Chapter 14 #2
Brinley hated to see him this way, so despondent, and she vowed to do everything she could to make the coming days easier on him. Nothing would ever make the situation right, but if she could take some of the pressure and stress off his shoulders, she’d be satisfied.
As he packed, Brinley went online and was able to get them tickets on a red-eye flight out of Fairbanks that evening.
After asking Dash for his mom’s address, she booked a hotel nearby and rented a car as well.
That was all she could do for now, except sit next to Dash after he packed a suitcase and made some calls of his own.
He was able to find out from the coroner that his mom had apparently suffered a stroke.
When he’d talked to her last night, she’d mentioned that she had a headache and felt kind of weak.
She’d reassured her son that she was going to bed and if she didn’t feel better in the morning, she’d make an appointment to see her doctor.
Based on estimated time of death, the coroner assumed that she’d gotten up sometime in the night to use the bathroom and had fallen.
The thought of Dash’s mom dying on the floor of her bathroom was awful. But the coroner also said that it didn’t look like she’d suffered. That it was likely she died suddenly.
Watching Dash grieve was the most difficult thing she’d ever done, and all Brinley could do was hold his hand, encourage him to talk about his mom, and listen as he did just that.
Once he started reminiscing, it was as if the floodgates opened. He talked nonstop about his funniest memories, about how hard she’d worked to keep a roof over both their heads, pranks she’d played on him, how she’d never missed any of his extracurricular activities.
“I didn’t think she’d be able to make it to my basic training graduation.
She had to work and her boss was an asshole.
But when the time came, and I was standing at attention with the rest of my battle buddies, I saw her in the crowd.
She was there…and it meant the world to me.
She always worried about my deployments, but she did her best not to harp on me about it because she knew how much I loved my job. What am I going to do without her?”
Brinley didn’t have an answer for him. She wished she knew the words that would make this easier. But then again, nothing would make losing a mom like Pauly Carlson better.
Thankfully, Dash fell asleep on the way to Seattle. He had dark circles under his eyes and didn’t say much as they waited for their connecting flight. Brinley kept hold of his hand, worried about the man who seemed so broken.
They arrived in Phoenix around noon, and he went to wait for their bags while she checked in at the car rental place.
The small SUV she’d rented was nothing to write home about, but at this point it didn’t matter.
Dash insisted he was all right to drive, and soon they were on their way to his mom’s house.
He parked in the driveway and sat there, holding on to the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip.
His eyes filled and tears began to cascade down his cheeks once more.
He was breaking Brinley’s heart. Dash was larger than life. A take-charge kind of man. But also a man who felt deep emotions. And right now, he was suffering. She hated that she couldn’t do anything to take his pain away.
“She was so proud of this house. It’s tiny, but she worked her butt off to make the mortgage payments. To give me a place to grow up that was safe. I can’t believe she’s gone.”
He took a deep breath and wiped his cheeks impatiently with his hands before pulling out his phone and turning to face Brinley. “She sent me an email last night after we talked. I’d like for you to see it.”
“Of course.”
He clicked on the screen, then handed over his phone. Brinley wasn’t sure what she was about to read. She assumed it was a good email…but she had no idea how much his mom’s words would affect her.
It was great to talk to you tonight, son.
You sound happier than I’ve heard you in a long time.
I love that for you. Brinley is good for you, and I think you’re good for her too.
From what you’ve told me about her family, they don’t deserve her.
You can treat her like she should’ve been treated since she was a tiny baby. Like a princess.
You’re going to marry her someday. I can feel it.
I’m extremely happy for you and know you’ll make an awesome husband.
I’ve done my best to raise you to be a gentleman, to look out for those around you, and to not be afraid to tell those you love how much they mean to you.
Life is short, Dash, and we’re only here for a speck of time.
I’ve waited forty years for you to find a woman like her.
Someone who appreciates you for who you are deep down, not for what you can give her, or your looks, or because they’re impressed by what you do.
And when I listen to you talk about Brinley, I sense that she’s that woman.
You’re very lucky, never forget that. She could have any man in the world, and it seems as if she’s chosen you. Don’t screw it up.
Brinley was crying now but let out a small chuckle at that point. She’d talked to Pauly only a few times but could picture the older woman scolding her son in her head as she read. Taking a deep breath, she continued.
One of the scariest things in the world is having a child.
All of a sudden it’s not just you that you have to worry about.
You have to keep another human alive and raise them to be a productive member of society, warn them about the dangers that lurk out there, and then you have to let them go.
Watch them spread their wings and fly and hope that you’ve done right by them.
I’m proud of you, Dash. I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing a lot of the time when you were growing up, but you’re a good man.
A great one. I can’t wait to watch you marry Brinley.
To be a grandmother, to watch you experience the same joys I did with you.
I’ll always be here when you need me. And I can’t wait to get to know Brinley better.
To give her the mother-figure that she never got growing up.
I’m hoping like heck that any kids you might decide to have together will get her beautiful red hair and that little chin dimple just like yours.
This email got long, sorry. I’m going to go to bed now. My eyes are crossing and I’m tired. I’ll call you tomorrow.
Love, Mom
Brinley looked up from the screen and could barely see Dash through her tears.
“She was so excited to meet you in person. I promised her I’d bring you down here sooner rather than later. This isn’t how I expected things to go.”
Practically throwing herself at him, Brinley wrapped her arms around him and felt his head go to that spot in the crook of her shoulder once more.
She cried harder then. For him. For missing out on getting to meet his mom.
For all the times in the future Dash would feel the need to reach out to his mother for something, then remember she wasn’t there for him to talk to.
And she cried for herself too. For never having a mom just like Pauly. Not having a parent who was proud of her. Who loved her for the person she was, instead of what she looked like on the outside.
Pulling back, she sniffed and did her best to pull herself together. This trip wasn’t about her.
“Thank you for being here. I don’t think I could do this without you.”
“Yes, you could,” she said firmly. “You can do anything. Because you’re the bravest man I’ve ever met.”
He lifted a hand and placed his palm on her face, brushing away the remnants of tears on her cheeks.
“I don’t feel brave right now. The thought of walking into that house and seeing where she died.
Seeing her things. Having the memories of all our good and bad times smack me in the face…
all I want to do is retreat. Never set foot in that house ever again. ”
“I’m here, Dash. When you get too overwhelmed, we can take a walk. Go get something to eat. Take a break. I’m not leaving your side.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me for sticking by you. There’s nowhere I’d choose to be than right here.”
Dash’s eyes closed for a moment, then he nodded and took a deep breath as he opened them again.
“I have to warn you, Mom hadn’t changed my room much.
I know it’s been over twenty years since I left, but she kept my room practically untouched.
I’m sure the trophies I earned growing up are still on a shelf in there. ”
Brinley gave him a small smile. “Did she leave the posters of pretty girls on the walls too? Because I’m sure you had some of those.”
She was proud of herself for making Dash chuckle. It wasn’t one of his usual carefree and boisterous laughs, but she’d take it.
“Of course I did. But hell no, she didn’t leave that crap up. She hated those, said they set up unrealistic expectations in young, impressionable men.”
“She wasn’t wrong.”
“Reality is a thousand times better than the plastic expectations of those women. Ready?”
“Ready.”
Brinley gave Dash his phone back, and he put it in his pocket as they exited the vehicle.
He immediately took her hand in a strong grip, as if he was holding on for dear life as they walked up the sidewalk toward the front door.
He put a key in the lock and took a deep breath before turning the knob and walking inside.
The house was eerily silent. All Brinley could hear was the ticking of a clock somewhere.
It was immaculately clean though. A stack of books sat on a table next to a leather chair in the living room.
Catalogs were piled up in a basket near the chair as well.
An empty mug. An electronic tablet. A blanket.