Chapter 9 #2
Even if Josiah never fell in love with her, and honestly, despite the fact they were growing closer, she still didn't see it happening, at least he could walk away from this undercover operation with a reminder that he had friends.
Feeling all alone and actually being all alone were two totally different things, and Josiah had an entire team at his back, all he had to do was turn around and see them.
“Trusting you with what?” he asked, starting to move again. He came to the stove, nudged her out of the way, and nodded toward the table, which she took as an indication that he wanted to take over cooking breakfast.
“You slept beside me,” she explained. Sex with Josiah had been everything she’d known it would be, but the fact that he’d agreed to sleep in the bed with her for the remainder of the night was even better. Another indication he was starting to trust her.
Plus, there was what he’d whispered to her when he thought she’d fallen asleep.
Thank you for not giving up on me when I've already given up on myself.
She’d been right on the cusp of sleep when those words had filtered through her mind and settled in her heart.
She would never give up on him, and that wasn't contingent on him ever falling in love with her.
After everything he had been through, he deserved to have someone who was unconditionally on his side, no matter what.
“You asked,” he said with a shrug, trying to brush it off, act like it wasn't a big deal, but she knew that it was a big deal. For both of them.
“I’m glad you remembered to put on clothes after your shower,” she teased, not wanting to dwell on the heavy stuff. The more she drew it to Josiah’s attention, the more time he was going to spend trying to talk himself out of believing in her.
A laugh came from the stove, and she froze.
Laughter.
Real laughter.
She’d known Josiah for years now, and she had never once heard him laugh. Not like this, not all free and genuine.
Tears blurred her eyes as she stared at him.
How badly she wanted him to be able to move on from the past. It would always be there, he would always miss his team, always feel anger at what had happened to them, likely always feel some survivor’s guilt for living when the rest of them had died.
But he didn't have to revolve his entire life around his loss.
He could be happy, find joy, maybe even find love one day, with her or with someone else.
“I don’t think I like the idea of the rest of our team getting a look at how … impressive … you are,” she added with a giggle of her own, wanting to soak in this carefree moment because she didn't know when or even if the next one was coming.
There was actual amusement sparking in his dark eyes when he turned to carry two plates piled high with eggs and bacon to the table. “Definitely don’t want that. Wouldn't want to make Ava and Teresa feel bad about what they got stuck with. Isabella either.”
Chelsea’s mouth fell open.
Not only had he laughed, but he was making jokes.
This version of Josiah made her fall in love with him all over again. If she’d thought he was handsome when he was all serious or scowling, seeing him like this, smiling and relaxed, he was drop-dead gorgeous.
“I think I definitely was the winner,” she agreed.
A little of the joy seeped out of him, worry clouding in. “Chelsea, remember I—”
“Shh,” she hushed, picking up her fork and digging into her meal.
“I know. I don’t have any expectations, Josiah, so don’t go putting pressure on yourself that isn’t coming from me.
You know how I feel, but you also know I would never want you to do anything you don’t want to do.
If you don’t ever love me back, I've made peace with it. I still enjoy your company, still want to be your friend, and still will always be here for you.”
After a pause, he gave a single nod, then took his seat at the table, and they ate in companionable silence.
They didn't need to talk, she was busy soaking up Josiah’s company, and she was sure he was busy having an internal debate with himself about whether or not he should be sitting at the table with her.
But he stayed, and that was a win as far as she was concerned.
Together they cleaned up after breakfast, rinsing off dishes and loading the dishwasher, wiping down the table and counters.
Then they headed into the living room, and Josiah set up his laptop.
They had a video conference with their team this morning, and while she wanted this case wrapped up as quickly as possible, she was going to miss being alone with Josiah.
Right at eight thirty on the dot, the call connected, and a moment later she was looking at the smiling faces of her team.
Ava and Teresa were the two very best friends anyone could ever ask for, and Isabella was quickly becoming a friend as well.
There were no better bosses out there than Raven, and since meeting Isabella, Tobias was trying to integrate more into the team, making an effort to form friendships rather than just being a colleague.
The organ trafficking ring didn't stand a chance against them.
“How are you both doing?” Raven asked.
“We’re doing great,” Chelsea assured their boss.
“And you're feeling okay?” Raven asked her.
“A little tired, sometimes a little nauseous, and there is definitely some swelling appearing in my legs and ankles,” she replied.
Beside her, Josiah had tensed, and she knew he was thinking about his hands around her neck this morning.
He’d already been up when she woke, so he hadn't seen them this morning.
The red marks weren't visible because she’d chosen a dress with a high neckline just for that very purpose.
“Good, happy to hear you're not suffering too badly. We all appreciate the sacrifices you're making. The sacrifices you're both making,” Raven added, her gaze shifting to Josiah.
“Do you have anything?” Josiah asked in his usual brisk tone, the lighter one from breakfast was gone, and her heart sank a little.
“We’ve been going through the footage from the surveillance cameras and microphone you planted in Dr. Wood’s office, and we’re compiling a list of all hospital employees that he might be working with,” Raven replied.
“We hacked into his hospital account and were able to get our hands on some of his communications,” Ava added.
“Isabella was the one who cracked his code,” Teresa told them, and Isabella blushed but nodded.
“Helped to know some medical-specific terminology,” Isabella said.
“That’s great,” Cheslea gushed. If they wanted to shut this ring down permanently, they needed to get as many of the people involved as possible. Of course, another ring would rise up to take its place, but that would take time, and lives would still be saved by dismantling this ring.
One thing she’d had to learn when she took this job was to celebrate the wins however small they might seem.
There was more evil in the world than most people realized, and no matter how many terrorists or traffickers you took out, there would always be another to take their place, but that didn't mean you still hadn't achieved something.
It was that same attitude she needed to use now with Josiah.
Walking beside him wouldn't be an easy road, especially since he was going to be fighting to shove her off it every step of the way. But each win was a win no matter how small it might be. And over the last couple of days, they’d had several wins.
The future held whatever it held. It wasn't their place to try to figure it all out, just to take the intel you had at the moment and work with it, make the best of it.
Even if the best that came from her time alone with Josiah was one special night where he felt safe enough to fall asleep beside her, then that was a win.
But she’d never stop hoping for more.
Hope for the best, but be content with what you had.