Chapter 17
After a sleepless night, I decide to gather the courage to talk to Victor. I need to be completely honest to salvage what remains. To start my day off right, I head to the shop to steady my overthinking mind. Just the sight of my girl boots my mood and centers me. She’s my therapist, silently offering the best advice in the world.
Technically, I’m not supposed to be at the shop today, neither is anyone else. The quiet, the smell of oil and metal, and the air is so thick it’s hard to breathe. Maybe it’s just my imagination or my body’s response from yesterday. I just head to my girl and start picking at little things to fix. I spend half my day just adjusting things and getting lost in my thoughts. The sound of a door slamming and cursing brings me back to reality.
I duck further into my car and hide at the bottom, where they can’t see me. When the voices speak, I immediately recognize the person, and my heart shatters for my brother, as this is the one who caused his heartbreak.
“Taylor, you had no business coming here,” Leland yells angrily.
“Leland! I’ve been doing everything I can to get a hold of you!” Taylor yells back.
“There was no reason! I have nothing to say, nothing to hear.”
“Why won’t you just hear me out? I came all this way to tell you I love you and I made a mistake leaving,” Taylor begs. “I thought I could have the life I wanted, but you are the life I needed, please.”
“You left. You got as far away as they dangled the carrot of a better life in front of your face!” I sit quietly on the floorboard of my car, listening to my brother. Part of me is proud that he’s standing up for himself, and the other half is hurting at the hurt in Taylor’s voice. He genuinely seems remorseful about the way he left.
“I asked you to come with me. Lawson and Collins were fine on their own.”
“Maybe they are, but I’m not okay without them.” Leland is pacing on the concrete floor, his large boots echoing with each stomp. Pacing is something he does when he tries to rationalize his thoughts and words. “They have always been my responsibility and they will always be my responsibility. You knew that from the beginning. Don’t you remember? You said you loved that most about me. The whole ‘not leaving my family behind’ then boom! You asked me to leave them behind like a fucking coward.”
“I thought if I was making enough money that we could still take care of them financially,” Taylor defends himself. “I didn’t think that you needed to be here physically. Honestly, I thought with the promotion…”
“God!” Leland exclaims. “What is it with everyone thinking money will solve their problems? You know my dad left for a better job, a better wife, a better family. Better, better, better, better, always something better…” He throws his hands around in the air. “Did you not think of that? Why is the present not good enough?”
“I get it now,” Taylor quickly responds.
“Now?” Leland huffs a sarcastic laugh.
“Yes, now. In San Francisco, I had everything monetary that I could want. But I sat in that lonely home, alone. The laughter we had gone. Here is where I came home to a man who loved me when I had nothing. Stood by me for everything.” He tries pulling Leland toward him. “I thought I could be the one to take care of you because you took care of me. Was it so bad of me to want to be the one to make sure you didn’t have to worry about anything for once? Huh?”
“No,” Leland whispers.
“No?”
“No,” Leland says louder.
“Dinner?” Taylor tries to shoot his shot again. “Please, let me take you out to dinner. One dinner and after, if you still want to shut the door, then I’ll leave it be.”
After a moment of silence, Leland responds. “Fine.”
“Yeah?”
“One dinner and then …”
“Nope, don’t say another word.” Taylor’s voice rings so…hopeful. Excited. “Right at this moment, I am going to have dinner with an amazing man.”
“I have a meeting to go to with the lawyer,” Leland whispers back.
I can hear their feet shuffling around on the concrete floor, small rocks and debris crunching under their feet as Leland ushers them out of the garage. My head falls with the silence of the garage. Various emotions are running through my mind. I am beaming with pride for my brother. He deserves to be happy. So many years spent under the hood of a car to earn a dollar to support me and Lawson.
If Taylor can come back and attempt to swoop Leland up, then I can tell Victor I love him back. Beyond that, I’m not sure, but at least I’m open to see where it goes. Watching them gives me a surge of confidence I need. The door slams shut, knocking me from my thoughts. Once I am sure they are gone, I pop out of the car and clean up.
I can do this.
As I pass Leland’s office on my way out, the door is open, so I quickly sneak inside to look around. Maybe I can help Leland? A drawer that is usually locked isn’t. I grasp the pile of paperwork lying on top and immediately recognize the letterhead. It’s the firm Massey and Victor work at. My eyes read each word, causing my pulse increase.
I can feel the heat rise to my face, anger, resentment. My eyes fill with unshed tears, begging to fall.
How … how?
I am so lost in all the papers I don’t hear Lawson step up behind me.
“Yo, what’s good sis?” he asks. “Hey…”
It’s when I hear the voice of my best friend and that’s when I lose it. “Collins, are you okay?”
I take the papers in hand and turn around. My fingers scrunch over the edges, crumpling the documents.
“Did you know?” My eyes lock on to hers.
“Know what?” She looks at me, confused.
“Did you?” I look at Lawson.
“Whoa, what’s up?” His hands shoot up to the side of his body.
I shove the papers at them. Massey quickly gathers them, looking them over. Lawson dips behind her with his head resting on her shoulder. My heart squeezes at his loving nature and how this could tear him apart. Massey’s eyes grow as she reads further.
“Collins, I had no idea! This isn’t my department. I swear I didn’t know,” she says, and I believe her. Yet, it doesn’t dull the ache in my chest.
It’s his signature on those documents. His handwriting.
“Where is he?” I ask.
“I don’t know if it’s smart for you to approach him right now,” she warns, knowing what I may do.
Lawson snakes the papers from her hands, looking them over. His face contorts with confusion before it transforms into a hateful gaze. He suddenly sees why I’m angry. Lawson’s eyes connect to mine and in a silent conversation, he knows what I’ll do. Massey must realize she’s going to lose this battle of wills, so she folds.
“He’s at a corporate dinner at Aloha,” she whispers. Dropping her head to her chest, I wish I could feel bad for putting her in this position, but we will lose everything.
“Thank you.” I shake my head, digging my keys from my bag. “I’d like to say I’m sorry, but I won’t mean it. You’ll never understand what it’s like to be me.”
“That’s not fair!” Hurt coats her voice like tar. I’m hurting so badly and even though she’s always been my best friend, she’ll never have to go without. She has loving parents, and the financial help. She has never had to worry about where her next meal came from.
I’m such an asshole at this moment. I need to get away before I say anything else to ruin my relationship with my best friend.
“I’m with you, Collins.” Lawson follows behind me as we walk to my truck.
Massey is yelling behind me, “Don’t do something when you are upset, Collins.”
Even though I’ve put my foot in my mouth with her, she’s still trying to offer sound advice. Logical advice. But I can’t even respond. Bitterness coats my throat with each swallow.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lawson texting Leland. I’m positive it’s a warning, but I am on a mission.
My old pickup truck groans as I force it into park outside the restaurant. I’m stomping so hard I’m surprised my flip-flops haven’t ripped in half. Bypassing the hostess with a scowl across my face, her warm greeting fades from her lips. I spot him at a table full of people.
At first when he spots me, the excitement on his face should crack my cold hard shell, but as I come closer, he discerns the anger and hurt on my face.
He genuinely appears concerned and stands to meet me halfway.
“Baby, what’s wrong? What’s …”
I slam the papers on his chest. “How could you!”
“What?”
“Your firm is the one handling the county’s acquisition of our property. You gave us thirty days to vacate the property. Was I your fucking local research?”
I push his chest, and he grabs the papers, looking over everything.
“Collins, I didn’t know about this.”
“Your signature is on all the paperwork! No one else’s, just yours.”
My tears are falling like a waterfall and my voice hitches at every syllable. Cracking like a whip, tearing my heart into pieces. He’s reading over every line with such confusion. I inch closer to him, cradle his face with my hands, and give him a kiss.
“You can say it. Checkmate. You played a hell of a game,” I whisper against his lips. “You win.”
Turning, tears burn down my cheeks and my heart shreds to pieces. A painful reminder of why I let no one in. Why I kept my emotions in check. Each step away from him is a piece of me I leave behind.
Victor’s screams behind me further rip my heart into a pile of dust in my chest. I want to turn and give him the comfort that I am desperately seeking, but Lawson is keeping him at bay. One look behind me and I’ll cave. I leave the restaurant and am met by my older brother, who looks panicked upon seeing me cry. People label me as a tough person, not an emotional female. I don’t do this; I don’t cry.
“Why didn’t you tell me the whole truth?” I ask him.
“I didn’t want to worry you.” Leland looks at me with so much concern.
“So, omitting things is how we do things now, huh?”
Leland puffs his chest and points toward me. “It’s my job to protect you!”
“And how is that working out for you?” Tears continue to fall as I fail to keep my composure.
“Collins …” He huffs. Regret settling into the same eyes that match mine.
I am so fed up with everything. I feel used, lied to, untrusted, and just so damn defeated. This world continues to prove that my place in this world is to be alone in my rickety, old surf shack.
“Save it. Trust, it’s what you taught us. Hiding this”—I hold the papers up — “Letting me fall in love with a man who is taking away the shop!” My hand shoots toward the restaurant where I know my other brother is keeping Victor from me.
“You love him?” Leland looks at me, surprised.
“Does it matter anymore? It was all an elaborate scheme, and I fell head over heels.” I sob. A fresh wave of hurt rolls over me. My heart is swept away at its riptide.
“Sis, I’m sorry,” Leland says. Remorse fills the crevices of his comfort.
“Yeah, me too,” I say sarcastically. Not even believing that this is my life.
I shoulder past my brother to my truck. Approaching, I hear Lawson behind me yelling at Victor to stay away from me. I turn to witness Victor closing in on me, with Lawson hot on his heels. Leland is smart to stay away. I can feel every part of me imploding.
Victor’s hands cup my cheeks, his thumbs swipe away the angry tears that keep gushing. “Please believe me! I don’t remember signing any of this stuff. I would never take away your family’s business. You love that shop. Why would I take anything away that brought you peace and a smile? I love you goddamn it!” Victor is holding my face in his hands. I have to cover my mouth to prevent the loud sobs from escaping. “Baby, please, believe me!”
“You did though! Thirty days and we are gone! Thirty days and you are free of me. You will no longer have to worry about what co-workers have to say about us. You got what you wanted. Local hookup with a story to tell, a kick-ass acquisition, and you return to being first and being the best there is. Money and status, moving up in the world with no regard for who you trample on in the process. Your acting was superb. I believed every second.” I declare.
“I wasn’t pretending, Collins. I swear.”
“I’m such a fool!” I say weeping, “The sad part is I was completely honest from the get-go.”
Victor is still holding onto my face, and I grab at his wrist. His face is so close to mine and he continues to beg. “Please! Believe I love you. I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t do this! I would never…”
“And yet you did,” I whisper to him. “Still, after all this, I still love you.”
Victor pulls me in for a kiss, and I don’t push him away. This is my kiss goodbye. When he pulls back, I remove his hands from my face by his wrist and look him in the eyes. “I love you. I wish you all the best.”
Lawson comes up and pulls him back so I can get in my truck and leave. Victor is fighting against both of my brothers, who are holding him back.
“Get the fuck off of me!” He struggles against their grip. “Collins, don’t do this! Please!”
I drive away without looking back. There was no pretending or sugarcoating from my side. I was just another pawn in his chess game and what I thought restored a lonely heart is no more.