Chapter 10
Chapter
Ten
He was finding it difficult to stay focused this morning.
Not a problem Josiah usually had when it came to work.
When work was all you had in your life because you had ruthlessly cut out your family, the family of your lost teammates, and refused to allow any new connections to form, it made sense that you threw everything you had into it.
For six years, it had been his only reason for getting out of bed in the morning. The only way he could honor the memories of his fallen teammates was to make the fact that he had been spared mean something.
Then something inside him shifted.
A petite brunette with stormy gray eyes and a heart of gold. Her dedication to standing beside him and offers of friendship meant he could no longer just shut himself away. Physically or emotionally.
Every time he turned around Chelsea was there, physically, or he could smell the sweet lavender scent of her perfume or hear her puttering about the house. But it ran deeper than that. Somehow, she had him starting to believe that there could be more to life than his self-imposed exile.
It was a terrifying thought.
His survival and his sanity relied on his not letting anyone get close. He didn't enjoy cutting his family out of his life or giving in to his growing feelings for Chelsea, but he had to do what he had to do.
Didn't he?
“Josiah.” Chelsea poked him in the leg, and he blinked as he looked over at her.
Like it had all morning, his gaze zeroed in on her neck. He couldn’t see her skin beneath the high neck of her dress, but he knew beneath the soft pink material, there had to be bruises. Bruises he’d put on her delicate skin.
The reminder was exactly what he needed right now.
A reminder of the damage he could cause if he weakened and let Chelsea in.
Already he was slipping. It was getting easier to spend time with her, he’d joked with her at breakfast, laughed, and enjoyed the comfortable silence.
How much further could he slip over the next few days or weeks?
“Yeah?”
“Raven asked about uploading a virus onto Dr. Wood’s computer the next time we go there,” Chelsea explained patiently.
“They want to try to see how he’s communicating with the rest of the trafficking ring.
The code works for other hospital employees, but he has to have another way of contacting the ring.
I said I think next time we’re there, we can figure out a way to get you alone in the room so you can upload the virus.
And don’t go acting all outraged like you don’t want me to be in danger. ”
Snickers and chuckles came from the computer, and he knew the rest of their team was watching the exchange, waiting to see how he was going to respond.
Of course, he wanted to explode and absolutely forbid Chelsea to follow through on whatever idea was currently running through her head. The last thing he wanted was for her to be in danger.
But …
That’s why they were here.
This whole thing was dangerous, and he’d agreed to be part of it even if the idea of Chelsea in danger had always made him feel sick.
He trusted her. At least in this. She’d proven herself to be a talented actress, and to be brave and strong.
She was handling all of this like a champ, and implying otherwise felt like insulting her.
“We can do that,” he agreed.
“We can?” Chelsea’s eyes widened in shock enough that he couldn’t help but smile.
“You’re right, it’s dangerous, but not any more than what we’re already doing. We’ll work out a plan that minimizes risks,” he said, refocusing on the screen.
“Perfect,” Raven said. “We’ll leave you two to work on that.
Update us once you have your plan worked out so we can assist in any way necessary.
This is the list of employees we were able to identify through the coded messages.
We’ll brief you both on all of them, and if you get any chance to make a connection with them run with it. ”
As members of his team began detailing the information they had so far compiled, Chelsea leaned slightly closer. Not enough that anyone on the call would notice, but enough that he felt the heat of her body seep into him.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“For what?”
“For not freaking out, for believing in me, for wanting to work with me instead of against me.”
Her words were simple, but he felt the weight of them. The weight of her gratitude for something as simple as him working with her as the partners they were supposed to be.
There was no way in hell he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to truly be Chelsea’s partner. She was headstrong, sure, and he was quickly learning that she was a risk-taker, but he was also learning that he liked seeing that side of her.
For all the years he’d known her, he’d always believed she was too soft, too sweet, too innocent for the work they did. While he believed she could handle it, he’d never thought she could take what they did and make it work out in the real world, where there was real danger, real threats.
But she could.
From the looks of things, she could handle anything. She certainly took his anger in stride.
Why couldn’t things be different?
Why couldn’t he be a normal man, one who wasn't a threat to be around, one not consumed by rage and guilt? One who didn't spend more time wishing he were dead than actually living his life?
If he was then he could reach out and take hold of everything Chelsea was offering.
Then again, if he were that kind of man, it would have meant his team had never been slaughtered. He’d still be a SEAL, and he never would have met Chelsea.
The shaft of unexpected pain that pierced his soul at the idea of never having met Chelsea, of her never being part of his life, told him he was already in a lot deeper than he wanted to be.
Try as he might, Josiah couldn’t keep his mind on the information his team was giving him, and he prayed Chelsea was taking more of it in.
Working with Chelsea was so different than serving with his SEAL team had been.
Those guys had been like brothers, and he’d cared about every single one of them, although he was closer with some than others, but their presence had never distracted him.
It hadn't taken all of a whiff of lavender to make his blood heat and his heart beat faster.
She didn't even realize how deeply she affected him.
Although as he shifted in his seat, trying not to let anyone know he wasn't paying attention, his gaze caught Chelsea’s, and she smirked. A cute little one-sided smile that told him she knew exactly what she did to him, and she liked it.
A lot.
Eventually, the call ended, his team said goodbye, he and Chelsea promised to keep them apprised of any changes on their end and assured everyone that they would be safe.
Once he closed the computer, his attention swung to Chelsea.
It was still early, and they didn't have any plans for the rest of the day.
Only his mind seemed to conjure up dozens.
Used to his own company, and focusing all his energy on work, it was weird to find that he hadn't minded sitting in the hot tub with Chelsea the day before, or watching movies with her, and he certainly hadn't minded sinking into her tight heat last night.
Although that one had to be a one-off. No way could he hold onto any semblance of sanity if he let himself touch her and taste her again.
“Want to relax in the hot tub again?” Chelsea asked as though reading his mind.
“If you want to,” he replied, trying not to sound too eager. The last thing he wanted was for her to find out just how much power she had over him.
“Up to you.” She arched a brow at him, and he knew she was already well aware of the power she wielded.
Since she wasn't going to let him out of making a decision, he nodded. “The hot tub is fine.”
“I’ll go up and change.” She pushed to her feet and was already halfway to the stairs when her cell phone began to play some old lullaby.
“Oh, my mom is calling.” She squealed in excitement, as she hurried over to snatch up her phone.
“I’ll go change as soon as I'm done,” she told him before answering the call.
Watching how excited she was just to talk to her mom made his heart ache.
Before he lost his team, he’d had a great relationship with his mom.
She’d always been fair, always been someone he could talk to, and he’d never gone through the teenage embarrassed by his parents phase, because his mother was just such a decent person, there was nothing to be embarrassed about.
He missed his mom.
His parents.
His siblings.
It was time to stop pretending that he didn't.
Time to stop pretending he could go on like this forever as well. The more time he spent with Chelsea, the less terrifying the idea of living seemed. But was he really ready to take the plunge and try to start living again?
May 15th
9:34 A.M.
“Mama,” Chelsea greeted her mother as she answered her phone.
There was just something about talking to her mom that made her feel like a little girl again.
Her parents were almost in their eighties, and they needed her more and more to help out with things, but she would always be their little girl.
“Hello, my darling,” Mom said. “Your daddy and I miss you. How are you doing?”
Since talking about her undercover operation with anyone outside of Prey, even her parents, wasn't an option, she sank down onto the couch and considered her words. She hated lying to her mom, always had. Even as a teenager, she’d struggled to tell those typical teen lies.
Deciding to be as truthful as possible without mentioning the trafficking ring, she tucked her feet up underneath her.