Chapter 6
Sunday—super secret spot. I’m meeting with my best friend at our hidden gem only a few locals know about. It’s a drive and then a hike to get here. It’s an all-day affair for this place. The open, quiet, and secluded place is just what I need after visiting my mom.
It always takes a few days to decompress after a visit with her. The evening after is usually when I throw on a pair of headphones and turn the music up to escape my reality and fall into tinkering in my car. And then, days like today. There is not a cloud in the sky; clear water and rideable waves sit at my fingertips. It’s waves and my girl that give me a feeling of Zen, where I can reconnect to myself.
I am on my knees on the white sandy beach with my longboard in front of me. My mind wanders toward my last interaction with Victor. Just one comment has replayed over in my mind. Who would date me? I don’t have the best track record with men. My knowledge of cars intimidates most men. They also don’t understand why I will never leave my brothers and move on with my life.
I mean, how can I? Leland gave up everything to take care of us. Lawson made up for what Leland couldn’t do, especially on the emotional scale. They taught me about cars, surfing, bartering. I watched both of them get their heartbroken. The anger and resentment that followed, no thanks.
Boyfriends left me behind when I wouldn’t leave my siblings behind. Period. People can’t possibly understand what it means to be… well, me. Being in love or in a committed relationship isn’t in the cards for me. I am more focused on the people I genuinely care about. The people who gave up a great deal to take care of me and raise me.
I am brought out of my mental fight and deep thoughts with Massey approaching… with him! I am seeing red.
“First, hi. Second, I’m sorry,” she pleads.
“What the hell is he doing here?” I am failing to not act like a complete jerk. This is our spot. She knows I saw my mom.
“Long story short, he’s shadowing me for local stuff.” She sucks her lips in her mouth, holding her breath.
I look around her to watch him struggling to carry a cooler and a surfboard. I glance back at my best friend while biting the inside of my cheek to prevent saying anything that could blow up our relationship.
“Thank you for not ripping my head off. I know this isn’t ideal. I tried to get out of it…”
I don’t even let her finish before turning my back and dropping back down to my board. Grabbing the wax from my bag, I rub a quick layer on my board. My focus is strictly on the wax and the circles I make to build the layer. I focus on the crashing waves, clear sky, and warm sand beneath me. Massey stands at my back and thankfully doesn’t say another word. Allowing me to process this sudden situational change.
Victor plops down in front of me. “Hey stranger!”
I gag at his positive attitude. It’s like he’s trying to be nice. I look away, hoping he gets the message.
“What’s that?”
He doesn’t get it. I look down at my hand and sigh.
“Wax.”
“What’s it for?” he asks.
“Ask your best friend.” I stand, throwing the bar of wax in my bag and trudging toward the ocean as it is calling for me.
“Collins, come on. I’m sorry!” Massey wines. It stops me as I only get two steps away from them.
“You know how it is after the visits, Massey. This day was for you and me. Not you, me, and douchebag.”
“His dad and my dad asked that he shadow me. I didn’t have a choice.” She rests her hands on her hips, slinging her leg out.
“You had a choice,” I scream at her. “You always have a choice!”
Massey and I have never raised our voices at each other, let alone a scream. And here we are. Voices raised, and I screamed at my best friend. At the moment, I can’t help but feel the anger bubbling at the surface just because he is here. I don’t want him to see me like this. Losing control over my emotions. I’m afraid he will see a side of me that is reserved for only a few people that I trust.
“Not when it comes to business. When daddy says to do something…you do it!” She yells back at me.
“Yeah, I see how you give into him. Can’t decide for yourself.” I know I am being an asshat at the moment. This isn’t good for her or me. I don’t mean the things I am saying, but hurt overshadows like a dark cloud before the storm surges. “I needed you today. Just you!”
“Well, I’m here.” Massey throws her arms wide. “Come on, it’s just for today. I’m not going anywhere until we talk.”
Admitting defeat and he will be here for the rest of the day, I duck under her arm and reach into my bag, retrieving the bar of wax. With a not-so-gentle toss to Victor, I bark, “Rub the wax on your board where you place your feet. It will help create traction so you don’t fall off. Put it back in my bag when you’re done using it.”
I turn and stomp away, ungracefully, in the perfect, untouched stand. “Happy?” I yell over my shoulder as I march to the water’s edge. Once my toes touch the ocean’s edge, I continue storming through the small current and throw my board into the water. It slaps at the white cresting waves. I hop on the board and paddle hard, not looking back. I am angrier with myself for popping off at Massey. We both feel the need to take care of the people who take care of us. I know where she is coming from and she understands me in return. I just can’t take him being there.
After a few waves, I am feeling emotionally lighter.