Retribution (Anthem River)

Chapter 23

Chapter

Twenty-Three

K ade rested back on his bed, slowly running his fingers through Valk’s fur as he waited for Sanem to arrive. He was disgusted with himself for hurting Ram, making him question what Kade felt for him, but he had no idea how to explain where he was coming from. All the feelings he had and the worries. He couldn’t lose Ram, he honestly didn’t know if he would survive that. He wanted his man to hold him, to assure him everything would be okay but he was afraid he’d already pushed the man too far for the time being. He’d almost died, and his Daddy had been the one to find him… He had no idea how to process that bit of information. The thought alone that he could have been in Ram’s shoes made him sick to his stomach. He would pull some serious Romeo and Juliet bullshit if his Daddy died on him, no way in fuck was he living on this earth without the man. If they broke up it would shatter him but at least Ram would still be alive, and he could deal with it as long as the man still breathed.

“Ah, I’m so glad to see my boy is awake!” Sanem said roughly before she crawled onto the bed and hauled Kade into her arms.

Ram rushed forward. “Don’t squeeze too tight, he’s still sore.” He caressed the back of Kade’s head before moving back to his chair to watch Sanem mother the shit out of his boy. He really needed to figure out what to do, he could go all Daddy on Kade like he knew his boy wanted, but then he was afraid he would take it too far and end up making Kade resent him. He tried to do what Justice suggested and grabbed a pen and a pad of paper to write out his questions to make sure he wouldn’t forget anything. He really hoped the man would be able to help him and Kade, because he had no idea what to do if he couldn’t. He didn’t think Kade was deliberately being a pain, it was something internal that was eating away at his boy and it worried him. If he couldn’t break through to Kade what would happen? Would hospital visits become a regular occurrence? Would Kade stress himself out so much that Ram would come home to find him dead one day? He had to pause to take a deep breath as his eyes filled with tears, just the thought alone was enough to break him.

“Hey you doing okay?” Sanem asked as she sat next to him and leaned against his side offering comfort.

Ram blinked and looked up to find Kade had dozed off with Valk keeping out a watchful eye. He grunted. “As okay as I can be, I guess.”

“This has been hard on both of you,” she murmured, softly.

“The past few weeks have been hell, Sanem,” he said roughly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I love him so much, but I’m not sure what’s going on.”

She nodded, rubbing his back. “I hope you two can work things out, I’ve never seen you this happy, Ram.” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “I like seeing you this happy.”

He smiled softly at her, once again thankful his brother had found love in such a wonderful woman. “Thank you. Justice will be by later, and I’m hoping he can shed some light on things and give us some tools to help work through them.”

“Alright, I’m going to go assure all my other adopted sons that their brother is doing better and seems to be on the mend. I’ve been trying to keep them all away until Kade is ready for them to come.” She grinned.

Ram huffed out a small laugh. “I appreciate that. I know he’ll want to see them soon, he’s already been asking about work so I’m hoping by tomorrow we’ll at least have an answer on things. I’ll let you know as soon as he’s ready for visitors.”

“Tell him to take his time and to relax or I swear to God he will face my wrath,” Sanem growled.

Ram grinned. She sounded like a pissed off Chihuahua when she did that… not that he would ever tell her that. He was damn near ready to sic her on his boy anyway. “I will. Tell Bram not to worry, that I’ll be okay.”

She snorted at him. “Yeah, why don’t I just tell him to stop breathing too while I’m at it.” She rolled her eyes at him as she left.

Ram sighed deeply and headed back over to the recliner so he could sit with his boy. Even being across the room was hard for him, he wanted to be touching Kade at all times and he knew that was crazy to even think about.

A few hours passed while Ram sat and waited before Justice appeared. Ram raised a brow at his ruffled appearance. It was unheard of to see the man in any form other than perfect and to see him in a wrinkled shirt and pants, with his hair ruffled in places like he’d run his hand through it, was kind of funny. “Do I even wanna ask?”

Justice groaned as he took the chair on the other side of Kade. “Been helping a Vet who’s recently come back home and let’s just say it’s not pretty.” He sighed deeply as he relaxed into the chair. “I was actually going to talk to you about what it would take to get him a service dog.”

“Do you think a dog would help him?” Ram asked.

Justice shrugged. “I mean I think so, he seems to flock to animals, hell he likes to feed the birds in the park.”

Ram nodded, making a mental note to see about a dog that wouldn’t scare the birds away. “I’ll have to meet him to pair him with a dog but I have a few that are waiting for homes, so when he’s in a good enough place just give me a call and I’ll see who I can pair him with.”

“Thank you, Ram.” He leaned forward and steepled his hands together, elbows resting on Kade’s bed as he looked Ram dead in the eye. “Now can you tell me what’s been going on?”

It took Ram a few minutes to relay all his thoughts and to give the examples he could remember.

Justice nodded as he made notes. “Okay, I can see where you could be concerned about things, and I can understand your frustration about Kade asking about work while he’s in a hospital bed. I just want to remind you, Kade’s work is the only constant he’s really had in his life, it’s not uncommon for people to become feral in trying to protect the things they care about.”

Ram nodded, he could understand that. “I just want him to take his own health into consideration. In the past few weeks our relationship has changed drastically and I’m just trying to find a middle ground. I don’t want to push him too far but I also don’t want to be pushed if you know what I mean.”

“Can you tell me how your relationship has changed?” Justice asked.

Ram paused looking at Kade who was still asleep. He didn’t want to out his boy if he hadn’t told Justice of his own free will but it was hard to try and explain things without being blunt.

“Don’t worry, Kade and I have already talked about the Daddy/boy relationship you two have,” Justice assured him.

Ram raised a brow not sure if he should be worried by that fact.

Justice chuckled. “Nothing bad, he just wanted to know my thoughts on why he seemed to thrive in this type of relationship.”

Ram nodded. “He’s a good man who just needs someone in his corner, someone who’s always going to be there. I want to be that person but I’m worried if we let things go on like they have been things will fall apart and we’ll just end up hurting each other.”

Justice nodded. “That’s a valid concern, and I just wanted to say that since I’m not here in an official capacity that I think what Kade is hiding from you is more out of fear for you than himself.”

Ram’s brows furrowed. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.”

Justice pursed his lips as he tried to get his thoughts together. “Kade has a lot of trauma and I think with the news that they may have found his men’s bodies weighing heavy on him, he’s at a loss on what to do. He doesn’t want you to see that side of him. Not to mention the media will be all over this which means you will become a target for pretty much anyone who wants to get a piece of him.”

“There’s also the fact that the man who were responsible for my torture and the death of my men were never found,” Kade said groggily as he tried to get his eyes to stay open.

Ram wanted to shake the man until his brain jiggled some thoughts back into it. “And you didn’t think to just talk to me about this, Mercy.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

Kade’s eyes widened at the use of his first name. Oh shit he’d really fucked up this time. “I was going to…” he started.

“When was that?” Ram demanded.

Kade swallowed hard. “I was, I promise. I was just trying to figure out what to say. You already have to deal with a lot when it comes to me. This shit just seemed like it would be too much to ask.” He wrung his hands in his lap as he tried to hold back his tears. Damn it he hated when he made Ram mad, it made his chest feel like it was going to cave in on itself and that he wouldn’t survive.

“I’ll give you two a moment,” Justice said, as he got up and headed out to get some coffee. He could use it after the day he’d had.

Ram leaned into Kade’s space, making his boy shrink back against the bed. “Start talking, Mercy.”

So he did. He told Ram everything, all about his feelings, about his doubts and about his struggles with the fact that he may be able to bring the men who had lost their lives trying to save him home. That they could now receive a proper burial and finally rest at ease. By the time he was done he was close to hyperventilating.

Ram hated the little whimpers and gasps Kade was making, but he wanted his boy to get it all out before he said anything, so that he wouldn’t feel like he continuously had to admit to things. He wasn’t mad anymore, he was just concerned that his boy felt he couldn’t come to him with this. This was the whole reason he was here. To help his baby process and thrive despite what had been done to him. Once Kade was done he hauled his boy into his arms, the machines were going off and he could hear footsteps rushing towards them. “It’s okay baby, I understand. I love you, Kade.” He just kept repeating the last sentence, afraid Kade was too far gone to be able to understand much more.

“What seems to be the problem?” Elizabeth asked as she bustled in followed by Ivan and Justice.

“Nightmare,” Ram told them, keeping Kade folded in his arms. “He’s alright, he just woke up and didn’t know where he was.”

Kade tried desperately to take a deep breath, he didn’t want them to have to sedate him because he couldn’t calm the fuck down but shit he’d really thought he’d lost Ram there for a split second and his heart needed a few minutes to catch up.

Ram rubbed his back. “Take a breath and hold it.” Once Kade did he told him to release it. He didn’t want to stress out his boy’s heart anymore than it already was. He nuzzled Kade’s ear and spoke directly into it. He told Kade an old bible story he’d learned in his childhood. He didn’t know if his boy could understand Pennsylvania Dutch, but it seemed to do the trick. His boy slumped into his chest and seemed to breathe deeply when Ram held him tight. “Is that all you needed, baby? Just me to hold you?” At Kade’s hushed whimper he pulled him even closer until his boy was practically in his lap. “All you have to do is ask, baby. I’ll never deny you. I just didn’t want to cause anymore pain.”

Kade shook his head and cuddled closer to Ram’s massive chest, finding his spot with his mouth pressed up against Ram’s neck and his scent swirling around him, easing all the stress and anxiety he felt. It was like taking a shower after a hot day out in the sun, where you’re sweating buckets and can smell yourself when you move downwind. The shower cleaned everything, how the water was cool against your heated skin and it washed away everything. It was the best thing ever.

Ivan smiled at Ram, as he double checked Kade’s vitals and waved off the nurses. “He’s fine, just got a little worked up. Try to keep him stable, I don’t want to have to sedate him but if he continues to have issues I’ll have to. His heart can’t take all this stress while it heals.”

Ram nodded, understanding. He didn’t want to have to see that happen and he knew Ivan would feel really bad if he had to do that to Kade knowing the man didn’t want it. He could never be a doctor, thankfully animals didn’t talk back and he had his fair share of aggressive ones but they were so much easier to deal with than humans, and that was a hill he would die on. “You don’t want kids do you?”

Kade pulled back in shock. “What?”

Ram rolled his eyes, of course Kade wouldn’t be able to follow his thought process. “Just wanted to know if you wanted kids.”

“Oh, God no. Could you imagine? What the hell do you even do with a child? Stick it in a corner? Throw a toy at it? How often does it eat?”

The abject horror on Kade’s face made him laugh. “I’m so sorry I asked, baby.”

Kade winced. “Do you?”

“Fuck no, I’ve got you. You’re handful enough and I guarantee you will always keep me on my toes,” Ram assured him.

Kade chuckled. “Damn straight.”

It had been a few months since Kade’s brush with death and he was finally ready to head back to work. His time resting had been enough and he was going crazy with the need to do something. His men had all come over to his apartment and they'd spent a night laughing and telling stories. He could hear the utter relief in Torres' voice when he’d come to see him in the hospital and helped him get home two weeks after he’d woken up.

Ram had already left for an early surgery and he was getting ready to leave when he heard keys in the door and Doc and Scorpion’s voices. He moved to the living room, finishing buttoning his shirt. “What’s up?”

“They found them,” Doc said quietly.

Kade froze for a moment, shock rendering him deaf and stupid. “What?” he demanded, his voice strained.

“They found the area where you and your men spent your final days, and it’s been liberated. We have permission to go and get them if we can find them.” Doc knew he would probably get hit for it but he pulled Kade into his arms. He knew his brother was struggling and without Ram there to help ease him, he would step in.

“We can leave whenever you’re ready. Drax and Digger are already getting the plane ready for take off,” Scorpion said, softly. His voice deep like rolling thunder.

Kade swallowed hard. “Now. What about Valk?” He wondered as his big baby came up next to him and leaned into his side.

“Bring him,” Doc told him. “We’ll keep him on the plane if needed, we only have a few hours to be able to get them, then we have to leave. It’s still very hostile there but that section has been cleared and is kept protected for now.”

Kade nodded, and rushed back to his room to grab his go bag. Throwing on his shoes and Valk’s gear before rushing back out into the living room. “Let’s go.”

Doc raised a brow. “Are you going to let Ram know?”

“Later, we don’t have time now. Let’s go.”

Doc rolled his eyes, that was an order if he’d ever heard one. He had a feeling Ram would be pissed when he found out Kade had fucked off to another country without telling him. It had just been in the past week that they had been able to get Ram to go back to work and to ease up on his over protectiveness of Kade, but if he had to guess by his brother’s flushed cheeks every time he had seen him, he bet Kade had loved all the attention. He was so fucking happy for his brother.

The flight took over half a day but with Jett and Hawk in the pilot’s seat they actually made good time.

Kade was dragging by the time they landed, he’d been awake for over sixteen hours and he was damn near useless. His Daddy making sure he got his sleep - having a bedtime, and enforcing that bed time - had totally ruined him. He allowed Doc to lead him down the runway of the random airport they had stopped at to the all-terrain vehicle they would need to make it to the site. “Valk?”

“We got him Kade, don’t worry. We’ll get everything ready for you and refuel and we’ll hang out with Valk.” Jett assured his brother. He knew the men Kade was here to find in passing and they had always seemed like a good group of men. He looked up to Kade on how he was pressing all of this and wanted to help do what he could to make things easier for him.

“Thank you.” Kade gave him a chin lift, before climbing into the vehicle. He couldn’t even tell what kind of vehicle it was, it was so modified.

Doc settled in next to Kade, and Scorpion squished in next to him. He grinned, while he was smaller than both the men next to him he loved the feeling of them close. He’d always felt safe with Kade and having Scorpion at his back made him feel like he could take on anything and win. “Relax and try to take a quick nap,” he told Kade. “It’ll be another couple hours before we make it up there.”

Kade sighed and nodded. He wanted this over with, he wanted this to not always be on his mind. His men deserved to be remembered, and brought back to their families to be buried. He rested his head on Doc’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He tried to hold back the panic as he forced himself to relax, time had totally slipped him by and he’d forgotten to tell Ram that he was gone. He was such a fucking idiot. “Can you send Ram a message, just telling him I’m okay and coming back. I totally fucking forgot.”

Scorpion snorted, and pulled out his SAT phone and typed out a quick message to Ram. “Got it.”

“Thanks,” Kade mumbled, relaxing and slumping into Doc’s side as he finally gave into sleep.

Doc grinned, the one thing he’d learned quickly in basic was you became a pillow sometimes and it was just better to go along with it than to make a fuss. He waited until they made it to the spot and parked before he woke Kade.

Kade flinched the second he became aware of where he was, the smell was something he’d never forget about this place. Dry earth, decaying trees and leaves, rocks and death. It was so clear in the air you could almost fucking taste it. The second his feet touched the ground he started to shake, it was like his body could remember everything and was trying to protect him by yelling at him to run.

Both Doc and Scorpion settled a hand on Kade’s shoulder as Drax and Digger moved closer.

“We won’t leave you here, Kade. No matter what you’re coming home with us,” Doc said, softly as the others grunted in agreement.

Kade gave a sharp nod and set about finding his men. He attempted to take a few deep breaths to calm himself so he could focus. He tried to pull that final day up in his mind so he could remember where his men fell. They needed to be brought home and it was up to him to make sure it got done. He paced back and forth on a strip of sand as he fisted his hair in frustration. “Where is the pit?” he demanded. He needed to know where it was so he could get his bearings.

“Your 12 o’clock, it’s about twenty feet away,” Doc answered, his voice getting closer as he moved towards Kade. “Do you want to tell us where to go?”

Kade sucked in a deep breath as pain flooded his chest, and he forced himself to move closer to the pit. He could already feel the fear slither up his spine as the smell and the way the hot air irritated his eyes, and the sand stung as it hit his body, like tiny little pinpricks of pain brought it all back. He had a love / hate relationship with this damn pit. It was a man made well that had been used to hold them when their tormentors had just gotten too bored with dealing with them. He had been subjected to the heat, the sun, dehydration and starvation in the pit, but as long as he was in it he got a reprieve from the beatings. When he felt like he’d gotten close enough he shot his foot out to gauge where the top was and asked Doc softly, “Is it still about fifteen feet deep?”. God help them if they had to dig a lot to reach the bodies.

“Yes,” Doc answered just as quietly. “There are bones down there.” Doc’s heart lodged in his throat when Kade fell to his knees, and moved himself closer to the edge.

“My men,” Kade said shakily. He felt like his whole body was vibrating, his mind was screaming at him to run, but his body refused to move. “They deserve to go home. Doc…” Kade reached out and grabbed Doc’s leg in a tight hold, terrified the man would disappear and his new life would just be a dream and he’d wake up back here. He needed Doc with him, he wouldn’t be able to do this alone. He felt Doc’s warm hand grip his shoulder in a firm hold.

“What Kade? I’m right here.” Doc assured him.

Kade had to suck in a few deep breaths as the panic tried to take a hold of him. The smell was taking him right back and it was hard for him to remember where he was. “You make sure I get out of this hole,” Kade begged.

Doc moved in closer, making sure more of his body brushed up against Kade’s. “Yeah, buddy. I promise.”

Kade nodded sharply and before he could really think about it, he flung himself into the pit. He had to take a moment to try and breathe as the air backed up in his lungs. He ran his hands quickly over the dirt at his feet until his fingers snagged on a polyester cotton jacket, and he had to choke back a sob. “Doc?”

“Right here, Kade,” Doc called from above. “What’s wrong?”

“There’s only two bodies down here.” He knew his voice broke, but he was terrified he wouldn’t be able to find all of them.

“Hold on. I’m coming down. Drax take my place please?” Doc grunted as he shifted to be ready to go in the pit.

“I got you,” Drax murmured, grabbing Doc’s arm and helping him lower into the hole.

“Yes, Kade, there's only two bodies. Are there supposed to be more?” Doc asked, as he looked around. He couldn’t imagine what Kade had been through in this very hole.

“Yes, who is this?” Kade asked roughly, pointing to where he’d found the first remains.

“Hold on.” Doc moved closer to the bodies. Both were still wearing their uniforms, but they had been ravaged by the elements. He pulled the name tags off both wincing a little when Kade flinched at the unexpected sound. He made sure to mark in the dirt who was who before looking back towards Kade. “Let’s go back up so I can see the badges better.” He pushed Kade out first then grabbed Scorp’s hand and let the big man yank him up. “Okay, the one on the left was Cahill and the other was Lewis. I didn’t see their ranks.”

“Cahill was a Sergeant and Lewis was a Corporal,” Kade said shakily, as the anxiety still made him breathless. “Which way is North?”

Doc looked around in confusion. “Turn fifteen minutes to your left. You’re facing North now.”

Kade nodded and took another deep breath. On that last day together the other’s voices had been further away than Cahill and Lewis. He stepped heel to toe for about twenty steps before he dropped back down to the ground to feel around. His fingers brushed against something and he grabbed it and pulled.

“Fuck,” Doc hissed. The skeletal hand hanging from the piece of cloth Kade was holding was gruesome.

“One of us?” Kade asked, he had no idea if there were others buried around him, but he wouldn’t doubt it. When he got no answer his temper flared. “I need you to fucking tell me guys I can’t see them,” Kade yelled.

“Yes,” Scorp replied.

“The other three should be here,” Kade said breathlessly as he continued to dig. “Which one is this?” he asked, after they all dug around for a bit.

“There’s three starting on the left; McBride, Cho and Keegan,” Scorp told him softly.

Kade immediately moved to Cho and started to feel around for the pocket on his jacket.

“What are you looking for?” Doc asked.

“He told me he wrote a note for his wife the last time I saw him, I’m trying to see if it’s still here.” Kade pulled a folded piece of paper out of the breast pocket, and moved it to his bag before he moved back to helping them dig the rest of the bodies.

By the time it was over he was a mess. He listened as Doc and Scorpion settled the remains of his brothers into those God awful body bags. He appreciated the care his brothers were showing his men, it made him love them all the more.

“They’re loaded up, Kade,” Doc murmured as he came to stand beside his friend.

“We ready to go?” Was all Kade could ask.

Doc nodded. “Yeah, but I think you should take a moment.”

Kade’s brows furrowed. “What?”

Doc took a fortifying breath before he began. “I think you should take a moment to just sit here or stand close to the hole. You made it, Kade. You made it home, but this place has been haunting you the whole way. I think you should come to terms with the things you lost here and the things you gained.”

Kade was still uncomfortable with tears, it wasn’t that he was embarrassed or that he thought his brothers would judge him, it was just that his emotions were way too close to the surface for comfort. “What did I gain here?” he asked, his voice strained.

Doc settled his hand on Kade’s shoulder. “Knowledge. Experience. Your drive. You may have lost a lot more than you gained my brother, but you survived and I think you need to finally forgive yourself for that.”

The tears came. “And how do I do that?” he demanded.

Doc sighed. “If I knew I’d tell you. Hell Kade, any one of us would take this pain for you if we could.”

Kade looked down and nodded understanding. He felt the same way about his brothers, he’d do anything for them. He took a deep breath before he moved closer to the hole. He didn’t even need Doc to tell him where he was, he would remember the feeling of this place until the end of his days. The sky above him was overcast and that made the area seem darker and more creepy than normal. The hole was blocked by a side of the mountain from the sun for a few hours in the morning and then at night, but once the sun shifted the hole was directly in its path. He slowly lowered himself to the ground, his legs resting over the edge of the hole as he tried to settle his racing mind. After a few moments he could feel his body settle and he was no longer terrified of being back there. While fear still lingered, the irrational fear that this was all a fever dream and he was still in the hole was there, he could sense Doc standing close. He closed his eyes and tried to settle his racing thoughts. He didn’t know if he would ever truly get past what had happened to him here, but Doc was right. He needed to stop blaming himself because he lived. Now if he could just figure out how the fuck to do that he’d be golden. He spent a few more minutes just taking things in before he stood and headed back towards the others. “We have a long trip home, let’s get going.”

Doc clapped him on the shoulder and led him back towards the vehicle.

Kade turned when he heard a fluttering noise, like something hitting the leaves on the way down from the sky. Then he smiled as the rain came down. In all the months he’d been there it had never rained, it had been hot, dry and absolute hell. He walked back towards the hole as he felt the sun come out, but the rain continued.

Doc pulled out his phone and quickly snapped a picture. Kade was standing at the mouth of the hole, his body relaxed as his face was lifted towards the sky, and rain ran down his face and stuck in his lashes, but the rainbow that appeared across the sky around Kade like a halo was breathtaking.

Once they made it back to the plane Kade stood back while the others loaded the body bags into the special compartment. He had so many things he had to do now once they landed back in Texas. He would have to call the families, and give Cho’s wife his letter. He’d made Kade swear up, down, sideways and the blood of his firstborn that he would get the letter to his wife if he died. He’d made that promise and he’d keep it even if it killed him. As soon as they were back in the air Kade felt a huge weight slide off his shoulders, it was almost like walking around with heavy weights at the gym then finally racking them back up. An instant relief. He knew that would not fix everything and that he still had things he needed to work on but for now he was happy. He’d completed his goal to get his men, now he could make sure that they would always be remembered and that their families finally got to say goodbye. He’d been so keyed up this whole trip that after a few seconds in the air he could feel the exhaustion weighing him down, but this time he gave in and closed his eyes.

Kade woke to hear voices over him before hands he would know anywhere reached out and grabbed him. He was pulled from his seat and into a powerful chest that smelled of clean pine and he was in heaven. He wrapped his arms around Ram’s neck and settled his head down on his shoulder.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Ram said, his voice firm but not angry as he hauled Kade closer and practically carried him off the plane.

Doc followed behind him. “We’re going to go by the funeral home and get the bodies taken care of and set up a memorial, I know Kade will want to join in when he’s more awake,” he said, amusement clear in his voice.

Ram nodded. “I’ll bring him back in a few hours and we’ll hammer out the details.” Ram settled Kade into his truck and loaded Valk in the backseat before he headed for Kade’s apartment. While he was furious with his boy he was so fucking happy to see him. He’d missed him when he had to go back to work. He was proud of Kade for facing his fears and going to get his men himself, he’d have just preferred to have gotten a text over the heart attack he’d damn near had when he’d gotten home and Kade had been nowhere to be found. He had gotten a message hours later from an unknown number he’d assumed was Doc as neither Saint nor Torres knew where Kade was. He’d damn near made himself sick with worry. He understood why Kade had had to do this but a fucking heads up would have gone a long ways. Now he was just annoyed and unsure how to deal with it. He would never punish Kade for doing something he needed to do to heal, but he’d broken one of Ram’s rules and he needed to address that. When he got back to Kade’s he helped his boy inside and out of his clothes, before shoving him in the shower. God knows what Kade had gotten himself into and he didn’t want Kade to sleep in it. After he had thoroughly but quickly scrubbed Kade down, he dried him and led him to the bed. His boy was so tired he didn’t fight him on anything, so he didn’t bother trying to dress him again and just put him to bed and made sure he was covered as he turned the fan on high. He moved back to the living room and flopped on the couch with a deep sigh. He was disappointed but didn’t want to end up taking anything out on Kade without thinking things through. He just hoped Kade had gotten what he needed from this experience and that it wouldn’t put their relationship back any steps. Right as he was about to call Bram to ask for some advice his phone pinged with a message. He debated on whether to open it or not when he saw it was from Doc but figured it could be important, and it was, just not how he expected. The picture that popped up on his screen was something he’d cherish forever. Kade standing tall, his beautiful face tilted up as rain ran down his face and a bright rainbow surrounded him. That was a good omen, God’s promise not to flood the world again and hurt his people and the very logo of his and Kade’s community, both were beautiful and made his heart happy. The contentment on Kade’s face made his breath catch in the back of his throat. So he had gotten what he’d needed from this trip and while he was still upset about Kade not letting him know, to see that small smile on his boy’s face made it all worth it. He was still going to read Kade the riot act for scaring the absolute shit out of him, but he no longer burned with the disappointment he’d felt since he’d learned what happened. He made a mental note to have that picture blown up and printed. That was going on his wall and fuck what anyone else thought about it.

Ram waited a few hours to wake Kade, he wanted his boy to get as much sleep as he could but he also wanted him to be involved in what was happening with his brothers. He knew Kade would never forgive him if he’d let him sleep through it.

Kade sat at the kitchen table and waited for Ram to have their talk. He knew what he’d done was wrong and he also knew that if he were in Ram’s shoes and his man had done the same thing to him he’d be pissed as hell. He was ready for his punishment and knew he damn well deserved it.

“I want to start off by saying I understand why you did what you did. I’m glad you were able to find your men and bring them home where they belong. I’m not mad at you for that, I believe you know the exact reason for this talk, don’t you baby?”

At least he was still calling him baby, that had to be a good sign, right? “The fact that I didn’t let you know is why we’re having this talk. I apologize. What I did was wrong and unfair, I wouldn’t be as calm as you are right now if our roles were reversed and I think we both know that. I made a choice and it was the wrong one. I can’t promise it won’t happen again but I can promise to try and remember that it’s not just me anymore and I do have someone else in my life that I answer to.”

Ram nodded, pleased with Kade’s apology. His boy made him proud. He apologized without making excuses and explained why he was apologizing. He kissed Kade’s temple, he was so fucking proud of his boy. “Doc said that they were handling the set up for the funerals, do you want to call the families or do you want Saint and Torres to do it?”

Kade sighed raking a hand through his hair. It was going to suck either way. “Have them call everyone but Emma Cho, I’ll call her. I have a letter from her husband that I need to make sure I get to her.”

Ram nodded and sent out a text to Saint and Torres relaying the information, then he gave Kade space so he could make the call.

Kade took a deep breath before he asked his phone to call Emma.

“Kade… this is a surprise.” Her voice hadn’t changed in the years since they’d talked last. She had come to see him right when he’d come home demanding answers about her husband. At the time he couldn’t answer those questions and flat out refused to see her after the first time.

“He’s home.” Was all he could get past the lump in his throat. Her gasp was loud and filled his pain.

“You found him? You brought him home?” she demanded through her tears. She had known by Kade’s reactions to her questions that her husband was dead.

“Yes I brought him home, I have a few of my guys setting up funerals and getting things ready for us to finally put them to rest.” He paused for a moment while she tried to get herself under control. “He wrote you a letter, he made me swear I would get it to you if anything happened to him, I have it now and will make sure it gets to you.”

“You will hand me the letter yourself, Kade, you know that’s what he would have wanted, not someone else,” she said sniffling.

Kade grimaced knowing damn well she was right and slightly hating her for that fact. “Yes, I will be the one to hand it to you. I just wanted you to know he will get the proper burial he deserves.”

“When?” she demanded.

“”I’m shooting for Friday, if that works for you,” Kade told her.

“You tell me a day, Kade and I’m there, always.” She assured him.

He nodded, knowing she couldn’t see him. “If anything changes I’ll be sure to let you know as soon as possible.”