Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
“ I can’t believe how tiny she is.” I stared at Bitsy’s baby through the nursery window at the hospital, and my heart melted. Babies really were a precious gift. She looked just like her mommy.
“Aye, lass, angels from Heaven. We’ll be having a couple gifts of our own pretty soon.” Matt’s entire face registered his excitement.
All I felt was terrified.
“Guess I’d better get in there and see what Bitsy wants.” I walked down the hall towards Bitsy’s room.
“Want some company?” Matt fell into step beside me.
I stopped outside her door. “No, she asked to see me, so I’ll grant her that.” I could hear voices inside but couldn’t tell what they were saying, although the voices were growing in volume. That couldn’t be good.
Matt nodded and stepped back to lean against the wall. “If ye change yer mind, I’ll be right here.”
I raised my hand to knock, but the door flew open.
Brimstone stared at me, his face red and flushed, then he pulled himself together and nodded once. “Ms. Eisenhower.”
“Principal Brimstone.” I nodded back and then stepped inside the room while Roger started talking to Matt. I left the door open a crack. It somehow made me feel better knowing Matt was right in the hall and had my back.
Bitsy’s face was flushed as well, and tear-streaked. “That man is a monster.” She blew her nose.
“Who?” I handed her more tissues.
“My soon-to-be ex-husband.”
My jaw fell open. “You and Roger are getting divorced?”
“Yes, no, I don’t know.” She wailed harder.
I sat on the edge of the bed and took her hands in mine. We might not be friends, but she was a woman and new mother. My friends and I were all about empowering and supporting women, period. It didn’t matter who they were.
“Why don’t you tell me what happened?”
“He’s sick of me already. That’s what happened.”
“I doubt that’s true.”
“I could tell right from the start that the only reason he married me was because I was pregnant with his child. His reputation means everything to him in this stuffy old town. I think he resents me now for taking away his freedom. I know he doesn’t look like a Casanova, but looks can be deceiving. He very much enjoyed the single life.”
“Oh, I remember.” Poor Zoe would never forget after running into him by accident at The Gentleman’s Club beside Adult World when he mistook her for Little Red Riding Hood and wanted to be her big bad wolf.
“That’s how I got into trouble to begin with. I fell for his lines. He didn’t even wait until I was out of the hospital. Now that we had the baby while married and not out of wedlock—no offense—he informed me he wants an open marriage. He wants to become swingers. Apparently, there’s a whole group of couples he knows who take turns hosting parties and hooking up with each other’s spouses. He used to go to parties when he was single because a single person is called a unicorn and in high demand.”
I ignored the ‘having a baby out of wedlock’ comment because I was shocked over the rest of the information she’d revealed. I knew Brimstone had a wild side, but I never imagined he was into that lifestyle…but hey, I wasn’t one to judge.
“As long as you both are happy, then what’s the harm?”
“Happy?” She scowled. “He might be happy, but I’m not. I don’t want to be open, or swing, and I don’t even like unicorns. They freak me out. Open? That’s a joke. He means open between us but secret to the town, of course. God forbid his precious reputation be tarnished.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Divorce him…I think.” She gave me a pleading look. “That’s why I came to you. You’ve been divorced and you’re going to raise these babies alone. I figured you’re an expert in this department. Please, Tiffany, you have to help me.”
I laughed out loud.
The woman was beyond offensive, and my patience was wearing thin. “I’m no expert, Bitsy. I was only married once, and he cheated on me. I came here in good faith, but yes, you are offending me. If there’s nothing else, I think I’ll go.” I stood.
Bitsy cried harder. “I’m sorry. Please don’t leave. I’ve never been good with words. Never had many friends, either.”
I sat back down in a chair this time. “Apology accepted. Divorce is messy and hard and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Do you love Roger?”
She nodded hard.
“Then talk to him. You never know how much he’s willing to compromise unless you have an honest conversation. Maybe there is a way to save your marriage, if that’s what you want. You have a beautiful, precious baby girl now that you share. I’ve seen you and Roger together. It’s plain to see he married you for more than just her. He cares about you, too.”
“You really think so?”
“I do.”
“You know, I too have eyes. I would give anything for Roger to look at me the way Matt looks at you.” Her voice was soft. “It’s okay if you don’t want to marry him. You can still love each other and be a family.”
I was already shaking my head. “He doesn’t want that. He wants it all.”
“That was before. Like you said, you’ll never know what he’s willing to compromise on if you don’t have that honest conversation.” She threw my words back at me and asked, “Do you love him?”
My heart started beating out of my chest.
My attraction from the moment I met Matthew McGinnis had grown into so much more than his external gorgeous presence. He was kind and compassionate. When I talked, he really listened. He was patient and understanding. He made me feel seen and heard and safe. Even though we lived together, I missed him when he wasn’t with me. I thought about him all the time. I swallowed hard as the realization set in.
The answer was yes.
I was in love with Matt…but was love enough?
I kept asking myself that question over the next two weeks, terrified to tell him how I really felt. I knew that he cared about me and wanted more, but he hadn’t said he loved me, either. And I honestly didn’t know if I wanted him to…
I was still afraid he would change his mind and reject me like everyone else I had loved.
I couldn’t handle that from him. It was the fear of his rejection which held me back from saying those three little words first. I would rather stay in control, protect my heart, and go our separate ways when the year is up like we’d planned.
No romance, just friends…and co-parents.
Easier said than done, today especially.
It was the first Thanksgiving without Grammy. Matt and his Stateside family were hosting Thanksgiving in the pub. He’d tried to get me to join them, but I just couldn’t. The girls had tried to get me to join them as well, but I needed to be alone with my thoughts.
Even Rita had reached out.
I had a good cry and then I headed to my grandmother’s storage unit. It was time. I kept a few items myself and sorted other items for various charities. But then I stumbled upon a small, firesafe box with my name on it. I brought it home with me and proceeded to stare at it for several hours.
I don’t know why I was nervous about what was inside.
I put on classical music in the background—Grammy’s favorite. Then I waddled to the couch with my herbal tea, comfy maternity sweatsuit, and fuzzy socks. Propping my feet on the ottoman, I set the box next to me on the couch and finally opened it.
There was a genuine pearl necklace—her birthstone and mine—that I clasped around my neck. The cool stones settled against my skin, and I felt comforted. Next, there was a fancy letter opener. I’d always seen that on her desk for as long as I could remember, even though no one wrote letters anymore and most mail was electronic these days.
Still…I would cherish it.
I picked up a picture of her holding me as a baby, and I smiled at the look of adoration on both our faces. Looking closer, I realized she was too young for that to be me. I slowly turned the picture over, and the inscription said:
Rita, my angel from above, I’ll love you with all my heart forever. Love, Mommy.
Glancing back into the box, I noticed a bundle of newspaper clippings. I picked up the stack and thumbed through it. One was the story of Tabatha’s husband and daughter’s death in the housefire. Others were of the books she’d illustrated. Beneath that, there was a list titled: Referrals for Rita’s Housecleaning Business , and another list titled: Referrals for Charlie’s Classic Car Restoration Business .
They had no idea she’d been keeping tabs on them and helping them out all along.
The last item in the box was a letter addressed to me. With shaking hands, I pulled it out and began to read my grandmother’s words. I would know her handwriting anywhere.
My darling Tiffany,
If you’re reading this, then I must have crossed over to raise a little hell in Heaven…if I get to Heaven, that is. This old girl has made a lot of mistakes over the years that I’ve tried to make amends for in my own way.
One of my biggest mistakes is what I did to you.
I never should have separated you from your sister, Tabatha. Twins are special. Your grandfather only married me for my family’s money. The only good thing he ever did before he died was give me my angel, Rita. I wasn’t sad when he died. That might be wrong, but he wasn’t a nice man.
Rita was all I had.
Charlie took her from me, and I hated him for it. He couldn’t provide for her like I could, but she didn’t care. She loved him. I was jealous. I forced her to choose whom she loved more, and she chose him. I shouldn’t have done that. I married your grandfather for love and would have done anything for him back then, but he was cold and heartless. It made me bitter. I didn’t trust men and didn’t want my angel to go through what I did when Charlie left her.
I was so sure he would, but he never did.
So, I cut her off.
When they had twins, they couldn’t afford it. I’m not proud of my actions, but I saw that as my chance to get my Rita back…or some version of her. The moment I saw you and your sister, I couldn’t believe how much you looked like my own daughter…the daughter I had thought I’d lost forever. The first second your eyes met mine when I picked you up, you looked straight into my soul. We shared a look like the one in the picture of me holding my Rita, and I knew I had to have you if only for a little while.
I offered to take you until Rita and Charlie could afford to raise you both. Neither one of them wanted to, but they had no choice. I had good intentions at first, I promise. But the longer I raised you, the harder it got to let you go. You were all I had left, and…
It was like my Rita had come back to me.
Over the years, your parents tried to come back for you, but they didn’t have the money or lawyers like I did. I felt guilty, so I helped them anonymously. I know it wasn’t right, but I didn’t want to share your love with anyone.
Not again.
I realize now that was wrong. Here I am leaving you alone with no family left. I know you said you would never remarry or have children, so I worry about you and hope you change your mind someday.
Children are the greatest gift of all.
I know you’re probably angry at me, and I don’t blame you one bit. Please forgive me for loving you too much. I was too stubborn to make amends with my angel, but it’s not too late for you. My parting gift is giving you back the family I took from you. The choice is yours on whether you let them in or not. Be careful, my darling.
Don’t wind up a stubborn, bitter, lonely old woman with regrets like me.
Love,
Grammy
Matt walked through the door with to-go boxes in his hands and a big smile on his face. “I brought Thanksgiving dinner to ye, lass. I hope ye are?—”
I burst into tears.
He quickly set the containers down and rushed over to me. “What’s wrong?” He ran his hands over my hair and face and body, looking for anything amiss.
My heart was breaking, and an important piece had died a little tonight. I couldn’t breathe. How could my grandmother have done that to me? My entire life had been a lie. And now that I was pregnant with twins of my own, I couldn’t imagine anyone taking one of them from me.
I cried harder and buried my face into Matt’s chest.
“Come, now, love. Yer breaking me heart.” He kept running his hands up and down my back, soothingly. “What can I do to help?”
I leaned back and looked up at him with tears streaming down my face. No words were necessary. He lowered his head to mine until our lips touched. It was tender and sweet and comforting. I needed him.
Anything to stop the thoughts that were tormenting me.
He seemed to sense what I needed as he gently scooped me into his arms as if I weighed nothing and carried me down the hall to my bedroom. He laid me carefully on the bed, kissing my face and neck as he undressed me with ease.
I opened my eyes and hesitated, feeling insecure for the first time in my life. But then I saw the look in his sizzling blue eyes as he worshipped every inch of me.
“You’re absolutely breathtaking,” he said with a deep, husky rumble as he laid both palms on the sides of my belly.
I covered his hands with my own, suddenly not embarrassed anymore. He made me feel like a goddess. “Matt, please…”
Suddenly, his hands and mouth and tongue were everywhere at once, leaving me with no thoughts but pleasure. I tipped my head back, my eyelids fluttered closed as I orgasmed, my body seizing with delicious aftershocks. I felt him roll me onto my side, then slide into bed behind me. Spooning me, he ran his hands over my breasts, lightly pinching my sensitive nipples, and I felt myself stirring once more.
Running his palm over my stomach in a gentle caress, he kept going until he reached the apex of my thighs. He lifted my leg up over his and slid deep inside me from behind while his fingers rounded my hip and parted my folds until he found the nub of my desire. He tweaked, pressed, and made circular motions to the rhythm of his thrusts until I was squirming and moaning and crying out his name in ecstasy.
We stayed connected as he pulled the covers up over us then wrapped his arm around me with his hand cradling my belly. Maybe Bitsy was right. Maybe things could be different. Maybe I really could have it all. That was the last thought that drifted through my mind as I fell into a deep, calm, blissful, restorative sleep….
Until it wasn’t.