17. Merle
Merle
Itwirl the ring that Rolly gave me around my finger so I can hide my thoughts, because I have a lot of them right now. A lot of really strange thoughts.
I missed something really important. Something I should have seen but was blinded to.
These alphas and their omegas are all trained.
I don’t know what they are trained in, but few of them make noise as they travel through the forest. They all know about survival.
I saw Meg and Desi twirling knives yesterday, then throwing them at trees.
They both got the spot they were aiming for dead on.
Vale shot a rabbit.
He shot it while it was running.
With a bow and arrow that he made. Out here. With sticks and a string he carries with him.
I rub my mouth, trying to work out if I’ve fallen into the wrong people’s hands. My whole body has been trembling, a result of the adrenaline that keeps getting dumped into my bloodstream. I am oscillating between bone-deep weariness and buzzing with so much fear it has me vibrating.
As I watch from under my lashes, King punches Cyn so hard and suddenly that it would have laid most people out, but Cyn manages to dodge it. Pix runs at a tree and climbs it with no rope, just the strength in his body.
Blaze and his sword.
Sage and his smile.
“Merle?”
I look up, startled to find Bonnie crouched in front of me. I blink a few times, resisting the urge to throw myself back and get as far away from her lying self as I can. Everyone lied to me. All of them.
I’m angry, but mostly scared.
There are gaps in my memory, but there’s a lot I remember, and I’m not going to go back into their hands without a fight. If these people think they’ll just hand me over…well, they can think again.
“I know this is all new, but I promise you are safe out here. No bears, no cats, no snakes. Nothing is going to happen out here. It’s my home.”
I can see that she really loves it here and believes that, but…
The memory of something teases, and I stand up and walk away from her, looking west. There’s something waiting for me. Something I’m supposed to do. I’m meant to be somewhere.
“Merle?”
I jolt, startled, losing my train of my thoughts.
“It will be okay. Trust us.”
Trust? Trust is easy to give and quicker to break. I don’t know that I have the ability to trust anymore.
Roseland is watching with a scowl. I like that he’s watching. I think he cares. It seems that way, at least. I move towards him, but Sage intercepts me.
“We’re moving faster now.”
I raise a brow.
“You’re going to get on my back so we can keep up.”
I shift uncomfortably, glancing at everyone around us who is suddenly looking at everything else.
He drops to one knee in front of me and takes hold of my hand in his, which is warm and huge. It’s hard to distrust someone with such warm hands who kneels.
“Please let me help you. I don’t want to see even a single hair on your head get hurt.”
Reluctantly, I nod, but when I look up, Pix is watching me, his lips pressed together into a thin white line, and I think I might have made a mistake.
Sage swings me up.
“We’re ready.”
Bonnie and Kota take off first, followed by Desi and Meg, then Cyn, Rory, and Vale. To my surprise, Aaron goes next, then us, then King, Rolly, Pix, and Blaze.
It takes me two minutes to realise that Sage was absolutely right. I couldn’t have kept up at this pace. I might have lasted three minutes on this run, but not for any longer. My stamina is all but gone.
With every second, my tension ratchets up. Something is wrong. We’re running at breakneck speed through extremely dangerous terrain.
Why?
Sage jumps down, and I can suddenly see a massively deep ravine to our left. All he’d have to do was overbalance, and we’d fall. I don’t care why we are running now. All I can think about is my impending death splattered way, way, down there.
“We won’t fall!” Sage says with a laugh.
Right, because he’s crazy. They are all fucking crazy. I am going to die.
I bury my face in the back of his neck. If I’m going to die, I don’t want to see it coming. The stamina they all have is amazing. We don’t stop for hours, and when we do, I have no idea where we are. We left the trail behind long ago.
We are well and truly in the wild.
Sage lets me down, but my legs are like jelly, they simply collapse under me. I hit the ground hard, staring up at him.
He laughs and turns to me. That look of joy on his face etches itself into my memory forever. He’s beautiful.
But crazy, I remind myself with a dark snarl.
“Wasn’t that fun?”
Fun?
No, it was not fun. It was insane.
I crab-crawl back from him and find a tree, wrapping my arms around it and baring my teeth at Rolly, who comes too close.
“Aww, baby. Don’t be like that.”
I swat at his hand, but he holds out a bottle of water. I am thirsty, so I take the bottle and drink before handing it back and glancing at everyone else.
No one is even winded. Hot and sweaty, but it’s like they took a walk in the park.
Disgusting.
Roseland crouches beside me and grabs my chin, turning me to face him. He studies my expression and shakes his head.
What? I scowl.
“You’re okay. I thought perhaps you might be…no, you’re fine.”
Fine?! I snort and return to hugging the tree, letting out a snarl when King kneels beside Aaron.
“You did real good, Merle, really, really good. I’m proud of you.”
So few words, and they hit me so deeply. I reach for his hand, whining, and then crawl into his lap, burying my face in his neck.
“Good girl,” Blaze says with a pat on my head as he walks past us.
I ignore him. He looks even more chipper than anyone else. Fucking sadists.
They set up camp; the Prince Pack go for food while my alphas set up tents and get a fire started. I let go of King and wander to the limits of our clearing, facing west again. I grind my teeth, frustrated that I can’t remember what it is that’s bothering me.
My mouth forms words. I hear screams, my lungs are burning as I fight to keep moving. I can’t see well in the dark, and there’s someone laughing. Moving towards me in the dark.
My lips move. I try to speak the sounds, but all that comes out are puffs of air. I don’t remember the words.
There’s a coldness inside me. A part that is empty, like a void. Something cold and dangerous.
“Merle!”
I jerk out of my thoughts, whipping around, lashing out at the person who dared touch me. Meg clutches her cheek and staggers back, several steps. When she pulls her hand away, she’s got a cut on her face. It’s long and thin, but it was close, so close to her eye.
I shake my head, shaking off the cobwebs of the vision.
“Meg!” Desi says and pulls her into his arms, dragging her away from me. I hold my hands up, showing that my hands are empty.
Desi snarls. “Come on, let’s go and get this cleaned up.”
I look down at the ring on my finger. That caused the damage. It was a reaction, a startled one. I’m sorry. It was just a reaction, but it was so fast, so violent.
Kind of.
She shouldn’t have walked up behind me. She shouldn’t have touched me.
I pace the spot, frustrated and ignoring the alphas that are watching me.
I turn back to the west.
My head blooms with pain, and I stumble back, hitting the ground on my ass again, falling back as the whole world spins.
Blaze crouches beside me while I fight my nausea, then lose.
He turns me onto my side and holds me, brushing my hair out of my face while I embarrass myself further, gagging and spewing up the water I’d managed to drink.
By the time I’m done, I don’t argue when he carries me to the tent and lies with me on the sleeping bag. I’m miserable, my head’s aching, and the alpha is warm, his scent helps ease the pain. As soon as I can, I turn so I can burrow into him.
Another strike against me.
Pix will never forgive me.
Blaze lies for a while, then sits up and starts massaging my scalp.
“My grandma taught me that a lot of what ails us can be fixed by applying pressure to different parts of the body.”
He follows my shoulder down and grips my wrist, stroking and pushing on my arm. I don’t pay much attention other than to moan because it feels so good, but when he gets to the webbing of my fingers, I’m suddenly overcome by emotion.
Is this what I’m reduced to? So desperate for touch that just having fingers touch mine has me ready to belly crawl to them.
He ignores my tears, just keeps stroking and touching. Eventually, I fall asleep, and when I wake up, he’s gone.
“Merelee.”
I hate that name, but now I fear it. I duck down, hiding in the dark, hoping but knowing that hope is a useless emotion.
My hands are so cold they are almost claws, and I’ve got a burn on the inside of my wrist in the shape of a soaring bird. I keep looking at it, hoping it will be an omen. A good one.
“Where have you taken my things?” the voice thunders.
Fear sours the air in my lungs. If he’s here, I’ll never make it out alive.
“I can smell you, fucking whore omega.”
I close my eyes, wishing I’d had enough money to buy a suppressant patch. Just one. It might have saved my life.
He explodes in front of me, his dark blue eyes wide with rage.
I scream
Brian grabs my throat and squeezes.
I wake up screaming, but the sound is smothered. A hand presses hard against my lips and yanks me back into a warm body.
I send my elbow back sharply and yank free, scrambling out of the tent and into the night, gasping. Air soars in and out of my lungs. I turn in a circle, seeing alphas, omegas, everywhere, people I don’t know.
“Get back from her!” Roseland commands.
I hear his voice, but I can’t pick him out. I can’t catch his scent.
“Ro-”
I collapse, falling into the dark, his name on my lips and in my mind.
“Did she just speak?” someone asks sharply.
I’m lifted into strong arms and pulled out of the dark. It’s not Roseland, it’s Pix holding me.
I grab his shirt, locking my fingers around the material, refusing to let go. He sits down and pulls me so I’m sitting on his lap facing him. I wrap my legs around his waist and bury my face in his shoulder.
“So, you can speak.”
I clear my throat, lick my lips, struggle for a moment, and try. Nothing comes out. He stares at me for a long moment and then nods. I slide off his lap, too embarrassed to stay.
“Okay.”
That’s all he says. It doesn’t sound like a judgement, but I flinch all the same.
Roseland watches me from the tree line, but his expression looks agonized. Our eyes connect and hold before he stands up and walks away, leaving us to the fire and the darkness.
“You scared the crap out of everyone.”
I lower my gaze to my fingers, twisting them together until they ache.
“Don’t be; it keeps them on their toes. They’ve gotten too used to sleeping heavily,” Pix says thoughtfully.
I think if I was to look at his face, this, whatever this is, would end. The honesty that is pouring out of him would dry up, and the words would vanish like they’ve been snatched by the wind.
“When I leave, you will be okay with them.”
That idea terrifies me. I tighten my arms around him and try to ignore the tart panic in my scent.
He pats my back.
“You will all live happily ever after,” he’s resigned.
Panic races up my throat, and I turn to him, throwing myself into his arms, wrapping myself around him.
He is merciless as he pulls my arms loose from his neck, then sets me on the ground, stands up, and disappears into the dark. I can’t look away from him. There aren’t words to tell him how I feel. That watching him disappear into the dark is like watching the lights go out in the world.
That watching him leave is like falling into a world of nightmares.
Come back, I think desperately.
But I haven’t spoken in so long, and words don’t come. He doesn’t hear me, and he doesn’t come back.