Chapter 15
ALICE - NOW
I lean against the kitchen counter, lost in thought while I watch Landon brown ground turkey on the stove.
The aromatic scents of peppers and garlic delight my nose, and watching Landon move capably around the kitchen delights my eyes.
His jeans are loose around the waist, so they hang around his hips, and his shoulder muscles bunch and flex, stretching his faded gray t-shirt.
Today’s therapy session with Cammie was harder than my last one. She asked some difficult questions about Seven Blessed Days.
It made me confused and uncomfortable. It’s one thing for me to question my own place in the church, but for someone like Cammie to do it is wrong. She doesn’t have the necessary background or knowledge. She doesn’t have the necessary faith in the Elders’ wisdom.
“Should you be allowed to question the Elders?” she had asked.
“Of course. I do it all the time.”
“Out loud? To their faces?”
I’d been quiet after that. Thoughtful. I’m still thinking about it. I’ll never forget something Elder Chaffin had said in a service when I was nineteen. He’d looked directly at me when he said, “The only thing worse than impurity is impertinence.”
I had just had an argument with my parents. I’d wanted to leave the church and go to college. They had said no, because I’d lose my level, and they would drop down as a result.
So, impertinence is a no-no. Questioning the Elders to their faces is a no-no.
But of course outsiders don’t understand what the church is really about. I didn’t when I joined, either. Even my parents expressed some reservations at first. “You don’t understand,” I told Cammie. “You have to be there to understand.”
She’d nodded and agreed, then switched to asking me about my life with Brayden, and my role in our marriage.
She had been remarkably nonjudgmental about it, although I know not everyone agrees with the church’s views on marriage, and with the old-fashioned “traditional” roles Brayden and I held in our household.
Brayden never entered the kitchen unless he wanted me for something else, which makes it even stranger now, hours after therapy, to watch Landon cooking dinner.
He adds sautéed peppers and mushrooms to the ground turkey, sprinkling more spices on top. His cautious gaze slides over to me. “Doing all right there, Wonderland?”
“Yeah. Just thinking about some stuff Cammie said.”
He looks relieved. Was he worried that I’m upset about our almost-kiss from two days ago? I was upset, at first. Not that we nearly kissed, but that we didn’t kiss. We were drawn to each other. I felt it. I saw it in his eyes, how they darkened as he leaned in.
I’m pretty sure I’d felt his…his manhood harden against my lower stomach.
My cheeks grow hot at the memory. I shouldn’t be thinking about him like that.
Because of course he didn’t want to kiss me.
The whole thing probably happened because he’d just seen Kim.
Men have needs, and unless he’s messing around with women at work, those needs aren’t getting met.
Every spare minute outside of work, he’s been here at home, and I’m here, too.
“Hungry?” Landon piles servings onto two plates.
“Starving. What about Cody?”
“He’s having dinner with his sister.”
My shoulders ease. Cody has been perfectly polite since Elevatorgate, but I haven’t been able to relax around him. Not when I know what he really thinks.
I gather our silverware, as well as a couple of beers from the fridge.
Landon raises his eyebrows and nods at the bottles. “I don’t think I’ve seen you drink since before you met Brayden.”
“He didn’t really like it, so I stopped.”
Landon nods, but doesn’t comment. I must seem so pathetic to him, with my blind devotion to Brayden’s likes and dislikes. It’s embarrassing. Miserably, I follow him into the living room.
“What do you want to watch?” he asks, turning on the TV.
I consider the question. “Something funny, maybe? If you pick a release from this year, there’s a very high chance I haven’t seen it.”
He chuckles and selects what looks to be a wacky rom-com. “Unfortunately true.”
We settle into opposite ends of the couch. The turkey and peppers are delicious, served over rice noodles. I sip my beer, but it makes me sleepy.
Next thing I know, I’m waking up with my head in Landon’s lap. The movie must have ended, because scenes from a nature documentary fill the screen. Sea lions arrow through brilliant blue water, chasing schools of fish.
Landon’s hand is resting on my waist. I feel every point of contact of his palm and fingers. I think I could be dead and I’d still feel his hand here, tattooed against my skin for eternity.
And my head is on his leg. Inches from his crotch.
“Crap, I’m sorry—” I start to sit up, mortified.
“Stay.” He runs his hand over my waist and hip. He probably means it to be soothing, but it only turns me on. “You’re comfortable, and so am I.”
On the screen, a fawn stands up for the first time and nurses from its mother. My own belly is full and content, and my eyelids grow heavy despite my arousal, so I allow them to close once more.
CODY - NOW
Charmaine gives me a skeptical look. “So she isn’t staying with her husband?”
“No. He’s an asshole.”
“And she’s living in your apartment.”
“Yes.”
“And you guys aren’t…”
“No, we aren’t fucking her. Goddamn, sis. Not that it’s any of your business.”
“She was held in captivity for thirteen months. I’m worried about her.” She stabs at her baked potato.
“You don’t need to worry. We’re taking care of her.”
She snorts. “I bet you are. Why don’t you send her to my place instead? I have an extra room, and I won’t unwittingly seduce her.”
Ever since our parents died, Charmaine has had this need to protect others, to nurture them. She and her asshole ex never got around to having kids, thank fuck because he was an epic asshole, but Charmaine would be a great mother if she ever took that step.
Currently, she’s getting that need fulfilled by mothering everyone at Midnight Intelligence.
She’s either bringing in home-baked muffins loaded with flax seed, or recommending a physical therapist to Sarai for her tweaked ankle, or quietly counseling Alexei on how to ask out Jordan, or stocking the fridge with bottles of vegetable juice.
My sister could probably use a hobby, but the thing is, everyone loves her. She wouldn’t meddle where it isn’t wanted…except with me.
“Honestly.” She finishes chewing her bite, and her blue eyes hit me with a directness I don’t want or need right now. “Honestly, how do you feel about her now? I know she kind of broke you when she married that other guy—”
“Broke me? She didn’t break me.”
Charmaine’s long-suffering sigh has been perfected over the years. She wields it now, to great effect. “Sweetie. Honey. Darling. You are in so much denial, it is painful to watch. Which must mean, you still have feelings for her. The question is, what are you going to do about those feelings?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.”
She shakes her head and informs me that I’m paying for dinner because I’m an idiot.
Fair.
I take care of the check and walk Charmaine to her car. She’s in casual clothes, jeans and a nice top, which makes me see her differently. “You look healthier,” I say. “What’s different?”
“Other than dropping a hundred eighty pounds by leaving Matthew?”
“Yeah, other than that.”
“Well, that’s pretty much it. I’m in therapy, and I’m going to the gym a healthy amount instead of the non-stop classes I was taking before. Also, getting to work with my baby brother is a plus.” She shrugs. “I’m happier.”
“Well, it shows. You look great.”
“Thanks, Scrody.” She stands on her tiptoes and ruffles my hair.
I consider pulling her into a headlock and giving her a noogie, because I’m big enough to do that now, but we would get too many alarmed looks from passersby.
She sees the temptation on my face and laughs. “Don’t even try it. People will stop you because the big, scary man is attacking the innocent, frail woman.”
I salute her with my middle finger as she drives off. She’s infuriating, but she’s my sister.
It’s only after ten when I get home, so I’m surprised that all the lights are dim. I walk through the living room and stop dead. Alice and Landon are on the couch, lying down together. He’s spooning her from behind, with her curvy body tucked up against him. His arms are around her.
They look so content, but there’s more to it than that. Intimate. They look like they could be having sex. Alice’s tits are practically spilling out the front of her shirt. I want to bury my face in them, find her nipples, bite and suck.
Fuck. Fuck. If they were naked, it’d be the perfect position for him to fuck her. I’d kneel in front of the couch and lick her while he does it. She’d come so fucking hard…would she scream? Shake and shudder for minutes afterward? Would she grab my head and smother me against her pussy?
Goddamn it, I’m so hard, it’s painful.
I hurry down the hall to my bathroom and start the shower, stripping out of my clothes as fast as possible. I get in before the water’s fully warm, but the cold does nothing to cool my lust.
My cock is in my hand before I’m even conscious of doing it. My mind is filled with images of Landon and Alice together, of me joining them on that couch.
Stroke after stroke. I come faster than I should, groaning as my balls empty.
My dick is hard again before my come has washed down the drain.