. "In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a stubborn ass," he said softly, and caught my hands in his. "Plus, it would take a lot to physically push me way, and these delicate hands, princess, just aren’t meant for hard labor."
I gazed up at him. I so wanted to let go. To be his. To have my Little come back and be cared for.
I shivered even though standing next to him was like being next to a space heater.
“We should go back inside.”
I nodded, but I felt my shoulders drop. Going back to see Tammy or Nicola was the last thing I wanted. “I’m going to go home.”
“I will take you,” he decreed, leaving no room for argument, and a little shiver of something trickled down my spine at his commanding words and headed for somewhere lower.
“Maybe we can share a hot chocolate at yours before I leave?”
“I don’t have any,” I whispered.
He met my gaze, as if trying to work out what I meant. Hell, good luck with that, because I didn’t know myself.
“We could go back to mine if you want. You know I have some. I even have cream and sprinkles,” he tempted.
“Cream and sprinkles?” I asked, my voice breathy. My lips pouted before I could stop them. “Chocolate sprinkles or rainbow sprinkles?”
He tucked my arm in his. “Both. A Little girl needs options, doesn't she?"
I felt a flutter in my chest at his words. Part of me wanted to protest that I wasn't a Little girl, that I didn't need sprinkles or hot chocolate. But a larger part—the part I'd been trying so hard to suppress—longed for exactly that.
"Okay," I whispered, barely audible. "Hot chocolate sounds nice."
Maddox smiled warmly, guiding me toward the parking lot. "Let's get you home then, princess. It's been a long night. “Text your friends to say you’ve left."
As we drove to Maddox's house, I felt a mix of anxiety and anticipation swirling in my stomach. Was I really doing this? Going back to his house after everything that had happened? I glanced at my phone. I wasn’t surprised to see no worried texts. But as we pulled into his driveway, I realized something important—I felt safe with Maddox. Despite my fears and reservations, some part of me trusted him implicitly.
Inside, Maddox led me to the kitchen. "Why don't you have a seat while I make our hot chocolate?" he suggested gently.
I nodded, perching on a stool at the kitchen island. I watched as Maddox moved efficiently around the kitchen, warming milk and measuring cocoa powder.
“He had a chalkboard,” I blurted out, and Maddox’s hand shook in reaction, spilling the powder. But I wanted this out. He was giving and giving, and I was just taking. “He used to write Clare’s naughty list on it every morning and make up ridiculous infractions so he could add to it. He said if I got to ten in the day I would be punished.” I dipped my head because my voice broke. “I always got to ten.”
Maddox took two giant strides, plucked me from the stool, and before I knew where I was, we were sitting on the couch. I was on his lap, and he was cradling me and pressing kisses into my hair. “You brave girl,” he whispered. “Thank you for telling me. It’s gone.”
I didn’t panic as I expected at being held this close, and I absorbed his words. “Gone?” I asked, and looked up at him. “All of it?” That room. That beautiful room. No, I hadn’t wanted that.
“Just the board and the chalks,” he clarified. “But if there’s anything else—”
I didn’t hear the rest of his words, because I was hit with relief so acute I burst into tears.
Maddox held me close as I cried, his strong arms wrapped securely around me. He didn't try to shush me or tell me everything would be okay. He just let me cry, offering silent comfort and support.
When my sobs finally subsided, I felt drained but somehow lighter. As if sharing that small piece of my trauma had lifted a weight I didn't even realize I'd been carrying.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice hoarse. "I got your shirt all wet."
Maddox chuckled softly. "Don't worry about it, princess. That's what shirts are for." He reached across and plucked some tissues from a box and calmly held them to my nose. I reached to take them, but he just said, “Blow.” I was so startled I obeyed, and he wiped me carefully and threw the bundle in the small trash can. Then he got a bunch more and carefully dabbed under each eye while I sat there completely stunned and just let him.
I yawned. Crying always tired me out, and when Maddox rearranged me on his lap so my head was on his chest, and I was too drained to do anything else but close my eyes.
When I woke, or Maddox woke me by calling my name very softly, I was lying on the couch and he was holding some water and a packet of Acetaminophen. “You need to hydrate, princess. Or you’ll get a headache.” I hesitated, but Maddox put the glass and the pills down and helped me sit up. I eyed the pills warily, and seeing my hesitation, he handed over the packet so I could see them still in their individual wrapping, and I popped two out. He handed me the glass.
“He forced me to take pills whenever he left,” I said. “I think there was something in the food as well, but by then I had so little to eat…that was a punishment as well. He had some doctor prescribe me stuff he’d just give me in a shot. I tried to fight but he was too strong.”
I glanced up and watched a tick in Maddox’s jaw jumping , and I reached up, cupping the side of his cheek before I even thought about it. He closed his eyes and turned into my hand, brushing a feather-light kiss against my skin. “I wish we’d gotten to you sooner,” he rasped, voice full of regret, of hurt.
"You saved me," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. "You and your team. I don't know where I'd be if you hadn't."
I leaned forward and loved the feel of his arms as they slid around me. "It's late," Maddox said softly after a moment. "You should get some rest. Do you want me to take you home?"
I hesitated, torn between the desire to stay and the fear of what that might mean. "I...I don't know," I admitted.
Maddox nodded understandingly. "How about this—you can stay in the guest room if you'd like. No pressure, no expectations. Just a safe place to sleep."
I considered his offer. The thought of going back to my empty apartment, of being alone with my thoughts, was suddenly unappealing. "Okay," I said quietly. "I'd like to stay. If that's alright."
"Of course it's alright," Maddox said gently. He stood up, offering me his hand. "Come on, I'll show you to the room."
As we walked down the hallway, I couldn't help but glance at the closed door I knew led to the playroom. Maddox noticed my gaze, and he pulled me close. “Don’t give it a thought, princess.”
Maddox led me to a cozy guest room, decorated in soothing shades of blue and gray. A large, comfortable-looking bed dominated the space.
"There are extra blankets in the closet if you get cold," Maddox said softly. "And the bathroom is through there. It’s full of spare toothbrushes and whatever else you might want. I’ll just go and get you a bottle of water in case you get thirsty, and I’ll leave it on the nightstand while you’re in the bathroom. Do you need anything else?"
I shook my head, suddenly feeling shy. "No, thank you. This is perfect."
Maddox smiled gently. "Alright then. Sweet dreams, Clare. If you need anything at all during the night, don't hesitate to come get me. My room is the next one down."
As he turned to leave, I found myself reaching out to grab his hand. "Maddox?" I said hesitantly.
He paused, looking at me questioningly. "Yes, princess?"
I took a deep breath, gathering my courage. "Thank you. For everything. For being so patient with me, even when I keep pushing you away."
He leaned forward and brushed a kiss on my forehead, and it took me a long moment to let go of his hand, but I did and shot into the bathroom to hide.
I even grabbed a quick shower because the bathroom was so lovely and well-stocked, then brushed my teeth. When I judged he’d had enough time to get me the water, it occurred to me I didn’t have anything to sleep in and, wrapping a towel around me because I couldn’t exactly sleep in my sheath dress, I cautiously opened the bathroom door.
My eyes flew to the bed. The first thing I saw was a small gray bear lying against my pillow and my throat tightened. Coming straight from the club I didn’t have Mr. Snuggles with me. Then I saw the giant t-shirt that must belong to Maddox and I scooped it up and inhaled. It was clean, obviously, but the lingering scent of whatever laundry soap he used reminded me so much of Maddox, I couldn’t get it on fast enough.
I pulled back the comforter then paused as my gaze landed on the nightstand. He’d brought me water and left the bottle with a still-sealed cap on it. It wasn’t even his thoughtfulness at the gesture after I had explained about Jeremy drugging me, it was the pink princess insulated travel mug next to it.
He’d put it there but not filled it with water, leaving the choice to me. It was like stepping off a cliff. If I did this, I knew I was heading in a certain direction. What if I panicked again? How much of my crazy would he put up with before he decided enough was enough?
What did I want?
With trembling hands, I reached over and opened the bottle of water, then poured it in the pink cup and screwed the lid on. Then I grabbed the bear and climbed into bed, and for the first time in a very long time, I wished I wasn’t alone.