Chapter 6
Chapter
Six
K ade sighed. “I’ll try my best to relax and let you in.”
“I know it’ll be hard for you Kade, and that’s okay, we’ll go at your pace, unless your Little Britches and I need to step in,” Ram told him seriously.
Kade laughed. “Is that gonna be a thing now?”
“Yup, you’re Little Britches, get over it,” Ram quipped.
Kade snorted. “I’ll get right on that.”
“Good, now finish eating then call Doc so we can get that over with,” Ram grumbled. He wanted to get Kade alone for a little while and just have time to be around each other.
“I’ll tell him to let you know everything you want to,” Kade said as he started to eat.
“Are you sure Kade? I can understand you being uneasy about sharing that type of thing even with me,” Ram asked. He didn’t want to push Kade further than the man was comfortable with.
Kade smiled nervously. “Yeah, but you’re my Daddy right? It’s something you need to know. I know you won’t hold it against me or anything like that.”
“No, I would not.” Ram squeezed his hand and kissed his forehead. “Are you ready to call him?”
“Yeah, and tell Saint to suck it.” Kade grinned.
Ram snorted. “Will do.”
“Hey boss, it’s weird seeing your office empty and the workers calm and happy.” Doc’s teasing voice greeted him as he answered the phone.
Kade huffed. “Shut it.”
Doc laughed. “It’s good you’re taking a day off, you need it.”
Kade sighed. “Maybe. I need a favor.”
“Of course. Anything.” Doc’s voice changed, gone was the teasing tone and in its place was the strong firm voice he used in the OR or around the halls of the hospital.
“Can you grab my medical files and bring them to me? Ram is here and he wants to look over them, and can you answer any question he may have?” Silence greeted him. “Hello?”
“I’m sorry I think hell just froze over,” Doc said, shocked.
Kade groaned. “Please don’t give me shit about this.”
“What? Oh, God no. I would never Kade, especially about something like this, I was just shocked but damn am I happy for you. Man’s fucking gorgeous,” Doc groaned.
Kade sighed. “Yeah he is, isn't he? Can you come over now?”
“Yeah, just give me a few to get all the files ready and I’ll head over.” Doc assured him.
“Thank you, Doc, I really appreciate this.” He smiled softly. The man was one of the best he knew and Kade adored him with everything he had.
“No, problem man, it’s about time you let someone back in, but make no mistake if he hurts you I’ll kill him.” Doc would too, he would take his vast knowledge of the human body and he would make Ram hurt.
Kade didn’t take that threat lightly, while Doc was usually happy-go-lucky the man was lethal and the fact that he had extensive knowledge of the human body made him even more deadly. He could kill you but drag it out for days until he was ready to let you go. “I appreciate that thought, but don’t touch him.”
Doc snorted. “We’ll see,” he said, then hung up before Kade could reply.
“Dick,” Kade muttered under his breath.
“Everything okay?” Ram asked.
Kade jumped, his hand going to his heart. “Shit you scared the fuck out of me.”
“Sorry baby.” Ram caressed his arm.
Kade shook his head. “No, you’re okay, I was just lost in thought.”
“Doc?” Ram asked, raising a brow.
“Yeah, he’ll be here soon with the files for you.” Kade sighed, leaning back into Ram’s chest.
Ram nodded. “Do you want me to talk to him alone or do you want to be there?”
Kade winced. “Will you be mad if I say I’d rather not be a part of it? I have a therapy appointment I need to go to.”
“No, of course not. I can just ask him to explain what I don’t understand and ask you more about it later on.” Ram led Kade to the couch.
“Okay, that sounds good, it’s just not something I want to go over again if you know what I mean.” Kade blew out a breath as he settled into the couch next to Ram.
Ram grinned against Kade’s temple. “I know baby, I know.”
Kade rubbed his sweaty hands on his thighs. “So what do you want to do while we wait?” He felt like a fucking virgin on prom night.
Ram chuckled and blew a raspberry into Kade’s neck making him gasp. “I can think of a few things but there’s something I want to try first if you’re open to it.”
“What do you have in mind?” Kade asked, his breathing coming faster as he felt Ram’s warm skin against his.
“I want to get a feel of Little Britches, more than just the sneak peeks I’ve been getting, I want to know him just as much as I know Kade,” Ram whispered against the shell of Kade’s ear.
Kade swallowed hard. “I’m sorry I don’t know how to just regress to him.”
“I know baby, but I think I may have a way to help. Only if you’re interested or we could wait until after Doc leaves if that would make you more comfortable.” Ram assured him, kissing his cheek.
“Yes, please. Once I regress I don’t know how I’ll just be able to pop back so to speak and while I’m not necessarily embarrassed or ashamed it’s not something I want to flaunt. I don’t understand that part of myself very well and it’s not something I want to try and figure out with company,” Kade said sheepishly.
“No, it could actually cause trauma if you’re ripped out of your little space. So I want you to be as comfortable as possible for it to happen. We can wait, I have no problem with that. I just want to make it clear I’m interested in all sides of you, not just Kade,” Ram said, caressing the man’s salt and pepper hair, he was definitely turning into a silver fox. Ram himself had gone completely gray in his early thirties. Which had totally helped his Daddy image, boys flocked to him at the club. But Kade was fucking beautiful. The man looked like an older version of Andy Whitfield, all sharp planes and captivating eyes.
Kade picked at his fingers. “There is one thing I’m concerned about.”
Ram grabbed Kade’s hands and kissed them to keep him from picking himself raw. “What’s that baby?”
“You’re not going to be playing with other boys are you?” He paused. “Normally I wouldn’t give a shit but I don’t think I could handle that… I feel very possessive over you,” Kade said softly, staring out towards the big window as if he could imagine the view on the outside. He guessed he would have to learn to deal with it if that was something Ram was going to do.
“No baby, as long as you’re my boy I’m off limits. I’ll be faithful to you, can I assume you’ll offer me the same respect in return?” Ram asked, studying Kade’s profile. He could tell the man had been worried about his response, he’d slumped in relief when he’d been answered.
“God yes. Getting cheated on fucking sucks, I would never do that to someone else.” Kade scratched the back of his neck. “On that note let me say something else. If we’re out somewhere and there’s a lot of people around and you want me close or touching you in some way, you’ll have to make the first move. I won’t be able to tell your body from someone else’s without touching them and the noise will throw me off so I won’t want to make the first move.” Kade hoped he explained that in a way Ram could understand.
Ram played with a strand of Kade’s hair as he spoke. “Thank you for telling me that and yes I can do that. If you need me for any reason or to touch me just say a code word or something and I’ll make sure it happens in a way that’s not obvious to other people.”
Kade breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Daddy.”
Ram smiled. Those words never failed to light him up, and not in a sexual way. He was surprised Kade was jumping in like he was, he’d expected some hesitation. While it definitely got his blood pumping, the satisfaction he got from it was far deeper than that. An emotional pleasure he’d never felt before. “You’re welcome, baby.” He gently pecked Kade’s lips as the doorbell rang. “Looks like Doc’s here.”
“I’ll let him in, do you want to do it here? I can go into the bedroom to listen to the TV,” Kade offered. “I’ll have to leave in a bit for the appointment.”
“If that’s what you want I’m good with that but come out if you need anything,” Ram ordered him.
Kade nodded. “I will.” He opened the door. “Hey Doc, how’s it going?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in sweats before,” Doc said, flabbergasted. He poked Kade in the chest to make sure it was actually him and someone hadn’t kidnapped his friend and put an imposter in his place.
Kade rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. “Fuck off.”
Doc chuckled as he walked in, shook Ram’s hand, and settled on the couch.
“I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me, tell him anything he wants to know okay?” Kade asked.
Doc grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I will, Kade.”
Kade nodded before he left them alone. His skin was crawling just having to think about what had happened to him. While he expected what Doc had to say to Ram to make him question if it was really worth it, he really hoped it wouldn’t change Ram’s mind. It would hurt him in ways he feared would be long term, and he was so tired of pain at this point.
Ram came over to the couch and handed Doc a bottle of water.
“Thank you. Before we start, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?” Doc asked, taking a sip. He was so happy for Kade but he felt it was his right as the man’s brother to ease his own mind that Kade would be taken care of.
Ram flashed a grin. “I’d be more surprised if you didn’t have any. Go ahead.”
Doc sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know you very well but Saint speaks highly of you and I don’t think Kade would allow himself to be alone with you if you weren’t a good guy, but I do want to know your intentions with Kade.”
Ram nodded, expecting that question. “I’ve been hearing Saint talk about Kade for years, I’ve always been intrigued by the man. When I found out Valk went to him I couldn’t be more pleased. The man shows me what kind of man he is by how he treats that big baby and that’s very attractive to me. Over the past several months I’ve gotten to know Kade better and I still want to know more. I have no ill intentions towards him, I want to make sure I’m doing everything I can to be a good partner. I know he hasn’t had good luck with those, he’s also shit at taking care of himself at times, which is why I wanted to talk to you so that I know what to do in situations that the other’s won’t see.”
Doc nodded pleased. “So this isn’t like a fling type thing or an experiment?” he asked just to be sure.
Ram met the man’s assessing blue eyes. “Not for me it’s not. While I will still be working at the club, I am currently off limits. Kade will have my undivided attention.”
Doc nodded again. “One more question. I know you’re a Daddy, I don’t think anyone but me, Saint, Torres and Kade know… do you think that will really help Kade? Do you think it will give him the peace he so desperately needs?”
Ram studied the man for a moment before he spoke. “Yes, I do. He didn’t get the care he needed in his formative years. While he’s a grown man and a very powerful one at that, he’s been alone too long. He needs someone he knows he can lean on when he’s tired, and make no mistake Doc that man is exhausted. I want to make sure he can unwind and relax when he needs to.”
Doc smiled softly. “Thank you, you didn’t have to answer me but I really appreciate you for doing so.”
Ram shrugged. “You were polite, now had you acted like Torres did when he found out you would have seen another side of me.”
Doc snorted. “He’s always been extremely protective of Kade even when he had his sight. Always pissed Kade off.”
Ram nodded. “Yeah I can see how that would be irritating.”
Doc chuckled. “No shit.” He spread out the files on the coffee table. “Alright, first let’s start with the head file.”
Ram raised a brow. “Head file?”
“Yeah the file on just his head injuries and what can be the side effects. He’s got one for almost every body part,” Doc said, watching him closely. He’d never shared these files with another person besides Kade before. Not even the others knew the extent of Kade’s injuries.
“Once you explain them, can I have copies so I can make sure I remember everything I need to?” Ram asked as he picked up the head folder. It made his breath catch with how thick it was.
Doc smiled pleased with the man’s response. “Yeah, these copies are for you.”
“Thank you,” Ram said seriously. He was really glad the man was actually being helpful and not trying to be a dick about everything that Kade wanted.
After Doc had taken him through the head file he paused. “Let’s take a break, the torso file is not as bad but as we get lower on his body it does get worse and I want you to be prepared for it.”
Ram’s brows furrowed. “He said he wasn’t sexually assaulted, not that I would care either way, was he?”
Doc sighed. “Not in the way you think, he was not raped or sodomized but they did use wires and hooked him up to a car battery. They also used a thick rope to whip him between his legs.”
Ram had to swallow hard before he could speak. “You’re saying they wrapped his dick in metal wires and hooked him up to a car battery, and whipped him with a thick rope.”
Doc nodded slowly. “Yes, the people who held Kade were a mix of Iranian and Pakistani, so actually assaulting Kade with their own bodies was seen as a great sin, they may have used other tools, but nobody could get Kade to talk about it and his rectum showed no signs of injury. I would say he was lucky in that sense.”
“Jesus.” Ram raked a hand through his hair. His baby had been through so much and he thanked every God he could think of that Kade had held on until he could find him. “And what happened to the men that did this?”
Doc pursed his lips. “Most were killed when Saint’s team rescued him, but the main terrorist disappeared. There’s been no sightings of him since.”
“Does Kade know that?” Ram asked.
Doc nodded. “Yes, he does. I don’t think it has really registered though, he has blocked out a lot of the time. There’s no telling what he thinks or how he feels, he doesn’t talk.”
Ram rolled his eyes. “I have noticed that and believe me that will be one of the things we work on.”
Doc snorted. “Good luck with that.”
“I’m heading out,” Kade said, softly as he joined them. Valk, dressed in his vest, was sitting at Kade’s side, his big head resting on his thigh as he looked up at the man adoringly.
“You walking?” Doc asked, his brows furrowing.
“Yeah, it’ll be good for me and I missed Valk’s training this morning.” Kade rubbed Valk’s soft ears as he spoke.
“Just be careful it’s about to rain.”
Kade rolled his eyes. “I’ll be fine Doc, pull those panties out of your ass buddy.”
Doc snorted, punching Kade softly in the arm. “Fuck off. Call me if you need me.”
“Will do.” When Ram had heard him he’d gotten up, wanting to see and touch Kade before he left. He walked up to him, grabbing his arm in a gentle grip. Kade patted Ram’s arm as he walked him to the door.
“Be careful, call me when you’re done and we’ll figure out dinner,” Ram told him, kissing him softly.
“Will do.” Kade assured him as he left.
Doc grinned, before he turned serious again. “So most of the injuries to his chest and back were burn marks, and cuts from a knife or a whip. I was the one that sewed most of his injuries so they’re not as bad as they could have been, but there’s still a lot of real estate on his body that is damaged in some way.”
Ram nodded. “Yeah, I’ve seen most of it.”
Doc grinned, and waggled his brows. “Just go easy with him. He doesn’t talk about his past intimacies with Devin, but I’ve heard the man talk about it. Kade doesn’t know how to be with another person in a healthy way. He’ll get attached to you and I’m worried he will just roll over if you push for something even though he doesn’t want it.” Doc leaned forward as he spoke.
Ram mirrored Doc’s posture. “I know, that’s why I’m taking things slow. As soon as I figure out how he ticks I’ll make sure he knows to use his safe words. It’ll take time, he needs to realize that my love and care is not contingent on him doing anything I want.”
Doc nodded. “That’s all I want. He’s got some pretty screwed up ideas about what a relationship is supposed to be like and I don’t want him to get hurt you know?” He gestured to the folders on the coffee table. “He’s been hurt enough.”
Ram sighed. “I know, I promise Doc I’ll do the best I can to give him what he needs.”
Doc smiled. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” He sucked a deep breath. “Now onto the next file.”
Ram groaned. “God he’s getting smothered with hugs after this.”
Doc chuckled. “Good luck with that too.”
Ram snorted, and opened the file. He had to take a deep breath as he looked at the pictures of Kade’s fresh wounds. “Jesus.”
Doc nodded. “Those are the gashes on his back all the way down to his feet. He was brutally whipped before they tossed him down a man-made hole in the ground that was about fifteen feet deep. Kade had broken out of his cell the day before and while they repaired it they left him in the hole.”
“Is that when he was blinded?” Ram asked.
Doc nodded. “We believe so, Kade couldn’t really keep the days straight, he wasn’t really a big help trying to make a timeline.” He handed Ram another folder. “This is on the damage to his eyes, it looks like acid or some kind of chemical was thrown in his face.”
“That’s why the skin around his eyes looks like that?” The skin around Kade’s eyes was rough, thin and could easily tear.
“Yeah, from what Kade can remember he was being dragged out of his cell and they were throwing things at him, he’d attacked a guard when he shot one of Kade’s men. He tried to block it, hit another guard and got a face full of acid… he was waterboarded after that then whipped and tossed into the hole. He has no idea how long he was down there before Saint found him,” Doc told him.
Ram grunted. “I really hope I can help him.”
Doc smiled gently at him. “From what I can see from just today I think you can.”
Ram smiled back. “I really hope so. He deserves a fucking break.” He paused. “You okay with the type of relationship we have?”
Doc scoffed. “Oh, yeah, I can totally see him needing a Daddy. His childhood was shit so I can see the regression too, but I think he’ll be safe in your hands. I don’t think he could ever trust anyone else enough to let go with, other than you.”
Ram grinned ridiculously proud of that fact. “Thank you, but I don’t think he’ll ever regress into a little.”
Doc chuckled. “Yeah he seems more like a middle to me.”
Ram laughed. “Know about that, do you?” he asked, raising a brow.
Doc snorted. “I’ve gotten around in my time, but no I’ve never been in a relationship like that before. Things like that have always interested me, the dynamic between each person is fascinating…” he paused. “Do you mind if I ask you some questions about it when we’re done with these?” he asked, gesturing to the folders.
“Not at all.”
Kade enjoyed the fresh cool breeze as he walked with Valk. Justice’s office was about a twenty minute walk from his apartment and while he could have easily gotten a ride he enjoyed the peace the walks he took always brought him. He could feel Valk, steady as ever, leading him exactly where he needed to go. The firm pressure of Valk’s body on his thigh helped ground him in ways he’d never be able to say. Valk paused at the four way intersection and waited for Kade to tell him where he needed to go. “We’re going to see Justice buddy, would you like that?” The happy little rumble he got in return made him smile. While he’d been a dick at first and had been dead set on not wanting Valk, the big baby had wormed his way into Kade’s heart and he’d remain there for the rest of his life and far beyond.
As soon as they stepped down from the sidewalk to cross the street screeching tires sounded too close. Valk’s powerful body slamming into his knocked him out of the way as he felt something big whiz by his cheek.
“Hey man, what the fuck!”
Kade braced, not knowing where the man was coming from.
“Didn’t you see he had the right of way man! The light was red you could have fucking killed him!”
“What is he blind?” The other man shouted.
Kade rolled his eyes. “As a matter of fact yeah I am you fucking asshole,” he growled as he hauled himself back to his feet.
“What the fuck did you say to me?”
Kade really should have been prepared for the shove but he was still reeling from his world being turned upside-down. Thankfully he was able to keep himself on his feet even as he stumbled.
“Dude what the fuck is your problem. You ran the fucking light and almost killed someone!” The first man’s voice shouted and Kade could hear a scuffle in front of him.
“Valk,” he shouted, his baby wasn’t near him. “Did you hit my fucking dog?” He grabbed the guy by the lapels of his suit coat and hauled him closer. “If anything has happened to him I’ll flay your skin from your bones myself,” Kade barked.
“He’s fine sir. He’s right here,” the first guy said as he urged Valk to get closer to Kade.
Kade released the guy so quickly he stumbled as he reached down to check on Valk. “Hey buddy, you okay? Did you get hurt?” He ran his hands over Valks body checking to see if he could feel any wounds or blood.
“Sir the cops are on their way,” The first guy said, “We’ve taken the asshole inside so he can’t leave yet. Are you okay?”
Kade straightened and cleared his throat. “Yes, thank you. My name is Kade.” He held out his hand.
“Johnny sir, it’s good to meet you. Would you like to come in and sit for a few minutes?” Johnny asked as he shook Kade’s hand.
“No, thanks. If you don’t mind I’ll wait out here where I can feel the breeze.”
“I understand sir, just call out if you need anything, the cops should be here…” He was cut off by the sounds of sirens. “There they are.”
“Thank you for all your help, Johnny.” Kade shook his hand one more time before he heard Johnny walk towards the incoming cops. He could hear muffled voices getting clearer the closer they came.
“This is the guy he almost hit.”
“Kade good to see you again,” the deep reassuring voice said.
“Malcolm, how’re things going?” Kade asked, reaching out to shake the man’s hand. He’d worked with Malcolm several times on cases over the years and had a deep respect for the man. He was thankful Malcolm shook his hand instead of pulling him into a hug as was their usual greeting. He could already feel the panic slithering up his spine now that the adrenaline was wearing off. Thankfully Malcolm was able to take his statement quickly and he was able to get back to his mission to get to his appointment. Thank God he’d left the house super early.
By the time he made it to Justice’s office he was soaked and shaking. He burst through the door. “S-s-sorry I-I-I’m late,” he said through his rattling teeth.
Justice jumped from his chair. “What the hell happened?” he demanded as he helped Kade sit on his little love seat.
“Check Valk first, make sure he’s okay. Then call Doc.”
“Are you okay?” Justice asked. He ran his hands over Valk as the big baby tried to smother him with his doggy tongue. “He’s fine.” He moved to Kade pulling the blanket off the back of the love seat and wrapping it around Kade’s trembling shoulders. “What happened?”
“Idiot ran the light while I was walking here, almost hit me and Valk. Valk pushed me out of the way. Malcolm, a cop I’ve worked with many times, is the one that came and got the guy,” Kade said as he pulled the blanket around him tighter.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Justice asked, softly.
Now that Kade knew he was safe the panic finally hit full force. He gasped for breath. How had he forgotten how to breathe? He clutched at the collar of his shirt, and tried to tug it off.
“Easy Kade, you’re getting enough air, you know what to do. Five things you can see…” Justice told Kade as he pushed Kade further back on the couch and stretched out his legs.
Kade shook his head. “Doc,” he gasped.
“All right, I’ll call him hold on.” Justice grabbed his phone and settled back down next to Kade as he waited for Doc to answer.
“Hey, Justice, what’s up?” Doc’s soothing voice asked.
“Hey, Doc, we have a problem.”
“What’s wrong? Is Kade okay? He was walking to his appointment,” Doc demanded.
“He was almost hit on his way there, he keeps asking for you. I don’t think he was hurt. Valk is fine, but I do think he’s having a panic attack,” Justice told him as he rubbed Kade’s back as the man continued to try to suck air into his lungs.
“We’ll be right there,” Doc said, hanging up.
“We?” Justice said more to himself. “Kade, take a deep breath and hold it. You are safe. So is Valk. You know damn well I would never let anything happen to you two.”
Kade nodded, his body was still shaking like it had when he’d been a kid and been stupid enough to put a metal fork in the outlet. “Adrenaline crash, can’t help it,” he mumbled. He wanted Ram, he’d been trying to ask for him and not Doc but his lips wouldn’t form the man’s name. He could only hope Doc was still there and would bring his man with him.
“Can I hug you?” Justice asked, softly. He’d never push Kade. While he’d seen the man in all stages of undress and had been pressed up against him, he’d never just assume with Kade.
Kade nodded. He was fucking freezing and at this point he’d take a hug from Devin, and that was just fucking gross.
Justice pulled Kade into his side. Thankfully they were pretty evenly matched in bulk and while Kade had a couple inches on him, he was able to pull Kade under his arm and tuck the blanket tight.
“Why the fuck am I so damn cold?” Kade groused, huddling closer to Justice’s warmth.
“Like you said, adrenaline crash. You also had a panic attack. How are you feeling now?” Justice asked, holding Kade tighter.
“Gotta headache,” Kade murmured.
“We’re here,” Doc said as he stumbled into the room with his go bag and Ram right behind him. He immediately went to Kade and took Justice’s place when he got up.
“Ram…” Kade mumbled, his voice going out on him.
Doc snapped his fingers, getting Ram’s attention and waving him over. “He needs you,” he whispered as he held Kade up while Ram took his place, pulling Kade into his arms. The deep contented sigh Kade let out made Doc smile.
“Who’s that?” Justice asked, raising a brow as Kade damn near crawled into the man’s lap.
Doc chuckled. “That’s Ram, Saint’s uncle and Kade’s boyfriend.”
Justice’s brows almost met his hairline. “I have a feeling I’m gonna wanna know the details.”
Doc snorted. “Let’s just say Ram has been slowly wearing Kade down over the past year or so. They haven’t been together long, but they’ve built this off of friendship.”
“Do you think it’s a good idea?” Justice wondered.
Doc nodded. “Yes, I do. Ram has done more for Kade in the past couple weeks than Devin did in their entire relationship. Plus the man dotes on Kade like he’d a sad puppy and it’s so fucking cute,” he whispered the last part just for Justice’s ears.