Chapter 16 Levi
Levi
“Wevi,” he whispered.
“Yeah, buddy.” My voice was dry, cracking on the words.
“Can I sweep with you?”
I propped myself up on an elbow, rubbing my eyes and putting on my glasses. “You don’t want to sleep with Mommy?”
“No. She’s moving too much.”
This was a big deal, and a part of me wanted to wake up Tess to tell her, but I wouldn’t if she was already tossing and turning.
I was fairly certain Luke had never slept without her voluntarily.
And the fact that he left her to come sleep with me?
It made my chest ache in ways I couldn’t comprehend.
It made me feel like I was doing something right, like he felt safe here with me, which is all I ever wanted.
“Okay. Come on,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.
He let out a little victorious snicker and climbed on top of me. I took my glasses back off and got him settled between the back cushions and me so he didn’t roll off. “Wevi?”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you wear gwasses?”
I wrapped an arm around him, shifting to get comfortable, even though I had a feeling I would be up for a while with him next to me. “Because I can’t see without them.”
He gasped, sitting up. “You can’t see?!”
I chuckled. “I didn’t say it right. I can see, but things are blurry without my glasses. You just look like a Luke blob.”
“I’m a bwob!” he giggled. God, he was adorable. After everything he’d gone through, he still had that childlike innocence. It was a miracle I was thankful for every single day.
I shushed him between laughs. “Don’t wake up Mommy. Lay back down.”
He listened, snuggling up next to me, and I was finally starting to doze when I heard. “Wevi?”
I sighed. “Yes, Luke?” I was never going back to sleep at this rate.
He reached for my fingers and started to play with them. “Are you my daddy now?”
My breath caught in the back of my throat, not expecting a gut punch like that while I was half asleep at nearly three in the morning. How could I explain something like this to a four-year-old? “No. I’m like…a bonus dad. You still have the dad you grew up with, but now you have me, too.”
He was quiet for a moment, processing. “So I have two daddies?”
I swallowed roughly, the question hitting harder than I expected. “Yes.”
“But you married Mommy. Daddy didn’t.” He found my wedding band and started twisting it. He knew that’s what the rings meant after Brittany and Colt’s wedding, and had been fascinated with mine and Tess’s since our wedding.
“That’s why I’m your second dad. I didn’t make you with Mommy, I married her, so now we’re family.” And it truly felt like it after living together this past week.
“Make me?” Nope. I was not touching that conversation with a ten-foot pole.
“Ask your mom about that when you wake up,” I said, hoping he’d let it go.
“Okay.” I let out a breath of relief, and he nuzzled into my chest. “I wove you, Wevi,” he whispered, and my heart crumbled into bits.
My eyes burned when I buried my face in his hair, kissing the top of his head. “I love you, too, buddy.”
The weight of my responsibility for him settled heavily on my shoulders.
I didn’t know what Tess and I were after what happened this afternoon.
I was taking my cues from her. But if it went in the direction I wanted and hoped it would, I’d really be his stepfather.
I’d have a hand in raising him, in shaping him into a good man.
And that realization kept me up until the sun rose.
There was sniffling, faint and far away. And I was almost back to sleep when I heard it again. I turned, squinting at the bright light. Tess was standing over me, her eyes glassy and her nose red.
I was instantly wide awake. “What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”
“He’s sleeping with you,” she whispered, her chin quivering. I couldn’t tell if she was upset or excited. Either way, I hated to see her cry.
I took her hand, squeezing it gently. “It’s a good thing, right?”
She nodded, her face crumbling. “He doesn’t need me anymore.”
“That’s not true.” I tugged on her hand, and she climbed over me, lying on the other side of Luke. Thank God for deep couches, or I’d be on the floor. “He’s always going to need you, sweetheart.”
She wrapped her arm around Luke, and I wrapped mine around them both, unable to help it.
I smiled, remembering our conversation from last night, or I guess, earlier. “For starters, he’s probably going to wake up asking you where babies come from,” I said between laughs.
She sniffled, eyeing me. “What? Why?”
“Long story, just know it’s probably coming.”
She rolled her eyes. “Thanks a lot. I wasn’t planning on having that conversation for at least another decade.”
“You’re cute when you’re annoyed.”
She looked away, fighting a smile. “What are your plans for today?” Her voice was a little breathy, and I got a sick satisfaction knowing I affected her so easily. It was only fair since I was just as reactive to her.
“Was going to go to the office and work on some stuff. Why?”
“We’re all getting together to go over Golden Circle stuff later this afternoon.” She licked her lips, looking anywhere but at me. “Do you want to come?”
“Am I allowed to come?”
Her brows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t you be?”
“Because I’m a Hollis?” Hollises were enemy number one to the Hayeses and McLeods.
“So am I,” she countered, a mischievous glint in her eyes. And in that moment, hearing her claim my last name, nothing about this marriage felt fake.
All my blood started rushing south at that look. I bit my lip. “That’s right, you are,” I said, running my hand down her side to her hip, my fingers flexing against her soft skin. “And I figured out how much you love being reminded of it.”
She blushed, and I wanted to kiss her more than I wanted air. “So will you come?”
“Yes. If you want me there, I’ll be there.” Didn’t she know by now I was putty in her hands? That I’d follow her anywhere?
“I do.”
“Then I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
That afternoon, we were all crammed into Beau’s living room and dining room. It looked like a war room of some kind, littered with blueprints and papers and beer bottles. Everyone moved around one another like they were all extensions of each other.
And then there was me.
Tess tried to include me. She really did, and I was thankful for it, but I just didn’t know where I fit in here.
I wasn’t a part of the rancher lifestyle like they all were.
I hadn’t grown up around it and couldn’t remember the last time I was on a horse; probably the last time I stayed in this house when I was a pre-teen.
And I knew even less about all the other smaller aspects they were planning to integrate into the ranch.
I grew up learning mind games and that the best deals were made over cigars and bourbon.
I knew how to ballroom dance and how to set a table fancy enough for royalty.
I was taught things like connections got you further than talent, and that discretion was a form of armor, but gossip was your weapon.
So I didn’t have any insightful input or worthwhile opinions. I’d helped as much as I knew how already with the legal side against my grandfather, but they backed off, so I felt kind of useless, like a spare cog in their well-oiled machine.
“Hey.” Beau’s voice cut through my thoughts. He was leaning against the wall, watching me instead of the conversation. When our eyes met, he jerked his head toward the porch. “C’mere for a second.”
I followed him outside, the heat a little more bearable now that the sun was setting.
He was staring out at the pastures like a king overlooking his land.
I wasn’t going to say it, since they were still trying to mend things, but he looked a lot like his father in that moment.
They carried the same air of authority, the same commanding presence that took up a room.
“What’s up?”
“You look like you’d rather be anywhere else but here,” he said without looking at me.
I shifted on my feet, not really knowing what to say. “It’s not that,” I said. “I just don’t really know how I fit in all of this, I guess.”
He gave me a sideways glance. “Fit how?”
I propped myself up against the railing, crossing my arms. “I don’t know.” I stared down at my feet. “I feel like an outsider looking in.”
“Well, you’re not an outsider,” he said. “For one thing, you’re our cousin. And now, you’re Tess’s husband. So you’re double locked in.”
My heart skipped a beat like a middle school girl. “Yeah, but our marriage isn’t even real.”
He scoffed. “Looks pretty fuckin’ real if you ask me. You look at her the same way I look at Claire, and I couldn’t be more in love with her if I tried.”
I swallowed, my throat tight with the truth.
“You love her, don’t you? You wouldn’t have done any of this for them if you didn’t.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Yeah, I love her.” A heavy, shaky breath left me. “I love both of them.”
“Have you told her?”
I let out a humorless laugh. “No. Not unless you count me telling Luke I love him at three this morning to avoid telling him about sex.”
He chuckled. “No. That doesn’t count.” His hand came down on my shoulder. “My advice? Tell her.”
I looked up at him then, hoping he could see just how conflicted I was.
“What if it ruins everything?” I knew Tess had feelings for me; she said so herself.
But having feelings and being in love were two very different things.
I didn’t want to make her feel suffocated or rushed into something she wasn’t ready for.
“The only way you’ll ruin it is by keepin’ your mouth shut.
Women don’t like to be left guessing. They like gestures from the heart, big and small.
” He glanced towards the door. “And that girl in there has had a shitty go of it lately. She deserves some happiness, and from what I saw at that wedding, she wants it with you.”
I glanced through the door, finding Tess laughing at something Savannah said. I wanted to make her laugh like that, make her laugh like that every day for the rest of our lives. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“I know I’m right, but what are you gonna do about it?”
I laughed. “I’ll think of something.”
He took a step to go inside, but stopped in front of me. “You’re not an outsider, Levi. Even if things don’t work out with her, which I know they will, you’ll still be a part of this family. Nothin’ will change that.”
“Thanks, Beau,” I rasped, my throat tight. I hadn’t realized I was waiting for someone to say that until he said it.
Maybe he was right. Maybe the only thing standing between me and the life I wanted with Tess and Luke, with all of them, really, was me. And maybe it was finally time to get out of my own way.