Chapter 5
Victor stayed later than I expected, and he tried to continue some sort of conversation with me. Thankfully, it wasn’t about selling the garage, but it was about my personal life. It’s already depressing living this lonely life, but to be challenged in it is another thing.
I ended up just packing up and heading to my place. He was so fucking annoying. I just wanted to work on my girl and he couldn’t stop talking about hooking up, how much money he makes, blah—throw up—blah. He will never see that money will only bring heartache.
The people of our small town look out for one another. Ohana. A small community of family. When my dad left and my mom got injured, the community stepped up and helped us the best they could. They checked in and had some food to eat. In a town that’s already struggling to keep the lights on, they still did what they could for us. Even if it was to let us use their shower because the county turned off our water, or offering some leftovers or a few dollars here and there for mom’s medical bills. A fill in here—a fill in there. We help one another.
Currently, I am sitting in Massey’s office with my feet propped up on her desk. My ragged vans slip-on shoes are out of place on her mahogany pristine desk. Ratty jean shorts and my vintage AC/DC shirt are a stark contrast to her pants suit.
Victor said he would drop my board off, and I’m going through saltwater withdrawals. I have my short board, but I prefer my longboard. It’s a smoother and more calming ride. I mean, how do you go to the beach and just sit in the sand? The ocean calls my name and reminds me to make a spare longboard for myself.
“How was the date?” I ask, needing to pass the time.
“Um…You really want to hear?” She refuses to make contact.
“All but the gooey crap.” I pop a piece of candy in my mouth, waiting for her to answer.
“It was okay.”
“Just, okay?” Nah, I need more.
“The Hutt was nice. Good food, but honestly, it got awkward. Like it’s all out in the open and we just kind of sat there not talking.”
I laugh. My brother was a nervous wreck. “Oh, man. Are you going out again?”
“I hope so.” She drops her eyes toward the desk. She seems embarrassed. “He hasn’t called. Is this weird for you? To talk about this?”
“Yes.” I release a massive laugh and cup my stomach.
“Is what weird?” Mr. Withers pops his head around the door.
“Um, the deal that Victor wants with the garage.” Massey quickly says.
My eyes pinch at her sudden change of subject. An uncomfortable feeling sits at the bottom of my stomach. I roll my eyes and head, slowly looking back at her. I know she doesn’t have any involvement in it and I’m not sure how much Mr. Withers has, but the talk about losing our place of business has me in stitches. Painful stitches.
“I think it’s a mistake to sell, but Victor and his dad seem to think it’s a good deal. The builders are pushing hard for that area,” Mr. Withers offers. “You think he will sell?”
“Hope not. I don’t know what I’d do if he closed up and left,” I answer honestly. That garage has been mine and my sibling’s life. It’s all I’ve ever known.
“You are a talented mechanic. I’m sure you could find something.” He kindly smiles at me. I offer a grateful smile back. He looked at Massey as if he suddenly remembered why he was in her office. “Massey, remember there is a business dinner at the Marriott. We are trying to bid for a new client.”
“Got it.” She nods.
“Have a good afternoon, ladies.” He waves and turns the corner.
I swing my head fast toward my friend. “Why did you do that?”
She looks at me, confused. I inhale in a deep breath, trying to hold in my displeasure at her dismissal of our conversation.
“Why didn’t you tell him about your date with Lawson?” I pin her with a stare.
“I don’t know what to say to my dad about it. He’s not the biggest Lawson fan.”
My eyebrow punches the top of my forehead. I suddenly need to defend my party-hungry brother, who is known to have the temper of a five-year-old.
“Why? He’s worked with your family’s home and cars.” I say, a little confused.
“Well…I don’t know. Just…”
“Are you embarrassed by him?” I ask.
“No! God, no,” she quickly responds. Massey’s contorted face has me backing down. “But my dad doesn’t see things the way I do. He has only heard and seen him as the party guy. You know how reckless Lawson can be.”
I can tell the sincerity in her voice and memories of picking Lawson up from random people’s homes on the other side of the island. He hung out with the wrong crowd and became infatuated with one girl, who used his need for love against him. Lawson just so badly wanted to fit in and to be loved. He’d do just about anything his “friends” asks. A few times he called asking for me or Leland to pick him up from the hospital. Another time, he had gotten into a fight and really hurt someone just because they called him trash and set him up to take the fall for stolen crap.
Just keep driving slowly and I’ll jump in the truck’s bed. Just don’t stop.
Was the cryptic text message we got before watching him run down the road.
When we arrived at home, he told us the friends he was hanging out with had slipped some merchandise in his backpack. Unaware, he left the store with the stolen items. Setting off the detectors, the employees held him back. Those “friends” slid out the door, along with the girl he was seeing, with the expensive stuff they actually wanted and left my brother to fend for himself. He slipped away from the managers before the cops arrived and made his way back to the said friend’s home. A confrontation and a bloody nose later, he called us. Devastated, Lawson continued down a dark path, and it took him a few years to crawl out of that hole.
“I truly like him, Collins. I mean it. There is no way I would’ve agreed to go out with him if I wasn’t serious about him.” She places her hands palm down on the desk.
My siblings and I have had more people come and go more times than we can count. A pang of worry crosses my mind. The protective side of me comes to the surface.
“You’d better get your crap together. Leland already has had someone walk out on him. They tried to change him, and made him feel he wasn’t good enough as he was. I know you don’t see Lawson like that, but don’t invest in anything with my brother if you don’t intend to stay. You know how sensitive he is. I can’t have that harsh spiral again.”
“I know, Collins.” She stands shaking her head. “I’m trying, we’ve only had one date.” She huffs, rubbing her fingertips on her temple. “I hope he calls and we can try again.”
Hope fills the tense room. I nod, trying to ignore the knot that pulls in my chest for fear of what she could do to Lawson. The last person who hurt him sent him down a dangerous path. I know Massey and she would never intentionally hurt him, but I don’t know if she realizes how quickly he can fall.
“I’m out.” I stand, wanting to end this negative memory and uncomfortable conversation. “Sunday? Super-secret spot?”
She silently nods with a half-smile. I wish I could give her more comfort and reassurance, but I’m also on the fence to look out for my brother.
I give her a wave and head out. Exiting the parking garage, I am met with the familiar set of hazel eyes. He’s such a sassy peacock. He confidently strides through the garage when his eyes fixate on mine. His walk shifts slightly to a more relaxed sway.
“Collins.” A hearty sigh escapes his perfect lips. No! Collins, no! Shaking my head, I offer a scrunched nose and a pointed finger wave. “Hey, I got the board delivered to the auto shop. I couldn’t make it fit in the car.”
I look over his shoulder at his Lexus LS. “You know, the back seat folds down so you have trunk space plus the back seat.”
He swings his head back and forth between me and the car. “I’m sorry,” he says, insulted. “I’m waiting for the ‘thank you for sending me my crappy board.’ But, hey, let’s go with your approach of disdain.”
“If you and Lawson hadn’t been such a douche duo, then I wouldn’t have had to go without. Did you both figure out whose junk was bigger?” I ask.
He sarcastically laughs. “I can’t with you.”
“Well, thanks. I guess. And—by the way, my board is not crappy! I’m proud of my work.”
“You made that?” Once again, he sounds surprised.
“Boards are expensive. I do what I can with what I have.”
“Just buy a new one.”
I’d like to take a picture of my face at this moment. I am positive that it’s full of disappointment and anger. He still can’t wrap his head around the fact that not everyone can just throw money around like confetti.
“Question,” I ask.
“Answer,” he smugly responds.
My new natural reaction to this man is a massive eye roll. “Do you ever look at the servers that bring your food?”
“No, I have my stuff delivered, and if I have to go out, like I do tonight, I focus on my clients.”
“You don’t look twice at anyone who isn’t wearing a Rolex and sipping champagne,” I say matter-of-factly.
“Hey, I’m looking at you.” He cocks his head to the side and, okay, that puts me in my place. His face somber slightly. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know, honestly. For a quick second, sometimes, I think you might see reality, but then you open your mouth and ruin the moment,” I say. “It’s a shame. You’ve got the looks.”
“You think I’m good-looking?” His chest puffs, standing a little straighter. His eyebrow curves up along with the tip of his lips.
“Then you talk, and I’m reminded how shallow you are. That trumps any good looks.” I throw my hands up with air quotes on his face. Slapping my palms on my bare thighs. “I gotta go.”
“Oh god, how am I supposed to go on with the rest of my day with you thinking I’m an awful person?”
He irritates the hell out of me and what’s worse is—he knows it. It’s taking every ounce of patience and control with him.
“Like a cockroach, you’ll survive and leech off the people to better serve yourself.” I curtsy, dropping my chin toward my chest.
Anger. I’ve never seen someone so furious. It satisfied part of me for causing this break of his cockiness. The other part kind of feels bad. Just kidding. I’m not ashamed of scrapping my way through life. I’m just tired of people assuming that I need more out of life.
“You. Don’t. Know. Me.” His words seethe through his teeth. We stand, squaring our shoulders to each other.
“I know enough to see that money is more important than human connection.” I take a step toward him, closing the distance between us. His breath staggers, and his eyes are full of anger. Silently, I give myself a pat on the back for striking a nerve. “I’m out. I’ve got a date.”
“A date? Who would date you?”
His quick response stalls me for a moment. That comment hits below the belt, but in all fairness, I’ve done the same to him. Well played.
“Lucky it’s none of your business. Now, this conversation is not productive. I’m going to be late.” I dismissively wave him off.
“Hope your date doesn’t show.” He tries again at a below the belt jab.
“Like your eyebrows.” I quickly retort.
A panic stutter is all I hear. Walking away, I look over my shoulder at him, leaning down at his reflection in the window of a car. His fingers touch his forehead and trace down to his ever-present eyebrows. That was way too simple of an insult. No one sees an eyebrow dig coming. That’s what makes it so satisfying.
I climb into my truck and slowly drive to the assisted living facility. It’s visiting hours and I’ll take any time I can get with my mom.
A traumatic brain injury stalled her way of life all those years ago. She’s not all there and needs round-the-clock care. The physical and emotional demands were out of our league. So, we work our asses off to make sure she has proper care. We volunteer when we can just to pay back the amazing staff. It’s also how we met many people. Friends of friends use us to fix their cars or help with other things in exchange for helping take care of my mom.
Pulling into the parking lot, I sit in my car for a little longer, just staring at the front doors of the sterile but musty facility. I am giving myself a mental pep-talk before walking in to get my heart broken. I check the time on the radio and offer one last shoulder shrug.
“Let’s go Collins.”
I walk up to the glass doors, and I’m immediately buzzed through. Stepping through the lobby, I nod to the front desk assistant and pass through the secure doors. I try to say hi to as many people as I can. My feet carry me through the threshold of her door, and I find my mom sitting in a wingback chair by the window. It’s a peaceful view as she stares out the large framed window.
“Hey, mom. It’s Collins.” I knock on her door. The hollow sound vibrates through the cold, sterile room. A small part of me always hopes that she will turn and recognize me. Talk to me. Hug me. Just be present in some form with me.
A small glance toward me and my chest stills. The blank stare reminds me she doesn’t register who I am. A bird flying across the gardens grabs her attention back and just like that, the moment is gone.
She holds a large piece of my heart I will never get back. I sit in front of a person who is alive, but I continue to mourn the past like a fresh wound.
Sucking in a deep breath, I lean back in my chair across from her. I pull out my classic car magazine and, like every other time, I read from the pages and speak mindlessly about anything and everything with her.
“Just so you know, I’m doing everything I can to make Leland and Lawson happy. It’s been so long since they’ve been happy. I wish you could tell me what to do at this moment.”
A wish grazes against my lips, waiting for a response that won’t come.
“I’d say a family vacation, but Leland won’t close up the business for anything. Lawson is just getting on his feet. He might have a girlfriend. It’s Massey. They’d be really lucky to have each other if they can get out of their own way. I hope she doesn’t hurt him. Remember what happened the last time?”
I nod, talking to myself. Still nothing. My mom keeps her eyes set on the garden. I ramble on for a while about different topics before getting on my favorite subject.
“My girl is looking good. She needs a paint job, though. What do you think? Red? Red and black? Maybe a matte black?”
My mom looks up just as the nurse comes in for the evening to take her to dinner. I stand, giving the nurse a small smile.
“Ok, mom. I love you. I’ll see you next time.”
Offering a kiss on the top of her head, I walk out of the room. Briefly hearing the sweet nurse speaking to my mom. My lip trembles at the love these nurses have. I couldn’t do their job and I seriously can’t think of how they can do their job either. I dash out of the facility and run to the safety of the cab of my truck. Slamming the large metal door shut behind me and work to steady my excessive breathing. I want to cry, but I have no more tears to offer. I want to scream, but she won’t hear my pain. I want to fix everything, but it’s all out of my control.
If I could cure my mom and bring her back, I’d be the happiest girl in the world. If I could soothe Leland’s worried soul, I’d douse it in comfort. If I could shower Lawson with reassurance, I’d help him see he’s amazing as he is and deserves to be loved.
If only…