Chapter 22
Chapter
Twenty-Two
B ram groaned as he threw himself in his recliner after dinner. Sanem had outdone herself yet again with dinner and he felt like he was going to explode any minute. Several of his sons and their partners were sprawled on the floor and couches groaning about eating too much as his wife looked on proudly from the kitchen doorway.
“What kinda fucking sorcery does she know?” Jed demanded through a groan as he laid next to Saint on the floor.
Saint grinned at his man. “This is how she knows who the weak ones are.”
Jed groaned. “I’m gonna pop.”
“So no dessert?” Sanem asked teasingly, and laughed when she got a chorus of groans as her answer.
Bram stretched out in his chair and waited for Sanem to join him, he knew she wouldn’t leave the kitchen until it was spotless. He tossed the remote to Saint, since he seemed to be the only one who could function, for him to find them something to watch. He scooted over and patted his thighs when Sanem joined them and sighed happily when she settled against him. About twenty minutes later he started to feel weird. Like he’d been hit, but he hadn’t. He could feel the pain across his chest as if someone had punched their fist through his sternum and crushed his heart. “Saint, pass me the phone,” he demanded, sitting up and nudging Sanem to sit next to him. Saint tossed him his phone that he had charging on the table and he pulled up Ram’s contact.
“What’s wrong?” Sanem asked, worriedly. The worry on her husband’s face was concerning as he didn’t really react to many things.
“I think something is wrong with Ram.” He pulled the phone away and pressed the call button again when it just went to voicemail.
“He was going home to see Kade, do you think he was in a wreck or something?” Saint asked, looking back and forth between his parents.
“No, I can’t tell if he’s physically hurt or if it’s all mental.” Bram growled when he got Ram’s voicemail again. “It was just a burning sensation in my chest…” He looked over at Sanem. “It’s not me. I’m fine.” He assured her. Ever since he’d had a heart attack almost two years ago she had been obsessive with his health. “Ram,” he hissed when the phone finally connected.
“Oh, no sir, I apologize this is Nurse Hamilton at Anthem River Medical, I saw his phone ringing over and over and was trying to get him to answer it.” A soft spoken feminine voice assured him.
“Is my brother okay?” Bram requested a video chat and waited on bated breath as it was accepted.
“Yes, he’s not injured. He brought in the injured party,” she told Bram. She turned the camera towards Ram who was sitting against the wall, his eyes unfocused as he stared off into space as tears tracked down his face.
“We’re on our way,” Bram told her. “Saint, call Torres and you come with me, the rest of you stay and I’ll call you with an update.”
Sanem nodded, clutching Bram’s arm as he leaned down to kiss her before they left.
“What do you think happened?” Saint asked, softly. He was really afraid to ask but needed to prepare himself.
“I think something is wrong with Kade,” Bram told his son. “You know he hasn’t been feeling good lately. I just hope it’s nothing too serious.” The rest of the drive was done in silence and when he pulled into the ED parking lot, he saw Torres waiting for them in his car.
“Do we know what’s going on?” Torres asked.
Bram shook his head. “Not yet.” He moved towards the door, his son and his friend flanking him on either side. “Hello, I’m Bram Willis, I’m looking for my brother and his partner.”
The nurse at the station raised a brow. “Let me guess, twins?”
Bram smiled sheepishly at her. “Yes, ma’am.”
She pointed behind them. “Go down there and turn left, your brother is in the waiting room there.”
“Thank you.” He knocked on the desk as he took off, coming around the corner he was immediately able to find his brother. Ram was seated on the floor, like he’d gotten bad news and had just slid down the wall to the floor, his legs unable to hold him up and unable to reach a chair. “Ram.” He kneeled in front of his brother and grabbed his shaking hands, to pull him into his arms. “What happened?”
“Kade…” Was all Ram was able to croak out.
Just then Dr. Ivan Jakobi walked through the door. “Nice to see you guys again.”
Ivan had met the Willis Clan over the past year for this and that, but it was always good to see the family, although not under these circumstances.
“Kade,” Ram said, his voice cracking as Bram helped him to his feet.
“Mr. Kinkade seems to have suffered from a cardiac event,” Ivan told them.
“A heart attack?” Saint said shocked.
Ivan wiggled his hand back and forth. “I would classify it as a cardiac arrest, his heart seemed to have stopped pumping blood for a bit. I’m surprised he was still breathing when he was brought in. I do expect him to make a full recovery, it will just take time and he needs to be monitored closely for a while.”
“Can I see him?” Ram begged, if it wasn’t for his brother basically holding him up he didn’t think he’d be able to stand on his own.
“Of course, just two at a time until he’s moved to a private room,” Ivan told them.
Bram handed Ram off to Saint as they followed the good doctor and he stayed back to update the family. Good lord Sanem was going to lose her shit. She’d become obsessed with the younger man and would be very upset if anything happened to him.
Ram almost started bawling again when he saw Kade. His baby was so pale in the hospital bed, his lips still had that bluish tint and he was so still. All the wires and tubes coming out of his baby’s skin made his stomach roll, he knew Kade would be upset as soon as he woke up. If there was one thing he knew about his boy it was that he hated hospitals with a passion. He moved closer to take a hold of one of Kade’s hands that was resting at his side. Thankfully he was warmer now and wasn’t so cold. Ram couldn’t have stopped the tears that fell even if he tried. He pulled one of the awful plastic chairs closer to the bed and took a seat making sure to keep a hold of Kade. He didn’t want his baby to wake up and think he’d just left him. He’d wake up scared and disoriented at not being in his bed. He watched as his nephew brushed the hair back from Kade’s forehead before he bent down and kissed it.
“I know you’ll want to stay here, so I’ll run by Kade’s and get you some clothes and pick him up some things I know he’ll want. I’ll bring them by and take Valk to mom and dads.” Saint assured Ram leaning down to hug his uncle’s neck as he passed. He didn’t expect a response. If he had any doubt about Ram’s feelings about Kade they were definitely gone now. He patted Torres on the shoulder as he passed him. “You can go in. I’m gonna go grab some things and grab Valk.” When he got back to the waiting room he told his dad quietly. “I need to go get Ram some clothes and take Valk to your house.” Saint could hear his mother’s sniffles through the phone from a foot away and felt bad that she was upset.“Is Kade okay?” Bram demanded.
“Yeah. He’s sleeping. Ram’s gonna stay with him, but he’s breathing on his own,” Saint soothed, loud enough his mother would hear and his father wouldn’t have to repeat it.
Torres tried to contain his anxiety as he rushed to Kade’s room. Seeing his strong friend look fragile and weak in the hospital bed made his heart clench. He loved his brother more than he could say and he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him. He moved to Kade’s other side and grabbed his hand. “Hey, buddy,” he said roughly, his eyes burning with tears he desperately tried to hold back. Kade would throw a legendary fit if he knew Torres was feeling emotional about him. When Kade didn’t answer him that only made his tears that much harder to control.
“He’ll be okay,” Ram said, his voice strained and gravelly.
“Of course he will,” Torres immediately agreed. He could see that Ram was barely hanging on and he knew if it were Leo that was in that bed he’d have already lost his shit. They’d have to put him in a bed next to his man and keep the morphine coming otherwise he wouldn’t survive. He spent a few minutes with his friend before he left him alone with Ram, knowing the man needed to be with his boy.
Fifteen days.
It had been fifteen days since he’d heard his boy’s voice and each day Ram broke a little more inside. They had weaned Kade off the sedatives by the third day but they couldn’t give him a reason why Kade wasn’t waking up. Every day he’d wake and pray Kade would be awake, and everyday his heart hated God just a little bit more when he wasn’t. On the second day they had given Kade his own private room and had brought in a recliner for Ram to sleep on since he flat out refused to leave his boy alone in a hospital. After breakfast each day Ram would do some exercises with Kade’s limbs to make sure he didn’t lose too much muscle mass from being bedridden for so long. Then he would wash his boy down and check him over for bed sores, he knew the nurses could do it and were probably very good at it, but he wasn’t too keen on letting anyone touch his boy. Sanem had come by several times and had helped Ram make sure Kade was comfortable and she sat with his boy while he showered and checked in with work. Thankfully his boss was really understanding and, save for any emergency surgeries that he would be needed for, he was allowed to take off as much time as he needed. He sat back in his recliner and scrubbed his hands roughly over his face, grimacing at the rasp of his overgrown beard. He would need to trim it soon, but he just didn’t have the energy to do anything for himself at the moment.
“Good morning,” Ivan said softly from the doorway.
“Hey Ivan,” Ram replied, his voice hoarse from disuse.
“How’s our patient this morning?” Ivan wondered.
Ram shook his head sadly. “No change.” He met the man’s warm eyes. “Is he ever going to wake up?”
Ivan pursed his lips in thought. “I do believe so, yes, but you know how much trauma Kade has been through. This could just be his body’s way of making him take time to heal. Can you tell me about the days leading up to the event?”
Ram sighed deeply. “He seemed more tired, but I just assumed that was due to the new routine we were trying, the headaches were normal but he seemed to have more than usual. His appetite was gone, but that’s also not unusual. The day of, he just struggled to get out of bed, but with the chronic pain he suffers from we both thought it was just that. We were supposed to go to my brother’s to help him on his farm but I told Kade to stay home, it seemed hard for him to keep his eyes open and if he was tired I just wanted to give him time to rest. He’d been really stressed lately and he needed to know where I was at all times.” Ram shook his head. “Things have been rough.”
Ivan placed a hand on Ram’s shoulder. He was probably breaking some kind of doctor patient boundary line, but he didn’t care, the man’s pain was palpable. “You couldn’t have known, Ram. This had nothing to do with you not being a good partner or lover, this was just a freak thing that happens very rarely to people Kade’s age.”
Ram just nodded, he didn’t know if he would ever believe that, but it was nice to hear it from a man who had some letters after his name.
“Kade will wake when his body and mind decide he’s ready. From most accounts I’ve seen and heard people who are in comas can hear people talking to them. Talk to him, Ram. Maybe that will be the push he needs to return to us,” Ivan said, gently patting the man on the shoulder as he went through his regular check of Kade’s vitals and medicines before leaving.
Ram swallowed as he leaned forward and rested against the side of the bed. “Is that true, baby? Can you hear me?” He looked down at his hands that were currently wrapped around one of Kade’s. “I really wish you’d come back to me. It’s lonely over here without my cranky boy. Valk misses you too. Bram says all he does is pace around the house and whine, I’m hoping Sanem will bring him with her when she comes to see you later. All the boys have been by to see you. I think Saint, Torres and Doc are the most affected, they try to act all tough but they miss you baby, and it’s breaking them a little each day they see you haven’t moved.” He leaned forward to brush a kiss to Kade’s forehead, before he rested his on Kade’s. “It’s breaking me a little too baby, I won’t lie. But I love you and I’ll be here when you’re ready to come back to me. I won’t leave you here alone, I’ll be right here until the end if that’s what it takes.” He sat back in his chair and leaned his head on his hands and just waited. That was the worst part to him, all the fucking waiting. Could Kade really hear him? Was he in pain? That was Ram’s biggest fear, that Kade was trapped in his own mind just suffering. He really hoped he could hear him and that he knew how much he loved him.
A few hours later Sanem joined him. Valk was at her side until he spotted Kade then the big baby took off, taking a running leap onto Kade’s bed and basically collapsing against his owner's chest as he softly whined.
Ram made sure Valk was mostly resting on the bed and not on top of Kade so it wouldn’t affect his breathing and then left him alone. He knew Valk needed time to process things just as much as they did.
“How’re you holding up?” Sanem asked, softly. She really didn’t have to ask, she could clearly see from the big dark circles under her brother-in-law’s eyes that he wasn’t finding any relief in sleep.
Ram shrugged a shoulder, too worn out to offer a real reply. His eyes were so dry and every time he blinked it felt like sandpaper was being dragged over his eyes.
“Why don’t you try and get some sleep, I’ll stay here and wake you if Kade wakes up,” she urged.
Ram shook his head. “Can’t sleep.” He couldn’t sleep without Kade in his arms. He grabbed power naps every once in a while, while he held onto Kade for dear life, but he couldn’t fall into a deep sleep.
Sanem sighed. “Give me a minute.” She walked out to the nurses station and was pleased when she saw Ivan. The doctor had been a God send to her when Bram had his heart attack. “Ivan.”
Ivan looked up from the file he was reading and smiled. “Sanem, it’s lovely to see you again.” He gave her a customary double cheek kiss and grinned. “What can I help you with?”
She gave him a weak chuckle in response. “It’s Ram. He’s not sleeping, I’m going to suggest he get in the bed with Kade. He’s running himself ragged and I’m not sure how much more he can take. I know he wants to be next to Kade, so I just wanted to make sure it wouldn’t mess with anything before I suggested it.”
Ivan nodded. “I honestly think it would be a good idea. I had Kade placed in one of the larger beds just in case but I’m not really supposed to tell him he can,” he whispered conspiratorially to her.
She smiled happily at him. “Thank you, Ivan.”
He sucked his teeth and grinned. “You’re welcome.”
She rushed back to the room to see Ram hadn’t moved. He was staring unseeing out the window at the far side of the room as his finger unconsciously traced patterns on Kade’s hand. “Get in bed, Ram.”
He blinked at her, not sure if he had heard her correctly.
“Come on.” She shoved his shoulder until he stood and then she pushed him towards the bed.
“I don’t want to hurt him,” Ram snapped.
“You won’t, I spoke to Ivan. Ram you won’t be any good to him if you wind up in a bed next to him. You need sleep and I know you want him close, so get in the damn bed before I put you there myself.” She pointed to the bed and put one hand on her hip daring him to defy her.
He grunted, and as gently as he could he slid into the bed next to Kade. He made sure to stay on top of the covers, but he thought Kade looked really comfortable sandwiched between him and Valk. He rested his head on Kade’s pillow, his face damn near resting on Kade’s neck and figured he’d just close his eyes for a few minutes and then he’d move back to the chair. That was the last thing he remembered before he slipped into oblivion.
Kade’s whole body hurt. Hurt in a way he hadn’t felt since he was in that cave. Fuck was he back there? He tried to sit up but it was like his limbs refused to listen. He tried to pause and take a few deep breaths before the panic set in, if that happened he’d never get out of there. It must have been nighttime because he couldn’t see shit when he opened his eyes except various shades of black and gray fog. That was completely unhelpful and gave him no indication as to what part of the cave he was in. He tried again to get his arms to move, but it was like they were both weighed down with heavy stones. He could flex his fingers and toes, he could move his legs so he hadn’t been completely messed up. He was just about to try again when the thing that was weighing down his left arm moved. He barely contained the scream he wanted to let out.
“Kade.”
That voice. It was so soothing, but Kade was having trouble placing it. He knew it was important by the way his body reacted to it. The deep timber seemed to soothe all his wild thoughts and wandering mind.
“Kade, baby, can you hear me?”
Why was the voice so scared? Was something wrong? Had he done something to make the voice sad, if he did he couldn’t remember what it was. Right as he was about to apologize it clicked. “Ram…” God his voice sounded atrocious even to his own ears.
“Hey, baby,” Ram said, his voice giving out on him as the tears came. Fuck his boy was awake. He was talking to him, he’d been scared he’d never hear that voice again.
Kade wanted to ask what the fuck was going on but at that point he only wanted one thing. “Water…” he croaked.
“Oh, yes. Hold on.” Ram could have kicked himself, Kade had to have been thirsty as hell and his throat had to be dry from all the oxygen they had been giving him while he slept. He poured some fresh water into a cup with a few ice cubes and held the straw up to Kade’s lips. “Go slow baby, or you’ll throw it back up,” he warned, pleased when Kade listened to him.
Kade was breathing heavily by the time he had drained the cup. “What the fuck happened? Did I pass out?”
Ram choked on a sob as he rested his head on Kade’s chest. “No, baby. You went into cardiac arrest. I came home from helping Bram and found you. I thought you were dead, baby.”
Kade blinked several times. Great he’d almost died yet again. He really wished if there was a God he’d make up his fucking mind and stop tossing him around, but he’d deal with that later. He sank his fingers into Ram’s hair and pulled him closer. “I’m sorry for scaring you, Ram.”
Ram tried to laugh, but all that came out was another sob, and once he started he couldn’t stop.
Kade tried to pull Ram completely on top of him, but settled for most of his weight as his man drenched his neck with his tears. He remembered what Bram had said about Ram having always been a silent cryer and while he wasn’t wailing he was definitely making noise and that made Kade feel all the more guilty.
“I’m just so fucking happy you’re okay,” Ram said, sniffling. “I need to go get Ivan to check on you and then I’ll be back okay? Valk is on your other side.” He made sure Kade was okay and was comfortable before he got up and headed for the door. He looked back as he tried to pull himself together to see Kade loving on his big baby. He leaned against the wall right outside the door and took several deep breaths to try and get himself under control before he headed to the nurses station.
“Hey Ram, how’re you today?” The head nurse, Elizabeth, greeted him with a warm smile.
Ram nodded and gave her a watery smile. “Kade’s awake.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh my God that’s great! Let me get Ivan and we’ll come and check on him okay?”
Ram nodded in thanks and returned to the room. Kade hadn’t moved from where he was which made Ram happy. He’d probably need time to relearn how to balance and walk after being stationary for so long. “Ivan will be here in a bit to check on you. How’re you feeling?”
Kade shrugged. “Tired, and sore but other than that I don’t feel any different.” His brows furrowed. “How long was I out?”
“Fifteen days,” Ram said, quietly.
Kade’s brows rose in shock. “Oh shit. Fuck I need to call Torres and check on work.” He started to fumble around for his phone.
Ram grabbed Kade’s hands to stop his panic. “Your job is fine, Kade. Torres, Saint and the rest of your men have jumped in to help. You are under no circumstances allowed to think about work, worry about work or be involved in anything to do with work until you’re back to one hundred percent and released by your doctor.”
Kade’s eyes narrowed in anger. “Ram I agreed to the Daddy thing but I do not need your help with my work. That is one field I will not compromise on.”
“I’m not asking you too. Kade you damn near died because of all the stress you’re under. There’s also things you aren’t telling me and I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but do not ask me to sit here and watch you put yourself in an early grave. I won’t do it.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
Ram paused and looked at the emotionless man before him. Kade’s voice had been calm and devoid of emotions but his boy’s eyes showed everything he needed to see. “No I am not, and I would never threaten you with that. If we both decide that we are no longer compatible is when we would talk about it. I’m not going anywhere Kade, but I need you to work with me on things. Lately you’ve changed, you’ve become irritable, angry and your mood swings are starting to give me whiplash. I know things have changed lately with everything going on with your men and I respect that and I’ve been doing my best to be there for you, but Kade, baby, you just damn near died, and while that may not mean shit to you it does to me.”
Kade tried to keep his breathing light as panic wanted to consume him. He couldn’t tell Ram what was going on, it would put the man in danger and he would never forgive himself if something were to happen to his partner. “It’s nothing.”
Ram ground his teeth as he tried to rein in his temper. He loved this man more than anything in this world but he also wanted to throttle him. “Kade I had to safe word in the middle of sex because you almost took it too far because I was late coming home.” He let that statement rest in the air as he heard a knock on the door. He opened it and gestured Ivan in.
“Hey, Kade. It’s good to see you awake again. I’m just going to take some vitals and check you over okay?” Ivan asked, smiling wide.
Kade nodded, he was afraid to open his mouth to speak not knowing what would come out if he did. He felt guilty about pushing too far and causing Ram to safe word. At the time he felt like he’d been slapped by the man until he took a step back and realized that he was about to cross Ram’s boundaries and at the time he didn’t care. Once Kade had untied him and Ram had calmed down he hadn’t seemed mad, he’d assured Kade he wasn’t mad at him or leaving, but he wondered now if that would just be an excuse he could use to leave.
Ram sighed raking a hand through his hair. “I need to make a few phone calls, Kade will you be okay if I step outside for a few minutes.”
Kade nodded unconsciously as he stared out the window. He could feel the warmth on his face and see a change in the lighting that his eyes were able to notice.
Once Ram got out into the hallway he immediately called his brother.
“Ram are you okay?” Bram asked immediately.
“Kade’s awake.” Was all he could get out of his closing throat.
“Thank God,” Bram breathed. “I’ll let everyone else know, you just spend time with him.”
Ram would always be grateful that his brother seemed to know what he needed. “Thanks.” Once he hung up he called Justice.
“Ram this is a surprise, is everything okay? Is Kade?” Justice asked in rapid fire.
“He’s awake, but we both seem to be struggling. I was wondering if you have time soon can you come see us?” His mother would be dancing around heaven knowing he was the one trying to get help for the trauma he’d been suffering from all his life.
“Of course I had planned to come see you this evening, so I’ll keep that time and I’ll be there to see you both. Are you okay?” Justice asked again.
Ram sighed. “I’m struggling, Kade has changed in the past month or so and I’m trying to understand. He’s hiding things from me and I’m trying not to lose patience. He’s also wanting to jump back into work and is angry I don’t want him to. I’m at a loss, and before I do something that could potentially hurt both of us I want another opinion.”
Justice was shocked silent. Ram was the last one he ever thought would come to him voluntarily. “Of course, I’ll be there, and Ram take a few deep breaths and just get your thoughts together on what all you want to talk about. I want to be able to help but I’ll need to know more details and how things happened.”
Ram nodded even though he knew Justice couldn’t see him. “Okay, thank you, Justice.”
“You’re welcome, Ram. I know you’re scrambling and trying to make sense of things but try not to worry, I’m sure we can figure things out.”
“Thank you, Justice.” He hung up and was about to put his phone away when he got a text from his brother.
Bram: Sanem is on her way to see her boy.
Ram: Sounds good.
He put his phone away and headed back into the room, to sit in the chair and try to get his thoughts in order. He didn’t want Kade to think he was attacking him because that wasn’t what he was trying to do, but something needed to change. He sat back and watched Ivan finish the rest of his tests before he wrote something down in the file and looked at Kade.
“Now I can take out the catheter and wean you off oxygen if you’d like?”
“Yes please,” Kade murmured, his voice subdued and quiet.
Ram felt a little guilty for making Kade think he would leave him. He wouldn’t leave Kade no matter what, it would take the younger man leaving him to get him out of his life, and he would go quietly if that’s what was best for Kade. He waited until Ivan had unhooked Kade from the catheter and left before he spoke again. “Sanem is on her way to see you, and Justice will be coming by later.”
Kade looked in Ram’s direction to give him a slight nod. “Why is Justice coming? Not that I don’t want to see him but I figured he’d be at work.”
“No, it’s already one o’clock, he’ll be off before too long. He’s coming by to see us because I think we need a new perspective.”
Kade opened his mouth to reply then snapped it shut and looked back towards the window.
Ram sighed and moved closer to sit on the edge of the bed. He reached out and gently took one of Kade’s hands that he was wringing in his lap. “I’m not leaving you Kade, I still want to be with you. I’m just afraid of pushing too hard right now. I don’t want to make the wrong decision and end up hurting us both. I need Justice here so I can understand what you’re going through better. You won’t talk to me and I’m not sure how to move on from that. The type of relationship we have is not conducive with keeping secrets. I need to know what’s going on with you and what I can do to help you move forward. I love you so much Kade and seeing you struggle is killing me baby, I just want you to be happy.”