Chapter 13
ALICE - NOW
I type in the key code to take the elevator back to Landon and Cody’s apartment, still fuming over Jericha’s request. I should’ve known our friendship was over as soon as she stepped into my hospital room, looking shocked and none too happy.
And I could have maybe, eventually understood her and Brayden getting together in my absence, if she felt any regret whatsoever.
But she wants to forge ahead, making a family with him.
She isn’t a friend, and I don’t think she ever was. She would be happier if I had disappeared forever.
I just want to throw myself down on my bed and forget Brayden and Jericha exist.
When the elevator door opens to the entryway, voices come from the kitchen. The guys are home, and they’re arguing.
I pause in the elevator doorway, preventing it from closing.
Maybe I shouldn’t be here for this. The last thing this evening needs is more drama and conflict.
At the same time, I’ve never heard them be truly angry with each other.
They always seem so synced up, in everything from their conversations, to their jokes, to what they do in their spare time.
But eavesdropping is wrong, and I’m a guest here. I take the few steps back into the elevator.
Then Cody’s loud voice, the syllables harsh with irritation, makes me freeze in place. “You fucking brought her here. I didn’t ask for that. You didn’t even check if it was okay.”
Oh. They’re arguing about me. My heart thuds a final time before stopping completely. Cody doesn’t want me here. Of course he doesn’t—I’m a mess, and he no longer considers me a friend. I could tell when I first saw him, that something had shifted between us.
“Because,” Landon shoots back, “I didn’t think for a second that you’d act like such a gaping asshole about it.”
Cody doesn’t respond. The sound of running water fills the new silence.
I carefully step back into the elevator and press the button to return to the garage.
I don’t know where I’ll go from there, but I’ll figure it out.
Or maybe I’ll get lucky and the elevator will penetrate through the earth and take me straight to Hell.
I think Hell would be an improvement on my current reality.
“Alice!” Landon skids as he comes around the corner and into the entryway. “Wait—”
I shake my head. The doors have nearly slid closed.
Just before they do, he slams his hand between them.
Crap.
“Landon, just let me go.” I try to sound calm, collected. Nobody wants to listen to a hysterical woman—that’s what I’ve been taught. Decorum. Purity. Perfection. “I’ll be fine. Brayden is trying to get me to come home, anyway.”
“That home isn’t your home.” He narrows his eyes.
“Then I guess I don’t have a home.” Hell, it sounds so dramatic when I say it out loud like that. But it’s the truth, isn’t it? Jericha took over my home. And now I’m a guest, staying with friends.
“You have a home here,” he says, ignoring the elevator when it chimes a warning. “Come on, Wonderland.”
“Look,” I whisper, “I know Cody doesn’t want me here. I don’t want to mess up your friendship, and I definitely don’t want to stay where I’m not welcome.”
He curses under his breath, then shouts, “Cody? Get your ass over here.”
“No.” I jab the close door button, but it does nothing because Landon’s still blocking it. “Landon, don’t.”
I keep my gaze down when I hear Cody’s approaching footsteps.
“Fuck, Alice, I’m sorry,” Cody says. “I shouldn’t have said that shit—I was mad at Landon.”
I nod, sounding perfectly pleasant, keeping my focus on the floor. The tiles are perfectly aligned, the diamond pattern flawless. “It’s fine. But you’re right. I need to find somewhere more permanent.”
“This is the safest place for you.” Cody steps forward, stopping in front of me. “I want you here, okay?”
I don’t believe him, but what the hell else am I going to do? I have no money, nowhere to stay except with Brayden. I have a suspicion that if I showed up at our house right now, he would be scrambling to shoo Jericha out the back door.
“I’ll stop being a dick if you come back in,” Cody adds. “I do want you here, and I want you safe. You’re safest with us, and it makes the most sense.”
I risk a glance at his face. His usually clean-shaven cheeks look scratchy with whiskers, and his light brown eyes project misery.
Does he actually mean what he’s saying? Because I don’t think he wants me here. I heard everything he said a minute ago, and I can’t ignore that.
But I do think this is the safest place. I might not be the smartest woman in the world, but I’m not stupid enough to wander around alone at night.
“I really am sorry,” Cody says.
“It’s okay. I’ll stay,” I finally say, while making a mental vow to find other living arrangements as soon as possible.
Landon exhales and ushers me out of the elevator. Cody steps aside, allowing us to go past him.
CODY - NOW
I’m an asshole. I haven’t always been, but sometime between Nessa’s death and Alice’s engagement to Brayden, I changed. I got tired of hurting.
But I still want to help people, and I still want to help Alice. Saying that shit out loud to Landon was wrong.
She said it was “okay,” when I apologized. It is not okay.
If Landon tattles to Charmaine on me, I’m a dead man. My sister raised me better.
I watch as he leads Alice down the hall toward her bedroom.
I inhale her subtle coconut and vanilla scent.
Something about the way she smells makes me lose all sensible thought.
I want to tackle her against the wall and get on my knees, yank up her dress, apologize with my tongue against her clit, force her to forgive me with every orgasm I deliver.
And here I am, just as much of an asshole. This time for wanting to ravish a vulnerable woman.
Then again, something tells me Alice is less vulnerable and a lot stronger than Landon and I give her credit for.
ALICE - NOW
My therapist, Cammie, holds her sessions in an office decorated with crystals, velvety throw pillows, and dream catchers. I half wonder if I somehow ended up in a fortune teller’s parlor instead of therapy. Maybe she’s also hiding a crystal ball and tarot deck somewhere.
“Alice, welcome.” She shakes my hand. All of her fingers bear rings. Some fingers have multiple rings. How does she get anything done with all this metal on her hands?
She wears a gauzy, paisley-patterned skirt and a plain t-shirt. She has a nose ring, a diamond stud that sparkles every time it hits the light. Her blond hair is pulled back in a single braid.
I think in another life, I would have wanted to be her.
We go through the intake forms I filled out, and she explains everything about what she is legally and ethically required to disclose, and how everything else I tell her is just between the two of us.
“Now,” she says, “in your own words, can you tell me why you’re in my office today?”
I have to keep emotion out of it, or I’ll break down. So I say, “I was kidnapped and held for thirteen months by my kidnapper. I’m here to…get over it, I guess. I want to return to my old life.”
She nods. “I can understand that. And this might seem odd, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to start talking about your life before the kidnapping? The life you want to return to?”
“Sure.”
ALICE - THEN
“You’re all dressed up. Where are you going?” Brayden leaned over my shoulder to peer at my phone.
“I’m meeting Landon and Cody.”
“Again?”
I turned my head to kiss his cheek. “I haven’t seen them in three weeks, Bray.”
He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his wispy, blond hair. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”
“What is it?” I sent a text to Landon and Cody, telling them I’d be a couple minutes late. Every time Brayden got wind I’d be hanging out with them, he always had something big to tell me, right before I was due to leave.
“The Church has some guidelines about friendships with members of the opposite sex.”
“Brayden. It’s possible to attend the church, to be members, and even to level up without following every single rule.” I gestured between us. “I mean, we’ve had sex and we’re not married, but the rules say not to, so, is that suddenly a problem for you, too?”
He scowled. “Don’t turn this around on me, Alice. I want a good future for us. A family.”
Ever since my parents died, I’d been obsessed with the idea of a big family. Seven Blessed Days was like a family in some ways, but despite my parents’ and the church’s best efforts, I never took to it completely. But building a family with Brayden would mean the world to me.
“Come on.” He came up behind me and nuzzled my neck, while toying with the bottom of my shirt, his fingers scratching lightly over my skin. “Tell me you want a family with me, Alice. Stay home with me and we can practice.”
My brain scrambled. He wanted me, he wanted a family with me. A silly brunch date with two friends meant nothing when compared to forming a family with the man I loved.
“Fine.” I leaned into his touch and sent a flimsy excuse to Landon and Cody, saying Brayden needed me. “I’ll cancel today. But I can’t cancel next time, okay? They’re my friends.”
“Sure, babe.” He was already hiking up my shirt.
Hours later, I checked my phone and saw that Landon had sent a text. Are you going to spend your whole life giving up pieces of yourself? Is this the future you want, Wonderland?
Of course it was the future I wanted. A husband. The chance at building a family. Growing in the church, moving up a level, and supporting Brayden so he could move up, too.
But I ignored the other part of Landon’s question—was I going to spend my whole life giving up pieces of myself?