11. Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
MADDOX
I wasn’t sure what woke me, but old habits die hard and the instant I heard a noise that didn’t belong in my house, I was up on silent feet, Glock in my hand, and opening the door. My heart jumped as I saw the door to Clare’s room wide open, but then I heard a noise downstairs. I took a quick glance to make sure Clare wasn’t in bed, then followed the sound of what seemed to be…singing?
I stopped at the playroom downstairs. The door was open but none of the lights were on, and Clare was sitting at the small table in the dark.
I put the gun on the top shelf out of sight as soon as my heart rate returned to normal, and chuckled. “You really wanted to color, huh?” It had to be, what, three a.m.?
“Naughty girl, you’ll get wet,” Clare remarked and sang, “It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man…”
Every hair on the back of my neck stood up and I felt a chill run down my spine at Clare's eerie singing in the dark. Something was clearly very wrong. I approached slowly, keeping my voice gentle.
"Clare? Sweetheart, are you okay?"
She didn't respond, just kept softly singing nursery rhymes to herself. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see she was rocking slightly in her chair, and tears were silently streaming down her face.
"Clare," I said a bit more firmly. "Can you look at me, please?"
She turned her head toward me, but her eyes seemed unfocused, like she wasn't really seeing me.
"The bad man is coming," she whispered. "Have to be quiet or he'll find me."
My heart clenched. She was clearly in the midst of some kind of flashback or night terror. I needed to ground her in the present somehow.
"Clare, you're safe. You're at my house, remember? The bad man can't get you here. I won't let anyone hurt you."
I slowly reached out and gently touched her arm. She flinched at first but then seemed to relax slightly at my touch.
"Maddox?" she said uncertainly, her voice small.
"That's right, princess. It's me. You're safe here with me."
I felt her relax, go almost boneless, and scooped her into my arms. I carried her back to bed.
And this time I didn’t leave her.
I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, just held Clare in my arms, until she showed signs of waking.
I carefully extracted myself, not wanting to startle her when she woke. I headed downstairs to start some coffee, which I now knew she liked, and prepare a light breakfast, my mind whirling with thoughts of last night's events.
As I was plating some fruit and toast, I heard soft footsteps on the stairs. Clare appeared in the doorway, looking small and vulnerable in my oversized t-shirt. Her eyes were puffy from last night’s crying, her hair mussed from sleep.
"Good morning," I said gently. "How are you feeling?"
She was silent for a moment. “I don’t know. Did I...was I in the playroom last night?"
I nodded, keeping my voice calm and non-judgmental. "You were. Do you remember what happened?"
She shook her head, looking distressed. "It's all fuzzy. I remember waking up and feeling scared, but after that..." She trailed off, wrapping her arms around herself. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to cause trouble."
I moved closer, deciding we both needed normality. At some point this morning, around dawn, I’d decided all this pussyfooting around wasn’t helping. I was a Daddy and Clare was a Little girl. She might be trying to deny that to herself, but long-term that wasn’t going to work. Today, I was starting as I meant to go on, and that included feeding my princess her breakfast.
I moved closer to Clare, my voice gentle but firm. "You have nothing to apologize for, princess. You didn't cause any trouble. Now, let's get some breakfast in you."
I guided her to a chair at the kitchen island, noting how she didn't resist my touch. I placed a plate of fruit, toast, and bacon in front of her, along with a glass of orange juice. She stared at it, but then I sat and pulled her down on my lap. Clare looked at the food, then back at me uncertainly. "I'm not very hungry," she murmured.
“Just a little.” I had a piece of melon at her lips as she opened her mouth to protest. I had a second plate filled with pancakes that looked a little intimidating, but I was hungry. I saved the tiniest pancake bites, the juiciest pieces of melon, and the perfect strawberries for her and simply hoovered up the rest myself.
She barely ate three mouthfuls, and even though I wasn’t gonna push the food, I decided that today was the start of our relationship. At least our Daddy/Little one. It was a minefield, but Dion had been right. I couldn’t hide who I was.
“Let’s get you showered for your morning,” I said when she’d eaten more than I expected. “Then you can explore the playroom, or if you want a ride home that’s no problem.”
Clare's eyes widened slightly at my words, a mix of emotions flickering across her face—surprise, uncertainty, and maybe a hint of longing.
"I...I don't know," she said softly, biting her lip. "Maybe I should just go home."
I nodded, keeping my expression neutral even as disappointment settled in my chest. "Of course, if that's what you want. But Clare, I want you to know that you're always welcome here. Whether you want to explore your Little side or just need a safe place to be."
She was quiet for a moment, her gaze dropping to her hands fidgeting in her lap. When she spoke again, her voice was barely above a whisper. "What if...what if I want to stay? Just for a little while?"
My heart leapt at her words, but I kept my voice calm. "Then you can stay as long as you like, princess. We can take this one step at a time."
Clare nodded slowly, still not meeting my eyes. "Okay," she said softly. "I think...I think I'd like to stay. For now."
I smiled gently, resisting the urge to pull her into a hug. "I'm glad. Now, how about that shower? I have some clothes you can change into if you'd like."
She nodded again, finally looking up at me with a small, hesitant smile. "That would be nice. Thank you.”
I wasn’t sure Clare knew what she’d agreed to, but I didn’t intend for her to shower alone. Would she panic if I joined her? I didn’t know. But if so, I would retreat. Of course I would. But for now, I had a Little to get ready for her day.
I guided Clare upstairs to the bathroom in the room she had slept in, my hand resting gently on the small of her back. I’d love to take her into the master, but I had a feeling that would be too much.
"I'll get you some towels and some clothes," I said softly and started stripping.
Clare stared at me. "What are you doing?"
I glanced up at her. “Helping you take a shower,” I explained, like there was nothing wrong. Taking a deep breath, I decided to take a risk. "Clare," I said gently, "would you prefer to get a shower alone or do you want Daddy to help you?”
She froze, her eyes snapping to mine in surprise. For a moment, I thought I'd pushed too far, but then I saw a flicker of something in her gaze—longing, maybe? Or relief?
"I...I don't know," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for that."
I nodded understandingly. "That's okay, princess. There's no pressure. I’ll go get my own shower while you’re in here.”
Swallowing the bitter disappointment down I jogged to the laundry and swapped her clean panties and bra to the dryer. I’d washed them last night and I doubted if she’d even noticed. I had a few outfits that I’d bought with her in mind this week, clean, dry and hung in the playroom closet. She hadn’t even questioned what she would wear after her shower.
Ready to take her home if that was what she wanted I took my own.
CLARE
I stood frozen in the bathroom after Maddox left, my mind reeling. Had he really just offered to shower with me? To be my...Daddy? The thought sent a confusing mix of longing and fear through me.
Part of me desperately wanted to say yes, to let Maddox take care of me in that way. But another part was terrified of being that vulnerable, of letting someone have that much control over me again.
Going back into the bedroom for my phone, with shaking hands I scrolled to Anna and pressed call. She couldn’t always answer me if she was with another client, and I respected that, as she always called me back.
“Clare,” her warm voice came over the line.
“I stayed at Maddox’s last night and now I didn’t share a shower, and I feel like crap.”
I could almost see Anna working through my outburst. “Did he make you feel like crap?”
“No,” I burst out. “He was amazing, and understanding, and I really don’t deserve him.”
Anna chuckled. Actually chuckled, and I held the phone away from me to peer at it in disgust. “It isn’t funny,” I groused.
“You don’t need my permission.”
I swallowed. “What?”
“What do you wish right at this moment?”
I took a breath. “I want to exist in a world where Jeremy Blakeny doesn’t.”
Anna grunted, which I knew was her form of assent. “Good. So, in that world how would you meet Maddox? How would you have met him if his team didn’t get you out of there?”
I fell silent, because it was impossible. I couldn’t have Maddox without the nightmare of my past. “I wouldn’t,” I whispered.
“Do you feel you can talk to him? Explain how you’re feeling?”
We talked for another few minutes. After I hung up, I stared at the phone. Talk? I…couldn’t. I couldn’t explain to Maddox how every time he acted like the Daddy I craved, it made me think of the so-called Daddy I hated. Forced me to realize how stupid I was. That I’d put myself in the position with Jeremy, despite what Anna and Maddox might say.
With shaking hands, I pulled off the large t-shirt and stepped into the shower. As the hot water cascaded over me, I tried to sort through my conflicting emotions. Maddox had been nothing but patient and kind with me. He'd respected my boundaries, never pushing me further than I was comfortable with.
And yet...
The memory of Jeremy's "care" still haunted me. The way he'd use acts of kindness to manipulate and control me. How could I be sure Maddox wouldn't do the same?
But deep down, I knew Maddox was different. He'd proven that time and time again.
When you’re a good Little girl you can have a hot shower.
Of course I was never good enough for Jeremy. Freezing cold showers were what I had because I was so naughty.
Naughty Little girl.
Bad Little girl.
I was a naughty girl now. I had a good Daddy, but I’d sent him away. He should have been in this nice, warm shower with me.
Bad girl.
Bad girl.
Bad girls got cold showers. I reached out and turned the dial to cold.