Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Blaire
My apartment is so cold.
I shiver as I pull the shades down over the windows. The thermostat says that it’s not as frigid as it feels, so I wonder if the chill is somehow coming from me.
By a stroke of luck, Yancy texted me as soon as my plane landed. The Grimrose Building was open again, and I could go back home. It was like the universe took pity on my poor self and couldn’t stand to watch me struggle anymore.
My face is swollen from crying for the past three hours. As soon as I walked through the door, I started crying and couldn’t stop.
I’m sure Sienna thinks I’m a complete lunatic because she called in the middle of it. It was all I could do to reassure her that I was fine.
I just wish that I felt reassured too.
My stomach growls, but the idea of food makes me want to hurl. I want to crawl in Holt’s bed, under one of his strong arms, and listen to him tell me about his day.
I wince as the fibers in my heart rip even further apart.
“It was never meant to be,” I tell myself.
Maybe not, but it feels like it was.
No matter what affirmation or sentence of strength I say aloud, it doesn’t resonate inside my brain. My inner monologue is much different and just as insistent.
I flop down on the couch and look at my phone. He’s called me three times tonight.
I close my eyes and hear his sweet, Southern voice saying my name. His smile is imprinted in my mind for the rest of time. My skin tingles as I remember the heat of his touch.
Even if it was all in my imagination, I liked it. And I’ll treasure it for the rest of time because I’m not answering his calls. I’m not listening to his voice messages. There’s no need for him to try to explain why he doesn’t want me.
A knock raps on my door.
My heartbeat quickens as I get to my feet. I’m too nervous to ask who it is.
Before I can get across the room, I hear Sienna’s voice from the other side.
“Blaire? It’s Sienna. Open up.”
I flip the lock and open the door. My brother’s girlfriend is standing on the other side with a bag in each hand. Her eyes are filled with concern.
“Hey,” she says softly.
I try to speak but end up opening my mouth and making a sound that’s half-laugh and half-sigh.
Sienna steps into my apartment and places the bags on the floor. She then pulls me into the biggest hug.
I’m taken aback at first. Sienna and I have never hugged. But as she holds me tight and fills me with good energy, I find myself hugging her back.
Finally, she pulls away.
“It took all of this to get me an invitation to your apartment,” she jokes.
“I would’ve invited you without having to endure all of this.” I walk toward the living room. “Come on in.”
“I brought things.”
“What kind of things?” I ask, sitting on the sofa again.
She sits next to me and places the bags on the coffee table. She reaches inside and pulls out a bottle of wine, a giant bar of chocolate, and a bag of microwave popcorn.
“If I failed to be clear, this isn’t a slumber party,” I tell her, laughing. “I have to wallow tonight. I must feel to heal.”
“What the heck is that? Feel to heal.”
“It’s a thing I learned in therapy.”
She rolls her eyes. “Well, no worries about this being a slumber party. If I tried to stay here, Walker would come and get me. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up anyway.”
I fall back into the pillows and fake cry. “Does he know about Holt?”
“I tried super hard not to tell him anything. I told him it was your business and your story to tell—or not. But you know how he can be.”
I stick out my bottom lip. “Is he on a plane to Savannah right now?”
“He probably would’ve been if I hadn’t taken his credit card.” She winks. “But no, really, he’s worried about you. He wants you to call him.”
“I’ll get right on that.”
She laughs. “Do you want some wine?”
“Only if you’re going to pour it.”
She looks around my apartment. “Is the kitchen through there?”
I nod, and she gets up and disappears around the corner.
My chest feels like there’s a hole where my heart used to be. It’s like someone used a spoon to scoop out my organ and throw it away.
I close my eyes and imagine how long it might take me to feel better again. Days? Weeks? Months?
Ever?
Sienna reappears with two coffee mugs. She shrugs. “It was all I could find.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I actually have wine glasses.”
She sits down and looks at me like I’m crazy.
“What?” I ask, watching her open the bottle. “I don’t drink a ton. I have to stay sober to keep people out of prison.”
She hands me a glass of a deep, burgundy-colored drink. “That’s so noble of you.”
“I’ll be able to tell my nieces and nephews one day that I was an honorable, noble woman until I met this guy on vacation, and he ruined my life.”
She shakes her head. “You know, you’re much more dramatic than I would’ve guessed.”
“I don’t know why you’re surprised. I am Lance’s sister.”
We both laugh.
I take a sip of my wine and then rest my head on the pillows again. It feels good to have some distance between Holt and me. It’s easier to process.
It’s easier, too, having Sienna here.
I look at her and smile. “Thanks.”
“For what?” She curls her legs up under her. “For the wine? Don’t thank me. Thank Machlan. I took it from his bar.”
It feels good to smile. I was afraid I wouldn’t smile again for a long time.
“Thank you for coming all the way up here,” I tell her. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“No. I did.”
“You could’ve called me from home. Or met me for lunch tomorrow.”
She sets her glass down. “You still don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“Blaire, we’re friends. If you need me, I’m going to be there. I would’ve flown to Savannah if you needed me … although Walker probably would’ve come, and I’m one hundred percent sure that he could take Holt with one punch.”
She makes a face that makes me laugh.
“I was this close to sending my sister, Camilla, over to check on you,” Sienna says. “I was afraid that would freak you out, though.”
“Yeah. That might’ve been awkward.”
Sienna smiles. “You’d love Cam.”
I start to say that maybe I’ll meet her one day, but I stop myself.
I’m never setting foot in Savannah again.
Sienna stretches her arms over her head and sighs. I know she’s giving me space and avoiding the elephant in the room, but the longer we go without addressing it, the more my anxiety about the whole thing increases.
I take a deep breath. “I’m proud of myself.”
It’s an odd thing to blurt out, and it catches Sienna off guard. She drops her hands to the sofa slowly.
“Today was awful and, at times, humiliating. But I didn’t crumple. I chose to leave because it was the best choice for me—and what he really wanted, anyway. But I made that decision, and it’s not something I’ve always been able to do in my personal life. I’m proud of that.”
“I’m happy for you,” she says carefully.
“I mean it.” I scoot to a more upright position. “Today was a really hard day.”
I feel my throat tighten again as if it’s begging me not to talk anymore. But Sienna has been with me through the whole thing, and I want her to know how it ended.
We’re friends, after all.
“I went with Holt to his parents for brunch this morning.” I shake my head. “I can’t believe that was this morning.”
“How’d it go?”
“Really good and really terrible.”
My breathing stays even as I mentally replay walking into the Mason’s home.
“His family is wonderful,” I say. “I met Coy in person. He’s a train wreck.”
“But so hot.”
“He’s pretty cute,” I say with a grin. “Then I had the best chat with Rodney about a legal issue. And Siggy is just … she reminds me of my mom. Well, if my mom wore pearls.”
Sienna grins but doesn’t say anything.
“But, um …” I force a swallow. “Siggy asked me to get Holt and Oliver from the other room. And when I went to do that, I overheard them talking. I wasn’t eavesdropping,” I hurry to add. “I just heard it before I could not hear it, if that makes any sense.”
“It does. Especially if there are all kinds of noise floating around, and you’re hyper-focused on one person’s voice.”
I nod. “Anyway, Holt was telling Oliver that he didn’t have the energy or time to really deal with me. That’s not what he said verbatim but close enough. That was the point.”
My voice dips at the end as my spirits fall. Even though I’ve thought about that a hundred times since then, it still stings.
Sienna smiles sadly. “I know that wasn’t a good feeling.”
I shake my head.
She shifts in her seat as she sips her wine. Her eyes stay trained on me over the rim of her glass. Finally, she sets the glass back down.
“I’ll never forget the night when Walker’s truth hit me in the face. I was surrounded by his family—your family. Do you remember that?”
I nod.
“It was terrible. Humiliating. And I had to sit there and absorb this … bullshit and try to act like my world wasn’t crashing down.”
“I remember Machlan calling me that night,” I tell her. “I was so pissed at Walker.”
“That makes two of us.” She smiles. “But the reason I bring this up now is because it took Walker a hot minute to realize how he felt about me. And then it took another hot minute for him to work through his shit. Sometimes, it’s not as easy for guys who are used to being independent to realize they need a woman in their lives. ”
“I guess. But you know what? That used to be me too. It’s not easy for anyone. It’s not a good excuse.”
She places her hand on top of mine and gives it a squeeze.
“If Holt doesn’t come around, you’re gonna be fine.
You’ll find a stud in a suit in Chicago, and we’ll be so glad that Holt screwed up.
And if you want me to get plane tickets to Savannah for the morning, we can fly down and put a can of clams in his car. ”
I laugh. “Why would we do that?”
“Ha. You’ve never met a can of clams in the hot Southern sun, have you?”
I can only imagine what she’s getting at. And even though it sounds utterly disgusting and juvenile and something I’d never do, I’m happy she said it. It just feels good to have someone on my side.
Sienna stands up. “I’m gonna pop this popcorn, and then we’re gonna watch a romantic comedy and go through all the emotions.”
“Why would we do that?”
“Because it’s cathartic. You can feel your pain or whatever your snappy little mantra is.”
I cock my head to the side. “I’m not sure you’re right about this methodology.”
“And how many times have you been in this position?” She winks. “Trust me, girl. I got you.”
As she walks into the kitchen with the popcorn in her hand, I lay back and close my eyes.
And I trust her.
Because what do I have to lose?