Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
I gasped and sat straight up in bed naked, cold…alone.
Pain sliced through my belly, stealing my breath. It felt like I was being sliced in two. “Matt!” I screamed when I could finally breathe again.
Silence.
I began to cry. Where was he?
I scooted toward the edge of the bed when my leg brushed something wet. Oh, God, did my water break? No, no, no…it was too soon. With shaking hands, I lifted the sheet and cried out over what I saw.
Blood.
Another pain tore through me. I screamed Matt’s name again as loud as I could. Still nothing. He’d left me, just like I knew he would. I needed him, and he was gone. The moment I’d let down my walls and welcomed him into my arms, he didn’t want me anymore. I had dared to believe that for once, I was enough.
This rejection hurt the worst.
If I lost my babies, it was all my fault.
I never should have broken my own rule. No romance. I would never forgive myself…or him. I managed to get to the edge of the bed. The sun wasn’t even up yet. Where was my phone? I tried to stand and fell to the floor, still naked and terrified. I was going to lose my babies and bleed to death.
Once more, pain ripped through me, this one the hardest. I screamed for all I was worth until it passed. Then I heard a noise from the living room. A door opening. Footsteps. I didn’t care who it was. I needed help.
“Help me, please,” I managed to say.
“Tiffany? Oh, you poor dear,” Mrs. Cartright appeared in my bedroom. She hurried over to me and grabbed a blanket from the bed, draping it over my shivering body. “Matt gave me the security code to get inside in case he was gone, and you ever needed anything.” She stood and headed to my door.
“Don’t leave me like he did.” I cried harder. “Please, I’m afraid.”
Her kind faded brown eyes filled with compassion. “I’m not going anywhere, honey. I’m calling 911.”
The next couple of hours were a blur.
Officer Pickles, Fire Chief Monroe, and Dr. Joy arrived at the same time as the ambulance. It was a small town, after all. When an emergency happened, everyone banded together to help.
Dr. Joy insisted on riding in the ambulance with me, monitoring my vitals and assessing the situation. I didn’t understand half of what she said. All I knew was that I was on pain meds and half out of it, but finally pain free and resting in a private room.
Dr. Joy walked into my room and smiled. “How’s my favorite patient?”
“Afraid.” I pressed my lips together, waiting for her news.
“Don’t be.” She squeezed my hand. “Where’s Matt?”
“I have no clue,” was all I said, and she nodded once, no judgement or prying as usual.
I was thankful for that right now.
“Well, I can put your mind at ease.” She scanned her charts. “Your big, beautiful boys are stable.”
“Y-You mean I didn’t lose them?” Tears leaked from my eyes and trickled down my cheeks as my heart ached with love for them.
“I’ll admit, things were touch-and-go for a while there. You were in early labor and lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stop the labor and the bleeding.”
“We?”
“Dr. Anderson is one of the best physicians I’ve ever met.”
I nodded. Chaz. I owed him everything. “What caused this to happen?”
“Pregnancies are tricky with twins to begin with. I’m guessing the fall you took when the fire broke out in your spa caused trauma. Did anything happen last night that might have affected that trauma?”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. “Matt and I had sex.” I wanted to say made love, but he didn’t love me. He couldn’t have because he left me.
She looked pensive. “Normally, sex is very safe for a pregnant woman, but in your case with the recent trauma, it might have triggered early labor. I would suggest abstaining from intercourse or anything remotely stimulating until the babies are born.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that.” I raised my chin a notch and forced the tears to stay at bay.
Of course, Bud was at the root of this incident. I wanted to blame Matt for his part, but it wasn’t all his fault. I’d needed him after Grammy’s letter. He’d complied, no questions asked, but then he left me alone to deal with the consequences....
That hurt more than I could say.
Steeling my resolve to never let someone hurt me again, I asked. “So, what does this mean going forward? Bedrest?”
“Not necessarily total bedrest, but I don’t want you doing anything that might trigger labor again. That includes extremely emotional situations. Try to stay calm and still as much as possible, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good.” She nodded. “I intend to keep a close eye on you from here on out.”
“I won’t complain about that.” I watched Dr. Joy leave and closed my eyes, exhausted. What a difference twenty-four hours could make.
A knock sounded.
“Come in,” I said with my eyes still closed, too weary to open them.
“I’m here, lass,” said a deep baritone voice that pierced straight through my heart.
I opened my eyes and stared at him. “You’re late,” I managed past the lump in my throat.
He wore the same clothes he had from the evening before as if he’d rolled out of bed after making love with me, dressed, and left as quickly as possible. Had he really needed to get away from me that badly that he couldn’t even change his clothes?
“I know. I’m so sorry. I was a little preoccupied with a problem at me pub.” His eyes were full of regret.
I looked away. “Well, I was a little preoccupied saving our babies.”
“I know. I can’t believe what happened. The timing was horrible.” He set some flowers on my bedside stand. “These are for ye.”
I stared at him. “You honestly think that makes up for what you did? You left me alone and vulnerable. I needed you, Matt. I called out for you, but you weren’t there when I needed you most.”
He looked like he didn’t know what to say. “Ye were sleeping so peacefully; I didn’t want to wake ye.”
“So, you left me.” I gaped at him. “You know how I feel about being rejected. Not wanted.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t leave ye on purpose, lass. I would never do that.” His gaze held mine. “Can’t ye see I love ye?”
Now? He finally says the words now…after everything that happened?
I was already shaking my head. “I don’t believe you.” My voice hitched. I couldn’t believe him. I couldn’t risk my heart. I cleared my throat and said with resolve, “We made love, and I woke up needing you, but you were gone. That is a mistake I will never make again.” Tears filled my eyes, and my breathing grew choppy. “You left me, Matt. I’ll never forgive you for that.”
His eyes grew suspiciously shiny, and he looked like he was in as much pain as I was. “Don’t ye even want to hear what happened?”
“No.” I turned away. “It doesn’t matter.”
Deep in my brain I knew I sounded unfair. Irrational. But I couldn’t help it. I’d been hurt too many times in the past not to assume the worst. I couldn’t go through that again.
“I think it’s best if you stay on your side of the house and stop trying to take care of me. It will hurt far less that way when you don’t.”
“Okay, love, whatever ye want,” he said, his voice full of emotion as he walked out of my room and softly closed the door behind him.
“This is what I want,” I firmly stated as I stared at the door, regaining control.
Yes, we had agreed upon rules for a reason. This mama would protect her heart and her boys at all costs going forward. This horribly, scary incident had brought it all home.
“My boys.” I smiled, placing my hands on my belly as I felt their synchronized gymnastics. I giggled and looked up expectantly at the door, instantly missing Matt’s larger-than-life energy. I sniffed, and whispered into the engulfing silence of my room, this time to convince myself once and for all, “It is what I want.”
Then why did it hurt so badly?
One week later I went home from the hospital. Matt was absent as I requested. I hadn’t spoken to him except for the text I sent, asking him to give me the afternoon to get settled back home. He said, Okay , and that was it.
“I really appreciate you taking me home. Both of you.” I smiled at Rita and Tabatha. “You both being there for me in my time of need means more than you’ll ever know.”
Rita propped pillows around me on the couch. “I’m just grateful you reached out to me.” She smiled at me lovingly. “I honestly never thought I would see this day.”
“Almost losing my own babies gave me a new perspective on life…and family.” I looked at my mother and sister. “I want us to start over if that’s okay.”
“I know all about what it’s like to lose the things you love most,” Tabatha said quietly as she sat down beside me. “I’m done with the losing part. It’s time we gained something, dammit. We’ve all earned at least that much.”
“And then some.” I laughed.
“Can I ask what changed your mind?” Rita brought me some tea.
“Thank you, but you don’t have to wait on me.” I took the cup and warmed my hands.
“I’ve waited forty years to take care of my other daughter. Please don’t deny me that.” She covered my legs with a blanket.
My eyes grew misty. “If I’m being honest, I’ve waited a lifetime to be taken care of by you. It feels wonderful.”
“So, about my question,” she prodded gently. “Why exactly did you change your mind about letting us into your life?”
I sighed. “Grammy.”
Rita blinked. “I don’t understand.”
Tabatha scowled. “I don’t really care.”
“Open that box on the end table, and you just might.” I pointed to the fire-safe box I’d found in Grammy’s storage unit.
Rita folded her hands in her lap and stared, looking terrified, at the box. “I-I can’t.”
“I can.” Tabatha grabbed the box and yanked it open. Her bravado left and a look of confusion crossed her face as she sorted through the items. Her expressive face revealed all of her emotions as her throat worked to get out, “She kept tabs on me all along?”
I nodded. “She was as proud of you as she was me.”
Tabatha was tougher than me. She never cried. One big tear spilled over her eyelashes and rolled down her cheek. She quickly swiped it away. “I always wondered if she knew or even cared that she had a granddaughter.”
I reached out and held her hand. “She even set up a college scholarship in your daughter’s name at Mayflower High School for one lucky senior each year.”
“I never knew.” Tabatha wiped away another tear.
I shook my head. “None of us did.”
“I don’t understand any of this.” Rita stared at the lists of clients she’d secretly sent to her and Charlie. “She ruined my life, or tried to, but I wouldn’t let her. Why would she then try to help us? My only regret in this world is in not fighting harder to keep you. We might not have had much, but we had each other.”
I reached into the box and pulled out the letter. “She knew she was wrong. She had regrets but didn’t know how to make amends other than giving things. That was the only world she knew.”
Rita took the letter from me and read it silently. One tear grew to dozens that soaked her cheeks. “So much unnecessary pain. So much time wasted. I’m angry and frustrated and sad. I loved my mother very much. She took that away from me, too. I don’t know how to process all this. How to feel.”
I nodded. “It took me a while. I’ve been over that box time and again, trying to sort out the enigma of Grammy. I was furious with her at first, but then I began to understand her. She’s a product of what she’s been through. Her strict parents, her deceitful ex, her fierce love of you and the lengths she went to keep it. She was lonely and afraid she would have nothing left without you.”
“It didn’t have to be that way. She could have had all of us. If only she had talked to me about how she was feeling instead of giving me ultimatums and cutting me off.” Rita shook her head sadly.
“One good thing came of all this.” Tabatha looked at us both. “We’re a family again. I have my sister back and closure about Grammy. I can live with that.”
“You’re right.” Rita dried her tears and nodded. “I’ve always felt there is no good that comes from dwelling on old hurts from the past. Sometimes we just have to let that go. The only way to true happiness is to focus on the future. Manifest what you want to happen and move forward, not back.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” I said firmly, thinking of Matt.
“Are you?” Tabatha asked.
“Yes, why do you doubt that?” I frowned.
She shrugged. “I might be overstepping my bounds, given how we just rekindled our relationship, so you might not want to hear this.”
“Please, be candid with me. I’m tired of people tiptoeing around my feelings or not being honest with me. Say what you have to say. I won’t get mad.”
“I think you’re so focused on your past that you won’t give Matt a chance to be in your future. Don’t let Bud take anything else from you.”
“What does Bud have to do with this?” The first seed of doubt settled deep into my gut, telling me I might have overreacted with Matt.
“Let’s just say I’m finally putting myself out there. I spent the evening with Police Chief LaLone, and I heard the call come in over his radio. Bud broke into McGinny’s Pub and stole money while his new girlfriend was setting up a space heater in his back room.”
My face paled. “How did I not hear this?”
“You were in the hospital, dear,” Rita said.
“That must have been what he was trying to explain to him when I said it didn’t matter why he left me, and then I made him leave my room.” How had I misjudged him so unfairly? Because like Grammy I had been trained to assume the worst rather than give the benefit of doubt and be let down.
“Matt’s secret alarm went off, and he got to his pub just in time to put the fire out,” Tabatha went on. “He has Bud and his girl on security footage, but they got away with the day’s cash before they could be caught. Matt spent hours working with Officer Pickles on filing a report. As soon as they find Bud, he will get exactly what he deserves. He won’t see the light of day for years to come.”
“And he won’t be after your money anymore,” Rita added firmly. “Matt’s private investigator is a friend of your father’s. He has enough footage proving Bud is a fraud and has no physical limitations whatsoever.”
“What am I going to do?” I asked. “I’ve made such a mess of things.”
“Talk to him. Tell him how you feel.” Rita hugged me. “Honesty is always the best policy, and Tabatha is right. We’ve all wasted far too much time.”
“After everything I said, I’m not sure Matt will want to talk to me.”
“Here’s an idea. Grammy was on to something, she just waited far too long to execute it.” Tabatha grabbed a pad of paper and pen from the kitchen counter and handed them to me. “Write him a note and leave it in his room. He can read it when he gets back. It’s actually kind of romantic.”
I nodded. “That I can do. I journal all the time. I’ll just pretend that’s what I’m doing. Thank you both again so much. If you don’t mind, I would like to be alone with my thoughts so I can write this before he gets back this evening.”
“Good luck, sweetheart.” Rita kissed my cheek. “You know where we are if you need us.”
Tabatha hugged me. “Call Mom if you need anything. I have a second date.” She winked. We all laughed, and then they left.
I spent the next thirty minutes writing down everything I felt. My hopes, my fears, my love for him. How I wanted it all and was going to tell him that morning, but then the unthinkable happened. I went into early labor and panicked then blamed everything on him, terrified he didn’t love me back and wanting to be the one to push him away first.
I glanced at the clock. I’d only told him to give me a few hours. He would be home soon, and this would be the first I had seen him in the week since I was in the hospital. Inhaling a deep breath, I headed down the hall to his bedroom. With shaking hands, I opened his door and stepped inside. My jaw fell open. Matt wasn’t just gone…
He had moved out.