Chapter 13
Evelyn
Movement was uncomfortable. It was the same unwieldy feeling of my shift, like being in my own body was not where I belonged, but I knew this one wasn’t my veil cat’s fault. Every step through the forest that forced me away from Ambrose was another tightening in my chest.
This was … bad.
I was sure it was worse than bad, but my brain couldn’t find a better descriptor as my baser instincts slid to the forefront.
One of my favorite things about Parkview Tavern was that it was located in a lush, green wood that ran from the city center to the sea.
Unfortunately, the tavern’s placement precisely in the center of the city meant there were no easy paths to my usual escape routes.
My fraying nerves about this bond, the project, and Ambrose released some of the careful hold I attempted to keep on my shift.
I laughed at my hope. My veil cat was in control when she wanted to be, and it seemed she was choosing now to take over.
It was sheer luck that most of my shifts had been so early in the morning that no one had seen me run through the streets as a giant, reddish-brown cat. I wouldn’t be that lucky forever. As my claws fought to extend and gooseflesh rose on my arms, I didn’t think I would be that lucky now.
Sandrin was packed. The sun was low in the sky, and it was less than a week after the largest winter solstice celebration this city had seen in years. Locals were leaving work for the day, families were gathering for a meal, and tourists were searching for new adventures within the city’s limits.
If I shifted, I was screwed.
When I glanced down at my hand, it was almost entirely paw. My fur grew and disappeared as I struggled to regain control over myself. I sucked in a few deep breaths, but nothing worked.
“Not now. Please, not now,” I whispered to myself, even though attempting to reason with my veil cat had yet to help me.
The only good thing about this veil cat takeover was that at least I wasn’t thinking about Ambrose.
And then I was thinking about Ambrose again.
I stopped walking and looked around. A few couples meandered in the park ahead of me, but I had a little space.
The discomfort was too much, though. The risk of losing this battle against myself was too great.
With each step farther away from the tavern—from him—I lost a little more control.
There was no way I made it all the way home.
I ducked behind some bushes into a small copse of trees to get hold of myself.
With a thick tree trunk at my back, I sucked in more deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the nose. I could do this. I didn’t need to be near Ambrose. He didn’t want me near him, anyway. He was utterly embarrassed by everything I’d shared at the tavern.
It was the height of irony that I’d had to admit to him that one of my tests, which he considered so reckless, was responsible for our current predicament.
Maybe he was right. Maybe any blood magic was too dangerous.
I didn’t believe that. Blood magic was the only magic available to those not fully fae.
It could be life-changing to those born without magic.
The story about the human sisters in the journal proved that.
When natural disaster had driven the food supply to unpredictability, they used blood magic to feed their people.
One mistake didn’t throw away all that potential.
Even if the one mistake had been a pretty big one.
My head ached as I sipped in another lungful of air in my hidden location.
I let my body slide down the tree against which I leaned.
My paw—hand—stopped shifting, and I wasn’t sure why.
It didn’t feel like I had grasped some semblance of control, but the shift had stopped its progression.
I dug my hand into the dirt, as if it were a lifeline.
The tightness in my chest loosened. My breathing exercises were working better than anticipated. I had never been able to stop the shift when it was so insistent.
Then I heard the rustling in the bushes.
No, no, no. I couldn’t have a visitor in here. Maybe I’d wrangled a minute of control, but it wouldn’t last if someone pressed in on my peace.
A fresh scent hit my nostrils, and it occurred to me why the twisting feeling had lessened.
Ambrose smelled like old books and pencil shavings.
They might have been mundane scents, but they suited him perfectly.
His auburn hair peeked through the dark green bushes even in the shadows of the fading light.
“What are you doing here, Ambrose?” I asked, pushing myself up with the help of the tree. I didn’t need to appear weaker than I was sure I already looked. He didn’t need to see how badly this magical bond was affecting me, or how little control I had in this moment.
And he was the absolute last person in the world I needed to shift in front of.
“Evelyn? Your heart was racing. I thought you were in trouble.” He slid the rest of the way through the bushes and stood up. His broad shoulders took up too much space in my small clearing.
Standing now, I still craned my neck to look up at him. “I’ll be fine. Continue on your way.”
His hazel eyes did a cursory full-body scan.
It wasn’t lingering, but it left me feeling raw and exposed all the same.
I glanced down to see what he saw. More of me must have been partially shifting than just my paw.
My pants and shirt were torn. A dark line of dirt covered my knee from where I’d fallen when clambering through the bushes myself.
I felt twigs in my hair as I ran my fingers over it. In short, I was a mess.
He stepped toward me. “Let me help you.”
“No.” I held up my hands to stop his forward progress.
He halted at my movement. “Evelyn.” He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “We need to talk.”
“Tomorrow would be best.” My nostrils flared, but when I reached for another deep breath, all I could smell was Ambrose.
Wood shavings, probably freshly carved from the stupid pencil he kept in his pocket.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. What was I doing?
The scent was ridiculous, but he smelled good.
My veil cat didn’t press forward, but it was like she sat patiently in my head, biding her time while I made an idiot of myself all on my own.
His hair flopped unevenly from the constant tousle of his fingers, but instead of a messy disaster, it looked like he meant it to be that way.
It was frankly unfair. My gaze raked over his shoulders, so big they seemed to take up all the space in my small sanctuary.
I’d never understand how someone who spent as much time tucked into books as I did had such broad shoulders and unfortunately defined arm muscles.
What was wrong with me? Was I checking Ambrose out?
Ambrose tried to speak. “I need to—”
“If you must stay, give me a minute.”
My nostrils flared, and Mom’s teasing replayed in my head. We’re not ignoring facts, are we? I had always known Ambrose was handsome. I thought my body and I had agreed we were ignoring that particular fact, since everything about me seemed off-putting to him.
I closed my eyes, taking another deep breath, trying to ignore his scent. Maybe if I didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t be so appealing. My veil cat’s tail twitched in my head, like she knew better.
Another deep breath.
Nope, the stupid smell was still there. Musty books?
Come on, how is that a turn-on? My cheeks flushed at the thought, because as much as I didn’t want to admit it to myself, that was exactly what this was.
My crush was progressing, because here I was considering how attractive Ambrose Yarrow was in my discombobulated state.
I wasn’t thinking clearly enough to remember why that fact was irrelevant.
Maybe this was just the magic. Yes, that sounded right.
But you’d noticed his physical attributes the first day you met him in the Records Office, and probably every day after that in the Vesten Library.
Before I had found my favorite study carrel, Ambrose used to sneak up on me often.
Well, he still snuck up on me even with the study carrel, but now I blamed that firmly on his wolf.
Once, though, just after I was hired, while I attempted an experiment with a huckleberry bush, I’d barely pricked my finger.
He’d appeared behind me and told me it was against procedure to conduct any blood magic experiment with living things in the Great Room.
I’d jumped so high I’d fallen out of my chair. Then I’d asked him where he suggested I conduct the experiments, in that case. Only the interruption of Gabriel, oblivious to the tension between us, had stopped us from getting into a full-blown argument.
Ambrose’s ears had pinkened then. It was the first time I’d seen it, and a stupid flutter somewhere in the vicinity of my chest had enjoyed the look.
The slight look of concern on the too-self-assured fae’s features was something I would forever crave.
It had lasted only seconds before he’d turned and walked away from me.
I opened my eyes in the small clearing beyond the bushes. I wished he would walk away from me now, too, like he had then.
It used to be so easy to drive him away. Now he stood resolute and unmoving, like he’d make me hear whatever he’d decided he needed to say. Finally, I nodded. That seemed signal enough for him to proceed.
“I need to tell you something about the bond between us.”
No. I shook my head. That was not a topic we needed to cover now. I was barely holding it together as it was. I couldn’t listen to him lecture me about my recklessness—about my mistake.
“It’s not as straightforward as you seem to think it is…”
Of course it wasn’t. I was not an idiot; undoing or changing the shape of a blood magic bond was an unknown, maybe impossible task.
It was why the Compass Points and gods had asked us for help in the first place.
Hadn’t I just told him that an hour ago?
My temper flared, and whatever battle I had previously won against my veil cat was forgotten.
“Ambrose.” I clenched my teeth as my veil cat finally lost patience with this whole scene. She must be done toying with me. Done waiting for me to make some ill-conceived move on my attraction to Ambrose.
The shift surged within me, and I couldn’t hold it back.
“Evelyn?” The register of his voice elevated. He sounded worried, like when he thought I was doing a particularly risky experiment. Usually, he would run his hand through his hair when he used that tone of voice—further evidence of his nerves.
It occurred to me then that I could no longer see his face. I had fallen to the ground. On all fours, to be precise. My now paw didn’t need to scratch my head to know that reddish-brown fur covered my body.
I shifted in front of Ambrose Yarrow.