Chapter Eight
Leo
She was destroyed by grief.
My Tough Girl was ripped apart in front of my eyes, and I couldn’t fathom how to put her back together again.
Some days I just laid on the bed with her, wrapped around her and tried to stop the tears from flowing. Tried to offer her any kind of comfort to take her pain away. Some days she didn’t even make it to the bed. She just collapsed on the floor. So I stayed there with her.
Maddy didn’t want to be around her family for long periods of time. She preferred to stay with me, in the quiet sanctuary of her room where she didn’t have to hide behind some facade. She could let her grief take over, safe knowing I wouldn’t judge.
Her soft eyes were constantly red-rimmed and watery, her lips shredded from dehydration and constantly biting them.
Maddy looked rough.
I could say that, as her best friend. And it didn’t mean that she wasn’t still the most beautiful woman in the world. But it was a fact.
She also smelled.
I forced her into the shower some days. Sometimes she couldn’t stay in there on her own so I got in, both of us fully-clothed under the spray and I washed her hair while she trembled against me.
And when she finally slept, that’s when I let my grief out. When I cried and begged for someone, anyone, to take away my grief and Maddy’s. And her sisters’ and father’s.
But if I thought Maddy was bad, it was nothing compared to Charlie.
He was a shell of a man. He was pale, sickly-looking. His normally jubilant expression was nowhere to be found. His face remained blank, his eyes dead, like he’d lost his soul.
Pure heartbreak.
The house was quiet. The ranch was somber.
I’ll never forget. This nightmare is ingrained in my brain.
I never wanted to feel like this again. I knew in time it would pass. The family would adjust, we’d all adjust and life would continue. Without Sherry.
It had been two months now, and I’d barely gone home in that time. Just lived at Redemption Ranch, looking after everyone as best I could.
I laid in the dark, Maddy clinging to me, her face buried in my neck.
Silent tears trailed down her cheeks in her sleep and I brushed one away, stroking over her soft skin.
I pressed a kiss to her forehead, hoping to soothe her.
Her brow pinched, she snuffled and pushed her forehead against my lips, seeking comfort.
My heart pounded.
I kissed her again.
Nothing had happened since that night. For obvious reasons. I hadn’t even really thought about it, too busy trying to keep everyone, and myself, glued together.
But I’d be lying if I said a small part of me hadn’t enjoyed the closeness I was sharing with Maddy. The ability to be there for her in a way no one else could. To touch her, hold her and soothe her. To be vital to her. Even if I was neglecting myself and my life to keep hers going.
She moaned gently and my cock betrayed me by readying itself, remembering how good it felt to hear that sound while my fingers were buried inside her.
I forced myself to turn away from Maddy, a feat of strength I didn’t think I possessed but I surprised myself.
I didn’t want to do anything she would regret.
Or that I would regret. I didn’t really know what we were at this stage.
Friends for life, yes, but anything more?
There was no way to discuss it and I didn’t want to right now.
I just wanted to be there for her, however she needed me.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I extracted my arm from underneath Maddy, the cool air assaulting my skin now that her warmth wasn’t there. I pulled my phone out and, seeing it was my manager, Wilson, I silenced it.
A minute later he called again. I cringed, my stomach curdling because I was avoiding him, but I couldn’t anymore. I gently climbed over Maddy, trying not to disturb her, and went over to the corner of her room.
“Yeah?” I whispered when I answered.
“Oh thank God, you’re alive then! I’ve been trying to get you for days; I was worried sick!” Wilson ranted on the other end.
He had approached me at a junior rodeo show a while back and we’d talked about what my future career looked like, my ambitions. Wilson said he wanted to help me get there. Charlie had been a little skeptical but eventually agreed Wilson’s offer of management was worth pursuing.
“Sorry about that, it’s been a bit intense around here.”
“Where are you and why are you whispering?”
“I’m at the ranch, keeping an eye on Maddy.”
A snort of derision came down the line which I ignored.
“Well, I need to talk to you. An opportunity came up that we need to act on right the fuck now.”
My pulse pounded with interest. “What do you mean?”
“I’m talking about Willie Walken, that’s what I’m talking ‘bout!”
Willie Walken. The name alone sent shivers down my spine.
“What about him?” I asked eagerly.
“He’s got a spot open and wants to give it to you. Get your ass packed, son, we’re going to Texas to make you a rodeo king!”
I glanced over at Maddy’s sleeping form, her arms wrapped around her knees, fists clenched tight. “I—”
“If your reply is anything other than, ‘fuck yes, let’s go’ or ‘Wilson you’re a goddamn legend’ then I got nothing to say to you.”
Wilson had been my manager for six months now.
He was tough, didn’t pull his punches but he also told it to you straight and he promised he could turn me into a champion bull rider.
I believed him, I just needed to trust him.
Which I did, with every decision, every training session, every crazy antic he pulled.
And I knew this was the opportunity of a lifetime.
He wasn’t wrong, but the timing was.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Can I call you back?”
“No, Valkner, you cannot call me back. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at 8am ready to drive down to Texas. If you’re not there then I’ll be taking Dustin with me instead. Willie’s got one spot and I thought you’d jump at the chance to snatch it up!”
“I would, I do want it!” I hissed, and flinched when Maddy stirred.
“Then what gives, Peaches?”
“I can’t…” I glanced over at Maddy again. “I can’t leave her right now.”
Wilson huffed. “I swear, that girl will be the end of you. You’re gonna throw away this opportunity so you can stay at that ranch and dote on her, just to have her walk away from you?”
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” I growled, anger flaring at his words, not because he was right. “She just lost her mom, Wilson, she needs me!”
“Yeah, and in two months’ time this opportunity will be gone and her mama will still be dead.”
“Watch your mouth!” I warned, voice low.
“I’m just saying, think about it carefully. And I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Leo.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. He ended the call and I stared at my phone blankly, trying to process everything.
Why did this have to happen now? The perfect start to my career, the one I’d been waiting for but with the worst possible conditions.
Leave Maddy? My soul howled at the thought.
“Leo?” Her voice was thick from slumber and unshed tears.
“I’m here,” I called as she sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. I went over and sat next to her on the bed, brushing her hair back. It was usually poker-straight, but she’d fallen asleep with it wet from the shower so it was all kinked.
“You hungry?”
She nibbled her sore lip and shook her head. Then her stomach let out a low rumble and I chuckled. “I think you are.”
She ducked her head. “Maybe a little.”
“What can I get you?”
She met my eyes and I swear the world shook. “You don’t have to get me anything, Leo. I can do it, you’ve done enough.”
I pshed. “You want toast?”
She rolled her eyes but eventually nodded. I pressed a kiss to her forehead again and she leaned into it.
“Be right back,” I rasped, tearing myself away.
I closed the door and headed down into the kitchen, putting some stale bread in the toaster, making a mental note to get some groceries. My phone beeped with a message from Wilson. The itinerary for the trip which I ran my eyes over. I’d be gone for a minimum of nine months, maximum eighteen.
A potential eighteen months away from Maddy. The kitchen grew hot and stuffy and I needed air. I pushed out the front door and paced the porch, mulling it over in my head before I realized I wasn’t alone.
Charlie was in one of the Adirondack chairs. He was staring out into the night, his expression empty. A cigarette dangled from his hand, the tip gleamed orange in the night.
“I didn’t know you smoked,” I commented, sitting down in the empty chair next to him.
He looked at me, his eyes glazed and stared down at the cigarette in his hand like he had no idea how it got there.
“Me either.”
“How are you doing?” I asked, not expecting much of an answer.
“I’m forced to spend yet another cold and dark day without my soulmate. So, not great.” The heartbreak in his voice had me flinching. I didn’t know what to say, I never did. I just tried to be here for everyone in the only way I knew how.
“But enough of my misery. What’s got you pacing the porch and muttering to yourself?”
“We don’t need to talk about this.” I waved my hand dismissively.
“Yes, we do,” he insisted.
I pushed out a breath. “Wilson called with some news. Willie Walken wants to train me.”
Charlie whistled low. “Shit.”
“Yep.”
“Down in Texas?”
“Yep.”
“What, uh, what are you going to do?”
I glanced over at Charlie. My surrogate father, the man who had been invested in my career and helped me train. The man who fostered my rebellious nature and steered me towards healthy outlets that fed my need for adventure and excitement.
Now he looked worried. And that look in his eyes devastated me.
“I don’t know. If I go, it’s a minimum of nine months, up to eighteen, away for training.”
Charlie didn’t reply and it scared me.
“Charlie?”
He took a long pull on his cigarette. “I’m sorry son, but don’t ask for my opinion.”
My throat closed. “I need your advice.”
“I can’t advise you right now, Leo. I’m sorry.”
I could kick myself. “Of course, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring this to you when you’re grieving.”
“No, son, that’s not…you can always talk to me but…” he trailed off and took a shuddering breath, his lip wobbling. “If I have to lose you too right now, then I don’t think I can take it. And I know she won’t cope either,” he gestured towards the house with his cigarette.
Tears filled my eyes at his admission.
“I don’t want to be selfish and ask you to stay, but I can’t tell you to go either and I…I hate myself for that.” He choked on a sob at the end.
We sat there, both silent before he got up and stubbed his cigarette out, placed both hands on the porch rail and leaned forward.
I didn’t say anything. Didn’t know what to say. I knew I had a place in this family, but I didn’t realize just how much I meant to them, to Charlie, until now.
He was a strong man who never asked for help. Until now. I could never turn my back on him, or Maddy.
“Okay then, I won’t go.”
Charlie dropped his head and nodded, his shoulders shaking. “I’m so sorry.”
I stood up, placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, holding back my own tears.
“But thank you,” he whispered, placing his hand over mine and patting it.
I squeezed again and then turned to go inside, my head aching but my heart satisfied I’d made the right decision.
“I’ll help you, Leo. When the time comes and the girls are all okay again. I’ll never forget what you’ve given up for this family and I’ll help make this right, I promise.”
I looked over at Charlie, illuminated by the moon, the agony etched on his face. I noticed he said the girls, not himself, because he would never be okay again, not without Sherry. I offered him a small smile before I went inside.
I buttered Maddy’s toast, extra thick on the crust, just the way she liked before I took it upstairs.
I opened the door to her bedroom and just took a moment to stare at her.
She was bundled up under the blankets, one arm slung over her face.
She’d fallen back asleep. I felt bad for waking her but she needed food.
Perching on the bed next to her, I brushed her hair back. “Come on, Mads, wake up. You need to eat something.”
She opened one eye and peered at me before taking a deep breath and sitting up. She glared down at the toast and I fought a smile as I picked up one bit.
“A couple of bites and then you can sleep again.”
The corners of her mouth turned down and my heart dropped at her misery. I prayed it wouldn’t last much longer, it was unbearable.
I held the toast to her lips and she took a tentative nibble before sinking her teeth into the buttered crust. Satisfaction lifted my lips into a smile, I’d known that buttery goodness would get her.
She ate one slice before she laid down again, pulling me with her and wrapped herself around me, burying her face in the crook of my neck.
“Thanks for everything, Leo. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”