Chapter Twenty
Leo
“Fuck!” I shouted as I got tossed again, landing heavily on my ass.
The glare of the arena lights blinded me and I squeezed my eyes shut, slowly drawing breath in through my nostrils as defeat settled over me.
I was a mess, I felt like I couldn’t do this anymore.
Like I didn’t want to do this anymore. It was too hard and I wasn’t good enough.
This tour had taught me that. Taught me that I wasn’t good enough to fulfil my dreams and, shit, now what did I do?
You get your ass up, Cowboy, and go again.
I heard her voice in my mind, clear as day, encouraging me and it almost brought tears to my eyes.
Maddy’s face flashed into my thoughts and I could picture her scowl as she stood over me, disappointed that I doubted myself so much. I pulled myself up to a sitting position and surveyed the empty arena, looking for her even though I knew she wouldn’t be there.
A weight settled on my chest as I didn’t spot her. Just Frank. And Frank’s best friend; his frown.
“What the heck was that?” he demanded when I made my way over to him.
“I know, Frank, I know,” I sighed, scuffing my boot in the dirt.
“You need to get your head in the game. You’re no good to me like this and you’re gonna get yourself hurt if you don’t start paying goddamn attention.”
“I know.” My arms rested on the metal grate of the chute and I dropped my head.
“Well, what the hell’s it going to take?”
I shrugged, because I genuinely didn’t know.
Frank sucked his teeth. “Charlie would so disappointed right now.” The comment hit its mark.
“Jesus Christ, Frank, really?” I growled.
“Yeah, fucking really. You’re damn talented kid, and I’m not wasting my time on someone who couldn’t make it big time if he hadn’t tried. So fucking try.”
I took a moment to digest his words. He really thought I could do this?
“Something’s gotta wake your ass up before Stampede next month. Go out, get laid, have a drink and come back tomorrow with your shit together or you’re going home!” Frank cussed and then spun on his heel and hobbled off.
I watched him go, anger crackling in my veins at his words.
I was angry because I knew he was right.
Ever since I turned up to the tour, my mind had been elsewhere.
It was like now I finally had my shot, I was choking.
I’d been waiting for this opportunity for so long and now I was pissing it all away.
Because half of my soul was back in Reverence and I was struggling with that more and more every day. The need to drive home to Maddy, back to the ranch and her arms was a pounding drumbeat in my head. Getting louder until some days I couldn’t block it out, like today.
The problem was, I was in love with that girl.
When I’d told her to ask me to stay all those months ago, that was me trying to tell her how I felt. That it would be okay if she wanted me to stay, that I would stay, for her. For us. To focus on our future together.
But she told me to go. Told me, without saying so, that she didn’t feel the same way. Which is just as well, because if I’d said the words, and she’d rejected me outright, I’m not sure how I could have recovered. I was a shell of myself even without the sting of those words.
I headed for the locker rooms, head hung low, wondering what the hell to do.
Should I just go home? Genuinely?
Because what good was I right now?
I mentally kicked myself while I took off my vest and chaps and grabbed a towel from my bag, heading to the showers to wash off the arena dirt and humiliation. I hoped that I would emerge from that shower a new man who magically had a different attitude, but I didn’t.
Leaving my hair damp, I dressed in a sweater and my jeans.
Calgary was still pretty cool at night in June, but no doubt there would be rain.
I loved the vibe here, city life but with a side of country from the Rocky Mountains.
And the big western culture made it feel like I was right at home some days. Still, I was homesick for the ranch.
For Maddy.
Pulling my phone out, I scrolled to our chat and FaceTimed her. I needed to see her face, needed to talk to her. Have her kick my ass back in gear. Maybe I needed to go home for a day or two, get my head on straight and come back. Or maybe she could fly out here and see me.
I waited for her to answer but she didn’t.
I didn’t think she was on shift tonight but maybe I was wrong.
The feeling I got when she didn’t answer bordered on devastation.
Fuck, what was wrong with me? I ended the call, resigned to another night alone with my thoughts and depression. I couldn’t seem to boost myself.
Grabbing my stuff, I left the locker room and bumped straight into someone, knocking them over. I was so lost in my thoughts; I didn’t even spot them.
“Dang, sorry Tori. I wasn’t paying attention,” I said, reaching down to help her to her feet.
Her long dark hair was down and straight, silky smooth in the harsh light from the hallway. She was a tall woman, came up to my shoulder and her bright blue eyes sparkled in the stark lighting.
“No worries, Valkner. What’re you doing here so late, anyway?” she asked, straightening her blouse. My eyes flicked over her chest of their own volition. It was a nice chest, full and round. It had been too long since I’d appreciated a nice chest.
“Getting my ass kicked by Frank,” I joked.
She laughed. “Sounds about right. He’s a tough cookie when he wants to be. What did he say?”
We started walking to the parking lot. “That I need to get laid or get drunk.”
“Ah,” she answered. We reached our vehicles, both parked side by side. “I can help you out with one of those,” she said casually.
I arched a brow at her. “Oh yeah?”
She giggled. “There’s a bar down the road that does great cocktails. Fruity, cheap and you can sink five of ‘em before you even realize you’ve had any alcohol.”
“Is that so?” I rubbed a hand along my jaw.
I hadn’t really made any friends here. The other guys on the tour all knew each other and weren’t overly friendly, just kept to themselves.
I think because bull riding is such a dangerous sport, keeping a distance between us made it easier not to worry.
You couldn’t let anything get in your head before you got on a bull.
Worrying about a fellow team member could fuck you up.
“You game?” Tori interrupted my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’m game.”
“Cool, hop in,” she gestured towards her car. I dropped my gear in the back of my truck and got into her BMW. She drove out of the arena and through the streets of downtown Calgary and I was looking out the window like I was getting my own private tour of the city.
She noticed my amazement. “Have you gone anywhere except the arena and the motel while you’ve been here?”
I thought about it. “Erm, not really. I’ve gone out but just not properly explored, been too busy.”
“How have you not explored this amazing city yet?”
I shrugged, smiling at her horror. “I dunno, just didn’t know where to start.”
“Well, I can be your unofficial Calgary guide if you like. First stop, somewhere iconic for dinner before we find those cocktails I told you about.”
I glanced over at her, the lights from traffic highlighting her profile.
Her straight nose was softened by rounded cheeks and a heart-shaped mouth, her top lip thinner than her bottom.
She was a beautiful woman, no doubt about it.
I’d seen a few of the guys fawning over her, flirting while she reset dislocated shoulders and collarbones, but I didn’t know if she had a boyfriend.
Tori parked outside a restaurant and although I hadn’t really thought about food, my stomach rumbled as she switched off the engine.
“Perfect timing,” she giggled, glancing at my stomach.
I laughed. “I didn’t even realize I was so hungry.”
“It’s all that falling on your ass, works up an appetite,” she teased.
“How dare you,” I replied with mock outrage.
“Come on, let’s get you fed.”
We went inside the restaurant which was pretty busy for a weeknight.
The noise bubbling around the room making it alive with activity.
It was a traditional steakhouse with dark wood-paneled walls and wooden flooring.
Low lighting bounced off the plush red vinyl booths that reminded me of Tony’s Pizzeria back home. Although this wasn’t quite as rundown.
I glanced at the menu and immediately felt overwhelmed, so I folded it back on the table and met Tori’s bright stare. “Okay, what would you recommend as my personal tour guide?”
Tori pursed her lips as she contemplated the menu. “Have you tried Canada’s unofficial national dish, poutine?”
“I don’t think so, what is it?”
“French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. Just describing it is making my mouth water,” she added.
I wrinkled my nose. “Not sure how I feel about cheese curds.”
Tori slapped her menu down. “No, you gotta trust me on this.”
“Well, I trust you to fix any bones that pop out so I’ll trust you on food, too.”
“Smart man. And if that doesn’t take your fancy, then I suggest an Alberta steak, best steak in the world comes from here.”
I clicked my fingers. “Now you’re talking!”
“It ain’t cheap but by god is it worth it.”
“You don’t need to sell it anymore, I’m sold.”
When the waiter came over Tori ordered two steaks and a side of poutine.
“So, tell me about yourself?” I asked, eager to get to know my new friend.
“I’m originally from Colorado and moved here recently to do something a bit different.
I am the youngest of three, but my two brothers are twins and made growing up absolute hell,” she shook her head, chuckling.
“We’re pretty close though and I never felt left out considering they had the whole twin thing going on. Do you have any siblings?”
I dipped my head, taking a sip of my Coke and thought back to my stepbrothers that I barely remembered now. “Ah, no.”
Her face twisted in sympathy. “Only child then? Was growing up lonely?”