Chapter 5
FIVE
D rying my hands on my pants, I hurry down the steps before she can get her claws into me again.
She dragged me upstairs, saying she needed my help going to the bathroom, and I couldn’t say no, not with all the eyes on me.
I need to be the best I can manage for Fox and the others so we can make as many connections as we can, but as soon as we got upstairs, she pushed me onto one of the beds.
She didn’t want me, she wanted what I stood for, and it made me feel sick.
I managed to get out from under her and make an escape.
I need to find Fox. I’ll stay at his side, and we can speak to some of the idols about maybe working with them.
I freeze on the bottom step, my gaze locked on the glass doors. Fox is on the balcony, laughing, and my lips want to tilt into a smile at the sight, but it’s the person he’s laughing with that bothers me.
Reign Harrow holds onto his arm, talking away, her eyes glittering as she stares up at him.
I can feel the connection between them from here, and when I see her slap his side, I swallow the bile in my throat.
I hurried down here, not wanting to leave him alone, and there he is, completely fine, flirting away.
Did he even care when I was pulled away? Did he even look for me?
He acts like he cares and looks at me like I’m the only person in his universe, but then he does shit like this. He didn’t even stop me from being taken upstairs.
“Hey, there you are, man,” Dash calls, slapping my arm to draw my attention to him.
“Have you seen Fox?” He follows my gaze and whistles.
“Goddamn, did Fox pull Reign fucking Harrow? Bastard, I knew he was too much of a pretty boy. They all want him. You should see the way everyone has been asking about him.”
Stuffing down the jealousy I feel, I glance at him. “What do you mean?”
Dash clears his throat, pitching his voice high. “Oh my god, where is Fox? Is Fox with you? He’s here, right? He’s so hot. I’m obsessed.” He rolls his eyes then coughs. “That’s all I keep getting asked. It seems Fox is their superstar. I guess we all thought it was you, huh?”
“Right.” My eyes go back to Fox as he throws his head back and laughs hard at something she said. His dimples appear, something I’ve only ever seen with me.
Clearing my throat, I force a smile. “Let’s get drunk and enjoy the party.”
“Smartest thing you’ve said ever.” Dash drapes his arm around me, and we follow Strike through the crowd. I force a smile, accepting drinks and being dragged into conversations, but I continue to glance outside, wondering if he will take her or if he’s just playing along for the cameras.
Is anything we share real, or is it just an act?
The blonde, Sash, leans closer to me, her eyes dilated with either drugs or alcohol.
She’s an actress starring in some hit book remake, and it’s obvious she loves being the center of attention.
She homed in on us when we found ourselves sitting on the couch, surrounded by people vying for our attention.
It almost feels like blades are aimed at us, carving us into little bite-sized pieces for their own enjoyment.
“So you and Fox . . . are you a thing?” she asks with a secretive giggle. “It’s cool if you are. Hell, I’d even let you share me.”
The idea of us sharing her makes me sick. It would mean ruining something so real and perfect.
“We are . . . friends,” I answer lamely, the word sounding pathetic even to me.
Have Fox and I ever been just friends?
I thought there was something between us, but maybe I was wrong.
“Oh.” She giggles again, leaning into me.
“It’s totally okay. We’ve all experimented,” she whispers.
“Anything goes in Hollywood. Besides, the course I went to for sensitivity told me it’s all the rage these days to be open and experimenting.
” She nods. “It would be a shame, though. You are both so hot.”
I need another fucking drink.
I nod tightly and go to stand when Fox appears, happy and relaxed. “Hey, there you guys are.” He offers us all beers, and I accept one, holding the bottle tightly. My knuckles turn white from the force as I eye him. Reign Harrow isn’t with him, but he’s been gone awhile.
Did they hook up? She’s engaged, but it doesn’t seem to stop people in this crowd. Things like commitment and boundries mean nothing to them, and everything is a game, even people’s feelings.
I try to bite my tongue, but it spills out like word vomit.
I need to know.
“Where have you been?” I ask, my voice accusatory, and the looks I get make me plaster on a smile. “You are missing all the fun!” I tack on, sounding overly joyful.
Fox’s eyebrow arches, and he eyes me curiously. “Just getting some fresh air.”
I want to snap, Liar!
He sits on the other side of the blonde, the only free seat, and I force myself to smile at the conversation.
I make myself laugh and act happy to give them what they want and so I’m not labeled as moody or problematic.
These people can make or break a career, and yeah, it’s a party, but it’s also a chance for us to network and find our place.
I can’t spend it being bitter and jealous.
I glance at Fox to see Sash’s attention is now on him, her hand stroking his chest. He doesn’t seem to mind as he smiles at her as they talk.
“Ryker?” someone prompts, and it’s clear it’s not the first time they have called my name.
“Sorry, what?” I grin, turning back.
“Are you guys playing any gigs soon?” the person asks.
“Oh, I’m not sure. We haven’t received our schedule yet.”
“Oh.” They share a look. “Have fun with that.” They laugh. “You’ll miss the time when you were nobodies. Trust me, the schedules are killer.”
“Right.” I smile tightly.
I won’t regret it. This is everything we wanted—fame, recognition, and the chance to play our music for thousands . . . .
I suddenly feel hollow at the thought.
“Can I take a drink?” Sash’s syrupy sweet voice draws my attention, and I see her reaching for Fox’s beer.
He offers her the bottle with an arched brow, but before she can take it, I snatch it and wrap my lips around the rim where his just were. I down it before wiping my mouth. “Sorry, I don’t like to share.” I wink at her as she blinks, looking between us before forcing a tight smile onto her face.
Fox eyes me, frowning, then glances at her. “Want me to get you a drink?”
“Oh my gosh, that is so sweet! Yes.” He stands, and she hops up. “I’ll help you.”
I watch them wander off together, anger filling me before I drag my gaze away.
I don’t care.
I don’t.
Fox can fuck whomever he wants. It has nothing to do with me. Everything we do is for the act—nothing more, nothing less. He can have all the fun he wants now that we are climbing to the top.
I know I’m not making a good impression, but I can’t seem to wear that fake persona even though I know I should, and it makes me even more annoyed and miserable. Before I know it, I’m standing.
“I think we are heading back, guys.” There’s a chorus of boos and people demanding we stay. “We have to be up for a meeting with our label.” I force a smile. “You know how it is. We can’t get into trouble on the first day.” I wink. “But I can’t wait to stay next time and play.”
Dash and Strike extract themselves with frowns. “Aww, we can stay for a little bit longer,” Dash says.
“Stay?” Fox appears at my side, eyeing me, but I can’t bring myself to meet his gaze, afraid of what he might see. “Are we leaving?”
“Yeah, we have to be up early,” I remind them.
“Since when did you become the responsible one?” he scoffs, nudging me.
Since you decided to stop caring about me , I think.
“True, stay!” someone yells.
“At least give us something before you go,” another adds.
“I know! They should kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” The chant starts, and I share a wide-eyed look with Fox.
I glance at his lips as I move closer. “They won’t stop until we do.” It’s an excuse. I want to taste the beer on his lips, and I want them all to know he’s mine.
His eyebrows draw together as he looks at the chanting crowd and then me as I move closer.
My eyes are on his lips, but he steps back, and I freeze.
He turns away from me, smiling tightly at the crowd.
“Ah, you want me to kiss you?” He heads their way jokingly as they laugh.
“Maybe next time.” He winks as he waves.
“Thanks for having us. It’s been a blast. I’m sure I’ll see you fuckers around.
” He turns and forces his way through the crowd.
I watch him go before waving and following after him, my heart pounding for some unknown reason.
“Fox!” I grab his arm. “What’s the problem? It’s just a game.”
He jerks from my grip, frowning at me. “I shouldn’t have to play games just to get them to like me. They don’t matter that much to me. I don’t care what they think or want.”
“But we act like that together,” I start, feeling frustrated.
“Out of choice, not because someone is forcing us to. It makes me feel sick to even think about it,” he snaps.
His words feel like a bucket of cold water was dumped over me as I stare into his eyes, which are hard and distant.
“It made you sick to think about kissing me?” I know my voice is sharp, but something inside me cracks.
“Under these circumstances? Yes,” he retorts, eyeing me. “You would have done whatever they wanted and played along.”
“We need them to like us. We got this far, and we can’t fail now. I’ll do whatever it takes to get us to the top,” I admit. I would do anything to give him his dream and get us there together.
He looks me over like he’s seeing me for the first time, and I don’t like what I see in his gaze.
“Good to know,” he finally says, withdrawing as he steps away from me. “I know where we stand now.”
“Come on, guys, enough. Let’s go.” Strike grabs us, wrapping his arms around our necks. “Just another night in Hollywood,” he teases, but it falls flat. It’s then I realize how many eyes are on us, and I let him lead us away.
I wonder what Fox meant and why I’m consumed by fear.