Chapter 14
LANDON - NOW
Alice’s therapy appointment should be ending soon, so I leave my office early and walk over to meet her.
I could say that I’m here as protection.
But Midnight Intelligence doesn’t specialize in that service—we usually recommend another local company, Ironwood, for that.
Also, this part of San Esteban is safe enough, and she doesn’t need an escort. After all, she got here on her own.
I have no excuse to be here, except I want to see her.
She steps out of the building wearing a pair of jeans and a flowery blouse. Her hair falls in dark blond waves over her shoulders, looking temptingly touchable.
Her blue eyes light up with a smile when she sees me.
“Is this okay?” I ask. “I was in the neighborhood, but I just realized you might prefer to be alone after therapy. It used to wreck me sometimes.”
“Today was pretty easy. We mostly talked about the past, like Before.”
I wonder how far before, Before is, but I don’t want to pry. “And what do you think of your therapist?”
“She’s cool. She seems very free-spirited. She has a nose ring.”
I laugh at Alice’s scandalized tone. “Is that jealousy I hear in your voice?”
“What? Why would I be jealous?” But she sounds thoughtful.
“You’d look cute with a nose ring,” I say.
“Psh.”
I decide to drop it, although teasing her and watching her cute expressions is pretty fucking fun. “Do you want to get some take-out for dinner? There’s a great little Greek place around the corner.”
“Sounds good.”
We step into the restaurant and walk up to the counter. Alice orders pita bread and nothing else, so I add several dishes to go. I’ll give her a little of everything when we get home.
“Landon, is that you?” a woman’s voice says from behind me.
I turn to see Kim, an old friend and former hook-up. “Hey, you. It’s been a long time.”
“I can see why.” She gives Alice a friendly smile. “This is the reason you haven’t been coming around to Low Vice, isn’t it? Hey, I’m Kim.”
“Alice,” Alice says.
Kim’s eyebrows rise up on her forehead. “Wait—Alice, Alice?”
“No, I’m Alice Meeks, not Alice Alice,” she jokes. “But yeah. I’m the Alice from the news.”
“Oh shit,” Kim says, before sneaking a glance over at me. “So it’s not like that. I’m sorry for making assumptions. I’m glad you’re okay, Alice.”
“Thanks.” Alice smiles at Kim, her blue eyes thoughtful.
I pay for our order. Our food is ready quickly, so there isn’t much time to say more to Kim.
“You should really come back to the club,” she says quietly, her hand on my forearm. She lowers her eyes submissively. “I miss you and Cody.”
I give her what I hope is less a grimace, and more a smile. “Take care, Kim.”
ALICE - NOW
It doesn’t take much guesswork to figure out that the gorgeous woman in the Greek restaurant either used to, or currently does, hook up with Landon and Cody.
Landon jokingly accused me of being jealous of my therapist’s nose ring.
That wasn’t jealousy. This is.
But I think I put on a pretty good front as we walk the rest of the way to his and Cody’s apartment. “Kim seems nice.”
“She is. We met her around the time we met you, actually—a couple of months after we lost Nessa.”
I wonder when they started being more than friends with her. Possibly immediately. But they never mentioned her to me.
After I learned they were in a relationship with Nessa together, I started wondering what it would be like, to be with both of them. The thoughts were forbidden, which only made me crave them more. I would fall asleep some nights, wondering.
Those lustful imaginings now seem like the fantasies of a schoolgirl. Kim is beautiful and mature, and she seems so comfortable in her own body. I’ve always liked my body. For the most part, I even like my breasts. But I’ve never felt comfortable.
Kim looks and acts like a confident woman. I feel like a clumsy kid.
I am so out of my element with Landon and Cody…and Cody doesn’t even want me around. What the hell am I doing? What about my promise to myself last night, to figure out another place to stay?
“You got quiet all of a sudden,” Landon says as we ride up in the elevator.
“Oh, sorry!” I try to sound perky. “Just lost in my thoughts.”
He looks me up and down with his gray eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.” Once we get inside, I add, “I’ll meet you in the kitchen. I just need a quick break, first.”
“See you in a few.” He gives me one last look of concern before heading to the kitchen, where I hear the sound of bags and food containers opening.
I rush into my bathroom and take out my phone.
As usual, I’ve missed several calls and texts from Brayden.
I scan the texts. There are more about wanting to work things out, more quotes from the Seven Blessed Days wedding vows, and some bullshit about how we can level up together and build that big family I always dreamed of.
I could have the family. I could have a home and get out of Cody’s way.
Okay, I text back. I’m willing to work on us. But I need to see some changes first.
My therapy session with Cammie opened my eyes to how manipulative Brayden can be. We didn’t discuss how I let it happen, but that’s something I’ll talk to her about another time.
Living with Landon and Cody has been allowing an unattainable fantasy to take root in my head. Cody cuddled me the other day, comforting me when I was upset. In what kind of world is that actually possible?
The sooner I can get Brayden to make some changes, the sooner I can go back to him, move home, and reclaim my old life. I send him a list of requirements.
1. You must end things with Jericha. You will likely have to coparent, but that is the only relationship you can have with her.
2. All of her clothing and other belongings must be moved out of the house.
3. We will, separately and then together, go through the Church’s Laws and evaluate them with how they do or do not fit in with our ideal life.
4. We are allowed to be friends with whoever we want to be friends with. I will not be made to feel guilty if I am friends with a man. You are not to feel guilty for being friends with a woman. Jericha, a former sexual partner of yours, is an exception to this rule.
I want to keep the door open for my friendship with Landon and Cody. Maybe neither of them will want that with me, but it hurt a lot when I felt I had to cut them off before Brayden’s and my wedding. I won’t do that again. Not for Brayden. Not for any man.
Not five seconds after I send the text, Brayden writes back. Done. Will you come home now?
He can’t possibly be done. I take a deep breath, searching for patience. I need to see the changes before I come home. I’m not doing this on faith. We need to put in the work, both of us.
Fine. I’ll start working on it right now.
I stare doubtfully at his message. I think I’ve just made a huge mistake.
LANDON - NOW
Cody’s still at the office, likely micromanaging Jordan and Alexei, who can’t seem to stop bickering. I plate up piles of Greek food for Alice and me to take to the living room.
As I round the corner from the kitchen, Alice comes around from the opposite side at the same time. She runs smack into my chest and starts to fall backward. She shrieks in alarm.
I grab her, still holding a plate in my hand, and stabilize her against my body. “I’ve got you.”
She clings to my waist, so close I can feel her breaths matching mine. My cock gives a hopeful twitch at our proximity, but I will it to stand down.
“You’re carrying our food,” Alice says in dismay. “Did I make you spill it?”
“All we lost is a piece of bread.” I grin down at her.
“You’re like some kind of sorcerer.” She smiles, her eyes crinkling at the corners.
Her mouth is mesmerizing. I can’t look away from her light pink lips. One kiss, one taste—
No. I pull back, making sure she’s steady as I do.
Alice blinks, looking as shocked as I am.
We nearly kissed. I nearly indulged in the fantasy I’ve nurtured nearly since meeting this gorgeous girl.
“I’m—I’m sorry.” I stumble over the words, knowing they aren’t true. I’m not sorry. And I’d do it again.
But not now. Not when she’s recovering from her kidnapping and captivity. Not when she’s still trying to manage everything with Brayden.
Fuck, what if she goes back to him? I’ll lose her all over again.
The thought makes me want to throw down our plates, pin Alice to the floor, and fuck her until she forgets everything and everyone except me and Cody.
Not now, I remind myself. Maybe, if I’m extremely lucky, later.