Chapter 9
So, I ran.
Pathetic. I know. I don’t need a reminder of what a twat I can be. The moment his hand slid up my back to pull me closer was like throwing ice water over my skin—sparks of electricity burned through my muscles. Unimaginable lust bubbling under my skin, ready to explode. Everything felt so right, but then felt so wrong at the same time.
The list of why this is a bad idea sped through my mind. This man doesn’t do relationships. He doesn’t do commitment. Do I even do that? Eventually, everyone leaves, and he is going to leave. I refuse to be a local hookup. That insignificant fact I can’t even swallow. I never wanted to be someone’s temporary solution or a summer memory.
Again, here I am freaking out. All night and into the morning.
This man has me wanting more. But, if I can’t have it, I don’t want a single minute of it. I don’t want to be a pawn in his chess game—one where he can dispose of me at his convenience. However tomboyish I am, I think of myself as a queen. I protect the pieces of my life so fiercely. I want more, and if I can’t have it, I don’t want to entertain anything less than.
The confusion in his eyes compelled me to wrap myself in his embrace, but I refused to allow myself to go there, so I shoved him away. Hard. Hard enough to where he stumbled back far enough, allowing me to swipe my shoes and run away as if zombies were chasing me.
Even for one night, pretending to be someone else doesn’t mean I can play with my heart like that.
The next morning, with an even bigger mess of emotions running through my mind, I’m upside down under the dash working on the wiring for the radio. Praying I don’t get a zap of electricity. That’s something Victor has succeeded with.
“Collins?” Lawson’s voice pulls me from my intrusive thoughts.
My eyes pinch close. This isn’t going to end well. I grunt, trying to maneuver my body upright. My eyes land on my brother and best friend. They stand hand in hand. I wiggle my eyebrows at Massey as the giddy grin covers my face. Aw, my heart.
“Well, hello, you weirdos,” I tease.
“Bite me,” Massey jabs back. Oh, she’s sassy with a blush.
“That’s his job.” I point to Lawson.
Even with Massey’s fake gasp, it doesn’t sway Lawson. “Truth!” He beams at me.
Massey nudges his shoulder with hers. “Don’t encourage her.”
He shrugs and swings their intertwined hands. With a deep gruff, he releases her hand and wraps a hand around her side. I look between the two and offer a thankful smile. Lawson looks so happy and healthy, more than I’ve ever seen him before.
“We are going to dinner tonight and want you to come with us,” Massey offers.
I don’t let a second pass before answering. “Third wheel? No thanks.”
“Come on.” She puffs her lips out, attempting a pout with a smile.
“I’ll buy. Think about it. Free beer,” Lawson offers.
Oh, that changes things. “You’ll buy?”
“Promise. And I won’t say that and then leave you with the bill this time.” Lawson bounces on his heels. Massey steadily nods next to him.
“Free beer?” I ask again. Admitting defeat is giving him. “Okay, I’m in.”
Lawson bumps his fist in the air and Massey laughs at how easily I gave in.
“Get cleaned up and we will meet you at The Hutt.” Lawson grabs a towel and throws it at me.
“See you there,” Massey says, following Lawson out the door.
It’s not the worst way to spend an evening. Third-wheeling it with my brother and best friend. Wow, that sounds horrible, but then again, there is beer. Maybe giving them shit will help distract me from thoughts of Victor.
Cleaning and moping around until I give in to go home. After showering and shaving, I throw on my favorite jeans and tank top. Even though the jeans have random holes and are worn out so much the thin fabric begs to rip further, they are the most comfortable jeans I have. I brush my long, sun-kissed hair out, too. The ocean dries out my long locks and store-brand conditioner doesn’t do much to help it.
Dusk settles into the evening with a perfect Hawaiian sunset as my rackety old truck pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant. Massey and Lawson are waiting for me outside, looking guilty as hell.
Massey presses her lips together as I step toward them. “You look better in grease,” she teases.
“Dude, her car looks better,” Lawson joins in on the fun.
“I’ll agree with that.” I poke Lawson in the chest. Thankful we appreciate some of the same things.
“Come on, we have a table waiting.” Lawson pulls Massey behind him, and I follow, ready for that free beer and food.
Dipping between tables to get to their reserved table, it completely goes over my head what I’m walking into. The Hutt doesn’t have reserved tables. It’s a first come first serve. This place looks rundown on the outside and partly on the inside, but it has some of the best food I’ve ever had.
Sitting at the table is none other than the man who has overtaken my thoughts. Victor smugly leaned back in his chair with a shit-eating grin. It’s kind of cute or sexy. Shit. Lock it up, Collins! I need to remember that he is a local ass-chaser.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I chastise him.
That wasn’t what he was expecting. Not even close. “What?”
“Collins. Calm down.” Lawson pumps his palms up and down, gesturing for me to relax.
“Double date,” Massey says sweetly.
“You set this up?” I want to be livid, but she has no clue what happened last night.
“Free beer, free beer, free beer,” she repeats. “I’ll throw in the breakfast platter from Leo’s tomorrow.”
God, does she think I am that easy to persuade? Beer, dinner, and breakfast?
“Deal,” I say quicker than I can think.
Massey is right. I am that much of a sucker to sit through for food. Leo’s breakfast platter is the absolute bomb. I may be a small woman, but I’ll eat myself sick for that platter of eggs, sausage, hash browns, scrapple, spam, fresh fruit, and a biscuit. That’s a happy dance kinda meal.
I stiffly sit next to the peacock of a man with a sexy smile and try to steady myself.
“So, this isn’t awkward at all,” Massey interjects, cutting the tension in the air.
“Feels like I’m on one of those serial killer documentaries. I promised her free beer and food, and in return, you never find her body,” I laugh.
“Yeah, feed ‘em to the sharks!” Lawson throws his arms in the air. I love how he will match my energy no matter where we are.
Massey is wheezing next to Lawson, all while making a stabbing gesture with her hands.
“What is wrong with you guys?” Victor looks on with concern.
I laugh even harder at his disgust. “Oh, Ivy League.”
“You are making tonight so weird.” Massey stares at Victor. “I did this because you asked, but you need to relax. You are so wound up!”
“You asked for this?” I sit back in my chair, shocked it was him.
“You won’t return any of my calls or texts.” He says matter-of-fact.
He’s not wrong. My phone had been ringing off the hook with notifications. I ended up turning it off and turning into an armadillo with my feelings. I’m still trying to assess what is wrong with me and our situation. Situation?
“Victor, you are lucky to even be in the same room with her.” Lawson’s attempt at humor slightly overshadows his warning. He’s trying to keep things light while establishing some sort of protectiveness. I can appreciate that my brother is still looking out for me.
“If we are spending the evening talking truth, that right there is the truth.” Massey clasps her hands together, agreeing with Lawson.
“Shut up!” I slink down in my chair and blush. No one has complimented me like this before, so I don’t know how to handle it.
I feel Victor’s hand rub against my thigh under the table. The blush I originally had was spreading like wildfire. He keeps his face neutral and takes in the warning from my brother and Massey. I’m not used to this kind of attention.
“The only reason we are sitting at this table together, bro, is because my girlfriend asked.” Lawson drops a bomb that neither Massey nor I were ready for.
Massey’s flushed face and eyes glisten at the notation. Lawson hasn’t ever been this forward and staked claim to anyone. Mostly he’s just happy to be in the company of whoever has gained his attention. This is a massive step.
“Girlfriend?” Massey whispers softly.
“Problem?” Lawson’s body relaxes at the sound of her voice. His hand reaches around the back of her chair and pulls her closer to him.
She melts into his side with the biggest blush I’ve ever seen. “No, no problem.”
Lawson is rubbing little circles on her shoulder. Envious emotions swirl in my chest, wanting the same thing they have. Pure bliss with someone. Someone who won’t try to make you change, move away, and accepts your family without judgment.
“I can respect that.” Victor finally nods, breaking me free from a fantasy I now want so badly.
“You don’t even know me,” I whisper under my breath toward him.
“I know enough,” he says louder.
Cue awkward Collins. “Stalker.”
“It was nice knowing you, Collins.” Massey salutes. “Looks like it’s the sharks for you.”
“Can you at least let her fix my short board before you axe her?” Lawson folds his hands in front of his face, attempting to plead with Victor.
“You both are awful.” I shake my head.
“Change of subject - Yo, I had to do more work the other day fixing what you messed up. Leland won’t let you near any of our cars.” Lawson taps his fingers on the wobbly table. It creaks under the pressure.
I happily follow along with this conversation. “He said, ‘Cut my fucking pinky off’ before he will let you touch one car.” I mock the best I can with Leland’s deep voice.
“I know you can’t tell, but I’ve never worked as a mechanic before.” I raise a hand in defeat. His sarcasm matches ours.
The table erupts in laughter, and it lightens the mood. I can work with this.
“So, what’s good here? Where’s the menu?” Victor looks around.
“You’ll get what they serve. It’s not a traditional restaurant. The menu changes daily depending on what the chef wants to do or what he can source locally. It’s always a surprise when we come,” Lawson says.
“No options?” Victor questions.
“Listen, if you try to change anything or send food back…” Lawson starts.
“They will block you from any local stuff,” I state.
Victor looks at all of us. Again, clearly something he’s never experienced before. More circumstances are out of his hands, and he is unable to control everything. His slight displeasure has me taking the atmosphere of this rundown restaurant. The broken parts of tables, mismatched plates and silverware… I appreciate the beauty of the struggle to make it day by day. This place has some of the best food by a skilled local chef who has toured the world. He left to learn as much as he could and work under some of the greatest chefs in the world, but returned to his roots. There’s nothing like home, especially when it’s Hawaii. My eyes land back on my brother and Massey, who are deep in conversation. We are not even a blip on their radar. The smiles they exchange make me silently long for a love like that someday.
“Can we talk about what happened at the bar?” Victor whispers to where only he and I can hear.
“No.” I firmly state. He’s not going to let this go.
“Come on.” His eyes plead with me.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I said I like you. And we kissed!” Victor whispers a little louder. “You said nothing. You just pushed me away and grabbed your shoes. Took off like someone lit a match under your ass.” He relaxes his body, trying to control his mood. Composing himself to finish his thought. “Did I overstep?”
I turn my head away, wanting to avoid this conversation, especially in front of other people. In all fairness, Massey and Lawson are not paying us any attention. I feel Victor’s hand rest back on my leg, gently rubbing soothing circles with his thumb against my flesh. My skin pimples, yet I am not cold. It’s on fire. My eyes fixate on his hand. Watching every single movement.
“You don’t think much of me, do you?” he asks.
I am perplexed by his question… or is it a statement? I remain quiet, trying to figure out what to say or how to say what I am thinking and feeling.
“What kind of person do you think I am?” he adds.
I am baffled by his defensiveness about this. I didn’t think he cared much about me. He’s pushed that button so fine, if this is how it’s going to be.
“I’m not a local hookup and dump.” A weight feels like it’s fallen from my shoulders at the main admission to what I’ve been feeling toward this man.
Victor yanks his hand away from my leg and pins me with a concerned look. Fuck, that’s hot. His hazel eyes shine and his hair rustles in the wind. I remember the way it felt in my hands. Is that weird for a girl to say? Focus, Collins.
“I refuse to be your summer story you tell your big city friends about.” Short, sweet, and to the point.
“Is that what you think?” Victor watches my reaction closer. His focus is solely on me.
“You ditched those girls. Twice! Tell me, did you sleep with either of them? Or both of them?” I ask, watching his eyes that give away the answer before he can say anything else.
“It was my first weekend here. Jetlag and exhaustion don’t match well with alcohol. I was drunk, and she was there,” he defends himself.
I roll my eyes and look toward the ocean. Pride has a nasty way of getting between reality and fantasy.
“It’s not like that with you.” Victor continues to defend himself.
“Damn right it’s not. I’m not a ‘get in my pants’ type of girl, plus, why does what I think matter to you?” I counter him.
“Did you not hear me? I said that I like you!” He reiterates his previous statement.
“And no matter how much I like you, you aren’t staying!”
“Woah, calm down, Collins,” Massey interjects, pulling her from the conversation with Lawson. Her eyebrows tip down in apprehension. She can see that I am trying to keep this all together. I don’t enjoy feeling pressured or called out like this. Maybe if we were in a more private place, but not in the middle of a restaurant.
“No!” This is going bad. “He isn’t staying. F.Y.I. Before you can even entertain the thought.” Victor shifts in my peripheral, catching my eye. I stare at him and attempt to force myself from falling under the spell of his hazel eyes here. Damn him. I want to eat those luscious lips. His fists constrict, causing the veins of his forearm to surface. My eyes travel up to the rest of his body and I look over his pressed, un-holy t-shirt and jeans. His jeans look like they’re right off the rack. I look him over and there isn’t a single wrinkle in his new outfit. And the notion overwhelms me. I can’t bring myself to cross a line with the man from the mainland—from the big city of New York.
“I’ll never leave my brothers or the shop. City life isn’t for me and I won’t do what society expects of me. I won’t fall for someone who can’t understand any of this! Fuck free beer, this isn’t worth it.” I slam my chair back and storm out of the restaurant.
My truck comes into view as I rush, still full of fire. Mumbling my displeasure for this evening. Duped by my brother and best friend. I stop at the door and take a deep breath.
A large hand grasps my wrist and spins me into a muscular chest. My breath catches and the fury in his hazel eyes doesn’t help the matter. He’s gorgeous. Victor takes a step forward, pushing me against my truck. His body pressed against mine and he leans his handsome, chiseled, tan but slightly sunburned face into mine.
“Listen closely. I have never told someone I like them. Never asked for someone to set up a double date or blind date just to get a woman to sit with me because I knew you’d say no if I asked you out.” His hot breath teases my skin. “I like you, Collins. And it scares the ever-living crap out of me. I don’t know how to handle these feelings. I was brought out here to work and after I’m supposed to leave, but you keep pulling me back. You make it almost impossible to consider leaving. I don’t understand life at this moment, but damn it, you’re like a drug. I can’t get enough of it.” His shoulders relax and his grip on my wrist lightens up. My eyes never leaving his when I feel his hands grip my hips. I gulp hard with words failing me. “I can’t tell what you are thinking, and it’s driving me nuts. The only time I’ve seen you get excited about anything was looking at that metal beast that holds your heart. And I want to know what it feels like when you look at me like that… like this. God, I want it. I want you so bad. The way you see people and see life. I want to be a part of that too.”
That speech. Him leaning closer, his lips to brush against mine, ever so slightly touching. My hands cover his jaw and I rise on my toes, pressing my lips firmly against his. I won’t fight against everything that is telling me to stop. This is a bad idea. Instead, I open my arms up to embrace this moment in life. And for once, I won’t stop it.