CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ZANDER
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“For the millionth time, Zander. The test was wrong. This is ridiculous, it’s Saturday night. I’ll go on Monday to my doctor.” Courtney props her hands on her hips.
I ignore her.
She’s likely to do something crazy like disappear if I leave her to ruminate over this on her own. In fact, I think she’s in shock.
I’m not going anywhere.
Why the hell is she acting like being pregnant is an impossibility? She’s not a fifty-year-old woman in perimenopause. I’m a healthy man in my prime. One plus one equals two. There’s nothing complex going here.
We fucked and made a kid.
I’ll have my own meltdown later, but right now I need to take care of her.
“Have you eaten?” I ask, glancing at my watch.
Courtney blinks.
“Do you take vitamins?”
More blinking.
“Answer me.” I demand, frustrated.
She opens her mouth, and for a split second, I stupidly think she’s going to answer. Boy, am I wrong.
Instead, she starts laughing. It’s light at first, a tinkle of a giggle, then it builds to full-blown laughter and Courtney bends over as if I just told the funniest joke in the world.
Christ.
I rub my forehead and wait for the hysterics to pass. “You done?”
Courtney nods, but apparently, she isn’t because more laughter erupts.
For God’s sakes.
“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to imagine you being some loving, attentive father and husband. Bahahahaha.”
The fuck?
Why the hell would she find that so damn amusing?
“I’ll have you know,” I stalk over to her and glare down into her tear-stained face—from her laughter. “That I would be an amazing husband, should I choose. And an even better father.”
“Okay.” Her chest bounces as she continues giggling. Her attempts to stop only infuriate me further when she fails and a weird chuckling sound escapes.
“The fuck is wrong with you? All I asked was if you had eaten.” I grab her arms. “Have you?”
“Don’t touch me like that!” Courtney slaps me.
Crap.
I step back. “I’m sorry. Shit. Court, we’ve just found out you’re pregnant and I want to make sure you’re healthy. Fed. Hydrated. Please, sit down.”
Something I said seems to snap her out of it. She goes calm and lifts her face to mine, then suddenly falls to pieces. Tears roll down her face as if her world has just fallen apart.
My chest tightens as I start to reach out but stop myself. “Court.”
“God, you almost looked happy about this for a minute.”
Did I?
For over a week I’ve imagined this news, and sexual fantasies aside, I didn’t know how I’d feel.
I’m still in shock, but I think I knew this was going to happen.
I can’t explain it. Being inside Courtney, filling her with my seed, I knew.
It didn’t stop me at the time, and that single fact challenges all my beliefs that I’m the creator of my life.
Is all of this predestined?
Is this woman the one I’m meant to spend my life with? As if I ever contemplated that being something I do in this life. I never have.
Yet, the way I feel about her...it’s unlike anyone else. The need to protect her, and care for her, and just simply be with her, never disappears.
“I’m not unhappy.” I confess. “Me being your attorney creates complexity, but it’s not something we can’t work out.”
She sniffs, watching me warily as I give her a small smile. I move closer and see her face soften, so take the risk of pulling her into my arms. When she’s tucked against my chest, I close my eyes and breathe all of her in, cherishing her feminine warmth against me.
I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hold her.
This entire long fucking week, all I wanted was this.
“I’m sorry—”
“It’s fine, I know it’s a shock—” I start to reply.
“No, Zander,” Courtney’s face lifts to mine. “I’m not pregnant.” Pretty green eyes drop in shame, confusing me. “I can’t have children.”
What?
I push her an arm’s length away.
“What are you talking about? The test. It’s positive,” I stammer.
She sighs, and I see the heartbreak on her face as everything begins to fall into place. This is how she knew.
“It’ll be a false positive. Adam and I tried for a full year.” Courtney shares.
I need a moment to let my brain catch up.
Courtney is infertile.
She’s not pregnant.
“Are you sure?”
She nods. “Twelve long months. I saw a doctor and while there wasn’t any specific reason we couldn’t get pregnant, my painful periods are likely a contributor.”
I try to process this, keeping my thoughts to myself, knowing she did love Adam at one point. Then I snap back into lawyer mode and remember the images she shared with me. Linking his new information with the sudden choice to leave her husband.
“Court,” I squeeze her hand. “Is this why you left? Is this why he hurt you?”
She nods, looking at the floor. “I don’t blame him. He said from the start he wanted a family, and I wasn’t able to give him that.”
Jesus.
“There is never a reason to hit a woman. Never,” I half growl.
“You don’t understand. I lied. I told him for two years I was off birth control. I wasn’t.”
Hard to feel sad about that. Imagine the poor children that would have to endure that asshole as a father.
“Still, enduring negative test after negative test and having crude sex on a schedule was soul destroying.”
I can only imagine Blackmore jamming his dick inside her. I want to shoot him in the fucking dick.
One bullet.
Two wouldn’t fit.
“I’m going to kill him,” I growl, taking her hip and tugging her closer. It doesn’t matter if she’s pregnant or not, Courtney belongs to me.
“I saw much worse growing up. I knew I had to leave because the love had gone, and I felt unsafe.” Her shoulders slump and eyes lift. “I’m sorry you thought that we were pregnant. I didn’t realize you wanted a child.”
I didn’t, either.
I still don’t, and yet the thought that Courtney isn’t carrying my child has left a hole in my chest that makes me want to rub it. Which is ridiculous.
“Yeah, no,” I step away and run my hand through my hair. “No, I didn’t. But if you were...it, fuck, Court. I don’t know. It would have been all right.”
She presses her lips together and smiles, like she pities me and the entire situation.
She’s ashamed and carrying guilt for not just her marriage but also me. No wonder she wanted me to leave her alone. Adam would have made her feel like crap...
Wait a minute...
“Did Adam get tested?” Courtney turns away, and I lower my brows. “Did he?”
“No, but it doesn’t matter, Zander. It is what it is. Ring the doctor and cancel him before he arrives. Don’t waste his time.”
The fuck I will.
Hope just slipped back into place. I could be wrong, but I think the abuse Courtney has suffered, both physically and emotionally, may have forced her to take full responsibility for them not being able to conceive.
A narcissist like Adam Blackmore would never undergo a test that would potentially state he was infertile. I can’t help but wonder whether he knew. The guy is ten years her senior and may have been through this with his first wife.
“Does he have kids with his first wife?” I ask.
“Who?”
“Adam.” I frown.
“He wasn’t...was he married before me?” Courtney’s mouth drops open.
She didn’t know? Marrying in New York means you don’t have to reveal past spouses, nor is it easy to search. Still, why lie?
I nod.
The pieces of this puzzle are falling further into place; Blackmore meets a young model who appears to be young and fertile, then marries her. Not wanting to admit he’s the problem; he lets her go through years of stress trying to conceive.
He’s the problem.
Which means the test the doctor does in the next thirty minutes is going to have a huge impact on Courtney...and me.
The elevator pings, and we both glance toward the doorway.
It’s time.