4. Annalise #2
"I woke up in a cave I had gone to with Aiden when we were paired up in Ghost Walking for that first mission. They said they'd been following me for a long time, so I assume they had followed us out there, but either way, that's where I was, tied up and stripped of my weapons.
"Web got back shortly after I woke up, and they started…tormenting me. They cut my clothes…cut me…" A line of heat spreads over my chest as the memory of Platt's tongue licking up the blood from the wound he'd just given me, making me feel like I'm back there—
"You are NOT there, Little Faren. Take a deep breath and open your eyes. I'm right here."
Thundering steps rattle my forgotten mug on the nightstand, coffee sloshing over the sides as Tyr's shadow turns the already curtained-off room almost pitch black.
"Please stay," I beg, as the humming bond releases some of the pressure off my chest.
"Forever."
Calmed with the knowledge that neither of my friends can see my face anymore, I continue, my voice shaking, "They planned to…rape me. But since they thought no one would be looking for me, they said they wanted to take their time. That they wanted to…make me feel good first."
Matt inhales sharply, and I'm sure if he wasn't holding me right now, he would be headed to the gym to hit something.
"They cut the ropes off my legs to get me undressed before hog-carrying me to a cot.
I was able to convince Web to cut the ropes from my hands after he'd hit me a few more times.
They—I'm going to puke!" I yell, shooting straight up as every excruciating emotion I felt that day punches me in the gut.
Sasha barely has time to push a large metal bowl in front of me before what little liquid I've had since waking up makes its' grotesque reappearance.
Grotesque like the taste of Web…like the self-hatred consuming me as I relive the moment I chose to let my mind shut down so my body could feel pleasure instead of pain.
I heave, as if puking more will purge the memories along with the disgust.
"Do not do that. You didn't make a single choice that day to make your life easier!
You knew you had to make that call. You needed the endorphins to pull that dagger from your leg.
YOU HAD TO MAKE EVERY MOVE YOU DID BECAUSE WE DIDN'T MAKE IT TO YOU FAST ENOUGH!
" Tyr's furious roar is almost deafening, but as loud as he is, I feel his anguish even louder.
"I'VE BEEN TRAINED FOR THIS AND I COULDN'T STOP THEM! I WASN'T ENOUGH!" I scream back, and it's not until a loud crash in the distance yanks my attention away from Tyr that I register the shock and horror on Sasha's face that I realize I didn't merely scream it through the bond.
"I'm so sorry, Sash—"
"No, I'm sorry! Sorry you went through everything you did. Sorry I didn't even know you were missing until after graduation!"
Only once I'm sure nothing else is coming back up, Matt helps me lay back down, this time using his arm as a pillow as he wraps himself around me like he did back in South Hollow.
An expectant silence fills the room until I'm ready to finish telling them the last things I remember from that day.
“I was able to escape while they were…preoccupied. I killed Platt with his own dagger as soon as I managed to pull it from my thigh, and hurt Web badly enough that he stopped paying attention to what I was doing.
"One of my eyes was swollen shut, the other not far behind it after the hits Web had delivered. I stumbled a bit, but eventually found my way out of the cave and down the trail.
"I'd barely made it to the bottom when I slipped in the mud and hit the ground.
Between the injury and probably some blood loss, I couldn't stand back up, so I started crawling in the direction of the old Ghost Walking clearing.
I think I was blacking out for short periods of time, though I didn't realize it then.
The last thing I remember was the sound of Web chasing after me as I tried to get away.
I'd hoped his own injury would keep him distracted long enough for me to get into the trees, but falling wasted every second I'd gained.
When his boots got closer, I knew I was done for.
I remember my eyes being too heavy to open, so I gave in to the darkness, and prayed Tyr would get there in time to kill Web before he got away. "
I rack my brain, searching for anything after that, but only the feeling of freezing in the mud comes back to me.
A shiver passes through me at the memory, my body reliving the bone-chilling cold as much as my mind is.
"That was me running to you," Matt chokes out, and I hadn't even realized he'd been crying behind me. "Web was still at the cave when we got to you. You are the one who told us where to find him."
I shake my head, as though that will stir a memory free that I don't have.
"You did. You couldn't even move, and you still found the strength to tell us where he was and to brag about killing a guy," he tries to joke, but we're all crying too hard to laugh.
Time feels like it stretches on forever before Sasha asks, "Before the attack, was everything okay? Were you feeling okay?"
"They outfought me, Sasha," I say, more jagged than I intended. "Sorry. I meant I don't have any excuse. I was perfectly healthy, they were just better."
"That's not true!" Matt argues, and Sasha immediately nods in agreement, but she's looking everywhere but at me, and I know there's something she isn't saying.
"Ask me whatever it is you're trying to find the words for already," I push, too exhausted to imagine possibilities. My eyes shoot up to Matt's, and he tries to force a small smile. "I can handle it, I promise."
Another sob breaks from Sasha, but I don't break eye contact with Matt. He nods, knowing I won't drop whatever they've started. Then he leans down, kissing my forehead and pulling an inch away to whisper, "Did you know you were pregnant before you went into the woods?"